


The Walker Syndrome

by Matsuri_Kuu



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-01-08
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-15 05:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 24
Words: 103,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7209224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matsuri_Kuu/pseuds/Matsuri_Kuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking an internship at a mental asylum, Kanda finds the patient he is assigned to, a mere boy of fifteen so...misplaced in that institute. It was as if...Allen Walker was a normal person. But is he really meant to be here in the first place?</p><p>CPs (non-tagged) include: Road Kamelot/Lenalee, Madarao/Link Howard, Arystar Krory/Miranda Lotto, Cross/Komui Lee</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Inconclusive Theory

**Author's Note:**

> Believe it or not, this is a series I started out in FF.Net since 2008 (and 8 frigging years later it's still unfinished. Curse my procrasinating ass...) I'm wincing as I import the works that I intend to finish over here to AO3 (seeing how I wrote when I was a teen is really hurting me...), but I do intend to finish these series, and hopefully dear readers who have been faithfully waiting would be willing to hop over to AO3 to watch over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

Kanda grumbled as he stuffed his books into the locker rather ungraciously. Lavi chuckled seeing his disgruntled friend’s irritation. “Stop laughing, you idiot rabbit!” Kanda snapped. The redhead simply grinned wider. “Woops, my bad. He he, but you can’t really be pissed at me, right?” The Japanese teen scowled further, thunder clouds gathering above his head.

“Of all places you had to choose an internship at, it has to be a loony house?! Do you need to check yourself in?!”

“Of course not, Yu! And don’t be so mean! It’s not a loony house; it’s an institute for the mentally ill. Besides, who was the one who delayed internship applications until all other options were taken, hm?” Lavi raised his eyebrow pointedly at said person. At a loss of words, Kanda just backed down with a huff and nothing more was heard from him.

“Don’t be so upset, Kanda. I’m sure it’ll be an interesting place for you.”

A female voice sounded from behind them. Lavi waved a little in greeting. “Yo, Lenalee. About time you got here.” Lenalee smiled, nodding a bit. “Komui-niisan held me up for a while for a report. He’s staying on the campus tonight to continue his research and asked me to tell Reever to take things over at the facility today.”

Lavi graciously opened the door for Lenalee as she stepped into her car. He grinned when Kanda just climbed in and slammed the door close. He got into the driver seat and started the engine, beginning the short drive to the institute which was part of the extensive Black Order University.

“By the way Kanda, I’ll brief you before we get to the facility. As an intern, your job is to make sure the patients have had their meds and their daily physical stats taken and most importantly to make sure they stay out of trouble. All of us interns only have one charge seeing that we’re not trained,”

“Lavi and I already have our assigned patients since we started off earlier than you. Once inside, you will wear a blue lab coat which is to point out that you’re an intern, regular workers wear grey. The doctors and those ranking higher wear white. You will be given a name tag, so never ever take it off,” Lenalee listed. Kanda grumbled slightly under his breath, never one for complications.

Lavi looked up into the rear view mirror. “Don’t forget to tell him about that special case.”

Lenalee’s mouth shaped an ‘o’. Kanda hoped it was not a bad thing.

“Oh, right. Well, there is a new disorder, they say, being investigated at the facility. And the source, it seems, is a patient who’s been there about three years ago. Not long after that patient arrived, majority of the other patients started having so-called past recollections which are related to each other. And rumour goes that the boy is cursed, though that is quite ridiculous for me,” Lenalee dismissed firmly. She would rather trust the positive side of someone than think bad of others at first impression.

“…What’s his name?” The older teen asked in a bored tone.

“His name is…” Lenalee was interrupted by Lavi, who exclaimed as he pulled to a stop, “We’re here!” Kanda stepped out and scrutinized the tall white building. He hated the white, too bright for his tastes. While he had never been here, Kanda briefly wondered if it was all white inside with insane people tied up in straitjackets. He’d probably hate all the white inside.

Rikei was there already to greet them when they entered. “Hey there, Lenalee. Reever is a bit busy with the test results now, so I have to show to Kanda his patient.”

“What about the test results?” Lenalee asked. Rikei frowned slightly, and said, “Nothing of it. It’s just as normal as any other regular person’s. Which brings me to you. Come on, Kanda. Brace yourself to meet your charge,” Rikei chirped and led the way, not noticing apparently whether Kanda followed or not.

Kanda trailed after Rikei in a dark mood, not realizing Lenalee and Lavi had stayed rooted to their spots. No one needed to ‘brace’ themselves when they met patients here. Could it be…? Lavi and Lenalee threw each other a knowing glance before chasing after the duo that walked ahead. Rikei paused in front of a room, and both the Chinese girl and the bandanna boy stopped. It was as they expected.

“Meet your new friend, Allen Walker.”

Kanda, who did not even particularly bother to look as Rikei pushed the door open, felt his jaw drop at the marginal glance he afforded. A young boy was seated inside the room, apparently unaware of the door being opened. With snow white hair falling down to frame his silver eyes and fair skin complementing the overall lighter colours, it was as if he was bathed in a soft glow. And slowly, he turned to the disturbance of his peace. He smiled.

The eyes gazed at Kanda as if they read right through him.

“I’ve been waiting, Yu.”


	2. Inconclusive Theory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

Kanda blinked once. Twice.

“Who gave you the permission to call me by my first name, moyashi?!”

Allen’s eyes went slightly wide, and he pouted. “What’s with the silly nickname?” Then he smiled, one which seemed to be soaked with relief. And started to laugh aloud. “Oh, it really is you, Yu! Even for so long, you haven’t changed a bit.” The Japanese teen was baffled at Allen’s actions, but he scowled anyways and replied, “How the hell do you know my name?” Before the white haired boy could answer, Lavi coughed and pointed at the name tag Kanda had just pinned to his coat. Kanda nearly slapped himself for being so stupid.

“Hey Allen, what’s up?” Rikei greeted cheerfully.

“I was just feeling a bit bored, Rikei. It is nearly the time to go visit Tyki. Do you guys want to come along?” Allen asked with an effortlessly kind smile. “Sure,” this time, it was Lavi who answered. Lenalee answered Kanda’s questioning look. “Tyki is Lavi’s charge here. Later, you’ll see a young girl with him. That girl, Road, is under me.”

The whole group followed Allen’s lead until they came to another room with the same door. In fact, all doors were the same. The rooms inside were probably the same. Another thing Kanda hated. The uniformity of the whole building made him feel a bit rebellious. And besides, it was nearly suspicious as to how well Allen knew his way around this building. Didn’t they keep the patients in or something? The door swung open before Allen even knocked. A tall man, with dark skin and interesting golden eyes grinned down at the shorter boy.

“Hey there, lad. Knew you were gonna come around this time, you’re such a stickler for punctuality.”

As Lenalee had predicted, Road was there as well. Kanda could see a young girl seated on the bed inside the room, younger than Allen. Perhaps around twelve? The girl jumped up and threw her arms around Lenalee’s waist. “Lenalee~~ you’ve finally come! I was beginning to get bored!” She spoke in a sing-song voice, something Kanda didn’t really like. He much preferred that people speak properly, especially to him. Tyki watched him though, with a hidden intensity. Noticing it, Kanda matched it with a glare of his own.

“Knock it out, you two. Tyki, this is Kanda, the very easily pissed friend I always told you about. From today onwards, he’s gonna be looking after little moyashi-chan here,” Lavi teased as he ruffled Allen’s hair. Said boy pouted again, and swatted Lavi’s hand away. “I am not a bean sprout!” Tyki smiled a bit hearing the new nickname Allen had gained. “Hello bunny boy. Fancy playing a game today?” The redhead grinned in reply, but Kanda could see the wariness in his eyes. “What kind of game?”

“Since Allen here got a new friend...Let’s celebrate with poker.”

That one suggestion; and Allen’s expression abruptly changed. From the innocent, happily smiling boy Kanda had seen just now, his eyes gained a maniacal manipulative glint and he smirked. The grumpy teen rubbed at his eyes, and then the Allen he had seen in the room was there again. Was it just an illusion?

Lavi seemed to be struggling with his smile now. Rikei spluttered, “I still have some deskwork, so I’ll go first!” And he ran as if a pack of hyenas were on his heels. Poor Lavi who knew the truth couldn’t even refuse before Tyki hauled him into the room. Road smiled gleefully and dragged Lenalee inside as well. Kanda stayed stubbornly outside the room. “Come in, Yu. The game can’t start without you.” Allen sounded very eager to play with him.

“Hn, I have no interest in poker,” Kanda snorted.

Allen smiled slyly behind his polite façade. “Oh? Or is it because you are afraid of losing?” That was the correct nudge in the right direction as Kanda’s temper flared. “You think I’m afraid? Bring it on!” Tyki grinned while Lavi started sweating buckets. Lenalee could only sigh as she sat on the bed with Road resting her head on the Chinese girl’s lap, excited.

The four guys were seated on the floor and Allen began dealing out cards at a fast rate, rather professionally. “So, are we going to bet with money?” Kanda asked. Tyki shook his head. “Nope, we’re playing strip poker. You know, we live in this facility. Where the heck do we get money?” While the man laughed, Kanda turned dark. “………You knew about this, you stupid bunny.” Lavi nodded miserably. “Don’t blame me for not telling you…They won’t let me.”

“Let’s start.”

Allen’s voice was not gentle as it had sounded previously. It seemed to contain…steel.

Warily, Kanda took up his own cards. He would really regret it.

Half an hour later, all Kanda had on were his shirt and pants. Of course, his boxers were intact. His name tag, boots, coat and tie were already lost to the pile on the left side of the circle. Lavi smiled weakly at him, as he had lost his boots too with his bandanna. Everything else was still on the grateful redhead. Tyki was trying hard to contain his laughter as he lost the pair of reading glasses previously perched on the bridge of his nose and his shirt. He seemed to find Kanda’s irritation very amusing.

“Call! Full house.”

Kanda froze at that voice.

“Your shirt, please.”

The devilishly impish smile had not left Allen Walker’s face ever since he started winning items from Kanda. He lost only his ribbon around his neck, and that was to Tyki. Kanda scowled, and shrugged off his shirt. Road whistled appreciatively, causing Tyki to finally burst out laughing. “Do you both want to die?” The Japanese guy growled a death threat. “Uhm, sorry…” Tyki apologized sheepishly. “Don’t worry; I’m not interested in you. I only look forward to undressing my bunny boy!” He ended in a triumphant tone which had Kanda staring at Lavi who stared at Tyki in complete, appalling and simply distressed look of horror.

“Your patient has the hots for you,” Kanda flatly stated.

Lavi nodded.

“Your patient has the hots for _you_ ,” he repeated again, slowly and stressing the last word more.

Lavi nodded again.

Kanda fell silent. He either felt very sorry for Lavi, or very elated for having someone to distract the redhead from bugging him too much. Lavi earnestly hoped it was the former. The game went on, and Kanda desperately wished to win, because HE would NEVER be stripped down to his boxers. NEVER! Alas, it seemed God didn’t bother to hear his wishes, for Allen had on an expression of victory as he laid down a royal straight flush. Kanda looked at his hand. A flush. Oh shit.

“You don’t really have to take off your pants.”

Okay, maybe God pitied him after all.

“I’ll take something else.”

Or not.

Kanda mulled the thought in his mind. He didn’t really have anything of value on him after all. And his pride was on the line. “Fine, what do you want?” Allen smiled brightly as Kanda approved. Without another second’s hesitation, Allen had leaned over the space between them and pulled Kanda into a kiss. Lavi and Lenalee’s jaws dropped in utter shock. Road watched with unhidden joy. Tyki shouted a protest.

 “No fair! I haven’t even got to hug bunny sweetheart and you got to kiss your samurai boy!”


	3. Magnanimous Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

Kanda was stuck there for a long time. When in reality, no more than ten seconds have passed before Allen pulled away. “I’m sorry, Tyki, but sometimes even the bottom has to initiate some action than sit and wait,” and Allen answered Tyki normally as if he did not just KISS him. “MOYASHI!!! What the hell was the meaning of that?!” Kanda bellowed, too pissed and all too angry and embarrassed and a container of jumbled emotions. Allen smiled again, that infuriatingly beautiful and innocent smile which Kanda was sure that he used to hide all the evil deeds he had done and that Allen Walker, as pretty and cute, shit he did not think that, and rather sane which he looks to be, definitely belonged in the loony house.  
  
“It’s just a kiss, Yu,” Allen retorted calmly, then paused with a look of confusion. “Unless...That was your first kiss?”  
  
And Kanda blushed...Yeah, right, in your dreams, uke-Kanda lovers. Kanda growled even louder, prepared to make Allen into mincemeat as the boy beamed at Tyki and declared, “I got Yu’s first kiss!! That’s even better than seeing him strip naked!”  Lenalee blushed, for she couldn’t stop the image of a sexy Kanda stripping before her. Road frowned, and answered, “Not in front of my darling doll, Allen! He’s going to steal her heart!” “I would not! Komui would kill me!” Kanda snapped back, “And you, moyashi! Play time is over! Get back to your room and eat whatever medicine it is that you need to!”  
  
At the mention of medicine, Allen’s face fell. “But I don’t want to eat medicine. I’m not sick.”   
  
“You most definitely are! Don’t make me force-feed you,” Kanda threatened. To his surprise, Allen ran to hide behind Tyki, shaking and close to tears. “I don’t want to! You can’t make me! Tyki, tell him to stop!” Road jumped up immediately and threw her arms wide in front of Allen protectively. “You bastard! Get the fuck away from Allen before I attack you!” To be completely honest, Kanda was taken aback by the sudden turn of events just by his one sentence. Lenalee tried to persuade Road, “But Road...You know you, Tyki and Allen have to take medicine everyday as usual. Just because Allen has a new friend today, doesn’t mean he can wriggle out of taking medicine.”   
  
Kanda was about to protest about him being Allen’s caretaker and not a friend, but Lavi slapped a hand over his best friend’s mouth, warning him to be quiet without saying a word. “But Lenalee~~~ He’s special! He’s not Allen’s friend! He’s...!!” Road was unable to speak further as Allen closed a hand over her mouth, deathly glum as he stated monotonously, “I’ll eat them. We can’t tell anyone, Road. Never forget that.” Road pouted, but she did not object. “Fine then, bring it on! We’ll eat those horrible tasting pills together and hopefully die of an overdose,” Tyki exaggerated, causing Lavi to reprimand him, “Tyki, don’t say terrible things like that!”  
  
“What else can you expect of us?” Road hissed aggressively, like a provoked kitten. “Living in this caged hell, being called as freaks and telling us that they can ‘cure’ us...We’re not monsters! We don’t need to be locked in this white inferno! We don’t need medicine! Well, I do really hope I DIE!” Everyone fell quiet from her outburst. “Don’t say that, Road. We still need you. Someone on this world remembers who you are, Road, and I know I will never forget you,” Allen answered in his kind voice. Tyki ushered the two younger ones out of the door. “Come on, let’s go collect our meds,” as he left, he tossed Lavi a hopeless glance which left Lavi feeling cold.  
  
“You guys don’t have to follow us. You can’t help us the way you are now.”  
  
Brief silence settled following the exit of the patients before Kanda’s temper got the better of him again. “What was that?!” He demanded from his two friends. Lenalee was wringing her hands, looking down at the ground. “It’s your fault, Yu. You upset Allen,” Lavi replied calmly. He knew he had hit Tyki’s sensitive spot somewhere, despite having not said anything during the small dispute. “So it’s my fault?!” Kanda shot back. Lenalee sighed. “Stop it, you two. We also have to take responsibility for not telling Kanda yet the full situation.”  
  
Kanda seated himself on the bed, and stared expectantly at them both. “Talk.”  
  
“Remember what I said about this patient who brought a new disorder with him?” Lenalee recapped. Kanda’s eyes widened marginally. “You mean, that moyashi is the one?” Lavi nodded, and continued, “Three weeks into admittance to the facility, Allen’s basic dosage was upped four times the normal amount. He had to take five tests a day and blood checks every fortnight. At first, he did everything he could get away from this place, but he was always brought back here and in the end, for security measures, they tied him down to a corner of his room,”  
  
“His hands were free, but his legs were chained down. He didn’t struggle much, but when he did, they injected him with heavy sedatives. I heard the first year he was here, he was as dead as a corpse. Allen learned to ‘play nice’, as the scientists up there say and became an obedient little boy. That’s why, Yu, you NEVER ever threaten Allen. You gotta persuade him. Allen’s the centre of the world here. The last guy to look after Allen, a regular worker named Piero picked on Allen’s fear of being forced into doing something. The next day, a bunch of other patients beat him up badly. Last I heard, he’s still recovering in the hospital.”  
  
Kanda was stumped by the long narration. No, it was not the length which bothered him. Obviously, it was the content of the conversation!   
  
“That’s why I offered to be Allen’s overseer. His kindness isn’t a cover like the researchers here think he uses to manipulate other patients. He truly is a gentlemanly and nice boy. But he refused me and suggested Road to me instead. He told me...That he was waiting for his own overseer to come,” Lenalee said sadly. Sometimes, it was not fair that someone as nice as Allen was getting the short end of the stick. “And from how he took to you, Yu...I think you may be the one he’s been waiting for,” Lavi claimed. “What makes you think that?” Kanda quipped, a little apprehensive.  
  
“Remember the disorder’s effects? Past recollections of people they have only seen at first glance, and sometimes even people they’ve never seen. It’s called the Walker Syndrome,” Lenalee briefed. Lavi smiled mysteriously up at Kanda.  
  
“And perhaps, Yu, that he has known you in his memories.”


	4. One Time You Smiled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura

Tyki was worried for the boy who clutched at his arm in a near painful grip. Allen’s panic hasn’t risen like this for the past five years. “Alright there, lad?” Allen looked up with a weary smile, trying to reassure him. “I will be.” “It’s always an ‘I will be.’ Good grief, Allen, why can’t you admit that you need others and say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I can’t do this alone.’ You’re not the only one trapped in this shitty place,” a new person spoke up. “Oh, you twins. How’s it going?” Tyki greeted. Devit and Jasdero grinned widely.

“We reckon Doug will be able to find us in another half an hour, hihi! His record time keeps getting broken! He’s one dedicated guy,” Jasdero laughed. Apparently, they had given their overseer the slip. “But still, when will we get out of here? I’m so bored,” Devit muttered. “We just have to wait. Good things come to those who wait,” Allen murmured with a dazed smile. “But what if we wait and nothing ever happens?” Jasdero quipped. “We don’t wait and do nothing. We’re waiting for an opportunity, a weakness we can exploit...” Road flippantly answered, but in a sinister manner.

“Not like that for me, Road. Not like that,” Allen smiled, but it was cracked, and sad. “What’s up?” Devit asked, but this time he sounded rather unsure and hesitant. Allen and Jasdero are the only ones able to make Devit fumble. “He met his Yumebito today. And, as with all Yumebito, has no recollections whatsoever,” Tyki answered for the snow haired adolescent. Jasdero looked deep in thought, so out of place with his usual chatter and crazy personality. “We’re all tied to this place, aren’t we?” He mumbled out.

“Why’d you say that?” Devit didn’t understand what his twin meant.

“Somehow, we all drifted here. And miraculously somehow, only patients here recall that past. And then somehow, our Yumebito gather here. This has become dependence. We’re all staying here, because we’re afraid that we wouldn’t meet our Yumebito if we left this place. At least, I know I am,” Allen stated neutrally. “And seeing him today, it felt as if all my restraints were broken and I went a bit overboard. I couldn’t help it. It felt so good, as if I was free, and he was there, right before my eyes, alive.”

“We know how you feel,” the company of four chorused.

Tyki smiled a bit and patted Allen’s head affectionately. “Especially you. I’ve been waiting for six years and nearly wanted to rape my dear bunny when I saw him if you weren’t there to restrain me. How could you have waited for ten years? I’d have gone crazy by then! Look at Road, just one year deeper into it than I am, and she’s a raving lunatic!” Tyki exclaimed trying to lighten up the situation. Road smacked Tyki’s back. “I’m not a raving lunatic. I’m just a sweet, innocent, overly-pampered child who wants lots of attention.” “Hah! You finally admit that you’re a spoilt brat!” Devit exclaimed triumphantly.

“I think it’s safe to saw the twins are the craziest of us all,” Allen joked feeling a little better. “Damn, we are!” The twins cackled in agreement.

“Hey guys, sorry to burst the happy bubble...But here we are,” Tyki muttered. The whole group paused, and looked up at the door label. The word ‘Pharmacy’ stood out almost threateningly against its bland white walls. “Hah, it’s just some stupid drugs that don’t work even when we eat them. It’s okay,” Devit said aloud bravely. Jasdero opened the doors for them, and as usual, Timcanpy was sitting behind the counter. The young man raised his head as he heard the door open.

“Hello, guys. I’m assuming the usual?”

“Yeah, Timcanpy. Sorry for the bother. You have to make sure we have to eat our medicine, right?” Allen asked. The blonde man nodded, passing to the patients each their own prescribed dose. “I’m sorry, but its standard procedure,” Timcanpy replied. He went to the back of the room to get glasses of water for them to wash down their medicine with. Jasdero made a face while Devit cooed at his brother, comforting him as he took his pills. “It still tastes bad every time,” Jasdero said as he gargled his mouth thoroughly with water. “Can we go grab a soda at the cafeteria later?” “Sure we can,” Devit answered smugly.

Allen swallowed his pills and drained the glass of water without complaints. After all, he had to deal with it for ten years. Pretty much nothing could faze him in the facility. Timcanpy smiled at the young boy. He kissed Allen on the top of his head and patted him affectionately. “Now there’s a good boy. Run along and go do something else. I’ve got to stay in this smelly place.” Allen often had to wonder, if Timcanpy also have memories of the past seeing that the man was especially fond of him. But the blonde had never shown signs of recognition or such towards others, like Cross, who came here just once. Allen had managed to catch a glimpse of his ex-mentor.

“I’ll see you around, Timcanpy,” Allen nodded and left, with Road and Tyki in tow. The twins headed off for the cafeteria.

Tyki delivered the two younger ones to their own rooms before heading back to his own cell. Cell, yes. This place was nothing more than prison. He had been delivered here when he was 20 years old, still a young chap making ends meet. He remembered very well why he was taken here. He was charged with insanity by his nosy little neighbours. And then, men in white coats just barged into his house and took him away. Tyki sighed, wishing he had a cigarette to distract him. All patients knew why Allen was treated like a specimen under the watchful eyes of the researchers. They all had been getting flashbacks of things they could not recall, but all was made clear the moment they saw Allen.

Those idiots told everyone that all this began when Allen came in. What a big fat lie, Tyki thought wryly as he bypassed the sick bay. It had already happened, but they had become _normal_ when they met Allen. But now, they were confined to this fortress where they had no way out. Some people had families outside waiting for them. The man wondered what sort of lies they had been fed to prevent them from coming to see the so-called mental patients. Tyki was slightly surprised to find the trio still in his room when he returned.

“Hey guys, it’s getting late. Go home and get some sleep,” he advised with a little smile.

Kanda exited the room with a gruff nod, while Lenalee bid him good night as she left the room. Lavi was about to leave when Tyki gently grabbed his arm. “Tyki...?” Lavi looked up in surprise at the unusually solemn man. “Be careful on your way home, okay honey? Good night.”

And before the redhead realized it, Tyki pressed a soft kiss on his forehead and closed the door to his room. Lavi stood there, shocked, face bursting into flames, and gaped wordlessly like a fish out of water before finally yelling, “Y-You kissed me!!!!! You sneaky bastard!!” Kanda snorted. “Be glad he didn’t french you, idiot bunny. He looks horny enough to do that.” Tyki was smiling behind his door.

“Now we’re even, Allen.”


	5. Invented Normalcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

Kanda groaned inwardly when he woke up in his dorm room. He had barely any sleep much thanks to the rabid red bunny ranting nearly the whole night about the chaste kiss he was given by Tyki. What the hell, Lavi should be grateful! Unlike him, who got the full blow on the lips. And yes, it was his first kiss, but keeping tabs on those things was childish, Kanda fervently reminded himself. “Lavi, do me a favour, go dig a hole, jump in and DIE,” Kanda muttered a half-hearted threat. A sleep deprived Kanda was often stripped of his threatening authority.

“But Yuuuuuuuuu!!! Your best friend got taken advantage of!!! Have you no remorse, or pity?!! You heartless being!!!!” Lavi was being horribly dramatic, and Kanda’s irritation meter rose by fifty percent. “I thought it was time for you to realize that I am indeed, a heartless person of no remorse,” the Japanese teen sarcastically replied. He let out a frustrated string of curses into his pillow as he checked his bedside calendar. “It’s a Saturday, damn it. I demand more sleep.”

“No, you can’t! Remember, you need to spend the morning doing your intern duties before doing anything else. So wake up, wash your face and get ready. I’ll grab the car keys from Lenalee and we’ll go,” Lavi trilled as the thought of Tyki was forgotten. As he forcefully pulled his body from the comfort of his bed, Kanda continued to mutter colourful words under his breath and shuffled towards the bathroom. He was definitely NOT a morning person. Then he paused before he stepped out of the quarters he shared with Lavi.

“Isn’t she coming along?”

Lavi poked his head out of his closet. “Nope, she rescheduled so that she could go on Sunday.”

So, grumpy Kanda gave up on depending on the most rational of the trio and resigned himself to fate. Half an hour later, grumpy Kanda upgraded into annoyed Kanda as Lavi sang with the morning radio in a horribly high-pitched yodel quality voice. “Idiot, shut up and focus on the road,” Kanda grumbled as he sat in the passenger street watching the pigeons scatter from the street as the car sped past. “Yu, don’t be such a wet blanket and sing along with me!” The redhead cheerfully chirped.

Kanda groaned and slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand.

By the time Kanda got off the car, he had become sullen Kanda, meaning he went through his share of torture from Lavi and was already desensitized towards all things annoying. He grabbed his lab coat from the intern changing room and marched towards Allen’s room. Although he has only gone there once, Kanda’s memory with places was good. Allen was sitting at his desk doing something when Kanda opened the door. Doing what, he couldn’t see for Allen’s body blocked the view.

“Oi, moyashi.”

As if practiced, the reaction was instinctive and instantaneous. “It’s Allen!” Allen glowered at the taller teen for a while before smiling in a bit. “Good morning, Yu. You look horrible.” Kanda disregarded how horrible he looked, instead glaring murderously at Allen. “No one allowed you to call me by my name.” Allen’s smile only seemed to quirk higher. “Since you saw it fitting to call me a bean sprout, I can call you however I want to.” Kanda scowled at the flippant remark, but then remembered that he had to tolerate the white haired boy.

“Grr…Whatever. Go back to whatever you were doing just now.”

The boy smiled and said, “Do you want to see what I was drawing?” Vaguely, in the back of Kanda’s brain, his studies from the introduction to Psychology noted that when one faces this situation, one should amicably agree and do nothing negative. But that was for good people, and Kanda didn’t give a damn. Brain fucking subject. If he wasn’t running out of electives, he sure as hell would not have taken it.

“You were drawing stick people, moyashi?” Kanda drawled sarcastically.

Allen grinned. “Ahaha, that was what I could only draw when I first came here. But with a lot of time in my hands and a little patience, I must say I improved a lot from back then when people couldn’t even see what I was drawing. Lenalee could’ve hit me for making such a horrible portrait of Miranda.” Kanda’s eyebrow quirked in question. “Who the heck is Miranda?” “Um...She’s a lady whom we both met, and boy, she was such a nervous wreck. I heard she got fired one hundred times before,” Allen answered simply.

“Hn, so you draw girls,” Kanda said in a perfectly neutral tone, but Allen could tell what Kanda was hinting at. He balefully frowned at him. “Excuse me, but if you’re thinking what I’m thinking you’re thinking, then you’re wrong. I have no such interests.”

Kanda smirked a little. For someone insane, the boy was smart. Ah well, they do say that all geniuses are born crazy.

“Oh, but how can you tell that I’m thinking what you’re thinking that I’m thinking?”

Two can play at that game. “Merely by the fact that you ask me whether I can tell that you’re thinking what I’m thinking you’re thinking already implies that you know what I’m implying and are just asking to confirm what I’m actually implying so that you can imply that you do not know what I’m implying.”

Kanda stared. He completely lost Allen after the first ‘implying’. He snorted and turned away. “Whatever, just go back to whatever you’re doing.” Allen grinned after having won the short-lived tongue twisting competition. “Yu, do you like lotus?” The sudden prompt had Kanda thinking for a while. “...Hn, I don’t care for flowers...But I think the lotus has an elegance that no others will be able to match.” He completely missed the sorrowful smile on Allen’s lips as he sat down on the bed.

“Then...I’d be honoured if you take this,” Allen murmured in a barely audible voice.

Slightly surprised, the young Japanese looked up and saw the boy with the birthmark on his face offering a piece of paper to him. Curiously, he took the paper. On it was a very detailed drawing of one blooming lotus. Although it was a drawing done in pencil only, it was breathtakingly captivating. One could obviously see the efforts put into the picture of one simple lotus. Kanda turned his attention back onto Allen, who seemed to fidget under his scrutinizing eyes. “...You sure you won’t be bored to death if you give this to me?” “It’s okay. If I want to, I’ll draw a different lotus next time,” Allen replied softly.

“You really have nothing to do here,” Kanda commented plainly.

Allen smiled. “Not really. We have lots of things to do here. For one, I’m taking lessons. Otherwise, older people attend classes to learn things like sewing and cooking or even woodwork. Children prefer playing in the playground or the activity room. We even have mini stages for performances. Most of us pick these up, trying to feel a semblance of normalcy. We treat it like us living at a community centre more than being confined in a mental institute.”

The intern saw nothing to be said to that. After all, he hadn’t experienced anything like this. And it was supposedly for their own good that they stayed here and not harm their own families whatnot. “You said you’re taking lessons? What lessons?” “I’m studying history, art and literature for now. Even though I’m a patient in here, I’ve got to keep up with my studies,” Allen answered gathering his writing tools into a small bag. “How old are you?” Kanda blurted out, after hearing the subjects Allen took up. Those electives sounded like...

“Oh, I’m fifteen this year,” Allen answered. Kanda’s jaw mentally hit the floor.

“I thought you were like, seventeen,” Kanda muttered in disbelief. Allen smirked a bit. “Oh, I get that a lot because of my white hair, Mr. Intern. Come on, you’re supposed to accompany me to my classes.” Before Kanda could say anything, Allen snagged Kanda’s hand and pulled him along the corridors. “Where are you taking me?” Kanda asked stupidly. “To the classroom wing. It’s a separate part of this building. Didn’t Lavi and Lenalee show you around?” The younger boy asked in return. The Japanese teen simply shook his head. Nope, they had to lead him to a disaster during the very first time he came here as an intern, which would be meeting the enigmatic Allen Walker.

Allen chuckled. “I guess I’ll have to show you around later. If you’re going to be an intern here, you at least have to know where you’re going.”

“Hn!”

It was in the classroom wing that Kanda felt more comfortable. Granted, the walls were painted pastel peach, but it was better than the boring stark white. Plus, there are actually wooden furniture, as compared to all the plastic and metal in the other wing. Allen walked past three doors before going in the fourth one. “Oh Allen-kun, it’s about time you’ve arrived,” a blonde with short hair greeted the boy as he entered with his overseer. Kanda blinked for a moment. His lecturer of previous semester, Bak Chan was there, wearing a white lab coat. “Oh, Kanda-kun! Fancy seeing you here!” Bak greeted. Kanda muttered an incoherent greeting and grabbed a seat at the back of class, surveying the whole room. There were quite a few he didn’t recognize, and some that he knew, being interns like him. For one, Rikei was there.

“Oh, hi Kanda. I guessed that you’d drop by here with Allen soon. This is my charge, Roufa,” he introduced the short girl wearing glasses beside her. She smiled politely and nodded. “Nice to meet you, Kanda-san.” And then, went to sit next to Allen, who was of course, beside Kanda. “Walker-san, have you finished the assignment?” Roufa had a slight blush when she spoke to Allen, and Kanda found himself not liking it for no particular reason.

Another one which he did not really like, was the female intern named Mimi. She was crazy about the Genetics professor, Lulubell and joined this internship just because Lulubell worked part time here. An orange haired boy was seated beside her, fidgeting in his seat. He looked to be quite young and rather nervous. Allen whispered, “That boy is Lero.” Kanda shivered slightly at the warm air that ghosted his skin. “Can you not speak so closely?” He pointed out in annoyance.

Allen looked at him unwaveringly with wide eyes and Kanda refused to give in to that goddamned innocent look.

“But Yu...You’re the one who isn’t letting go of my hand.”

Sure enough, somehow, Kanda’s fingers were wrapped tightly around Allen’s slim hand. He let go hastily and glared at the wall. Why hadn’t he realized it?! Allen smiled to himself, of course, the other patients noticed. Not the other interns though, and the clueless lecturer himself.

~~~

Tyki was reading when Lavi entered his room. “Yo, bunny boy, did you have a good sleep yesterday?” The older man looked over the edge of his book. Lavi flushed and spluttered, “Of course not, thanks to you! Why the heck did you do that for anyway?!” Tyki smiled in amusement at the flustered bunny. “Because Allen got to kiss his irritable boyfriend,” the man with the glasses answered. Lavi blinked in confusion. “Boyfriend??? Yu???” 

“Who else did he kiss, Road?”

Lavi laughed. “Yu’d rather admit that he is a vain man than say he’ll date Allen. No offence to Allen, but the poor boy doesn’t deserve a stiff stick like Yu.” Tyki laughed a little. “It wouldn’t be becoming of a Bookman to simply assume things.” “A Bookman?” The redhead echoed, and Tyki shook his head. “Ignore that, it’s something of my own.” “But actually...What do you see in those dreams you have...?” Lavi curiously quipped. “Hm...You have an interest?” The dark skinned man raised an eyebrow.

“Because, even though it’s something brought on by a disorder, it’s really amazing to know people you’ve never known or seen!” Lavi’s thirst for knowledge was known to Tyki long before he’s seen his beloved’s face. Really, Lavi had not changed from his previous incarnation. Only now, his hair was longer and in a small ponytail, and he no longer wore his eye patch. Yet, his cheerful disposition and inquisitive ways have not changed. Tyki loved his dear bunny, whether Lavi remembered him or not. For now, all was fine. As long as Lavi did not leave, then Tyki was content. He had lost his sweetheart once; he did not want it to happen again.

“Really now...Well...I’m not supposed to tell you since you’re not a doctor...But I guess for my dear I can make a difference,” Tyki smirked as Lavi indignantly answered, “Who is your dear?!” “Don’t take that in mind, love. Despite what I can feel and know in dreams, it’ll all black, always. I don’t really see much in my dreams, but everything comes naturally to me. It’s like taking out from a bank of memories. I don’t know how much it is, but I definitely know what it is. And guess what? I see you the most,” Tyki ended in a baiting note.

“Me...? How do I look like?” Lavi quipped. This was quite mysterious, but also very interesting.

Tyki’s smirk widened. “If you must know...” He dug around his drawer, and pulled out a bit of black cloth which Lavi didn’t know what it was, until Tyki told him to stay still and tied it over his right eye. It was an eye patch. “You wore an eye patch, and your hair is shorter than it is now. Your collar...Is undone,” the man whispered as he unbuttoned the buttons of Lavi’s collar. Lavi swallowed hard and started to back away. “Tyki, I’m not in the mood for a joke...” Tyki stared into his emerald eyes, his own chrome gold ones blazing with an unknown emotion. “But Lavi, I’m not joking.”

Lavi’s eyes widened drastically when Tyki pinned him down to the bed. “T-Tyki, let go!” Lavi struggled, but physically Tyki was bigger and stronger than he was. A wistful smile was drawn on the man’s face. “You know, Lavi, it’s just so sad...” Tyki gently kissed the nape of Lavi’s neck, his fingers drawing lazy circles on his stomach while he slowly licked his way along Lavi’s jaw line. The redhead let out a soft whimper, and quickly bit his lips shut as soon as he realized what sort of reaction he had shown. 

“Even though you don’t remember...”

His hand caressed Lavi’s face ever so softly, as if afraid that his touch would break him. Tyki was too tempted. He razed his teeth on Lavi’s skin, right above his collarbone. Lavi let out a muffled squeak while Tyki lapped up the mark he made on the redhead. Tyki chuckled a little seeing Lavi’s embarrassed and clearly harassed expression. He pressed a kiss on Lavi’s forehead, another on his eye-patch, and lastly a chaste kiss on his lips. “It’s so sad to see that you act the same way you would have,” Tyki whispered into his ear. Lavi shivered from the warm breath and felt some light tugging on his ear.

Tyki then took out one of his earrings and put it on Lavi’s ear. The intern realized that Tyki had just taken one of his earrings. After the exchange, Tyki buttoned up Lavi’s shirt and took off the eye-patch. “Now is the best time to go, bunny dear. I think it’s not wise for you to stay any longer for today. I will eat my medicine, don’t worry. Go, before I do something you’ll regret.” Lavi stared at Tyki for a while, before he shot up and dashed for the door. Tyki winced slightly as the door shut with a bang, and threw himself down onto the bed. He rested an arm over his eyes, a cracked smile the only thing visible.

“Damn...I thought I had it under control...How long do I still have to wait...?”

A lone tear slid down his cheeks, witnessed only by the emptiness of his colourless room.

~~~

Kanda sighed irritably having to accompany Allen around in his lessons for the day. He was doing nothing short of a babysitter’s task! As he grumbled, he kicked open the door bringing the tray of medicine and water for Allen. After he finished his supposed duties of the day, he had to make sure Allen ate his medicine as part of his intern tasks. Allen watched Kanda put it on the table calmly, a glazed look in his usually bright silver eyes. The Japanese briefly wondered what sort of drastic change it was from the panic Allen experienced yesterday. But still...Kanda mentally blanched at the array of drugs prescribed for Allen. Two of them were white pills, two were red coloured capsules, two pills were blue and one pill was yellow. It was a surprise Allen didn’t have drug overdose by now.

“My body is too used to it already. It won’t work as well if I don’t eat in large doses,” Allen answered as if he read Kanda’s mind.

“Even when you’ve been here for just three years?” Kanda asked.

Allen mused quietly for a while, before he smiled up at Kanda. “Three years can be long in these plain walls.”

Kanda had to agree, he still could not settle well for the whiteness of the buildings. But the soft white of Allen’s hair was something he could live with, he strangely thought. It looked nice to touch, and was soothing on the eyes...Wait, rewind. Kanda beat his own thoughts up for conjuring those strange things. He set his eyes to a frown as he watched Allen take his meds obediently. His deep silver eyes met his, and Allen again smiled. Kanda felt irritated at his constant smiling, probably because it was that Allen smiled although he was stuck in a place like this. He smiled too much for Kanda.

“If you frown so much, you’d get wrinkles before you become old,” Allen teased as he placed a finger between Kanda’s eyebrows. Kanda’s eyes widened by a fraction and before Allen knew it; Kanda had his wrist in a strong and painful grip. “Don’t...Touch me so easily...” Kanda ground out venomously. Allen was taken aback, and slightly scared. “U-Un...Can you let go of me...?” The intern threw his hand away, and Allen was left to rub at his sore wrist. While Allen was thinking he had overestimated his chances with Kanda, the person in question himself was in shock at his own actions.

The moment Allen had touched his forehead, it felt so natural. It was as if Allen did it everyday. And Kanda had _liked_ it. He had taken brief contentment at the feeling of Allen’s soft skin, not so far from when he was possessively holding Allen’s hand before. But it was this action that made Kanda feel so familiar with it that it had intimidated him. Kanda couldn’t believe himself for having those feelings of _remembrance_ when it had only been a day since he met Allen and without realizing it himself had taken Allen’s hand off him. He wasn’t being merely mean-spirited to Allen, he knew, he had acted out of instinctual self defence.

“Um...You seem tired today. Maybe you should take a little rest. Use my bed, I don’t mind,” Allen offered, remembering how worn Kanda had looked when he arrived this morning. Kanda didn’t think much and just crashed onto the bed. Maybe his lack of sleep had affected his thinking and some rest might just fix it. “I’m going to nap for a while, don’t try anything funny.” Allen nodded and returned to his desk, focusing on his homework. An hour passed before sleep felt heavy in eyes. Turning around, he could see that Kanda still hasn’t budged from his position in bed.

Sighing softly, he cast the blanket gently over Kanda’s prone form before switching off the lights, leaving the dim glow of the bedside lamp on. One thing he disliked about the room was that it had absolutely no windows. Allen didn’t really enjoy having to live under artificial light for nearly ten years. He curled up on the floor, wanting to take a nap himself. He could wake a bit later before evening settled in and wake Kanda up so that he could go home. The moment his eyelids closed, Allen was totally knocked out without realizing the passing time.

**I feel light...Like I’m floating...**

His limbs dangled limply from the embrace he was scooped into.

**This sensation of being held...Strong, but gentle...**

**It feels good...**

Laid into bed, and tucked in his arms, one continued his slumber while the other began to stir.

**Something feels...warm...**

**It feels so nostalgic...**

He buried himself further in the source of his warmth.

**I thought...Wasn’t I sleeping on the floor?**

**Yet...It’s soft and warm...**

An eye cracked open, and Allen nearly threw himself off the bed if not for Kanda’s arm wrapped securely around his waist. Allen wondered wildly how he was able to crawl into the bed without himself noticing it, not remembering the awareness of being picked up and attempted to slowly pry Kanda’s arm off before he woke up and accused Allen of trying to rape him. Glancing slightly at the clock, Allen nearly gaped for it showed that it was already eight at night. Suddenly, he felt Kanda’s arms tightening and let out a hushed squeak.  

Even in his sleep, Kanda was strong for he pushed Allen down to lie on his back and proceeded to pin him down by draping his supposedly unmoving body over the smaller boy. Allen renewed his efforts to get Kanda off him but he was distracted when he felt a slightly ticklish sensation somewhere under his jaw. He tried to peer down as far as he could without bumping into Kanda’s head and gasped. Was...Was Kanda nuzzling the nape of his neck?! “Yu, you’re awake...Please get off me...” Allen muttered quietly. However, instead of stopping Kanda’s hand had somehow slipped under his shirt. Not quite a surprising feat considering Kanda had Allen immobilized.

“Yu, what the~!!” Allen’s words were cut off when Kanda brushed his fingers against his skin, slightly below his navel. Though filled with memories of their past, Allen blushed at the provocative move. And it continued, teasingly rubbing the hem of Allen’s pants. The younger male was at a loss for what to do, seeing he that he wanted Kanda to remember him, but it also seemed like Kanda wasn’t thinking properly. And so, Allen decided to tug on Kanda’s hair to make the Japanese face him. Once more, his jaw dropped. Kanda was not awake as he had thought, but sound asleep.

But he was still moving!

Vaguely, Allen wondered if Kanda was finally dreaming of some parts of their life together though it seems obvious as to which part he was reliving if he really was dreaming. The boy flinched when Kanda’s leg brushed his crotch. It definitely wasn’t accidental because it happened again. “Even though he’s unconscious, he’s still a pervert,” Allen darkly muttered while trying to get the sleeping molester awake. But slowly, Kanda stopped his advances on Allen. His hand withdrew and curled around Allen’s waist, pulling Allen snugly to his chest and went back into motionless sleep.

The white haired boy could only sigh at the bewildering moment, but he’d make do with what he had for now. Allen snuggled into Kanda’s embrace and slept on.


	6. I Need A Good Man In My Life...Or A Woman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

Lenalee, for some reasons she could not put her finger on, liked to be prim and properly spruced whenever she was to go see Road. Maybe, in a way, she felt that the girl deserved the best from her, and Lenalee thought that was nothing since Road was confined in the facility which belonged to the Black Order University. The Chinese girl went down to the boy’s dormitory, since her car keys were with Lavi. Plus, she wasn’t old enough to have a driver’s license. The car was actually a gift from Cross recently, and Lenalee graciously lent it to Lavi to use, since he would most likely drive them around anyway.

Raising her hand, she knocked precisely three times. There was no answer. “...Lavi?” Lenalee tested the doorknob and was surprised to find it unlocked. Inwardly chiding the boys for their lack of safety procedures, she opened the door and called out, “I hope you’re decent!” She proceeded past the living hall into the bedrooms. Lavi was there, curled up on his bed. “Lavi, what happened?! You look terrible!” Lenalee exclaimed upon seeing the redhead. The teen’s eyes were bloodshot, half-lidded from fatigue and his whole face was as red as his hair! Lavi didn’t respond to Lenalee, but he hugged his pillow tighter to his face and turned to face the wall.

“Are you having a fever? You don’t look well,” Lenalee stated and tried to touch Lavi’s forehead, but the boy inched out of her reach. “...Help me call in sick for a week,” Lavi’s muffled voice was the only answer. Worried, Lenalee answered, “Alright, but be sure to take medicine. I’ll be coming back to check up on you.” Lavi nodded weakly. The young girl gently closed the door behind her and decided to ask her brother for a lift instead. However, a question plagued her mind. Where was Kanda? Even he was not as heartless as to abandon a sick friend.

Lavi hadn’t slept a wink since he abruptly returned to his quarters in the university dormitory. Tyki’s actions and words bothered him too much. His face grew hot and he became flustered as soon as he recalled how hideously gentle Tyki’s touches were, the vanilla-tobacco flavour of his soft lips and the smoky musky scent that clung to his dark skin. Darn, Lavi liked girls! Especially those with curvy figures! Not guys who were admitted into mental institutes who regularly smoked and molested cute youthful redhead boys like him! Lavi’s blush only worsened when his finger brushed against the rather obvious love bite on his neck.

“I could’ve punched the guy...I knew I could...” Lavi muttered under his breath, but he knew he wouldn’t have done that. Tyki looked far too sorrowful for Lavi to raise a fist against him. Even with his smile, Tyki’s eyes spoke volumes of the true depth of his emotions. The redhead could feel a real fever coming up; with all the stressful implications he simply found too heavy to deal with at the moment. He couldn’t even understand how something though not trivial but not serious either, could have affected him this much.

Lost in his own confusing reveries, Lavi had failed to notice that he had abandoned Kanda at the facility the previous day.

But then again, Kanda himself had forgotten to wake up and go home.

**“** **Yu...”**

**Who is it...The one calling my name? I...Don’t hate it. The gentleness my name is being called with. Who...?**

**“** **I like you best, Yu. I don’t want to leave you, ever...”**

**It smells good, soothing...A scent of lavender, from the nape of that person’s neck. My fingers brush soft skin. The voice faltered.**

**“** **Not now, Yu...”**

**I could control the voice with my touch. I liked that. My fingers dance upon the smooth surface, pulsing with comfortable warmth. It was addictive.**

**“** **Yu......”**

**What a childish sounding sulk. But I liked that too. It made me tingle with anticipation. Just to test it, I brushed my leg against it, that bodiless yet physical presence. A small hitch was breathed out, and that voice whined. How sweet it sounded to me. To egg it on, I continued doing what I did.**

**“** **Please...Not tonight...”**

**I snorted in displeasure, being denied of what I wanted. But I could hear the sincerity of the request, and had no choice but to comply. Instead, I gathered that comforting voice into my arms and just held on.**

Currently, he was still sleeping. And take note, Kanda Yu NEVER oversleeps even if he isn’t a morning person. But for some reason, Kanda found it very difficult to wake up. His bed today was very soft, warm, comfortable and inviting. He felt lazy to crawl out. And hell, today’s a Sunday. He deserved more sleep. His pillow, albeit a bit lumpy, was soft and warm. It was soothing just holding it, which fit perfectly in his arms...Wait. In the fogged mind of a drowsy Kanda a vague memory popped up. He doesn’t use a pillow to hug. A lazy eye cracked open, and the next moment Kanda flung himself off the bed, effectively crashing down to the ground face first. The bed’s other occupant sat up, rubbing his eyes drowsily.

“Hm? Oh, you’re up. Good morning, Yu.”

“What the hell are you doing in the bed?! I thought I warned you not to try anything!” Kanda growled while nursing his bruised face. Allen frowned. “Well excuse me for ending up in the bed, but first of all, I don’t know how I got up here. I was very comfortable on the floor, thank you very much, when I suddenly woke up in the bed and mind you, I don’t move when I sleep. I DID try to get back to the floor, but _someone_ obviously was having a good dream, to be molesting me even though he was asleep. And then _he_ held on for the rest of the night, so I had no choice but to continue sleeping. And this is my bed in the first place; I have every right to sleep in it, regardless of your whims.”

Kanda certainly didn’t miss the sarcasm directed at him. He frowned and abruptly stood up. “Whatever, I’m going home,” he snarled and left the room. Allen didn’t do anything for a while, but he smiled longingly at the door. “See you again next week, Yu.”

Kanda cursed at himself, apparently remembering his dream all too well. And what mortified him most was that he acted out his dream in his sleep on Allen! He was steaming, but the recollection of his dream calmed him again. Whoever it was in his dream, it soothed him, that gentle voice. Kanda frowned though; he acted like quite the sex fiend in his dream. And to think in his sleep he molested Allen...Kanda shook his head insistently. No, it was Allen’s fault for being in the bed in the first place! And Lavi! Why the hell had he not come to search for him when it was time to go home?!

“Ara, Kanda? You’re here early,” Lenalee mused when she saw the disgruntled young man wandering the halls.

“I was left here last night! Where the hell is Lavi?!” Kanda snapped.

“Oh...He must’ve forgotten. You can’t really blame him, Kanda. When I dropped by into his room today, he looked really sick. Don’t give him a hard time, okay?” Lenalee advised as she waved goodbye. Kanda fumed for a while, but he decided against blaming it on the bunny. It was rare for someone energetic like Lavi to get sick, so it was something to be considered. He dropped his coat back at the changing room before going out to wait for the shuttle bus.

“Mr. Walker, it’s time for your test.”

Allen perfectly masked his expression as he stood up and followed the nameless scientists he could not be bothered to remember. It was just another test; complete isolation for 24 hours to see if anything in a week had changed him. Not that Allen would give them the satisfaction of jotting statistics of his supposedly abnormal actions. He was led to a simple room, no different than his own cell. The only difference was, food was pre-prepared for him, and he was locked inside. There were cameras in this room observing his every action. He seated himself at the desk, drawing to stave off the boredom of spending 24 hours in a room all by himself.

So preoccupied with distracting himself; he let out a soft gasp of realization when he discovered that he had been drawing Kanda. Worried that he would let slip some hint that would endanger his beloved, he quickly tore the paper until it was completely unsalvageable. Allen bit his lips in obvious agitation. It wasn’t his first time feeling unsettled being in isolation, but it was the first time that his uneasiness was caused by his worry for another. If the scientists found out that Kanda roused his reactions this much, they would give trouble to the Japanese, and Allen didn’t want that to happen. He would give anything to protect his Yumebito from being chained and locked inside this white fortress like he was. He knew all the dark intentions the place was run with despite the guise of science. He had suffered under it for ten years, and religion be damned if he let even one day of it happen to Kanda.

“Road?”

“Lenalee~” The young girl happily exclaimed and glomped her for good measure. “Good morning, Lenalee!” “Good morning, Road,” Lenalee politely answered back. “You look a bit out of sorts today. Is something the matter?” The Chinese girl always admired Road for her sharp observation; nothing could get past Road. “It’s just that Lavi is sick, and Kanda seems extra irritated today since he spent a night at the facility. And today Allen-kun is taking his isolation test. Since Tyki is without his overseer, he must be lonely today. Why don’t we go see him?” Lenalee suggested.

Road thought for a while. It was quite rare for her to have alone time with Lenalee. While mentally apologizing to Tyki for leaving him to his own devices for the day, the young girl said, “No, maybe Tyki will enjoy his free time today. How about we go play?” “Well…What do you want to play today?” Her intern kindly asked. “Let’s make cookies today!” Road cheered. She could give some to Allen when he got out of isolation. That test always made him a bit sullen, since it was an utter waste of twenty-four hours. Jasdevi wouldn’t even have lasted a minute inside. Some sweets are sure to cheer him up! “Alright, I bet some chocolate chip cookies will help Lavi recover faster!” Lenalee agreed and they headed to the kitchen.

“Hello you two beauties~ what can I do for you today?” The cafeteria chef, Jeryy greeted cheerfully. “We’ve come to make some cookies today, Jeryy,” Lenalee answered in return. While the two were talking, Road was trotting around the kitchen gathering the necessary tools for baking. Her old memories caused her heart to twist and writhe with childish jealousy and wanton desire to have Lenalee all to herself. It was nearly no different from when she was so full of Noah’s memories, her own memories were only to replay the Noah’s memories over and over in her mind reminding herself how despicable humans were and such utter weaklings that did not deserve to live. The one thing that was not the same though, was that the longing and ache brought on by memories of her past life with Lenalee was more acute and stronger than the feeling of despondent suffering and despair brought on by the Noah’s memories.

Road wondered why, even though she had been born a Noah like all her previous incarnations, why had she felt that she was truly ‘she’ in her past incarnation with Lenalee? Bitter bile rose to her throat as the flickering horrors of her old memories bled into her new life. Road loved Lenalee when she died. Road hated her with a profound resentment because Lenalee refused to see darkness. Road loved Lenalee because she continued to put faith in light, whereas she had long embraced the darkness which stained her soul. Road hated Lenalee, because she was good and she was loved and she shared her love. And Road loved Lenalee for her selflessness, something she could never do.

**Her body felt like lead. Heavy, immovable. Only her eyelids remained wide open.**

**Sad and curious violet eyes watched her.**

**She was vexed. She was regretful. She was scared.**

**“** **Come to laugh at the loser? Come to watch while I turn to dust?” She viciously spat despite her powerlessness.**

**The Chinese girl, not so much older than her, shook her head.**

**“** **It’s just sorrowful. I don’t understand...Not like Allen...I have the will to hate the Noahs, to wish them gone. But to see it happening...”**

**She smiled sardonically. “You’re only deceived by my childlike appearance. You pity me. I don’t need it!!”**

**“** **I’m not deceived by your looks! I know how capable you are of cruelty,” Lenalee nearly whispered.**

**“** **Don’t you now...? I only want them to know...How much it hurts to have these memories...It was better to embrace it than fight back,” she wondered why she started babbling. Lenalee looked down right into her eyes, and she tried to escape that gaze. Something wet touched her cheeks. She could see herself leaking tears in Lenalee’s reflective orbs.**

**Darkness preyed her sight. Time was near. “It’s getting cold. It hurts...I’m scared...I don’t want to die,” she was reverted to the child she was supposed to be, quivering and shivering and trembling. “Not when I...Finally can love someone...Please, hold me,” she asked in her quiet, weak voice.**

**Tears welled in Lenalee’s eyes, and she felt herself being gathered into a warm protective embrace. “I’m sorry that you had to die, Road...I wished it never came to this.” “I don’t want to be reborn with these memories again. I don’t want to be a Noah memories’ vessel. I want to be normal. I want to fall in love with you,” she could only dream of her desires which could never become reality. “You won’t be reborn to live this pain, I promise you,” Lenalee’s voice was deathly calm for a crying girl but it reassured her.**

**“** **How can you promise me this?”**

**“** **Because I can and I will, for this is the only thing that I am able to do to make you happy.”**

**She was the broken doll now.**

**“** **Why can I only love you when I am about to die?”**

**“** **Because you finally understand what it means to be human, Road.”**

**Lenalee was right. She had accepted that she too, could not escape the temptations offered by the weakly mortal life. A great shudder swept over her body.**

**“** **I’m sleepy, Lenalee...Don’t leave...”**

**“** **I’ll be with you until you go, Road. Do you want a lullaby?”**

**She could hear the gentle smile in her voice.**

**“** **You were always more beautiful with long hair, Lenalee.”**

Road’s last memories were of a soft singing as her body and spirit dissolved into the air. “Road?” Lenalee blinked curiously at her. Road smiled in return.

“I do love you so much, Lenalee.”


	7. Lost a Lamb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

The week of absence of Lavi flew by, but for Tyki, it seemed like ages. Allen smiled awkwardly each time Tyki bemoaned the absence of his beloved bunny, while Road made a snarky comment that it was Tyki’s actions which scared away his Yumebito. Kanda, on the other hand, had comfortably settled into his routine as an intern; insult Allen, babysit him during lessons, make sure he takes medicine, take down his stats and the day is over. It was supposed to be a normal week...Supposed being the key word. It didn’t help that one of the patients went mad suddenly. Nor was it very pleasant either when both Tyki and Allen got injured shielding their Yumebito. It took twin kicks from Jasdero and Devit to subdue the poor patient.

“Why did you jump out? I can protect myself,” Kanda grumbled unhappily, tugging particularly harsher as he tightened the bandage on Allen’s arm. “Yeouch, can’t you be gentler?! It’s not like I did it consciously,” Allen mumbled glumly, sitting as still as possible. “You had me scared to death when he stuck the knife in your arm, Tyki! What if it struck an artery?!” Lavi scolded generously while he pinned down the bandages. “It’s okay, bunny boy. It’s better than him sticking that knife in your back. It’s just a stab wound,” Tyki mentioned cheerfully. For someone who was injured, the Portuguese was happy to the point of outrageousness.

“Can you not sound so...joyful? I also nearly had a heart attack when it happened. Next time, please choose a less risky way of doing things. You’re not a vessel to the memories of ‘Pleasure’ anymore,” Allen reprimanded fitfully. “Sorry, lad. I got carried away. Feels good to know I’m still human,” Tyki spoke cryptically. “What’re the memories of pleasure you were talking about?” Lavi questioned in curiosity. Allen laughed lightly. “The price of your answer is in your virginity, Lavi. So if you’d not want to lose your virginity please refrain from asking such questions again.”

The redhead was struck with horror! “A-Allen, you were the last person I would have thought to say that!! How could you threaten me like that?”

“I’m not. It’s written all over Tyki’s face,” the boy giggled and pointed at the older man.

“Don’t tempt me,” Tyki replied with a lewd grin.

Lavi gasped in indignation and smacked Tyki’s head. “You perverted swine! Can you stop thinking dirty when it comes to me?!” “I can’t. You seduce me so with the sway of your hips and the pout of your lips,” the man replied airily. “T-Tyki...I thought you were obedient!! Why are you so...so voracious lately?! And I don’t sway my hips nor do I pout!” The redhead demanded. Allen laughed aloud. “Lavi, he’s joking. Tyki’s never serious when he starts being poetic.” “Right...Allen, you’re an angel but right now I desperately wished Yu would rape you to keep you quiet,” Lavi deadpanned, tired of being the only one teased. Kanda gaped and was about to retort but Allen was quicker.

“As much as I love Yu, I don’t want my ass sore getting raped by a proverbial wolf like him.”

“Who’d even kiss a moyashi like him?!” Kanda growled; all prepared to throttle Lavi should the need arise. “Which is exactly why I want him to do it,” Lavi carried on as if Kanda wasn’t existent. “Don’t you want it too?” Tyki purred, kissing Lavi’s palm while he was at it. Lavi jumped and pull his hand away. “Even if I was desperate, you’d be the last person I’ll ever consider.” “That hurts,” Tyki mocked hurt. “And that’s enough jokes for today, Tyki. We have to report ourselves to the infirmary,” Allen cut into their conversation. The dark-skinned man smiled unnaturally softly. “I’m glad that you’re safe, Lavi. I really am.” Allen nodded encouragingly at his words. “We will see you both later, okay?” Then they went down the other end of the corridor.

Kanda hmphed and turned away. For some inexplicable reasons, he felt really mad when Allen had been injured in his place. It wasn’t just a matter of bruised pride that he was rescued by the moyashi, but he felt the urge to maim and kill the bastard who went savage with the knife. The young grumpy man didn’t understand why, because he didn’t like the white haired boy in ANY way at all. Kanda only hoped it was his not-so-functional sense of responsibility making him feel this way, because Allen was after all under his charge. “Hey, Yu...”

“Don’t call me by that name!” Kanda snapped

“Easy there. I just want to ask something. Who’s been taking care of Tyki while I was on sick leave?” Lavi quipped. The situation had just struck his mind. “The moyashi and that creepy little girl have been. They won’t let anyone else be in charge while you were out,” Kanda grumbled, unhappy at all the attention Allen devoted to Tyki during that week. He didn’t realize why he was angry; he just knew he was. All of a sudden, Kanda was pushed aside as a boy with bright orange hair rushed past him. He didn’t even turn back to see if Kanda was alright. “Who the fuck is that brat?!” Kanda cursed while he straightened up. “That’s Lero-chan. He’s usually very jumpy, but I’ve never seen him this panicked. I wonder why,” Lavi mused.

“Have any of you seen Lero pass by?”

Timcanpy asked politely. Both of them hadn’t even realized the doctor was there. “Uh, he went that way,” Lavi pointed out. “Thank you, Lavi. Hmm...Your muscles seem tense. You should get some rest, you know?” The blonde man reached out and gently squeezed Lavi’s neck from the back. Lavi’s legs gave way and he collapsed, Timcanpy catching him around the waist. “Oh, see. You do need some rest. Help him get to the infirmary, would you?” He unceremoniously dumped Lavi into a protesting Kanda’s arms and went ahead to look for Lero. “Why do I have to do all the work here?” Kanda muttered under his breath, dragging Lavi’s body with him.

Lero shivered, hiding under his bed. He didn’t want to run into Timcanpy again. That man was crazier than he was! Unfortunately, luck was not on his side. “I know you’re in here, Lero. Come out please,” Timcanpy’s voice had a svelte quality to it. The man had already infiltrated his room and locked the door behind him. “G-Go away, lero! Lero doesn’t want to face a maniac like you!” The boy resisted. “There you are. I won’t hurt you, you know,” Timcanpy smiled and pulled the boy out from under the bed, Lero giving it his all to fight back. “Lero knows and Lero doesn’t need a crazy man like you!”

“Then why are you so afraid of me?” Timcanpy couldn’t help but smirk amusedly as he forced Lero to sit in his lap.

“Y-You’re a child molester, lero!! Let go!” Lero twisted in his grip to no avail.

“That’s a horrible thing to say, Lero. I was merely interested in your...condition. Out of all the patients, you were the only one reluctant to reveal what sort of identity you had in the past. I wonder why?” The blonde questioned. “Lero won’t tell you!” The orange-haired boy continued his epic struggle, even though he had recognized the physical difference between him and Timcanpy; there was no way that he could escape the doctor’s grip. “Is it because...you were an enchanted umbrella...?” Timcanpy’s ominous whisper did not go unheard. Lero froze up immediately upon hearing those words. “...How did you know...?”

Timcanpy didn’t answer for a while. Instead he licked the shell of his ear, causing Lero to squeal in panic and renew his efforts of getting free. “I know, my dear...Is because long ago...My master created me...And another golem from the same ingredients. One was shaped into an umbrella, and gifted to a person he dearly cared for...And another, made as a sphere with wings, gifted to another person whom he loved too. How can I not possibly know what my other half is?” Timcanpy held Lero close, nuzzling into his hair. “O-Other half?! Lero has no other half! Lero was created by the Earl!” The boy denied fitfully.

“Yes, you do!” Timcanpy vehemently insisted, cradling the boy. He kissed Lero’s cheeks and nuzzled against him like a cat. Lero froze up. “The Earl erased your memory in fear that you would betray him like my master did...But I remember and I still do. If only I wasn’t too late that day...I would’ve been able to save you. So just listen to me, Lero...I’m here to protect you. I won’t let anyone harm you,” Timcanpy cooed lovingly, “T-This...this means your memory is...How come you’re not a patient like us?!” The boy demanded to know, ceasing his struggles. He felt strangely calm when Timcanpy promised him protection, and from that he knew he could trust the man. “Because if I were, I would not be able to be in a position to help you. I kept it a secret...Snuck in to become a doctor, so that I can help you, from the other side.” “Why are you doing all this for Lero?” Lero murmured in a bare whisper. He couldn’t believe it, there was someone amongst those mad scientists who was here to actually help them!

“Because I love you,” Timcanpy simply answered.

Lero blushed a deep red. “D-Don’t joke around, lero!”

“I’m not. It’s only natural, because you’re a missing part of me. I love you,” Timcanpy smiled, a little elated that his reunion plan had gone well. He was going to kiss Lero’s lips but the boy stopped him. “No, you big pervert! No icky kisses until Lero is old enough!” Timcanpy pouted at being denied. “Why not? You’re old enough.” “Lero is fourteen and you are over twenty. It’s already unfair enough that you are reborn older than Lero!” The boy crossly stated. “Liberties of good karma, dear. Is Mimi treating you well?” Timcanpy started playing with Lero’s hair. “Yes...Or should Lero say she’s so into Lulubell that she doesn’t really watch what Lero does,” the boy replied, snuggling in his newfound comfort. “You know...Lero saw you before Lero disappeared...”

Timcanpy blinked in surprise. Then he frowned. “I should’ve been faster. You were completely drained of your magic powers already that time. If I had reached you in time, I could have shared my power with you, and you would not have disappeared.” “No more should have been, we’re both here now,” Lero smiled sweetly up at the older man. “Lero feels happy that Timmu is so in love with Lero. Lero’s memories of being created with Timmu may never come back, but Timmu knows that Lero trusts you, right?”

“Of course.”

Catching Lero off guard, Timcanpy planted a quick kiss on his lips.

“Timmu! That was unfair lero!” Lero spluttered, pinching Timcanpy in retaliation. “Well, do you want to steal one from me? That is, if you can,” Timcanpy smirked with the challenge. “Humph, Lero knows Timmu is trying to trick Lero into kissing Timmu. Lero won’t fall for it!” The boy imperiously answered. “Too bad then,” Timcanpy faked disappointment, “Lero...Promise me you’ll keep this a secret. We need more time to help you all get out of this place...So I need to maintain my undercover,” Timcanpy whispered. “Lero will, Timmu, Lero promises. But Timmu, who else can Lero trust among the crazy doctors?” The boy quipped. He needed to learn who his allies were, so that he might know who to run to in the future in case Timcanpy was not around. The blonde man whispered more names into his ear. Lero listened attentively, committing to memory every name he heard. “...And that’s all,” Timcanpy ended by nibbling on Lero’s earlobe.

“Timmu, Lero said no icky stuff, lero!”

If only things were as joyful in the infirmary.

Tyki went into a frenzy when Kanda brought an unconscious Lavi in, but Kanda swatted the man’s worries away and insisted that Lavi only needed some rest. “That idiot Timcanpy pressed some tense muscles on his neck and this idiot goes out like a light,” Kanda grumbled as he willingly gave Tyki Lavi’s body. Tyki laid Lavi with utmost care into a bed and tucked him in properly. “My poor bunny boy; what got you so worked up?” “You, obviously,” Devit answered with a snicker.

“Oh, I must have been too gorgeous and seductive. He’s being plagued by visions of me every night!” Tyki joked.

“That narcissism sounds more like Bak-san,” Allen wryly pointed out.

“He’s being plagued by nightmares of you,” Kanda added, scowling at the memories of Lavi being absolutely delirious in his fever and often ranted about Tyki attempting to rape him.

“Double whammy from the Yullen couple, hihi!!” Jasdero laughed. “What the fuck is that?” Kanda snarled at the new dubbing Jasdero gave him and Allen. However, Tyki was more interested in Kanda’s words. “Nightmares of me? What sort?” “Well aren’t you eager to find out?” Kanda commented sarcastically. “Just tell him, Yu and rid us of this anxious Portuguese,” Allen lamented, but he too, had the intentions of knowing what sort of nightmares Lavi had. “Tch, fine. He had one of you attempting to murder him, me and Lenalee somewhere in ancient Japan. He absolutely hates you in that dream; and I can relate. I’d hate you too for trying to kill me. Then there’s another one of you attempting rape. It’s always this one which repeats in different situations. Happy now?” The Japanese grunted.

Allen and Tyki looked to each other with wide eyes.

Allen’s mind quickly backtracked in his pool of memories. Fighting in ancient Japan...But he was not present. Was it the memory of Lavi before Allen arrived in Edo to help them? His question was apparently, obvious to Tyki, who discreetly nodded. Those two dreams matched the encounters Tyki had with Lavi in his memory. There was no mistake. Tyki’s lips bloomed into an excited smirk. His Yumebito has begun his recollection. “Tyki...” Lavi suddenly moaned in his sleep. The whole room turned to him. “Is he like that when he dreams?” Allen asked Kanda in a small voice. “Hn, only after his fever. I’m getting disturbed by his sleep talking,” Kanda answered in irritation.

**I was a bit scared, apprehensive even. He looked up at me with a smile. “Don’t worry, bunny boy. I won’t hurt you.” He gently nipped the nape of my neck.**

Lavi let out another groan, muffled as he turned his face against the pillow. Allen blinked, not really understanding what sort of dream Lavi was having.

**I had offered my body in exchange for information. But Tyki wasn’t satisfied with that. “I want everything of yours. Your eyes, lips, heart and soul. Everything of you matters to me.” He tugged at the hem of my pants, removing them in a swift move.**

“Don’t, Tyki...!” The redhead sounded as if he was in distress. “Is he getting attacked in his dream?” Devit asked; absolutely clueless.

**“** **Don’t be afraid. I’ll treat you with care,” Tyki reassured me, his fingers tracing a path past my navel. I was confused, and yes, still scared. “I am your enemy. You have a right to be rough with me, as long as you have your way with me and give me what I want.” The Noah chuckled, pressing another kiss to my collarbone. “Dear, you sound callous saying those words. I only accepted this offer because you made it.” He caught me off guard when his fingers found their destination.**

Lavi suddenly yelped in his dream, and Kanda realized what sort of dream Lavi was having. “Crap, he chooses now of all times to have it. Cover your ears, moyashi.” “Eh, why?” Allen naïvely asked in return.

**It hurt at first...But the pain was gradually being replaced with pleasure. I couldn’t help myself, but moan under his ministrations. I couldn’t meet his eyes, for some undecipherable guilt. I must sound like a whore. But he tilted my face up and met my lips with another kiss. “You’re a really seductive bunny,” Tyki laughed again, and I felt a bit disappointed. I didn’t understand why.**

“Don’t say that...” Lavi whimpered sadly. Recognition seemed to have struck Tyki as well, and he paid every bit of attention he could afford to Lavi.

**“** **Why?” He sounded surprised. I was too, at myself. “I...I don’t want this! Get away!” I changed my mind suddenly, struggling under his grip. He held me tight however, soothing me with light kisses and caresses. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Tell me,” Tyki was gently coaxing.**

“This is wrong...” the boy continued to whimper in his sleep. “No, it’s not...” Tyki whispered in return, lightly caressing his beloved’s face. “I don’t understand why you’re asking me to do that, Yu,” Allen quipped. “Because of what’s coming later!” Kanda insisted, now knowing how unbelievably stubborn Allen could be.

**With sudden clarity, I recognized the reason why I refuse to carry on. “I don’t want to do this...Like I’m a common slut. I want to do this because I want to do this with you...Not because I want something from you. I just need you...” A small sob rose to my throat. Tyki smiled that unbearably gentle smile again and kissed me. “I know. I just want you too. I love you, Lavi.”**

“Tyki...” Lavi moaned again. An abrupt sense of familiar discomfort trickled down Allen’s spine.

**“** **You sure you want it?” Now it was Tyki who seemed unsure. I smiled up at him, happy that he wasn’t doing it just because of a deal. “Yes, I want it. No more second guessing, Tyki. Just fuck me.”**

A happy, excited mewl escaped Lavi’s lips. Tyki was grinning like a loony idiot now. Allen, now only realizing what sort of dream Lavi was having, blushed to the roots of his hair and buried his face in Kanda’s chest instinctively, seeking asylum in the other man’s strong arms. Kanda was about to push Allen off, but he decided on a whim to spare Allen from the horrors of someone sleep talking while having a wet dream, and covered Allen’s ears with his hands. The twins were covering each other’s ears, both rather horrified as well.

It was only Tyki who enjoyed listening to Lavi’s moans and mewls, as the rest of them were busy trying not to. Allen had reached up with his own hands and shielded Kanda from Lavi’s disturbing noises. Kanda was just so very slightly grateful for it; he needn’t hear any of those coming from his roommate. It wasn’t very long before those noises subsided, but for the sufferers, it seemed to be an eternity. Allen felt Kanda releasing his hands, and with a blush, Allen jumped back, obviously embarrassed.

“I’m sorry...It was absolutely instincts, I just needed something to cover my ears,” Allen shyly apologized. He didn’t want to scare off Kanda with such a move this early in their still brief reunion. “...Whatever,” Kanda dismissed. Lavi too, suddenly sat up, his face as if it was on fire. “Where am I?!” “In the infirmary,” Tyki replied with the silly grin still pasted on his face. Lavi stared in horror at the man. “...Did I do it, Yu?”

“Yes, you did,” Kanda wryly answered Lavi’s underlying question.

Lavi gasped, the red in his cheeks growing even more brightly. He turned to Tyki with venom in his eyes.

“YOU PERVERT!”


	8. Two Sides of a Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

“Yu, have some tea.”

“...I said stop calling me with that name, moyashi.”

“If you stop calling me a bean sprout.”

The daily arguments have become a norm after one month Kanda Yu came to know Allen Walker. Said boy smiled as he served a cup of green tea to the disgruntled intern in the cafeteria. Lavi was sulking as he sat on Kanda’s other side. Tyki was all gloom as he sat beside Allen, who was beside Kanda. Ever since the embarrassing scene in the infirmary, Lavi had refused close contact with Tyki and insisted never to be left alone with him at all. To the poor man’s shock, Lavi even went as far as to request a change of patient in charge.

Tyki was only lucky that there was a lack of interns and since he was a classified level four patient, he was not to be left without supervision. Road felt that she was horrible because she felt terribly amused at Tyki’s predicament. Sad to say that she was still as far as friends could be with Lenalee, but Road didn’t really mind if Lenalee was to never remember the past. As long as Lenalee would stay with her she was fine. The ex-Noah of Dreams still had the manipulative streak in her, and as selfish as she sounded, she wanted Lenalee to love her back.

“Allen Walker, it’s time for your blood test.”

Allen showed no signs of weakness, his silver eyes becoming glassy and shielded his thoughts. “See you later,” he bid a brief farewell and left with those cold-looking doctors. “...It worries me,” Lenalee suddenly mentioned as Allen disappeared around the corner. “What worries you?” Lavi quipped, leaning his head on the table. “Sometimes, when I see Allen-kun’s back retreating like that...It feels like he isn’t going to come back,” the Chinese girl murmured in silent contemplation. Kanda grunted, “Hah, he’s going to be in this loony bin until he’s certified that he’s free to go. He isn’t going anywhere.”

“On contrary, there are a lot of places in this building people go to and never come back,” a new voice piqued. “Oh, hey there Johnny,” Lavi greeted with a grin and a wave. Kanda raised an eye at the teenage boy, who looked to be almost the same age as Allen, with ridiculously big glasses and very frizzy hair. “This is Johnny, Kanda. He was admitted three years ago. He...Is an ex-student of our university,” Lenalee introduced. “Anyway, what’s with the mysterious thing you were talking about just now?” The redhead asked.

“Remember that patient who went crazy a while ago? The one who stabbed Allen and Tyki? Do you guys know what happened to him?” Johnny whispered in a very low voice. All three interns shook their heads; they really did have no idea. Tyki looked around trying to appear inconspicuous but he was clearly watching out if there were any doctors around. Road was surveying the area just like he was. “...They took him to the third floor. No one comes back from there,” the bespectacled boy voiced his words conspiratorially.

Kanda snorted. “This is bullshit. Why am I even paying attention?”

Lenalee and Lavi looked at each other. “...That’s not quite true, Yu...It is a fact that even we can’t enter the third floor. Only authorized personnel are allowed access. But Johnny, this is really farfetched. There is no way the Order is doing something like this,” Lavi laughed it off. Johnny had a quirky smirk. “You think so? Well...I’ll give you something a bit interesting, whether you want to see it or not depends entirely on you.” Tyki and Road huddled closely to the tightly knit group, hiding Johnny from view as he slipped a diskette into Lavi’s hand.

“That is illegal stuff, Lavi, so you better pocket it and don’t let anyone see it until you get out of here,” Tyki reminded.

Lavi looked surprised, but he pocketed the item anyway. “Anyway, I’ve got reading classes to attend to, Johnny has his tech management class and Road has sewing class so we’ll be going for a bit. You guys don’t have to accompany us, it’s only a bore. Go find something else to entertain yourselves with until we finish,” the dark-skinned man suggested. “Sure,” Lavi readily agreed, still not wanting to forgive Tyki. “Lavi! Stop being such a mean-spirited person!” Lenalee reprimanded, but Tyki just apologetically smiled and shook his head. “Well kids, let’s go!” He ushered the two along, leaving the trio at the table.

“...Are you sure it’s okay, feeding them some ‘Truth’ this early?”

Johnny nodded. “We’ve got all the key players now. They only have two months left with us; we are the ones who don’t have time to waste.”

Road smirked. “They’ll get their due payment for what they did to us. How is the Recovery going?”

“Since I only gained the means to do it the beginning of this year, it’s got some time to go. They have a large store for it somewhere in this building. If I could have direct access, maybe two hours would be enough. But with the tools I have now, I still have about 76 percent to go,” the geeky genius replied in a low voice.

“How much time for Recovery to be complete?” Tyki didn’t look at Johnny as he questioned, looking straight ahead instead.

“Given my limited access and time to my tools...More or less two months. That’s why I’m saying we really don’t have the time,” Johnny stated.

“Given the tight surveillance, I’m even surprised we can do this,” Tyki drily muttered under his breath.

“Bless us, then, for getting this opportunity...Karma’s on our side,” Road smiled, a sweet pleasure filling her.

“See you guys later then, my class is this way.”

“I can’t believe you, Lavi! How long are you going to keep up this pointless grudge?”

Lavi tried to ignore Lenalee’s lecture. He knew she was right, but he refused to admit it. “After all, you were the one who had the dream, and Tyki had absolutely nothing to do with it. Perhaps...you harbour a secret desire for him, which is what your subconscious is showing you through dreams,” Lenalee suggested, taking Lavi by surprise who almost tripped over his own feet. “I do not have a secret desire for a pervert like him! Never!” “Who was the one who had a wet dream? I think that one is more perverted,” Kanda deadpanned effectively bringing down Lavi’s morale.

Lenalee giggled. “Kanda is right. Maybe you’re the pervert instead and you just couldn’t stand that someone is overpowering you.”

Lavi gaped at his friends. Kanda AND Lenalee teaming up to make fun of him? This was a new form of torture. “I thought you guys were on my side!” “Who would be when they hear you groaning and moaning at night? One more time and I’ll kick you into the living room, Lavi. I swear,” Kanda growled. Being Lavi’s roommate was more than a chore it usually was, and that pissed Kanda off to no ends, as he was a person who very much valued his sleep. “Yu, how can you say this to me? I’m being victimized here!” Lavi lamented.

“You know what? Maybe we should tie you up in Tyki’s room and let him have his way with you. Then your unfulfilled self might be satisfied and the dreams will stop,” Lenalee looked as if she was coming up with a brilliant idea. The redhead slapped his forehead in frustration. “For the last time, Lenalee, I am not lusting for that...that guy! Would you stop constructing your boy love fantasies on me?! Why not try them on Yu instead?!” “I did...But he seems to be in love with his Mugen so he ignores every other living being which is not me and you and we both are not his love interest material,” Lenalee replied without hesitation.

“Oh, but he has one nowadays! Isn’t Allen occupying his mind every single day?” Lavi cheekily interjected. Kanda shot him daggers with his eyes. “Who said anything about that scrawny moyashi, huh? He’s an eyesore, a big baby I am forced to babysit for another two months until my internship ends and I absolutely detest him!” “See what I mean?” Lavi snickered to Lenalee, who giggled and nodded in agreement. “Yes, Kanda does seem to be constantly thinking about Allen-kun.”

“Will Kanda Yu please report to the infirmary? You are urgently needed there.”

The sound system announced. Kanda repressed a sigh. “Moyashi must’ve gotten himself into trouble again.”

Allen did get himself into trouble, but it was not his fault. Something had gone wrong when they were drawing a blood sample from the boy. “What happened?” Lenalee asked as she saw the unbelievably pale Allen who was just looking very healthy a moment ago connected to a bag of blood. “We were careless enough to let new doctors handle the case, and they accidentally punctured a major vein which caused major blood loss. We managed to stop the bleeding and we’ve set him up with a transfusion. He should be stable in a few hours,” Reever answered, rather worried. It was a very big blunder almost unimaginable with the careful review on the staff Black Order University commits.

“Where are those idiots?” Kanda demanded. “They call themselves certified doctors?!”

He was angry that his moyashi had been hurt. Yes, his moyashi who is under his care! He was prepared to dice them with his Mugen. “They’ve been sent to the disciplinary committee. Due action will be taken against them. For now just make sure that Allen is getting his rest. I have to pass up a report on this incident,” the Australian man sighed and gave a small wave as he left. On his way out, two people pushed past him as they ran in. “Allen!” Road let out a shrill shriek of worry when she saw the pale boy. The young girl had a deadly glint in her eyes; someone had tried to hurt her beloved Allen. “Allen-kun will be fine, Road. You shouldn’t have run out of your class like that,” Lenalee gently chided.

“Go back, Road. I’ll look out for the lad,” Tyki urged.

“But I want to stay with Allen!” Road pouted and threw a tantrum.

Tyki shot Lenalee a troubled look. Understanding his silent request, Lenalee placed a hand on Road’s shoulder. “You can’t be so spoiled, Road. Come on, we’ll go back to class. Tyki can take care of it from here,” she coaxed, and Road being Road, didn’t have any strength to resist Lenalee’s request. “Fine...But Tyki, you better keep him safe,” Road warned and she walked away huffily, Lenalee trailing after her. “I’m afraid Lenalee alone can’t handle Road. She can be a handful when she’s this spoilt. Go after them, Lavi,” Tyki requested. Lavi looked up at him in surprise, but he obeyed. Tyki purposely sent Lavi away because he understood that Lavi was still unforgiving towards him.

“What about you? Aren’t you going to get lost either?”

Kanda glared at Tyki. “No way, I’m in charge of Allen in here,” Tyki smirked at Kanda’s dissatisfaction. “I’m the one looking after moyashi, not you,” Kanda challenged in an almost haughty manner. Tyki mentally sighed at Kanda’s inability to see his growing obsession with Allen despite his very own clear actions. “I’m not in a mood to argue. I’ll sit this side, and you sit that side, and we mind our own business, fair?” The former Noah of Pleasure offered. The Japanese glowered at him but made no dissent. Tyki chuckled a bit; young people were fun to play with. He wasn’t old, but he felt that he had a certain wisdom Kanda doesn’t.

‘Who wouldn’t when they have a crap-load of past memories?’ The man thought with a wry smile. His beloved was mad at him, and Tyki had no way of appeasing the boy. However, he had a plan and he was working very vigorously on it. Hopefully Lavi would notice when it was complete. On the other hand, he could only mourn at how thick Kanda seemed to be. The man was warming up to Allen’s infectious smiles; anyone could tell, but Kanda himself remained ignorant of it. Lavi had not said a word since the fiasco at the infirmary, but Tyki knew with the hidden glances that Lavi was getting more and more of those confusing dreams.

Lenalee and Kanda didn’t show any signs of recalling yet, and for the good of their past lovers, Tyki prayed they would. A sweet, heavy scent made itself known to the man, who felt himself getting drowsy. Nodding off, Tyki vaguely thought that a nap wouldn’t harm him, and drifted into sleep. Kanda had been steadfastly watching Allen while Tyki had his moment of thoughts. The young teen’s face was not quite roundish and cute nor was it firmly angled and sexy; rather an in-between as he was losing his baby fats and his face was gradually maturing. His white hair, Kanda wondered if he was born with it. Really, white hair made anyone look like a geezer, but on Allen it seemed to be the most natural colour in the world.

Even his lips are enticing, the colour of full cherry blossoms. It was utterly sinful in the way they glistened lusciously and so unfitting with the innocently pure image Allen has. Though his eyes are closed, Kanda could perfectly visualize his silvery star-like eyes. It glimmered with so much life when those eyes stared at him. And he wanted those eyes to look at him only. Kanda was not so much of a fool that he did not realize how...attached he was becoming to Allen. He was just very good at hiding his feelings, unlike a certain ranting bunny. Kanda had spent his sleepless nights (being woken up by a very perverted Lavi’s sleep-moaning...) in the living room, ranting and raving at himself for harbouring such thoughts.

But like the simple minded idiot he was, Kanda didn’t dwell too long on his denial. He came to accept, albeit grudgingly, that Allen had grown on him more than a simple annoying patient he had to tend to. He spared a glance at Tyki, who was sleeping with his head supported by his hand. “...What’s so special about you?” Kanda muttered, running a hand through the short white hair that he had come to adore. It had become a dirty little habit when Allen took his naps in Kanda’s presence. Kanda hadn’t realized when he began anticipating his intern work until he discovered he woke Lavi up for work on Saturdays instead of the other way around. He didn’t realize how much Allen’s sweet smile captivated him until he felt that he wanted to smile back.

Kanda froze when Allen stirred, but he did not wake, merely leaning into Kanda’s hand. A serene smile was painted upon Allen’s lips. Kanda passed another glance to Tyki, who was still sleeping. “Damn...Don’t make such a cute face.” Taking advantage of the fact that no one was conscious to watch, Kanda leaned down and pressed his lips against Allen’s softer ones. He licked the sweet lips, amazed at the tenderness of Allen’s lips. Kanda slowly smirked. “Such an adorable moyashi...” A sweet smell invaded his senses. Kanda thought it was Allen’s natural scent at first, but it was different from the soothing lavender. Feeling irresistibly sleepy all of a sudden, Kanda gave in and dozed off. He never noticed a pot containing burning incense on the windowsill.

**“** **I never meant to hurt him!”**

**“** **The fact was you did...And you lost him.”**

**I was in pain, and my heart burned as if I had consumed flame. It had not changed at all since that day, and I was sure it would never change. This pain is my punishment for my biggest sin.**

**“** **You as an exorcist should have understood how brief life could be. You took for granted that he was on the same side as yours. I recall you as one of the lesser...naive ones.”**

**His words were cold and piercing, but I knew he meant me no hurt. He too, had suffered his loss.**

**“** **...He shouldn’t have died! He’s too strong to die! It’s his fault he died!”**

**Denial screamed itself in my ears. I stubbornly refused to look at the truth, but it hurt me even worse that I acted like a child in the face of his death.**

**“** **People are not to be judged by outer appearances. Look at you. The cold wolf who actually had a heart of glass.”**

**No...I had no heart until I met him. He was such a naïve rash brat, always putting others before him. But deep down inside...He was the same. Behind his insincere smiles he sought to push everyone away, making exorcism his only goal in life. Humans had no purpose in his eyes. It made me sick seeing him hide his ugly true self behind that farce of a façade. Yet the sorrow behind his force drew me inexplicably to him. I wanted to own him. He who possessed such a strong yet fragile heart.**

**“** **...I loved him. Why did he have to die?”**

**He sighed. I knew it was a futile question, but I could not stop asking myself. It would have been better if I had died that day instead of him.**

**“** **And inflict this pain onto your beloved?”**

**He completely read my thoughts. Sometimes I resent his presence, for his uneasy ability of reading people like his lover once had. But he was the only one who knew my pain. He was there to remind me of the past that was.**

**“** **I let him die. I loved him and I had hurt him, and I let him die. Fuck, he was the most important person to me, Tyki! How could I let it happen?!”**

Kanda jerked in his sleep, causing Allen to wake up from his rest. “...Yu...?”

**I couldn’t answer Kanda. I had failed as well.**

**“** **...Maybe...The reason I am not suffering as much as you are now, is because I did not let anything left unsaid. It was strange, between Lavi and I, but it made my heart lighter than anything. We’d repeat a lot of the same things to each other every time we met. We were enemies, so it was only natural that we are afraid that we’d lose each other anytime. Weren’t you afraid of losing Allen?”**

**He nodded in defeat after a long moment of overbearing silence.**

**“** **Why did you let pride get in the way?”**

**“** **...He made me believe that we’d still have time after war. Because he never showed any signs of being threatened by the Fourteenth, I...I foolishly thought we’d have a life together when the war ends. In the end, I was the only one who didn’t know anything about him.”**

**His voice was bitter with regret and anger at himself. I can only sympathize with him.**

**“** **I thought I could wait; we both believed we would survive the war...No, that was what I thought. Maybe he knew from the very beginning of that night he would not live through the last battle. I’m such a fool, Tyki. I delayed what was most important to me, and this was what resulted. This is my just reward for my stupidity.”**

**I allowed him to talk, since it was he who rarely expressed his true thoughts. Perhaps by listening I can ease his suffering.**

**“** **He is gone now, Kanda. I’m sure he didn’t blame you at all. He would want you to keep walking. You’ve gone through a lot, and you overcame it. This is something you have to overcome as well.”**

**“** **...I can’t. My life is not for long. I will carry this regret with me to the grave. I only want a chance of repentance if I can see him in the afterlife.”**

**My voice was muted to silence from his words. Was I destined to be the only one left from this tragedy of star-crossed lovers?**

**“** **...That is why I asked you to come today.”**

**His eyes contained deadly severity, and he held out his most revered battle companion, the katana-form anti-Akuma weapon, Mugen.**

**“** **Take this, and go to Japan. Find someone worthy of keeping it when I am gone. That person does not have to be an Innocence user; Mugen will know how to choose his future owner. Mugen is my only true possession and I want him to be kept well by someone who truly deserves him.”**

**His voice left no room for arguments. His determination had reached me. I can only honour his decision by accepting. Mugen came to my hand, unresisting, as though knowing his master no longer needed him.**

**“** **When you go, where do you want to be buried?”**

**“** **I want no burial. Cremate me and spread my ashes over his grave. What is left which cannot be burned...bury it all with him.”**

**It would be a beautiful funeral to behold.**

**“** **You can count on me.”**

Allen was surprised to see tears seeping out of Kanda’s closed eyes. He fretted over what could possibly distress his Yumebito and without thinking, cradled his head close and solicitously licked them away, praying he could comfort his sleeping love. It was a bad timing as Kanda’s eyes cracked open a split second later, catching Allen in the act. Allen froze, and rapidly let go. He was afraid of an explosive reaction, knowing Kanda was unfriendly to begin with, and without any dreams of recollection, there was no telling how the Japanese would react towards Allen’s licking.

Kanda’s eyes narrowed into a glare, and Allen knew there was hell to come.

The moon-like boy certainly had not expected Kanda to pin him down and brutally smash their lips together. Allen gasped at the pain when Kanda’s teeth grazed his lips, unwittingly allowing Kanda his desired entrance. The man slipped his tongue in without any qualms, fully tasting the silky smooth milky honey flavour of the latter’s mouth, ravishing all at his leisure and will. Allen couldn’t help but let out a small moan of surprise to feel Kanda teasing him with his tongue. He futilely smacked at Kanda’s shoulder, too taken aback to truly absorb the situation.

“K-Kanda...I need...to breath!” Allen managed to speak through the pressed lips. Much reluctantly, Kanda released his captive, gazing hard into those bewildered silver eyes. Allen blushed under the scrutiny. “Kanda...? I didn’t really mean that...I mean...What was that?” Allen’s tone pitched higher in incredulity. Kanda frowned. “Do you mean your licking or not?! Don’t attempt to lead me on!” Neither really noticed that Tyki was already awake, but he pretended to keep on sleeping because it was too awkward a situation to wake into right now.

“W-What?! I couldn’t possibly mean that, you...! You’d kill me!” Allen furiously denied, his face burning in embarrassment. His facial expression betrayed the truth to Kanda, who smirked slightly. “Baka moyashi...I’ll let you get away with it this time...But you won’t be so lucky the next.” He ran a finger along Allen’s trembling lips. Allen was too shocked to speak; only watching Kanda leave the infirmary.

“...Is it safe to look up now?”

“T-Tyki?! You were awake?!”

Tyki smiled uncomfortably. “I didn’t want to interrupt your time being lovey-dovey with him.” “There is nothing lovey-dovey about that situation!” Allen yelped indignantly. “...I wonder if he had a dream.” Allen’s head snapped to attention when he heard those words from Tyki. “What do you mean?” Tyki wryly smiled. “I had a dream of the past again...About life after the last war. He was in it. Maybe he saw the dream, maybe he was affected by me who dreamt it...”

“Do you...Do you think he’ll remember?”

He could not hide the hopefulness in his voice.

“I pray he will.”

~~~

Lavi really did not want to know what put Kanda in this horribly chipper mood. It had started when he and Lenalee both saw Kanda smirking; and by a general rule Kanda smirked when one, he held his prized family katana Mugen; two, he’s feasting on soba and three, when something happened the way he wanted it to. Lavi eliminated one and recalled the infirmary being the last place Kanda was in, so option two was deleted as well. That left option three. It took a dive to hell when Kanda even snatched the car keys from him and drove them home. Though Kanda had a license, no one ever let Kanda take the wheels. Reason?

Lenalee dived out to the ground, kissing the grass the moment Kanda stopped in front of the dormitory. Lavi rolled out and puked behind the bushes. Now that he thought about it, Lavi wondered how exactly Kanda got his driver’s license. And the driver from hell had the galls to toss the keys back to Lavi, acting like nothing happened. Lenalee thought that Kanda enjoyed the intensity of a crazy car drive, except that it made her blood pressure blow the roof top.

“Y-Yu?”

“What?”

Lavi gasped. Kanda didn’t snap at him for calling him by first name! “...What happened?” In the end, Lavi couldn’t defeat the curiosity in him. “...I like sweets. Dango, especially. Honey too,” Kanda cryptically answered. It was enough to make Lavi want to tear his hair out and scream apocalypse. “Bullshit, you HATE sweets! Come on, tell me the truth!” The redhead begged, rolling in his bed like a child throwing a tantrum. Kanda eyed Lavi with scorn, as if taunting him for not knowing something. “Should I? Knowing what a big mouth you have...” “I won’t tell, I swear!” The bunny-like young adult promised, eyes glittering at the chance for juicy information.

“I want a certain naïve little lamb...He tastes good.”

Kanda smirked predatorily. Lavi’s eyes widened as far as they could humanly go. “You...Finally molested Allen~?!” Lavi screamed like a fangirl, startling Kanda, who glared at him in return. “I didn’t molest him, but he didn’t look unwilling.” His roommate squealed even more at the titbit. “Yu, since when?! I didn’t even realize you had a thing going on for Allen!”

“...Maybe since the first time I saw him.”

Kanda still remembered, the enlightening sensation he felt when he first glanced at Allen. He had already been whole-heartedly captured by the young teen. Lavi smirked at him. “And, when will you let the poor harassed boy know?” “Hn, he’s the one who’s all over me in the first place. I’m going to take my own time,” Kanda answered shrewdly. Lavi suppressed the urge to shriek like a fangirl once more, but he still squealed like an undignified female. He couldn’t help it!

“You ABSOLUTE bitch! Oh my God, this is fuckin’ rad!”

Kanda threw a pillow into Lavi’s face. “Don’t call me a bitch.”

“Yu...You’re finally growing up. I’m so proud.” Lavi mocked tears and dodged another pillow. He spotted a blue object sticking out of his pants’ pocket. “Oh, I nearly forgot! You can sleep first, Yu. I got myself some scandalous details to read~!” The redhead energetically jumped up and snagged the diskette as he ran out of their shared bedroom into the living room of their quarters to use the computer. “Whatever, you hyperactive pouf...” Kanda switched the lights off and crawled into his bed, praying Lavi would not have another wet dream.

Kanda got himself his peaceful sleep that night...At the expense of Lavi’s innocence.

“...This is nuts...Impossible...”

Emerald eyes wavered at every word they devoured, more and more confusion straining his already heavy mind. What he had been given was classified data of patients of the Walker Syndrome. Allen’s profile was currently on display, stating his date of admittance was ***ten** years ago. The dead gray eyes of a young boy, not much older than a babe, stared back at Lavi. Lavi had stepped over the boundary.

The search of the conspiracy had begun.


	9. Beautiful Dreamers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

“Yu, why the hell are you bringing that with you?!”

Kanda frowned, holding his family heirloom almost possessively. “After work I have to bring it to the old man to maintain it.” Lavi rolled his eyes, narrowly dodging a punch. “It looks so good everyday; I don’t know why you still insist on maintaining it. Mugen is already in top form!” “You dolt, Mugen is a priceless antique object! It needs constant attention!” Kanda argued. “Like a woman,” Lavi teased, likening Mugen’s ‘need of constant attention’ to that of a female. Lenalee jabbed his side viciously with her elbow. “Excuse me, did you say something?”

Lavi shook his head rapidly at Lenalee’s question which was coupled with an icy smile.

However, neither of his good friends noticed his false cheer. Lavi, already troubled with the seemingly prophetic dreams that came to him at very random moments, almost crumbled under upon discovering one of the mental disorder facility’s dirty secrets. He had thought of Johnny’s words to be a joke. But after reading the data stored in that tiny diskette, Lavi wasn’t so sure. The first surprise the normally curious teen encountered was how patients who removed from the premises were listed as ‘terminated’. The normal term they were taught to use were ‘closed’. All of a sudden, Lavi wondered if patients were really sent to a more prolific asylum as they were informed...Or as crude as it was stated in their files...Terminated.

The bigger surprise lied in waiting in the form of Allen Walker’s profile, the so-called source of the Walker Syndrome. If the facility was clear of conscience, why would they lie to them and inform them all that Allen was a three-year patient when the boy, was actually the first, and oldest patient of the facility. His record even outstripped Road’s seven years, Allen’s being ten years of detainment. The picture he saw within did not even register in his mind as an image of Allen Walker. As a five year old child, Allen Walker had his white hair already. However, it was not vibrant and glorious as it is now. The then messy locks were lank and limply hanging around his face.

His silver eyes, always filled with laughter, were dead as it stared straight ahead, as if into Lavi’s very eyes. It had no soul, no life, only blank gray. His small frame could be said as malnourished, his arms abnormally thin and scrawny, his face slightly sunken and crossed into an ugly scowl not unlike Kanda’s. Lavi could hardly believe the sullen boy and the healthy teenager were both the same person, but the telltale birthmark on the face was unmistakeable. Lavi chose not to tell Kanda yet, afraid of jeopardising his best friend’s blossoming relationship. But he had considered telling Lenalee about it. Perhaps the girl would know something of this, seeing that her brother was the Supervisor of the University.

The girl seemed highly unaware though, because if Lenalee knew, she would not have kept quiet about it. Lavi’s mind was so concentrated on the matter at hand, he did not notice when Lenalee practically dragged him into the facility. He did not even bother to pay attention when he was seated next to Tyki, which surprised the man. Allen too, watched the vague expression curiously, and waved his hand in front of Lavi’s face. Lavi did not even budge.

“Lavi, you’re drifting away.”

The sultry voice which often visited his dreams jerked the redhead out of his reveries, and made Lavi stare into concerned golden coloured eyes. Tyki watched as Lavi looked at him for a long time. Then Lavi asked,

“Do you like me, Tyki?”

The sudden question had everyone falling all over their feet. Even Tyki toppled back over his chair in shock.

“B-Bunny dear...That is, of course to say, I do like you. But why the asking? I should be obvious enough.”

Lavi suddenly grinned. Kanda knew bad news was to come...For Tyki anyway.

“Will you do anything for me? REALLY anything?”

Allen shivered at the obviously sugary voice Lavi used. Lenalee eyed her friend suspiciously. She knew when Lavi used that tone; he wanted something and would resort to unscrupulous means to get it. The unscrupulous means being that he wants to use Tyki. Tyki, the subject himself, was completely unaware. He just nodded quickly, hopeful that he might regain Lavi’s attention after being painfully ignored for two weeks. Lavi smiled coyly, prompting Tyki to endure an incoming nosebleed while Allen looked slightly sick that Lavi was being so obviously fake. Kanda looked on, bored. He was more interested in watching his prized Mugen than the bunch of idiots.

“What is that in your hand, Yu?” Allen decided to put a stop to Lavi’s idiocy, even if only momentarily.

Kanda shrugged noncommittally, but held up the long shaped object and untied the cloth cover to reveal his family heirloom. Kanda didn’t admit it, but Lavi knew Kanda was obviously puffing up with pride to show off his treasure to Allen. Allen gasped as he sighted the familiar curve of the spine and the lovely tassel hanging around the hilt which glint a portentous metallic gold. Even Tyki and Road’s eyes went wide with disbelief. Kanda did not speak, but he seemed pleased to have them showing awe and admiration for his Mugen, not knowing the real reason behind their awe. Tyki thought he had to fight to suppress the urge to destroy the Innocence, but the hatred that he had borne for so long did not surface. He forgot he was no longer a Noah. Road was more surprised that the hatred that haunted her in her previous life was no longer there. Seeing the Innocence made her fully realize that she was free from the grudge.

Allen was completely mesmerized for a different reason.

He had never expected to see Mugen ever again. He could not believe that Mugen survived the many years in between his new life and his past life. It made his eyes tremble, but Allen bravely held his tears at bay, making sure no one noticed he was almost close to tears. He drew in a deep breath. After what seemed like a long while, Allen spoke. “It is beautiful.” Not said with a bright smile, or a cheerful tone. But with shimmering silver eyes filled with reverence and love, voice steady and grim and a sombre slight uplift of the corner of his lips. Kanda was struck by this new side of Allen. Always Allen looked a bit childish, naïve and eternally optimistic. Now he seemed weary, older than he should be, and rather...sad.

“It’s my family heirloom. It’s been passed down from generation to generation. And this sword, Mugen, isn’t just a sword. He is the judge to who is the worthy heir of the family.”

“The sword chooses the owner,” Tyki finished Kanda’s sentence with surprised recognition. Kanda had been right in his past life; Mugen knew how to pick its own master.

Allen held out his hand expectantly. “May I hold it?” Unable to deny the sweet voice and angelic baby-face, Kanda obediently handed Mugen over to Allen, but not before warning him. “You better take good care of it.” Allen nodded, fingers tightly wrapped around Kanda’s precious possession. “Kanda, we have to go hand in our reports first. We can come back afterwards,” Lenalee coaxed. “Hn, I don’t need to be told that,” Kanda scorned and left the room, but discreetly he passed a concerned glance over Allen. The unusual heaviness in his eyes still hadn’t left. Lenalee and Lavi trailed out after him, having to send their intern reports to the higher ups first.

“I can’t believe it...To see an Innocence in this age and day...” Road murmured, eyes still locked to the door which has closed. Tyki nodded in agreement. “I’m more surprised that it still is in Japan. Remember, the memory of delivering Mugen to Japan I spoke of? It’s a pure miracle that Kanda was reborn into the family which holds Mugen.” “Maybe it’s fate after all...What do you think, Allen?” Road received no answer from Allen.

“Allen?”

Lavi decided that he should spring the question now, when Kanda was determinedly keeping his mind off a certain someone by focusing on something else. “Hey, Lenalee, mind if I ask you something?” He kept his voice low, just to make sure Kanda didn’t catch on. “Yes, Lavi?” The Chinese girl looked at him curiously. “Komui became supervisor about four years ago, right?” The redhead asked, trying to appear casual. He didn’t want to frighten off his friend by suddenly announcing a shocking question after all. “You were already in the elementary school here, yeah? And Komui started out as a scientist for the research facility and mental institute about two years before he became supervisor, am I correct?” Lavi was reaffirming his memories, though there was hardly a need to he felt that he wanted some verbal confirmation.

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

“Um, well...I found something quite disconcerting...About the facility. Remember the diskette Johnny gave me yesterday? It contains classified data...And it says Allen entered this institute ten years ago. I was wondering if Komui knew...”

Lenalee’s steps stopped. “...Ten years? That’s impossible! And you think my brother will hide this from me if he knew?!” The indignant shriek from her drew Kanda’s attention, who had turned around in surprise. “No, I’m not trying to say it like that, Lenalee...” Lavi’s words faltered, but rebelliously his mind reflected that as Supervisor, the probability of Komui knowing was very high. Lenalee’s cheeks were flushed with anger as she brought her hand down to Lavi’s cheeks in a resounding slap. Kanda actually flinched a bit at the force she used. Needless to say, Lavi was staggering backwards in shock. “I will not stand anyone accusing my brother that way!” The girl exclaimed, her protective love for her brother blazing in her fury. Lenalee pushed both boys aside and strode ahead angrily, not willing to listen to any explanation Lavi might have.

“What did you just say to her, baka usagi?!”

Kanda demanded, but he was more concerned with the growing bruise on Lavi’s face. “It’s nothing, Yu...” Lavi thanked heavens Kanda had not caught on to their conversation. Well, that went well, Lavi sourly thought. Maybe he was better off trying to eavesdrop on the doctors instead. “Anyways, let’s hand in our reports first. Then we can get back to Allen and get on with our jobs.” “Don’t ignore me like that!” Kanda growled. He was anti-social, all right, but he did not like to be dismissed easily. “I’m fine, you just worry your pretty head about your little moyashi dearest,” Lavi firmly answered, plastering a grin on his face though the bruise really did hurt. Lenalee does pack a punch...

When they arrived at the office, Lenalee was already nowhere to be seen. The two teens could already assume that Lenalee was too mad to linger around waiting for them. Kanda felt uneasy, he had a feeling that he was being left out of something. If that was what they wanted, then he would stay out of it. But...

“You stupid rabbit...If your grades fall because you’re doing something idiotic without letting me know, your Gramps is going to kill me. So don’t be an idiot without having me as a lookout.”

Lavi’s eyes drastically widened. It was the CLOSEST thing ever to saying he was worried, at least coming from Kanda. His emerald eyes glossed over with tears of joy and he nodded enthusiastically at Kanda, who felt suddenly that his rather nice words were wasted on someone as silly as Lavi. “I will, don’t you worry Yu!” The two boys arrived back at Allen’s room, where they noticed Road was absent. Lavi automatically figured that Lenalee had dropped by and took her charge away. She must’ve been very offended if she didn’t want to see him for the rest of the day.

What caught Kanda’s attention though was that Tyki kept rubbing at Allen’s face with the sleeve of his shirt. “What’re you doing, you old fart?” He snapped, zooming in onto the pair of patients. “Old fart?! Excuse me, but I’m young! Anyway...Help me, he won’t stop crying and I don’t know why,” Tyki pleaded. As he removed his pretty much wet sleeve, Kanda could see that Allen’s eyes were red and puffed up; fresh tears continuously dribbled out from the corner of his eyes and ran down the flushed cheeks.

“Tyki, did you bully Allen?” Lavi accused, looking suspiciously at his charge.

“Me?! I’m like his brother, why would I do that?” Tyki wailed at the injustice he had been dealt with.

“Oi, moyashi...What’s wrong?” Kanda tentatively asked, slowly placing a hand on Allen’s shoulder. It was only then, that Allen seemed to have noticed Kanda’s presence. His sniffling stopped in a hitch, his silvery sorrowful eyes widened and the boy threw his arms around Kanda’s waist without a second thought. Startled, Kanda caught himself in time so that he didn’t stumble to the ground. “What’re you doing, moyashi?!” Almost belatedly, Kanda could feel Mugen’s hilt poking into his back, where Allen still held it in his hand. Kanda sighed. “Put the sword down first, moyashi.” To his surprise, Allen stubbornly shook his head and clung tighter to Kanda, as if he was never going to let go.

And Tyki would bet all the money he had, if he had any, that Allen wouldn’t ever let go.

The boy looked almost frightened, but as the veteran patient, Allen rarely got frightened by anything. It was after he held that sword, Mugen that his behaviour changed drastically. “Hey Kanda...Why don’t you and Lavi stay outside for a while? I’ll try to calm the boy down,” the Portuguese suggested. Lavi was the one who answered, “If you can get Allen to let go. He looks pretty much stuck onto Yu.” Tyki wearily nodded; this he had experience in. Most of the older patients have had to suppress Allen at least once, when Allen was still in depression due to his drug dosage. Tyki was well versed as he volunteered to do it most of the time.

He strode over and closed a hand over Allen’s eyes. Startled, Allen’s grip on Kanda grew stronger. Unfazed, his older companion forcibly pulled away his hand which was holding Mugen. In retaliation, Allen brought up his other hand to tug away Tyki’s hand, momentarily forgetting Kanda. At the chance, Tyki flashed an eye signal to Lavi, who immediately understood and pulled Kanda out of the room. Allen let out a soft cry, realizing he had let Kanda go. Kanda felt an impulse to throw Tyki off and take Allen, but Lavi had already shut the door.

“Do you trust that perverted bastard?”

Lavi frowned. “I can’t really say I do...But when it comes to Allen, Tyki knows better than we do. Besides...I think you’re more perverted than he is.”

As the two broke out into a verbal war outside, or rather Kanda trying to kill Lavi, inside the room Allen was struggling with Tyki. “Calm down, Allen...!” Tyki exclaimed, wrenching Mugen out of Allen’s grip. In that instant, Allen seemed to regain his senses and stared blearily at Tyki. “T-Tyki...? What just happened?” Tyki let out a great groan. “I should be asking you that. What were you doing crying and clinging onto Kanda just now? I thought you wanted to go slow on luring your boytoy back.”

Allen’s eyes welled up with tears again, much to Tyki’s chagrin. But this time it was accompanied by a melancholic and beautiful smile.

“He spoke to me.”

The soft words nearly went unheard. Tyki’s brows furrowed in confusion, until comprehension hit him and his eyes almost popped out. “He as in Mugen? The _sword_? No offence...but even I find an anti-Akuma weapon speaking hard to believe.”

Allen laughed a bit, feeling rather light-hearted at Tyki’s shock. “No, silly. It was Mugen...But not the weapon. It was...I always believed Yu had a good reason to treasure Mugen so much. And I understand why now. Mugen is practically a part of him. The voice of his soul...It was so beautiful, so good to listen to...I think I almost died and went to Heaven. If there was a Heaven I can recall.”

“His soul? But the real guy is outside this room right now,” the older man was yet again, confused.

“It wasn’t truly his soul...More like collective fragments of thoughts that had a central theme. A part of his soul, grandly speaking,” Allen corrected himself. “And that would be?” Tyki pressed on, too much suspense did no good to anyone’s health. Allen blushed with childish joy as he announced, “Me, protecting me, to be more specific. When I held Mugen, it was warm. As if...Something was trying to reach out to me from inside. Then...I heard his voice. At first it was faint. I thought I was imagining things. But gradually it got clearer. I heard what he wanted to say.”

**“** **I can’t stand to see you being so self-sacrificial when you hate others being sacrificed. Why must you throw yourself out so easily?”**

**“** **I will protect you. Whatever happens, I will.”**

“It seemed to go in chronological order, because after that, he started saying something different.”

**“** **You better be alive, moyashi. When I’m not there...At least protect yourself.”**

**“** **You’re too strong to die...You won’t be so easily killed, moyashi...”**

Allen’s eyes shimmered with reminiscence. He wondered at this point if Kanda had heard of the news that he’d been killed by Tyki when at that moment he was brought to recuperate in China. “Because Tyki...Well, you probably should know by now that Kanda isn’t easy on the surface with his emotions.” Tyki snorted. “Yeah, of course.”

“That was why...The next words he spoke to me touched me so...”

**“** **I have to protect moyashi. I have to protect him.”**

**“** **If no one else will, I will.”**

**“** **No one can hurt him. I won’t forgive it. Not even the Church.”**

Those beautiful platinum eyes went downcast momentarily, causing Tyki to lurch out of his seat in worry. But Allen looked up and shook his head. “I’m alright...You know...Since then, I always thought Yu hated me. About the Noah within me. That was why I kept quiet all the time about it...Until that night. When I heard this...I felt like I was forgiven.” “Forgiven? Allen, you know I’ve said this many times. We can’t be blamed for being the vessels. It’s not like we had a choice. Heck, you found out you were one right in the middle of the Organization which dedicated itself to wiping out the Earl and his family. I think I was more surprised that your lover had been faithless in you in the end,” Tyki muttered, a little resentful. Kanda Yu had hurt, practically broken Allen’s heart in his past life. Tyki wished that Kanda could recall Allen in this life, but he wouldn’t put it past Kanda’s callous behaviour to wound Allen’s feelings again.

“It couldn’t be helped. I should be blamed for not telling him about the progress...”

Allen’s voice was cut off by Tyki, who stated,

“You still say that? Well, I still think that no matter what, if he loved you he would have stood by you. He should have. You died a lonely death, Allen. You of all people, did not deserve that. So don’t think of it as a punishment for your sins. You have not sinned.”

Allen let out a small laugh. “Only you will say that, Tyki. But I can’t blame him. Not when I can hear his grief. It was so strong within Mugen.”

**“** **Why couldn’t I protect him? I swore I would!”**

**“** **Why can’t I protect the person whom I treasure most?”**

**“** **Why did I let him slip away?”**

“It came out as a scream...So strong, so furious. It felt like Mugen was trying to pass on to me his owner’s thoughts. It was sweet to listen to,” Allen smiled graciously. Tyki contemptuously glanced at the katana. “Maybe it was trying to help Kanda redeem himself in your eyes.” Mugen’s hilt gleamed at that moment, as if it had heard Tyki mocking him and his master. Allen chuckled. “Be careful, or else Mugen might self activate and attack you.” “Hah, as if you would let it,” the latter triumphantly replied.

“But after listening to him, it felt like he needed me. I just had to respond, I couldn’t resist,” Allen admitted.

Tyki nodded in understanding. “I guess that explains your crying and clinginess just now. Now...I best leave you with your overseer.”

Lavi was an inch to being murdered barehanded by Kanda when the door swung open, Tyki smiling as usual. “Allen’s cooled down now. I believe I can leave him in the capable hands on his intern. Now Lavi, let’s go on a walk now.” Lavi looked startled to be finally paid attention to. “What, you and me? No way...Wait...! Tyki, I said no!” The bunny kept protesting even when he was being dragged away by a cheerful Tyki. Kanda snorted at the idiotic scene and entered Allen’s room, locking the door behind him.

“Do you ever listen to what I say?” Lavi ranted. He still had a slight fear of Tyki attempting to rape him. Erotic dreams did that to him. Lavi wondered if the dreams could be telepathically linked to Tyki. What else would put Tyki in such a mood whenever he saw the redhead? The focus of his thoughts didn’t answer him. Tyki was giving Lavi an appalled look.

“Bunny boy, what happened to your face?!”

“Oh, this? Lenalee hit me just now for something rude I said.”

Tyki gently touched the bruise. He didn’t notice the shiver that ran through Lavi’s body as his finger brushed against Lavi’s skin. “She still shouldn’t hit you so hard...It’s ruined your beautiful face.” Lavi suppressed the urge to snort. “Beautiful? That’s more like your department than mine.” Tyki grinned wolfishly. “For me, you’re the most exquisite and beautiful creature in the world.” The redhead rolled his eyes. “Again with the flattery. I can do without it, you know?” The man nodded complacently.

“But then again, Lavi, a bit of flattery never hurts.”

Lavi pinpointed Tyki with a stare. “I want you to be completely serious with me, Tyki. Why do you keep lavishing me with attention? Is it really because of the Syndrome?” The man stopped walking. He remained in thoughtful silence to the point where Lavi thought Tyki had drifted off when Tyki’s voice returned. “...Maybe it is because of the Syndrome, but Lavi...My love, if I can have my way I’d fall in love with you no matter how many lives I go through. Do you not dream as well? Our days of hiding our love together,” Tyki sounded wistful, and it struck a chord within Lavi.

He had dreamt; he had seen of course. Things he only thought to be his figment of imagination. What if, a sudden stroke of horror touched Lavi; he has been inflicted with the Walker Syndrome as well? Sensing the distress of his beloved, Tyki tugged at Lavi’s hand to distract him. “More than that issue, I’d like you to see something. It’s a little thing I made, as an apology for being such a perverse man,” the deep tenor announced, pointing over the balcony into the small courtyard the facility had. Lavi couldn’t help but gasp.

The roses in the garden of the courtyard were all neatly pruned, and from above the redhead could see how the blooms spelt out, “I’m sorry.” At that moment, he had no doubt that he would have fallen for Tyki. “Tyki...You’re an incredibly cheesy guy.” Yet Lavi couldn’t help but smile at the effort Tyki made for him. He was gradually warming up to Tyki, undoubtedly, and maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. Tyki too, seemed to ease up at Lavi’s smile. “I suppose I am...As long as it makes you happy.” The two individuals looked at each other solemnly. A small voice within Lavi egged him on, encouraging him to approach Tyki. Lavi couldn’t explain the swell of happiness inside himself, but he could only feel more and more affection for Tyki as the other man looked at him kindly, awaiting his choice.

“...Just once won’t hurt...”

Tyki appeared to have expected Lavi’s decision, and accepted the teen into his arms as Lavi stepped forward and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Once? You drive a hard bargain, dear.” Tyki was just glad; Lavi was recovering their memories together and soon enough, he would remember Tyki. “If you want more, you’ll have to earn it,” Lavi grinned wickedly and offered. Tyki’s interest was sparked. “Oh? And in what manner do I earn my right to kiss you?”

“You can start with telling me why Allen’s public data is falsified.”

In the room of his patient, Kanda could see Mugen laid on the desk. Allen was sitting on his bed, rubbing at his red eyes. “What got into you, moyashi?” Allen looked up at him and smiled, but Kanda disliked it, the young boy trying to deflect his question. “It was nothing...I was momentarily possessed by something, I guess,” Allen nonchalantly replied. Technically, he was speaking the truth. It irritated Kanda even more with Allen beating around the bush.

“Stop saying bullshit and tell me. I have the right to know what’s wrong with your head.”

Allen immediately sulked. He did not like Kanda thinking he was mentally ill. “I’m not being funny in the head. Mugen was being a great friend, that’s all.” First saying he was possessed, now using Mugen as an excuse? Allen was hiding something.

For some reason, that irritated Kanda to no ends. In fact, everyone seemed to be skirting issues around him, and he was at his limit. He was not going to tolerate it any longer. Allen was taken aback when Kanda grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him down onto the bed. “If you’ve got something to say, tell me,” Kanda declared in a deadly voice. Allen defiantly shook his head, knowing whatever he says will not make any sense to Kanda. Kanda cruelly smiled. “Have it your way, then. Don’t blame me for what’s going to happen.”

Before Allen could ask, Kanda had sealed his lips in a suffocating kiss. Allen realized that Kanda was angry and hurriedly tried to push him away before he tried anything inappropriate. The swordsman did always have a habit of being sexually aggressive when he was mad and frustrated. However, no amount of pushing was going to get Kanda away, because Kanda found Allen to be a very nice outlet for his frustration. Everything else went out of his head as he kissed Allen over and over, barely giving Allen a chance to breath, proudly manipulating the poor boy’s tongue into a trap as he sucked harshly on the bruised lips.

The snowy hair fanned out on the pillow, the boy himself working a futile attempt to pry Kanda off him even as Kanda continued to devour his lips in such a bestial manner. “L-Let go, Kanda...!” Allen protested, he struggled, but nothing swayed Kanda. The latter was fully consumed by his desire of venting out his frustrations on Allen. The boy was the source of it all, but Allen also made him forget everything else that killed his mood. The sweetness of Allen’s lips drove him crazy in a completely different manner. Kanda paused to let Allen regain his breath, the helpless boy panting for much needed air.

“Are you insane?!”

Allen’s eyes looked as if they were searching for something in his. Kanda didn’t like it. Allen, trying to find something to identify with, something to recognize with in him. He had nothing of that sort, because he didn’t know Allen for so long, even if Allen claims he has. His fingers though, with strangely practised ease removed the ribbon which was always neatly tied around Allen’s neck. In the silence of the room, he could hear Allen’s laboured breathing draw out into an indignant gasp. Ignoring Allen’s cries, he swiftly unbuttoned the shirt, uncovering silky alabaster skin.

“You’re the one who pissed me off, moyashi. Don’t think you’re getting off easy.”

Kanda’s whisper against the crook of his neck made Allen shiver. A soft moan escaped the petite teen when Kanda’s canine dug into the flesh of his collarbone, marking it red. “...You seem to be enjoying this,” the Japanese wickedly noted, triumphing in Allen’s deep blush, who hotly protested, “I-I don’t! You sexual harasser! Rapist! Pervert!”

“You actually wanted it, didn’t you?”

Allen opened his mouth to protest again but it came out as a muffled groan as Kanda licked his mark and continued his conquest, pressing kisses to his bare neck. Kanda was getting aroused, and he completely blamed Allen for it. Even if Allen did say he didn’t like it, his body language was very much inviting Kanda and the little noises he made was all the more incentives. A tingling ran down Allen’s spine; what with Kanda’s hand sliding down his thigh almost casually. He was panicked, but he had no way to win over Kanda, who kept himself busy by marking him with bites.

Salvation came in the form of a knock on the door. Kanda momentarily stopped, and that was all it took for Allen to shove the older boy off him and hastily redressed himself. Knowing that his time with his patient was now interrupted, Kanda begrudgingly opened the door to reveal Lenalee and Road. “Kanda, today brother will be fetching me home. So you can keep the car keys for tomorrow,” Lenalee tersely informed. Road looked a bit sulky next to her, but otherwise did not say a thing.

She however looked as if she could sense what had befallen Allen as her eyes narrowed down for a moment. Then the little girl smiled, an eerily malicious smile. Lenalee did not notice it. Allen warily glanced at Road, silently beseeching her help to save himself from the madman he was with currently. “Lenalee, are you leaving early today?” Road’s voice spiralled into gloom, having received the telepathic plea from Allen. Lenalee apologetically smiled at her charge. “I’m sorry, Road. But my brother needs to return to the University for a meeting, so I must leave as early as he does.”

“At least let Allen and me see you off?” The young girl requested, her eyelashes fluttering as she closed her eyes momentarily before watching Lenalee expectantly. “Yes, would you like to come along Kanda?” Lenalee invited the troublemaker along, much to Allen’s chagrin. “No, he’s fine! Yu’s waiting for Tyki and Lavi to come back, so we’ll see you off!” Allen squealed in a high-pitched voice and quickly ushered the two girls away before Kanda could retaliate. Kanda allowed him to run, knowing he had overstepped his boundaries. He hadn’t meant for his self-control to slip so easily, but when he was faced with Allen, everything rational in his mind jumped into the nearest hole and died.

An inaudible growl escaped Kanda. He really needs to do something about his obsession with Allen Walker.


	10. The Night I Died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

**'Tyki!!!'**

**The scream that ripped out of my throat was soundless to me. All I knew was that the man I loved was about to die. And in the next moment, I was the one dying. The battlefield was raucously noisy, but I felt the sweep of icy realization over everyone. Someone held my body up, fingers trembling as they stroked my cheeks.**

**'L-Lavi...Why? I thought we said we would fight where we were in this war!'**

**The soothing voice...So soothing...From the man I had grown to love. His eyes wide with disbelief, not wanting to acknowledge my actions. I was selfish, that I knew very well.**

**'...I love you, Tyki...I just can't...stop myself...'**

**Blood dribbled generously out from the corner of my lips. Pain escaped my senses, I was glad that in my final moments I've lost enough consciousness to not feel the gaping wound in my chest. The general gave me a disgusted look, but he took off after some other enemy. He did not comprehend why I saved an enemy, but he knew the damage had been done. He'd killed an ally.**

**'You...fool! What am I going to do, Lavi? Without you, I...!'**

**'Stop...Tyki...We go on...Just as we planned. Regardless of the outcome...remember? You promised...Whatever happens...You'd go on...'**

**Seeing my lover trying not to cry was endearing. I wondered if dying makes someone so...at ease. I for all my intelligence could not fathom why I was not so abhorred with the fact that I was dying now. 'I love you, Tyki...That's something that will never be gone...'**

**'...I know, Lavi...I love you too.'**

**The last sensation was gentle lips touching my bloodstained ones.**

Lavi sat up, gasping for air. Incoherence polluted his mind, a stream of forgotten memories scrambled with his current memories. Frantic at the disorganization of his mind, he desperately tried to reassemble everything, but logic escaped him. No longer under the spell of sleep, Lavi paced around agitatedly. He fidgeted, the madness of overloading memories taking him in a suffocating grasp. His thoughts had a sole core, Tyki.

Of course, why not? He had to see Tyki.

Now single-mindedly focused on the task, Lavi left the dorm. The sun was not even out in the wee hours of the morning. His body on autopilot, the redhead drove off into the direction of the institute. He had to see Tyki. That was the only answer his befuddled mind gave him. The institute as it was, was not open this early. Thus the impatient Lavi was left pacing outside relentlessly. He was on the verge of breaking in. But somehow, rationality still managed to reign his actions despite the chaos playing out in his mind.

Like a theatre, his memories rolled forth, a badly edited film, scenes disconnected and random events linked together. The security personnel was surprised to see a very disgruntled intern barge in the moment he unlocked the front door. Tyki was shocked to be awoken by relentless banging on his door. Yawning as he roused himself, he opened the door to find Lavi staring up at him with a strange determination.

“Lavi...? What are you doing here so early? Your interning shouldn't be starting until...”

Tyki was caught off with a swift and VERY painful uppercut.

“You...half-assed bastard! Cheap gentleman!! Homeless aristocrat! Dumb Noah!”

Every sort of imaginable cuss words escaped Lavi as he slammed the door behind himself and started pummelling Tyki with his fists. All too bewildered, Tyki raised his arms to shield himself. “W-What is wrong with you?! Wait...Did you just call me Noah?”

“Yes I did! Damn you, Tyki!!”

And the next minute, Lavi had pounced onto the clueless ex-Noah, bawling his eyes out. “How could you, you idiot?! Leave me floundering for clues when you drop hints like rain in the desert! Pretending that you know everything when you DO know everything and you refuse to tell me everything! Why didn't you just come clean with me?!”

“...You're being incredibly poetic.”

“Shut up! Me being poetic is the last thing I want to hear from you! Meanie, bully, tease!”

Slowly, unsure arms came around Lavi's waist. “Do...Do you remember...?”

“You could've made it faster if you told me,” Lavi grumbled. Tyki was about to speak but Lavi cut him off with a needy kiss. Forgetting everything else, Tyki tightened his arms and wantonly indulged. He had been waiting too long to reacquaint himself with Lavi's lips. They stayed like that for a while on the floor, until Lavi pulled away for some air.

“Well...Would you have believed me if I told you?”

Lavi became flustered under Tyki's glance and pouted. “I hate it when you're right.”

“So...How did you come about your awakening?” Tyki questioned, nuzzling into the crook of Lavi's neck.

“Well...It was after you told me about Allen's ten-year confinement here. It made me really suspicious, and I was contemplating on what can really be trusted from the people in here. Then I thought...What if there were innocent people being held as just because...Of Walker's Syndrome? It got me to thinking what Walker's Syndrome really is...Then a dream, no...a memory came back to me. The night I died...It unlocked my past. Everything just came rushing back to me. Even now, I'm a bit confused.”

“It's normal. It took most of us some time to separate the past and the present life. That was why most of us were unstable in the first place. When we saw each other, people connected to our past lives, gradually our minds stabilized and we were able to rearrange our memories properly,” Tyki replied nonchalantly.

“But that means...This isn't psychological! You guys shouldn't be here,” Lavi almost started ranting, but Tyki silenced him with another kiss.

“This conversation will not leave this room, you hear me? Lavi...NEVER let anyone find out that you're like us now...If they do, they will proclaim that you have been infected and then lock you up as well. I don't know how the hell they do it, but have you noticed we have never been allowed visitors? They have complete control over our lives...No one ever comes looking for us. No one out there knows what is going on. No one knows...When one of us goes missing permanently. We too, don't know. But we suspect...That those who disappear have been quite literally...disposed of.”

“Terminated...” The ominous word floated back up in Lavi's conscience when he read the classified patient profiles Johnny provided. “Then...What do I do? You have to get out of here, all of you!”

Tyki shook his head sadly. “I don't know. But promise me you won't be reckless, Lavi. Escape is also not an option. God knows how many times Allen attempted that.”

“W-What happened? Were the rumours...true?”

“...They sedated him at first, but at one point it got so bad, they put him in a straitjacket and chained his legs to the bed. That was about...seven to eight years ago. He became calmer when Road joined...And later me. Allen learned that escape was not a route available to him.”

Lavi's eyes were wide. Allen was treated completely like a prisoner! It was worse than the rumours he himself told Kanda before! Straitjackets were reserved for people who were truly mentally ill... “...I have to help you guys. I don't know where to start, but if I can build up a case that can be presented to court, I might have a chance. They literally ripped you from wherever you were and dumped you in here. I'm sure they used illegal methods...”

“Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger!” Tyki scolded but he stopped short seeing Lavi's watery emerald eyes.

“But I have to try! You suffered here...for six years...I have to at least try to help! I can't stand it, just letting this go on!” Lavi insisted.

Tyki sighed. He gave up trying to convince Lavi otherwise. Gently, he held Lavi close to him. And the couple stayed like that for a long while.

\---------

**'You were always the fool, Madarao. Always...playing the hero.'**

**Bitterness seeped into my voice, like the thick flavour of tea too steeped with its brewing leaves. He merely smiled at me. 'I'm not the one with a hero complex.' Frustrated, I turned away from him.**

**'Don't sulk. Sacrifices need to be made.'**

**'It does not mean it has to be you! Why, Madarao? Were you so eager to kill, to destroy?'**

**He shook his head, reaching out to me. I flinched and stepped away. 'Stop it...We are of the Church, that is not right.' '…I only wanted to protect. I sold my soul to the Devil, and the Cross has forsaken me. Are you mad?' I glared brazenly into his eyes. How dare he...to have the NERVE to ask if I was mad.**

**I was beyond enraged, but those feelings could never be expressed aloud.**

**'What you do...Is none of my concern. My only concern now is of Walker.'**

**Madarao frowned at the thought, and viciously, I thought that he deserved that bit of pain. Let him feel even a fraction of my pain. Granted, he could hide his feelings much better than I did, but I could tell when he was jealous. I had nothing between myself and Walker, but if Madarao's daydreams conjured them, then let the man himself entertain it.**

**'If your men lay a finger on my charge again, I will not hesitate to file a report against your lot to the Inspector.'**

**'You are so cruel, Link.'**

**I stopped short from walking away.**

**'...I had the best teacher, Madarao.'**

Link nearly dropped his pile of notes off the desk instead of placing them on the desk as he had intended. “Are you alright, Link? You look a bit out of sorts today,” Rob called out.

“I am fine, thank you.” He made to sit and continue his paperwork. Strange...Why had a memory of his past suddenly came up? Link tried not to dwell on it. He has had not a good relationship in the past with his Yumebito, but for the memories to come back and haunt him quite literally...Link never expected it to happen.

Currently twenty-five, Link first had recollections of his past when he was twenty-one. He nearly went mad with the confusion, but he had most fortunately escaped capture due to the fact that he had seen Komui Lee. By seeing the former Supervisor of Black Order, by approaching him and getting to know him, Link's messed-up memories were smoothed out. By regaining his sanity, he evaded capture.

Even now, he has not met his Yumebito. Komui, now the Supervisor of Black Order University; yes it was strange how such ironic co-incidences happen, had been reunited with his Yumebito Cross Marian, who was apparently one of the University sponsors. Link was normally not privy to rumours, but some were so notorious it did not escape even his ears.

Rumours that Komui and Cross tied the knot overseas. Wryly he wondered if Komui and Cross ever did remember their past lives, or it was purely Fate at work with these two. At least they had a happy ending. Link recalled that their past lives were not quite a fairytale. Link shook his head, clearing it of unnecessary thoughts. He had paperwork to do. And after these paperwork, Link was going to be starting on a new assignment for the mental facility.

\-----

“Eh, is it true?!” Allen squealed in joy, glomping Lavi in the process. “Whoa, Allen! Watch out, you can be quite heavy,” Lavi joked.

“This is so great, Tyki! We need to celebrate!” Road cheered!

Tyki grinned, feeling like the happiest man in the world. After some alone time, he had carried Lavi off to tell the good news before Kanda and Lenalee arrived for their intern tasks. The many patients, or victims of evil doctors as Lavi so liked to call them now, were also happy on their behalf. The general gist of joy was interrupted however, when there came an announcement calling for a general assembly.

“Stay here, Lavi. We're gonna go see what's the announcement about,” Tyki ordered and went off to the main hall with the rest. When they were gathered, one of the doctors looked at them most contemptuously and announced, “Today, we have a new friend who will be joining you all. Please be civil. He will be placed in room 319. Show him to his room.”

And at the end, a young man stood forth. Allen let out an audible gasp. The young stranger smiled wryly at him. “How our worlds are narrowed for an inevitable meeting...Walker.”

“You're...Madarao...!”

“Well well...Looks like another reason to celebrate. A new in-mate. Buddy, you'll be fine with us around,” Tyki tried to assure but Madarao frowned. “Not with the likes of Walker.”

“What do ya mean?!” Devit snarled.

“Yeah! Allen is so nice, hi hi!” Jasdero added in support of his twin's words.

“Nice? Then it is unbecoming of nice people to steal another man's soul mate,” Madarao scoffed, the man never once taking his eyes off Allen, who was very confused. He, steal another man's soul mate? Could he mean Kanda? No, Allen was pretty sure neither knew the other.

“Madarao...I'm sorry, but I don't know what you mean.”

He did not believe Allen's apologetic expression. “I meant Link.”

“Link? What do you mean?”

“Don't play the fool with me, Walker. You seduced him into your bed, did you not?”

Madarao's glare darkened, and Allen's own silver eyes took on the glint of a sharp knife's.

“Me, with Link? I think you are having this confrontation, let's say, one lifetime too late? We didn't even have anything between us. Link was a friend. He may be a Crow member assigned to watch me, but he was a friend I could count on. And I do not seduce anyone! I already had a partner of my own then, I most certainly would not have seduced Link as you had so insinuated! And also, why do you care? Link certainly never spoke about anything concerning you.”

“...Of course he did not. He loves the Church more than I love him. Despite all that I have done...For him...He spurned me. Hinting that he had you...” Madarao glanced at Allen as he said so. Allen gasped, indignant at Link's blatant manipulation. He had thought Link to be completely honest!

“Me? ME? If he ever did, he was obviously lying.”

“This poor guy needs someone to hear out his story, I say. To be spurned even after doing all you can for someone? Even Buddha would cringe,” Tyki mused and patted Madarao's shoulder sympathetically. “Let's introduce the chum to Lavi, and we'll be puttin' up a bonfire for you tah pour out your sob story.”

Allen rolled his eyes. “Stop it with your terrible imitation of the Western ranchers.”

Tyki grinned and shrugged.

\---------

“Oi, baka usagi! What the hell were you doing, disappearing like that? We had to catch a ride with Komui,” Kanda snarled. Lavi laughed apologetically. “Uhm, sorry! I'm really sorry!”

“Ah, you are the new patient? We brought the new overseer for you,” Lenalee smiled and shook hands with Madarao. “I'll go call him first.”

Kanda was not happy, not at all, seeing Allen seated so closely to the new patient. He seemed to be chatting animatedly with him, almost to the point of flirting. Of course, all this was only Kanda's imagination. Tyki knew for one thing that Allen was sharing Link-related titbits with Madarao, so that the man may feel not too blind when Link is concerned. Chaos began in the form of the disgruntled intern quite shamelessly flaunting his authority over Allen by yanking the boy over to his side, much to Allen's surprise.

“Yu?”

“Be quiet, moyashi. You've been talking too much.” Kanda muttered, his hand around Allen's waist visibly tightening. Allen knew it was never a good thing when Kanda started displaying possessive traits. “Can you let go a bit? You're being too close...”

Since the day Allen got molested, he had learned to be wary of Kanda. He did love his Yumebito, but Kanda showed no indications of remembering him yet was displaying such desires. It was an unknown path Allen was not sure he wanted to walk down. “What are you saying, moyashi? You're the one who's always demanding my attention,” and as if taunting him, Kanda's hand rested on his thigh. The man was obviously harassing him! A nastier surprise arrived with Lenalee.

“...Here is your new charge. Let's all get along now...”

Lenalee never did finish her sentence, as Link took a step back in shock. Madarao had taken a step forward in delight, a true smile gracing his face. Allen stared in open fascination. He had never seen Madarao smile like that, and it was rather beautiful on the handsome man. Kanda did not like the diverted attention. “Howard Link...I've been waiting.”

“...Madarao...What are you doing here?” Link's eyes were wide. He hoped he was hallucinating, but everyone else around them whispering clearly proved that he was not. “Do you both know each other?” Lenalee asked in surprise.

“'Tis none of your concern, Lenalee Lee,” Madarao simply answered and snatched both of Link's wrists. He was not about to let Link escape him anytime soon. “Hide from me you may have accomplished in the past, but not this time. This time, Link...I get what I want.”

“Eeks, Yu! Get off me!” Allen's shrill cry was heard as Kanda was holding his hands to his back rendering him immobile.

“OI! No sexual harassment in my room!” Tyki yelled out, effectively stopping both men from assaulting their younger counterparts. “We still have that little bit of celebration!” Lavi intervened, trying to distract them.

“What celebration?”

“Uhh, Madarao's entry to the place! Jeryy's cooking up something good! There's also soba! So let's all play nice and go!” The redhead hastily ushered everyone out to their recreation area, which had been now set up with food and the like. For some inexplicable reason, Allen attempted to discreetly stay out of sight, namely hiding behind Kanda. It was revealed why though, when the boy was ushered forward onto the small stage they reserved for minor performances to entertain themselves.

“Allen, sing us a song!”

“Yeah, you sing like an angel!”

“Allen, let us hear your voice!”

Kanda, while being annoyed at how people coddled favours out of his charge, could not help but think how adorable Allen was blushing from shyness and stage fright. He was fiddling with the microphone in his hand, but he couldn't deny them. “U-Uhm...Then I'll go...just one song...Diamond Crevasse by Galactic Fairy.”

**When I told God 'I was in love'**

**I didn't expect such a parting would come**

**If we are never able to touch one another any more**

**At least I wanted you to embrace me one last time**

**It's long long goodbye**

Tyki glanced at Allen, a little bit sorrowful. Why did he choose this song? It reflected on Allen's feelings, but it also served to make his painful relationship even more stinging. His past life and love, it was not something one could call a good memory.

**Farewell, farewell, countless times**

**Limitlessly I've told myself**

**Waving my hand is gentleness, right?**

**Now I wish for strength**

**Meeting you, my star shone and I was born**

**As long as I love, therefore I am**

**What's the use of waiting for a hopeless miracle?**

**Blurred by tears, the twinkling of the planet is gone**

Road shook her head. Allen's life practically lost sparkle when he had lost his precious love. True, Allen had died before Kanda, but Allen's heart had died much earlier. She had only heard of the story from Allen, but she wasn't quite sure she wanted to witness it with her own eyes. Allen's raw pain was still fresh each time he recalled the incident.

**I will never forget your warmth**

**Your kindness, and your hands that wrapped around everything**

**It's long long goodbye**

**Farewell, farewell beloved**

**Because you were here I could walk all the way**

**I wasn't alone now, was I?**

**Now I wish for an answer**

**Catch a comet that seems to be burning and light a fire**

**I want to love, I want to be loved**

**What will the world be with one cold body?**

**The falsity that I put up is dissolving; long for...**

Lavi didn't know what made Allen sing such a song. He knew that about two weeks before their last battle, Allen and Kanda had been awfully distant from each other. Maybe Allen would be kind enough to tell him about it later, if he asked nicely.

**I wonder why, my tears are flowing and I cannot stop it**

**Meeting you, my star shone and I was born**

**As long as I love, therefore I am**

**What's the use of waiting for a hopeless miracle?**

**Blurred by tears, the twinkling of the planet is gone**

**If we are reborn, and meet again**

**In that moment please find me**

**Don't let go of me any more, catch hold of me**

**That I'm not alone, I wish you would whisper so, planet...**

Kanda never thought that Allen's voice was also rather feminine. He only assumed that Allen hadn't had a proper growth spurt, but now he entertained a faint suspicion that Allen might have a slightly more than normal level of female hormones. Otherwise, the boy wouldn't sound like a girl when he sang!

Allen hurriedly put down the mike and ran off the stage, blushing seven shades of red. “Moyashi, you sound like a girl,” Kanda commented with a smirk; he never wasted an opportunity to make fun of his charge. “S-So what?!” Allen snapped, well aware of that rather embarrassing fact. It was the main reason why he didn't enjoy singing as much; he sounded too feminine especially when he pulled off a falsetto part.

“It fits your chibi size, moyashi.”

“Chibi?! I'm just a few inches shorter than you, ponytail!”

“Let's not argue now,” Lavi pacified them hurriedly. Before Kanda could rid themselves of Lavi, another commotion had occupied their midst. Link appeared to be verbally struggling against Madarao, who wore a satisfied smile. Link was grimacing even though he was at least five feet away from the man. Allen thought in amazement that Link looked like a terrified animal ready to flee at any given moment.

But as he thought so, he realized with a startling clarity that Link's reaction clearly showed that he remembered Madarao. As Madarao's Yumebito, Link's memories had already been awakened. Allen wondered how Link managed to evade capture, and somehow in his heart, he felt jealous. Link should be happy he had Madarao again, and that he was free. He didn't want to remain in here forever either, but it was too hard to escape. His bitter experiences in the past taught him that.

“Jealous of them?”

The boy jumped at the sudden question. Kanda stared at him and smirked. “You want someone to accompany you?” He didn't understand why Allen suddenly froze at his words.

**'Allen! I lo-...'**

**'Don't...Don't say it now...It'll only be empty words.'**

Allen practically hissed at the unwanted recollection of the memory, cutting it off before it deepened. The mere moments before he left the world. He didn't want to recall it. He abruptly stood up, eyes blazing in obvious rage, though at who or what no one knew. “I...Don't...Need...PITY!” Kanda was bewildered by the reaction his question drew. Without waiting for an answer, Allen bolted out of the room.

“Allen-kun!” Lenalee got up and raced after the boy in concern. Everyone else just watched, dumbfounded. Lavi approached the silent Japanese. “Dude...What the hell did you say to him?”

For once, even Kanda didn't have an answer.

~~~

It took Lenalee a while before she found Allen sitting at the bottom steps of the stairwell, face hidden in his hands. Though his face was unseen, Lenalee could hear his soft, muffled sobs. She quietly descended the stairs and sat beside him. Allen showed no signs of acknowledging her presence. Slowly, she placed her arms around the shivering body.

“Allen...Is something wrong?”

Allen finally looked up, with red puffy eyes, sniffling noisily although he tried to quell the sounds from himself. “Lenalee...You remember...That the Walker Syndrome makes people think...about a past life?” Lenalee nodded encouragingly. She was here as his friend, and right now, Allen needed to talk to someone.

“...You see...Yu really resembles someone I see in these visions...”

And he confessed the vision of his death and the reason for his reaction to the girl who listened with wide eyes. “...so I took my frustration out on Yu...I feel terrible...But I don't want to apologize either...” Allen mumbled, his crying now ceased. Lenalee gently patted his back. “I'm sure that Kanda won't take offence. Come on, let's go back. The others must be worried by now,” Lenalee coaxed.

Allen nodded and stood up with the girl. “By the way...Thank you for confiding in me,” Lenalee quipped with a smile. The snow-haired boy smiled back at her. She was a dependable friend, whether she remembered the past or not. Neither had noticed an eavesdropper behind another door, who bolted to find someone to talk to about what he had heard.

So it had come as a pleasant surprise when Timcanpy found Lero coming into his office by his own will. The carrot-top youngster even checked the coast and locked the door for safe measures. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this meeting today?” The blonde eyed Lero shamelessly, only to have Lero slap him lightly, face flushing.

“Timmu! Lero is here for something about Allen. Lero overheard...About when Allen died, lero. Something about that Kanda rejecting him...and then pitying him? Lero didn't hear too clearly...So Lero wondered if Timmu has anything to say about it,” Lero mused as he sat down on Timcanpy's lap.

Timcanpy's hand descended onto the downy soft strands of orange, petting Lero thoughtfully. “I see...I myself do not know too much, or rather...should not say too much on it. But I can tell you a bit about Kanda rejecting Allen. I think, really...It was the beginning of the end for them both that time.”

**Allen watched his lover apprehensively. It was close to the stipulated time of their Last Battle...It would be the last, but...who indeed, amongst them, would survive? Really, he shouldn't bother his lover with unnecessary worries, but...he should tell him this.**

**'You got something to say, Moyashi?' Kanda sent a half-smirk into the direction of his lover, who had been staring at him for a while.**

**The heavy feeling in Allen's chest did not leave. No, Kanda deserved to know. Allen should have told him a long time ago. 'Yu...I...' His voice was coarse, his throat dry with fear. Kanda now approached him, looking at him questioningly.**

**'Yu...I need to tell you this. I think...the Fourteenth has taken over a large part of me.'**

**Allen bit his lips until he drew blood, cowering before Kanda's gaze which suddenly narrowed. '...What the hell do you mean?'**

**He couldn't bear it. Silver eyes hid away beneath their lids, afraid to see. 'I'm having...lapses in memory. I can no longer...remember how we first met, our first mission...' Almost venomously he blamed the Fourteenth for erasing and replacing his memories...His precious memories with Kanda.**

**I had suspected for a while, seeing that I could sense my creator's soul stirring within. What I did not expect was for Kanda to punch Allen. Even as a golem, my jaw was slack with disbelief.**

**'I can't believe you, moyashi...You didn't think this was important enough to tell me? You disgust me.'**

**That was the last...those cold, cruel words Kanda left Allen...Until their parting upon the battlefield. I fluttered down to Allen's side, offering what little comfort I could to my master. Allen held me, eyes blank and unseeing. 'Strange...His punch didn't hurt at all...But his words...I feel like my heart is bleeding out...'**

**That soulless expression upon him told me what words did not.**

**Allen Walker's heart had died from a strike to his weakest point...His love.**

Lero let out a gasp, eyes glittering with unshed tears. The young teen truly felt for Allen, what turmoil he must have experienced from such an inhumane kick to the curb by someone he had, by conventional logic, trusted the most. “...How could he have said that?” Lero buried his face into Timcanpy's neck, discomfited by the event he had heard.

“That I think is on the minds of everyone who knows about this...But what is more cruel was what happened during the battle...Though that...is not my story to tell. I can understand Allen's anger,” Timcanpy cryptically murmured, nuzzling into Lero's soft hair.

“...It does explain what Lero saw in Allen when he battled the Earl, though...Fighting with reckless abandon...as if the world held no value to him anymore...As if life had no meaning any longer. He didn't care about getting hurt, and just kept pushing himself, lero. Lero thinks...by then Allen had given up on living...Is Lero right?”

Timcanpy nodded, pressing a soft kiss to his beloved half's forehead. Through that vicious battle, the world was saved...But at the cost of love.

~~~

Allen had himself barricaded into the room, not letting anyone in. His uncharacteristic outburst may have surprised everyone, but it got to himself the most. He had not lost control like that for a long time. He was supposed to have put that event down long ago. Allen cursed softly under his breath, a habit he picked up from Tyki, and flopped down on his bed.

He wasn't supposed to be bothered by things that had haunted him in the past. The Fourteenth was not within him any longer. He should have no fear. Yet...His heart quaked as if it had been hit with a solid steel bat. Allen knew that some things of the past...They continued to haunt as long as they remained unresolved, no matter how much one wanted to be free of them.

And his greatest fear hung like a droplet on one end of a silk thread, threatening to drip any moment. Would Kanda ever truly grow to love him? Allen trembled just imagining the sort of words that would so easily destroy him in ways the madness and doctors and drugs could not hope to accomplish.

Suddenly weary, Allen allowed himself to wander into the throes of dreamless sleep.

Road, though no longer the Noah of Dream, had the uncanny ability to tell whenever one of her former kin went into sleep. She supposed it was a side-effect of having herself tied to one of the Noah's soul for such a long time. Right now, Allen was safe in the embrace of what used to be her domain.

Kanda for one, was looking torn between maintaining his façade of an asshole and being truly worried for his charge. Lenalee had kept silent since she returned, announcing that Allen didn't wish to be bothered any more for the day. No matter how much Lavi wheedled, Lenalee did not divulge anything she might have spoken with Allen.

“There, there Lavi...Don't try to argue anymore. If there's anything I've learned about women, it's the fact that you'll never win them in an argument,” Tyki muttered, pulling Lavi close. To Lenalee's surprise, instead of kicking up a fuss, Lavi had sidled up to Tyki with a pout. “But Tyki!! I want to know! Do you?”

“Hm...Maybe a little?” Tyki baited.

“Tell me!” The redhead demanded haughtily. He had demanding rights since he was uke! Tyki got up, pulling Lavi to his feet. “Come along then, Lavi. I'll tell you where we won't be overheard.”

Lenalee was about to talk to Kanda about their transport home, just to find the young man missing. Road had kept quiet as she saw him leave. She hoped she was right in allowing Kanda to go to Allen.

“Lenalee, would you mind telling me what happened with Allen? I'm a good secret keeper.”

Kanda had quietly made his way to Allen's room, ignoring the banter from everyone else. He didn't know what he said that triggered those words from the usually gentle boy. He was concerned just like the rest, but he did not like putting his emotions on the surface. Instead, he slipped away from the little distraction Lavi made and headed to Allen's room. The door may be locked, but he had the key card to access the room.

An endearing sight of a dozing Allen greeted the stoic kendo enthusiast. He looked more calm than he had during the outburst. Kanda closed the door behind him and approached the bedside. Allen didn't react when the bed sank under extra weight, unaware that Kanda was close to hovering over him.

Kanda was confused. He had only meant to tease the other boy, but what he got in return was unexpected. It was as if...he had seen a deeper part of Allen that the beauty with silver eyes had tried hard to hide. He felt like he had violated Allen's privacy although it had been the other to burst out.

Seeing the white-haired boy spit out those words, and then run off in a panic...For some reason, it left a sour taste in his mouth. It made his heart twist uncomfortably. Kanda didn't know why, but his sad excuse of an organ calmed at the sight of the boy he was fond of. Carefully, his fingers descended to trace the shape of Allen's lips.

Those lips parted slightly, like a silent invitation.

Kanda cursed himself for the growing feelings that were bordering _obsession_ for the boy before him. Allen made him feel like throwing every single rational thought out of the proverbial window, and that was what he did. Leaning down, he captured the glistening lips, marvelled as always at the softness. Devious, Kanda let his tongue slip in through the small parting, moving slowly as he familiarized himself with Allen's mouth.

'Damn...He's sweet...'

Allen let out a small moan, prompting Kanda to draw back. He didn't stop his fingers from stroking Allen's cheeks, waiting for Allen to wake up. The boy's eyes opened soon enough, confusion lighting those beautiful silver irises. His eyes widened as they truly took in the image before him. “Y-Yu...?” Caution was in those eyes, and Kanda found himself not liking it at all.

Allen always looked upon him with unbridled joy, no care or need to be wary of his overseer. Kanda decided that a good distraction was needed. Firmly grasping his chin, Kanda lowered himself again, this time softly nipping on Allen's lips before pressing down on them with his own. To his own surprise, Allen orchestrated no resistance that he seemed to be so fond of as of late. The young teenager's hands came up, gingerly placing themselves around Kanda's neck.

Encouraged by Allen's acceptance, Kanda shifted until he was straddling Allen, exchanging deep, desperate kisses that didn't seem to be enough for him. A small, foreign part of him revelled and demanded for more; more than what Allen would offer, he was sure. And Kanda was right, Allen gradually stopped; looking up breathlessly at the young man as he did.

He opened his mouth to speak, but finding no suitable words, settled to have his arms relocated around Kanda's waist instead. Kanda rested his own body beside Allen's, tentatively holding the white-haired boy closer. It was alright to spend the rest of the day this way. Allen craved his companionship right now, and Kanda would not deny him.

He was happy with simply companionship for the day.


	11. Who's The Enemy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man is the property of Hoshino Katsura.

The bespectacled man nodded gravely at the young woman before him. The report he received had been, very much to say, interesting. At least now he understood why the tentatively-titled happiest couple had broken like shattered glass. But his husband did not really need to know about this, not yet at least, lest that man came back to Japan to murder one of his interns. On the other hand, to have their redhead intern showing hints that he may have Awakened was an unexpected development. It was much faster than he had anticipated. Perhaps Tyki's effort in pestering his partner had accelerated the process.

“Thank you, Lenalee, for telling me about all this...Especially what Allen told you.”

Lenalee merely frowned at her superior, who was also...

“Komui-niisan...Lavi mentioned to me something about Allen's term of captivity...”

~~~

Link was never one to appreciate coffee. It was to him, the Devil's brew. True, that coffee and tea both have caffeine, but tea relaxes people whereas coffee throws people into madness. Yet irresistibly, the blonde found his hand twitching to have a mug of that bitter, black liquid made from roasted beans. Anything to keep his mind from that - 'Oh my Lord, is he really doing that?!' Link's mind turned off at the sight of Madarao blatantly giving him a lustful look.

Allen was bravely laughing his mind out with his face buried in a cushion. No one bothered paying attention to the young teen, as they were all too busy either laughing or trying not to. Tyki was grinning widely even as Lavi was hanging off his arm, tears of laughter escaping him. It had been Tyki who 'brilliantly' suggested to Madarao to be as explicitly suggestive as possible in order to grab Link's attention, no matter what sort of attention it was. Exactly how he bugged Lavi, which earned him a smack on his arm from said rabbit.

Only Kanda wasn't laughing, but he wasn't scowling either. He was too bewildered with the wildly passionate looks that new patient kept giving his overseer which in return; Link looked ill and fit to faint given any moment. He made no move to stop it, because somehow, seeing the blonde who had bothered moyashi a lot in his weird other-world dreams suffer gave him great satisfaction. Even though he knew it was only a dream and nothing more, no one was allowed to pester his moyashi without his consent.

“Alright...Walker, this must be your doing. What have you done to him?” Link rounded up on one person he could possibly always count on to cook up trouble. Allen's jaw dropped, and immediately he stood face-to-face with Link, looking rather annoyed.

“Is it really mine now? Madarao has been very _kind_ to tell me what sort of cookups you come up with using my name, and now you think I'm responsible for whatever he's doing? You're being very ironic here, Link.”

Link was startled. Madarao told him that? For goodness sake, then something must be seriously wrong with Madarao. Link did not know what occurred in Madarao's life before he came here, but the man certainly was not a LECHER as his very unwholesome attention indicated right now. At least, not in the past when Link still knew him very well. Right now...Link was not sure he even knew the man any more.

The only one who was not partaking in the joyful atmosphere was Road. It always was like this on Saturdays. Road would be the only one without her overseer, and that made her a very, very unhappy child indeed. Allen noticed her quietly brewing temper and approached her. “Do you want to go make some cookies, Road?” The teen gently asked, smiling patiently. Tyki had no doubts that Allen would be an excellent mother.

“...I want to make cakes,” Road answered after thinking for a short while, still sulking. “A cake with lots of icing, marzipan decorations, strawberries, and chocolate!”

“Alright. Shall we go, Link? I doubt your love for baking has diminished,” Allen mentioned with a grin.

Link scoffed. “If it comes to baking, I am sure to find myself superior even to the kitchen staff.”

“...I've been curious for a while, but how the hell do you guys know him?” Kanda asked out of the blue. He was really surprised by the lack of hesitation between Link, Allen and Madarao. “Childhood acquaintances,” Link swiftly answered, smoothly covering for his hidden memories.

“We had no idea we'd meet here again,” Allen added helpfully.

“The world is filled with irony,” Madarao finished with a poetic touch.

Lavi snorted, but kept his face hidden so that Kanda would not be able to see it. But on the way out, Rikei stopped by. He wore a bright grin on his face as he approached the group. “Hey Kanda! You got a phone call at the office. It's from someone you know very well.” Though he didn't understand who Rikei meant, Kanda nodded and left with the Chinese intern to pick up the call. Allen vaguely wondered for a while who was the one who made the call, but the teen put the issue to the back of his mind and helped Road make her cake.

Link on the other hand, was trying to make his confectionery in peace without Madarao trying to, as he so delicately put it, help him. The blonde's definition of help was assisting with the baking process, but Madarao's definition seemed to involve a LOT of physical contact. “Excuse me, but I can handle myself in a kitchen,” Link coolly declared, and placed another three feet between himself and Madarao. Undeterred, Madarao closed the distance, fingers almost discreetly touching Link's elbow. The man did not smile, but rather was concentrated on the content of Link's bowl.

“What do you plan on making, Link?”

Link tried to hide his annoyed expression. “I'm making Sachetorte...And get your finger out of my bowl!”

“They make such a cute couple! Look at how subtly they're flirting with each other,” Jeryy cooed, completely missing their reaction. Tyki coughed out what sounded suspiciously like choked laughter, while Lavi was already stuffing his fist into his mouth to stop from breaking out into laughter. Allen simply couldn't wipe his smile off his face. Link, suffice to say, was going red in the face, from the anger obviously. “Excuse me, but as an employed hand here, I strictly disapprove of work-related relationships.”

“Once I get better and out of this place, we can establish a relationship; is that what you mean?” Madarao commented subtly. Link choked, but Lavi finally burst out laughing at the witty comeback. It was during such ruckus that Kanda returned from his phone call. At first glance, there was no change, but to Allen, Kanda could not have been in a better mood. There was no smile, but Kanda was not scowling either. His general gait was very much relaxed, very obvious from the slight slant of his shoulders and the curve of his spine. “You seem to be in a fine mood,” Allen mentioned as he sidled up to Kanda’s side.

Kanda scoffed, though with no real ill intention. The words that spilled from his lips next had everyone paralysed. “Alma is coming back.” The Noahs, or rather, ex-Noahs remembered in a flash instant the poor experiment who was neither Akuma, nor human, nor true Apostle. The once Crow member and Third Exorcist recalled the disfigured body of the Womb that birthed one such as Madarao then. The past Bookman who only knew Alma by name in the past, but by face in the present, could predict great trouble ahead.

A cold shiver ran through Allen, who was desperately trying to hide the trembling of his hands by hiding them in the pockets of the apron he wore. He knew Alma, though only through Kanda’s memories…Alma had been a very important person to Kanda. Alma was to Kanda what Mana had been to Allen. While Mana had become a father figure to Allen, Alma had been the sole friend of Kanda when he had been trapped in such a bleak existence. Let it not be said that good people cannot be jealous, for that was what Allen was.

Seeing the shocking pale colours Allen had turned into, Tyki came to his rescue. “Right…And Alma would be?” Lavi saw that there was no way to avoid broaching the topic. The redhead grinned, or at least, put on a weak smile. “He’s Yu’s best bud! Been living next to each other since the cradle, I heard. They used to beat the crap out of each other, but strangely grew up to be close friends after that. Isn’t that right, Yu?” Kanda snorted at the description, but did not deny the validity of Lavi’s words.

“…Wow, he must be an interesting person, to be Yu’s best friend.”

Allen couldn’t believe how fake his voice sounded to his own ears, but what he couldn’t believe more was how Kanda failed to notice his unusual behaviour. Road silently approached Allen’s side, tugging his hand. Even without words, both could communicate very well with each other. There were Road’s violet eyes, imploring Allen to seek her should he need any protection from emotional pain. Allen understood Road’s gesture of kindness, and only lightly gripped back her hand in return. “Hn, at least he’s dragging his ass back here after going over to China for three years,” Kanda grunted, looking as if he was annoyed, but Allen knew better. Kanda was pleased that Alma was returning, from his three-year excursion to China, apparently.

Allen daren’t speak out, this Kanda so unfamiliar to him. Rarely, if ever, did he see Kanda so close to being happy, and it hurt him in ways words couldn’t say. He couldn’t face this Kanda. This Kanda…Is not his. Slowly, he released Road’s hand. “I need to get something from my room. I’ll be back soon!” With false cheer, Allen dashed away from the room, needing as much space as he could between himself and Kanda. Instead of heading towards his room, he ran to the classroom wing, diving into the closest empty classroom available. Having found a safe refuge, the snow haired youth sank to his knees, cursing his weakness. Allen greatly loathed himself for his jealousy. In his logic, he could see clearly that Alma’s appearance has helped Kanda a lot. Alma was an irreplaceable friend for Kanda. But somehow, he felt that Alma had a part of Kanda that he could not possess, even if that part was revealed to Alma because of friendship.

So Allen loathed himself for coveting it. He wanted to know all that he could about his Yumebito, and to have a feeling that there was a part of him that he could never know drove Allen to the edge of bitterness. He thought that being Kanda’s lover might at least merit him a little more worth, but it had seemed in the end that he has lost worth as a lover, and possibly all else with it in his previous life. In this life, it was more terrible. Allen could very well be nothing to Kanda, the latter displaying disturbing signs of willing physical contact even though he gave no hints of having any past memories’ flashback, unlike Lavi.

And that terrified Allen to no ends. He could accept it if Kanda never recalled their former life, but would he still fall in love with Allen without his past memory as a guide? Almost unconsciously, Allen began humming.

**When we cannot meet**

**Listen to just this one wish**

**That you are mine**

**Allow me to sing it**

**When I am by your side**

**I am unable to say it**

**That sweet kiss**

**Belongs to me**

**Because you are important**

**Sometimes it makes me want to tease you**

**Let’s do lots of things**

**Let’s touch a lot of places**

**I want to see more of your troubled expression**

**What should I do?**

**I don’t want to leave your side**

**I love you**

**I should have said more of it**

**I really like you**

**I really like you**

When the sounds of applause rang in the empty room, Allen shot up like a startled rabbit. A young man was standing near the door, his tanned dark brown skin shining smooth under the scant sunlight. “Still doing your Nightingale charade?” The newcomer teased, a big smile on his lips. Momentarily, all worries were blown away from Allen’s mind as he leapt to his feet and gave the supposed stranger a warm embrace.

“Narein! I thought you returned to India for your medical studies!” The teenager chirped happily.

Narein grinned, patting Allen’s back. “Well, I’m sure you have eyes to see. I’m back now. I applied for a job here after completing my studies.”

“Does that mean I get to see you everyday now?!” Allen asked excitedly like a boy who got himself a new toy. “You bet you do. I was hoping to be your caretaker, but it seems an intern is already in charge of you,” Narein explained. At the mention of his overseer, Allen’s expression fell once more, all his troubles coming back. Noticing the obvious change, Narein ruffled Allen’s hair.

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

As Allen regaled the tales of happenings while Narein was absent, he failed to realize that someone had seen him joyfully hugging his good friend. The moment Kanda saw Allen looking disappointed that he did not get that doctor as his overseer, the young man left seething. There was no need to ask, it was obvious; Allen did not like Kanda as his overseer, and was let down to know that his friend couldn’t replace Kanda.

_Good_ , Kanda thought viciously. Allen was his charge and his coveted possession. No one was going to take over his job, or take away Allen. Not even if Allen wanted it. The Japanese thought on how he could barely control his jealous outrage to witness Allen so open and comfortable in the presence of another man. Why was it that Allen couldn’t be the same with him? What was it that caused Allen, who while claiming that he was close to Kanda, distanced himself in discreet manners?

As long as Allen remained in the facility, he would always be in contact with that doctor. Kanda mused momentarily. If Allen was healed, he could leave this place, and be away from here. With that thought in mind, Kanda decided that he must do all in his power to cure Allen. Perhaps if Allen could live with him…He had a faint suspicion that he and Alma would be very good friends, seeing that they shared some similar behaviours. Kanda thought to himself some more. When Alma returned, he should introduce him to Allen.

On the other hand, in the kitchen, everyone held a discussion. As much as he did not want to be involved, Link was inevitably dragged into said discussion. Road and Tyki were pestering Lavi about the current Alma, seeing that not everyone knew the past Alma, with the exception of Road in the kitchen group. Even Lavi was looking vaguely uneasy with the revelation. He was pretty good friends with Alma, before his Awakening. But now, it wasn’t as if Alma had become an enemy of his, but rather, Alma posed a threat to Allen’s position.

“So how is the third party like?” Tyki quipped, very curious.

Lavi sighed. “Tyki, if you see it that way in this context, Allen is the third party, since he got to know Yu later. As far as I know, Alma and Kanda grew up as neighbours. Alma used to annoy Kanda, but being boys of the same age, they grew to be quite close friends. Alma is…Well, about the only one Kanda allows using his first name.” A shiver swept through the group. That evidence spoke volumes of Kanda’s friendship with Alma.

“Alma went on a cross-culture exchange programme three years ago to China. He still keeps in contact with us. I guess he was saving the news of coming back as a surprise…”

“And a nasty one at that,” Road muttered, having the bad habit of seeing anyone who was a potential threat to Allen as an enemy. Tyki shook his head. “Now, we can’t judge people like that. Maybe that’s just what they really are, best friends. We can’t make any rushed conclusions without even seeing the guy.”

Link almost sighed witnessing the discussion. “Why do you not simply wait for Alma to arrive and ask him honestly about his feelings? Rather than sneaking around and potentially creating disastrous events, I find it far simpler to deal with.” Everyone stared at the blond, who returned an uneasy glance to them. Madarao then smiled, a genuine smile, not the perverted ones he had been prone to using up until just now.

“That was a useful advice, Link.”

“I guess the task falls to me then, since I can approach him the easiest,” Lavi mused.

Road left the discussion at that. It was not as if she disagreed with the rest, but she understood the extent of Allen's fears. After all, in their previous life, only she and Allen really saw what had happened between Alma and Kanda. Alma was the first bright existence in Kanda's life, and it went without saying that people usually grasped and held on tightly to their first shred of kindness. The young girl didn't know if it applied to Kanda as well, but the role that Alma once played in shaping Kanda's life was too great. And Allen, having borne witness to it all, knew that better than anyone else. Alma was Kanda's friend, but Alma went to the extent of willing to die for that friendship. Kanda's humanity was stomped upon when he discovered he was an artificial being, and further trampled upon when he was forced to kill Alma.

If not for Alma's rampage, Kanda would not be back among the living. It was because of his tragic past that he was able to become an exorcist and meet Allen. Whether it was a blessing or a curse, Road had no idea. But one thing was for sure; she would ensure that Allen was protected. As she wandered down the halls, her sight landed on Allen who was chatting happily with another familiar figure, Narein.

“Oh, and look at who is standing there. How is the Princess doing?”

Road squealed and ran towards him, who readily caught her in his arms. Narein laughed aloud, seeing the childish reaction of the girl who had her arms around his waist. “When did you come back?!” Road demanded, pouting cutely. She was never quite close to humans in her past, but Narein had been a great friend towards Allen, despite not having his memories. That alone was enough to endear Road to the Indian. “Let's say I came back about a few days ago. And I'm going to be working here,” Narein answered, pinching Road's cheeks a bit.

“That's great! What are you going to be doing?” The girl asked, almost displaying curiosity had Allen not known better. She was suspicious, maybe scared even, that Narein would become like one of the terrible doctors here...Those who valued only their research and cared little for their patients. “Well, since I studied pharmaceutics, I should be in charge of the pharmacy with Timcanpy,” he answered easily. Road smiled in a bit of relief. Timcanpy was one of the better doctors around here. So focused Allen was on Narein, he didn't notice when a hand came to clap down on his shoulder, causing the teen to jump and yelp in surprise.

“Do you need to scream?”

Allen's eyes widened, but softened slightly at the sight of the speaker. He managed a small smile and said, “Yu...What are you doing here?” The Japanese scoffed, looking hardly concerned. “I'm your watcher. I can't be letting you run around without me. And who's this?”

She wasn't sure if Allen noticed, but Road was very certain she saw a streak of competitive light in Kanda's eyes. Narein held out his hand, but Kanda didn't take it. In fact, he was staring at Narein almost distrustfully. Allen frowned and lightly elbowed him, causing Kanda to grumble and mutter, but grudgingly took Narein's hand and briefly shook it. Narein didn't let it bother him. “I'm Narein, a new doctor here. When I was an intern I looked after Allen, so I've known him for some time.”

As much as Kanda disliked the fact that Narein seemed close to Allen, there was a strange fact to his words, and he voiced his thoughts. “Intern? When?” Allen was only admitted about three years ago, wasn't he? And as much as an idiot he could be, Kanda was at the very least sure that studying medicine took more than three years. Narein was about to answer, but was immediately silenced when Allen hastily pressed a finger to his lips. Allen dragged Narein away, leaving Road to distract Kanda.

“What's wrong, Allen?”

“Narein...Can you keep it a secret?” Allen asked nervously. He had forgotten; Narein had no idea the length of Allen's stay had been modified to three years. Narein raised his eyes in surprise. “He's your intern, you know?”

“I know...I have my reasons. Just...Until it's okay, please keep it a secret...How long I've been here...”

The Indian smiled gently at the lost-looking boy before him. Allen was so different from when he first came under Narein's watch. As a young nine year old, Allen was often sullen and unresponsive, choosing to spend his time together with a then eight year old Road. It had been hard for Narein to try to communicate with his charge, who had been somewhat scared to be with someone he didn't know well. But Narein's openness and persistence won Allen's friendship in the end, and Narein was glad that their friendship gave Allen a bit more laughter back into his life. He almost couldn't believe six years have passed since he ended his internship and left Allen here.

“Alright. If you don't want to let him know, I won't say anything. Come on, let's go back. I'm sure that he's waiting for you. He seems really protective of you,” Narein replied. Allen nodded awkwardly, not even wanting to imagine Kanda's reaction at being suddenly ditched like that. He had been increasingly clingy after all, and a possessive Kanda was really troubling. As expected, Kanda was glowering at them when they returned to where they left Kanda and Road standing. The intern let out an angry sound from the back of his throat and snatched Allen's wrist, leading him away.

“Yu?! Where are you taking me?” Allen asked, trying not to wince at the force of Kanda's grip.

Kanda didn't answer, but he tugged at Allen's hand, forcing the boy to jog to keep up with Kanda's brisk pace. Not wanting to anger Kanda any further, Allen kept quiet and followed him. To his surprise, they were back in his room. Kanda roughly flung Allen onto the bed, causing the snow-haired teen to bewilderedly wonder what was going on in his watcher's mind. “Don't go mixing around with that guy,” Kanda warned, the tick of irritation visible in his expression. He had been angry when he saw Allen silence Narein with a finger to his lips, thinking that such an action was inappropriate. A small voice in his mind told him that he didn't want to see such an intimate move, because he was envious of the possibility that Narein may be closer to Allen's heart than he was.

Allen's face, from a mask of confusion turned into a glare of annoyance. “Why not? Narein is my friend!”

“Because I say so! He's not good news!”

“You don't know Narein! He's been a great person to me!”

Allen flinched when Kanda slapped his palm onto the wall, narrowly missing Allen's face. He found his body pressed against to the wall as Kanda drew himself closer. “I don't know that man, but I know I'm in charge when it comes to you and I say you stop mixing with him!” Irrational bravery took over Allen. The teen pushed Kanda back and scrambled off the bed, scowling at the Japanese, who was being increasingly unreasonable. He didn't understand; he's never seen such a...maniac Kanda before.

“You don't order me around! I have the right to make friends with whomever I want!”

The moment Kanda's eyes came upon Allen's own, the teen realized there was a furious glow to those dark irises. A small amount of fear clawed at his heart; he was unable to confront this side of Kanda he didn't know. He's dealt with an angry or hateful Kanda...but this was unlike anything he's ever seen before. Allen bolted out of the room before he even knew what he was doing.

“Moyashi!”

Needless to say, Kanda gave chase. Fear mounting with every passing moment, Allen ran faster until he saw help in a distance. He immediately hid behind Timcanpy, who looked surprised to have Allen use him as a shield and faced with a scary Kanda. “Now, now...What's going on?”

“Hand him over,” Kanda declared frostily. He was in no mood for games.

Allen was trembling; Timcanpy could tell without having to see. He could feel Allen's hand on his back, spasms twitching his fingers against his skin through the clothes. “Kanda...It's best that you leave for a while. You should know emotional and mental stress is not good for a mental institute patient,” Timcanpy chided. Kanda still stubbornly stood his ground. At times like this, Timcanpy was reminded of exactly how stubborn Kanda could be. Finally, Timcanpy gave his own coat a little point, his pristine white a symbol status that he was of higher authority.

“White wins over blue, you little brat, so scram. I'll need to direct Allen for a calming session with the psychiatrist,” the blonde snuffed and placed a hand around Allen's shoulder, gently leading the boy away. Timcanpy hadn't seen such a distraught Allen before, but something was undeniably disturbing his former owner. The doctor led Allen to a ward, tucking the boy in before leaving him to rest.

Allen felt bitterly disappointed in himself. How could he have run from Kanda like that? He should have turned back and faced the young man. Almost cruelly, his mind wandered and simply thought if Alma had ever seen this side of Kanda. The white haired teen growled, burying his face into the pillow as he recalled Kanda's laughter. The first time he had ever heard Kanda laugh, and that was because Alma managed that feat somehow. His fingers dug into the sheets in frustration. He was not even able to coax a sincere smile out of Kanda, be it the past life or this life. The sound of the laughter in his mind was purely made of joy, yet it sounded mocking to Allen.

“Shut up...Just shut up...!”

Allen tried to drive out the sound of the laughter he would never be able to truly hear out of his mind. There was a wedge driven between him and Kanda just from the mere mention of Alma. Somehow, Allen felt that way. The boy had no idea how true his presumption would be in the future.

Everyone was startled when Kanda returned to the kitchen, for the intern had a ferocious expression upon his visage. “Baka usagi, give me the car keys.” Lavi was confused, to say the least. Something had happened, and Tyki was willing to bet that it had something to do with Allen. “But Yu, our shifts aren't over yet...”

“I'm clocking out early. Now, give me the damn keys.”

As if on auto-pilot Lavi's hand shot out and dropped the keys into Kanda's palm. When Kanda's voice hit that all-time low tone, it meant he was seriously pissed. Lavi witnessed it just once when someone stole Kanda's supply of soba. After that, the redhead remembered to just do as Kanda says if his voice ever reached that deep, deadly baritone. Tension remained in the air even after he left. Madarao's eyes didn't leave the door which Kanda used to exit the kitchen. There was something dangerous lurking within the Japanese. Something subtle, yet fatal...Like a time-bomb, which no one knew when it would ignite. But time-bombs are notorious for having a very short time limit. No one spoke about what just happened, but Link gained an uneasy feeling that something was going to happen soon.

Kanda, who strode out to the parking lot, angrily jammed the keys in, starting up the car. His grip was so tight on the steering wheel that his knuckles turned an unhealthy white. “Fuck it!” He suddenly snapped, seething. It wasn't just the fact that Allen refused to listen to him, or that the boy had run FROM him, or even the fact that Timcanpy chose to shelter Allen away from it that made Kanda irrationally angry. It was something in his heart that felt so unfulfilled and raged when he wasn't given the chance to be with his charge. It was foreign to him, and Kanda was too cautious to let out that unusual feeling that raged within him.

It was as if someone was trying to dig his way out of the walls of his heart.


	12. Papercut Murders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

The atmosphere had been heavy the three days since everyone was informed of Narein's return. Lavi, who did not know Narein, was easily given details by Road. Tyki also happened to tell him about Narein's role in Allen's past life, which made the redhead understand with better ease Allen's camaraderie with the Indian doctor. Usually, Lavi would have liked to tease Kanda about the appearance of a competitor since Narein was quite handsome, but this time around, the bunny dare not simply toss his words about because it was very obvious even to the blind that Kanda viewed Narein as a threat to his relationship with Allen, even if they barely have any relationship to speak of save their intern-patient one.

Allen was the one who suffered the most from the tension. Every time he went to see Narein for a chat, Kanda insisted that he followed. But ever since the little runaway episode, the air between them was so awkward Allen couldn't bear to be left alone with Kanda even for a while and practically begged Tyki to accompany him, which led to Lavi tagging along. Now these four people were always moving together. Kanda couldn't trust Allen to be alone with Narein, but Allen couldn't trust himself to be alone with Kanda. Narein didn't ask any questions, but it seemed to him that it was pretty stressful for Allen to be with his overseer, Kanda. Each time he saw Allen, Kanda was sure to be there. Their conversations were choppy, and Allen could barely manage a strained smile, often opting for a tired frown.

Even Tyki was getting tired seeing these stressful on-goings. “Allen...Can you please, do something about Kanda?”

Allen sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “I wish I could...But...I'm not sure if I'm of any influence to him any longer. Since that Saturday, things have gotten...stuck. I'm not sure how to get out of this predicament, but I don't like this situation any more than you do. I'm afraid that I'd say something that triggers his temper again.”

The patients looked at each other and sighed. Road knew Kanda was hardly one to be pacified when he was having a tantrum, and it was impossible for anyone to stop him if even Allen could not assure himself of certain success. Even Madarao looked oddly sympathetic, looking at the door once in a while. His uneasy feelings have not disappeared, if anything, they grew stronger. Something was just around the corner, and he did not want to be the one to find out what it was. Right now, it was still early in the morning and they were waiting for their overseers to come. The wait was not comfortable for them, and neither was it for the interns.

Lavi was usually someone who popped up regularly with the help of an alarm clock, but he was especially early this morning. The source of his anxiety? Alma arrived at their dorm yesterday. Lavi praised the stars that he was Kanda's room mate; who knew what Alma might do if the boy ended up bunking with Kanda? Even Kanda's stiff atmosphere lightened a bit in the presence of his old friend. The redhead did not know if he should interpret it as a bad news or not. What was worse, Alma volunteered to go with them to the institute today. Lavi tried to deflect him with worries of his jet-lag, but the boy cheerfully dismissed any concerns about his fatigue and assured that he was fit enough to follow along tomorrow.

Which made today the trip of doom for Lavi.

Lavi glanced almost resentfully at the sleeping figure opposite his own bunk. Kanda was a blessed individual to still be able to sleep peacefully, even as the world around him got agitated and restless. The redhead missed the slight twitching of Kanda's fingers as he left the room to start his day.

**“** **You absolute fool.”**

**My whole body was on alert; against the disembodied voice which spoke in darkness. He spoke again.**

**“** **Wake up while you still have time.”**

**“** **Who are you?”**

**As if an answer to my question, a shrouded, almost visible figure appeared. Parts of him were concealed by darkness.**

**“** **......Ignorant fool.”**

**Irritated, I lashed back. “What about you, coward? Hiding in the darkness like that.”**

**I could not see his face, but I could sense his cynical grin.**

**“** **Hide? No...YOU are the coward. You are the one who refuses to look at me.”**

**“** **Look? I'm staring at you now!”**

**The figure did not move, but there was a sensation of something reaching out to me.**

**“** **But are you really seeing? You are blind and ignorant.”**

**“** **Who are you?! What gives you the right to come and insult me?!”**

**“** **...Wake up.”**

**“** **What...?”**

**Suddenly, I found his eyes staring into mine.**

**“** **I never forgive anyone who hurt him...Even if it is my own self.”**

**The fog cleared, I could almost see his face...!!**

Kanda woke up with a sharp intake of breath. Immediately, he grabbed his head, hissing. It was not good to start a day with a headache. He vaguely remembered that he dreamt, but the dream was long forgotten. Along with it...the warning.

As he stepped out of the room and into the bathroom, Kanda could smell breakfast cooking, which meant Lavi was in the kitchen. Kanda considered it slightly odd that Lavi was awake this early, but he didn't bother commenting on it. Better for the bunny to wake on his own than having Kanda slap him awake, should the redhead's alarm not work. It didn't take long for the intern to finish his daily chores and take a seat across Lavi. The redhead grinned at him, but being Lavi's friend for a while, Kanda felt something was amiss.

“...Do you have anything to say, baka usagi?”

“Huh, me?” Lavi thought of denying immediately, but something lit up in his mind then. “Well...It's not much of an issue, but as one of your best friends, I'm concerned. How long are you going to keep things between you and Allen that charged? Any longer, and we'll be electrocuted, yanno?”

Kanda immediately scowled at the mention, causing Lavi to shrink away discreetly. Unexpectedly, Kanda spoke up. “It's the moyashi's fault! If he didn't insist on every opportunity he gets to see that...bastard, then I wouldn't be so pissed. And don't call me by my name!” Lavi scratched his head absently. Kanda's jealousy was coming on pretty strong.

“But Yu, don't you think your jealousy is a bit overboard? I mean, I completely understand if you think Allen's cuteness is irresistible, but he's right when he said he can choose his own friends.”

Kanda's eyes narrowed down into a glare. Lavi gulped and tensed, prepared to jump away from the table should Kanda feel like reaching over and strangling him. “I'm not jealous! I just feel really pissed off when I see it! It's like...Something in me just wants to get out and kill that man!” Lavi's senses sharpened instantly. Kanda had shown no sign of Awakening...but what if...Maybe, his room mate was finally dreaming of his memories? It could explain the irrationality of Kanda's actions when it came to Allen! But there was no way he could go about this carelessly...If Kanda didn't have those dreams, he couldn't let the Japanese catch onto what he was thinking.

 “Say, Yu...Do you ever get any dreams?”

The sudden change of subject surprised Kanda enough for his expression to mellow out into something more thoughtful. Lavi was teetering off the edge of his seat, eager to hear the answer. Then, Kanda snorted. “I'm not a pervert like you, baka.” Lavi almost fell off his chair but quickly regained momentum, his face as red as his hair.

“Not like that!!”

Any further conversation was interrupted when someone knocked on the door. Reality came back to Lavi. Kanda got to the door before Lavi did, and as the redhead expected, a cheery looking Alma was there, all ready to go. Lavi muffled a groan with his palm and wearily shook his head. He SO did not have the energy to keep up with that cheeriness. The stress of everything else was already sapping his strength, not to mention Tyki's wandering hands. He almost didn't notice Lenalee who had remained standing by the door frame, looking rather concerned.

“All right, move out! The sooner we go, the sooner we arrive,” Lavi commanded, ushering everyone out of his dorm room.

“This is gonna be great! I can't wait to see the patient who's been handling Yu,” Alma snickered, unaffected by the half-hearted glare Kanda gave him. Lavi's stomach did another somersault. There it was; another stark evidence of the not-so-vicious Kanda when it came to Alma. The young man's red hair could turn green with illness just by thinking of his mission: ask Alma what he thought of Kanda. If there was any time, today would be the best day to do it. But how was he going to do that? He couldn't just walk up and say, “Hey Alma, would you happen to get that sorta feeling where you just want to kiss your best friend? Your GUY best friend.” That was pure idiocy!

Lavi's body went into autopilot as he continued thinking. How about, 'Alma...You know how close you and Yu are? Are you like, you know...swinging the other way for him?” The redhead mentally moaned in misery. That sounded stupid as well. Maybe the straightforward, “Do you love Yu?” No way, he might actually freak Alma out and Kanda would beat him up for asking such a stupid question. He sighed; he would figure it out eventually, as soon as they got there.

“Lavi? We're here.”

Lenalee's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 'No way, already?!'

Alma peered at Lavi's wide eyes. “Are you alright, Lavi? You seem a little off?”

'Do I look okay?! Of course I'm a 'little off'!! And whose fault do you think it is?!' Lavi almost demanded, but managed to just nod. He never did tell Tyki and the rest that Alma would be here today...Crap, it was going to be a nasty face-off. Just then, something brushed against the back of his palm. Emerald eyes looked up just in time to see Lenalee withdrawing her hand. Her expression was strangely calm and melancholic at the same time, as she leaned in and whispered, “I'm sorry I hit you...You were right about Allen.”

Before Lavi could ask her to clarify her words, Lenalee briskly strode away from the redhead. Anything and everything else didn't matter, the moment Alma approached Allen on the fly. Every single person available in the room were watching with their breath held in, surprisingly even Kanda. Alma stuck his hand out, grinning brightly. Without hesitation, Allen received the hand in a friendly handshake, equipped with a dazzling smile of his own.

“Hi, you're Yu's patient, right? I've heard a lot about you! My name is Alma.”

“Yes, I am. My name is Allen, pleased to meet you. I'm surprised that Yu has anything to mention about me,” Allen's warm smile didn't waver, but who could tell what the teen was thinking? Alma's eyes widened for a bit, but he laughed. “Wow, I have never seen anyone say Yu's first name and not get their head bitten off! Well, apart from Lavi, but he gets death threats from time to time.”

“What can I say, I'm persistent and very stubborn.”

Even though they spent a long time together, Road could not tell if it was true friendly hospitality or frigid sarcasm coming from Allen. Knowing the boy, it could very well be either one. Kanda interrupted the conversation with a snort. “That moyashi was annoyingly persistent all right. Reminded me of you back when we were still kids.” Everyone's eyes riveted to the long-haired Japanese, trying to hide their glares with varying degrees of success.

Lavi felt like slapping Kanda at that very moment. 'Crap, you DO NOT compare these two at a time like this!!!'

But to everyone's surprise, Allen GIGGLED. The white-haired teen looked up at Kanda and said, “It really does explain how easily you put up with me.”

“Or rather, how easily you can put up with Yu's tantrums. Only people who are stubborn can do it,” Alma interjected. He directed his grin to Allen and Allen smiled back, obviously sharing a joke about Kanda. Kanda scowled, but inside his heart he felt a relief. Alma and Allen got together just fine. He didn't know why it seemed so important to him that they did; maybe it was some unspoken code about best friends and girlfriends needing to approve of each other? Not that Allen was a GIRLfriend, but the point was there.

“So, how are we going to spend the day today?” Tyki quickly asked. It was not that he didn't approve of Allen and Alma befriending each other, but the tension was so thick you could slice through it with Mugen. There was also the undeniable fact that none of them knew Alma's feelings towards Kanda yet. Tyki honestly wanted to avoid having Alma and Allen become friends just to find out the guy was to be his love rival.

“Well, I'd like to see what you guys do on a usual day!” Alma suggested enthusiastically.

Everyone agreed; no one wanted to do anything out of the ordinary in case they rocked the boat. After exchanging introductions and greetings, the pack began their day. Not a single soul missed how good a mood Kanda seemed to be in. But seeing Kanda almost sandwiched between Allen and Alma made a strange sight to see indeed. Lavi could care less at the moment; right now he was concentrating on how to get Alma alone long enough to ask THE question. He finally found the way to do it. And right now, he was heckling his lover for ideas. Tyki was trying to answer to the demands of his lover, but it was common sense to know that Kanda probably would not let Alma out of sight, especially since the intern thought that Tyki was a 'questionable character'. What was so questionable about his hunk of sexiness?!

“...Okay, love, here's what we do. I fake leaving something in my room, and you ask Alma to come along with us to retrieve it, showing him some more parts of the building? It's lame, but it might work.”

Lavi nodded thoughtfully at the suggestion and shifted gear into hyper mode. Damn, the young man could change in a snap! “Hey Alma! Tyki forgot something in his room. I figured we both could accompany him, yeah? And I can show you around while we're at it,” he suggested with his best 'please say yes' look, all while praying Kanda wasn't going to interfere. Road caught on, and with a wicked smile she knew just how to distract Kanda.

“Hey Allen, why don't we go see Narein?”

Allen jumped a little at the suggestion, but he readily agreed. “Sure, why not?”

Kanda instantly muttered, “I'm coming with you, moyashi.”

“I'll go with Lavi. See you later, Yu!” Alma mentioned and walked off with Lavi and Tyki.

The now party of four continued their journey on to the pharmacy where Narein worked. Kanda now had Allen's hand tightly clenched in his own, his aura burning, as if daring Allen to object. Allen did not speak, but his face was set to a grimace. It was going to be another day for an ugly showdown. It always was. Every time after visiting Narein, they would get into some petty argument, all of it always about why Allen insisted on visiting his friend, and why Kanda was so adamant on avoiding it. He had no idea why Road would suggest such a thing while knowing it brought tension between Kanda and himself. But she never did things without a reason, so Allen could only trust her.

On the other hand, Lavi was having the hardest time in his life. Tyki was pretending to be searching his room for the non-existent object, leaving Lavi and Alma waiting outside. Now was the time. And Lavi decided that being vague was the best way to go about it. “Alma, you've been friends for a long time with Yu, haven't you?”

Alma nodded, his face lighting up. Lavi smile weakly in return. “You know...Some people, when they're friends for a long time...Well, they develop this uh...something, yeah? You get what I mean?”

“Yeah, I understand what you're saying,” the latter replied, paying attention to Lavi's words.

“So...Do you experience that with Yu?”

The bomb was dropped.

Alma blinked blankly at Lavi for a while. Lavi's prayers for denial were dashed. Alma put on a big grin and announced, “Of course! We've been together since we were kids after all!” Lavi felt his heart sink to the bones of his heel. He tried to be calm, but the only thing that seemed to be going on was the phrase 'what should I do' loop in his head several times. His salvation came from Tyki, who came out from his room and smoothly blended into conversation.

“I've got what I needed, lads. Now, let's head over to Narein. Chances are they're still there talking,” he suggested with a suave smile, discreetly guiding Lavi with a hand at the small of his back without Alma noticing. “Sure! Who is this Narein guy anyway?”

Lavi gave his lover a look of pure distress. How were they supposed to tell Allen that their fears were true; that Alma had feelings for Kanda?

~ ~ ~

Kanda couldn't keep the scowl off his face. He could never stand it when Allen spent time with Narein. It only cemented his opinion that Allen seemed to have something going on for Narein. He couldn't explain his feelings about the situation; it went beyond plain jealousy. Kanda was quietly struggling to find out the answer. He was angry, of course, after all the devoted attention Allen poured him the limelight somehow suddenly switched to the new guy on the block. He still hadn't even asked Narein when he became Allen's overseer, but his pride was too great to allow the question. But somehow, Kanda couldn't grasp his jealousy. There was something in him that made him want to rage, but he didn't understand what that 'something' was. He only knew if Allen was near Narein, he would only be pissed. To the relief of the stressed man, the conversation was finally wrapping up.

“Let's go to the dining hall. I'm hungry.”

Allen's voice was airy, and it sounded like such an obvious ploy to distract him. Kanda was about to answer when Alma came into view, with Tyki and Lavi behind them. Lavi looked blue, literally. Tyki had an odd half-smile half-frown on his face. Only Alma seemed to be genuinely happy. “Hey, Yu! This place is really cool! They have so many facilities other institutes lack!” Kanda snorted, but he was glad. At least there was someone normal to depend on, not that Lenalee and Road weren't normal, but the girls were unusually withdrawn today as well.

“We're going to get something to eat, Alma. Let's go.”

Kanda missed the slight wince that flashed on Allen's face as he walked on with Alma, obviously expecting Allen to automatically follow after at the same pace. Road did not even need Lavi's words to understand, but Allen had to hear it. If he needed any emotional preparation, he had to know. The job was obviously hard on Lavi, but sometimes the saint must play the devil to get a message across. The redhead gently laid a hand on Allen's shoulder. Allen expected the answer, but his whole body tensed as if trying to brace for a physical blow. “...He confirmed it...About Yu...”

Allen's shoulders went slack, his expression spelling out devastation. Tyki tried to cheer him up by saying, “H-Hey, but there's no guarantee that Kanda likes him back, right?” Quivering silver eyes gazed at the strong back of the man he loved, who was walking with Alma, Lenalee and Road.

“...Who am I kidding, Tyki? Between the normal best friend, and a mental institute live-in psycho, who do you think would have a better chance?”

Allen liked Alma, he really did. Alma was a nice person. But reality was a sucker punch to the gut. Then again, there was a sort-of chemistry going on with Kanda's obvious physical attraction to Allen...But what if it was just that? A no-strings attached relationship? Allen felt his head hurt just thinking about it. Add the fact that Kanda seemed to remember absolutely nothing was the sour icing on the cake. Allen could've accepted that, but right now, he needed reassurance, something to tell him that the past was not lost. That he still stood a chance.

Kanda felt something was amiss when Allen fell silent. Even Alma sensed the awkwardness dancing naked in the air, as his glance passed back and forth between his best friend and his new friend. So, like any best friend should do, he distracted Kanda. “Still up for that soba eating competition? You know, I might actually beat you this time.” Kanda looked over to Alma and sneered, but in a friendly way.

“You'll never win, idiot.”

“But I'll never know unless I try!” Alma insisted.

And then...The most beautiful sound came to Allen's ears. Kanda gave a light, short chuckle, casually cuffing Alma's head. “Which you did like thousands of times. Give it up, stupid.” All of a sudden, Kanda was pulled back by Allen away from Alma. The man tilted his head towards the boy, as if asking with his gesture alone what in the world was Allen doing. Allen himself was shocked; his body just reacted and did what it could to get Kanda. He almost wanted to scream how unfair it was to see Kanda laugh from a normal conversation with Alma, while he couldn't even coax it out as his lover. His logical side however, chided him and preached that Alma and Kanda deserve their friendship after all the pain and suffering they went through in their past lives. Allen stared helplessly into Kanda's eyes, wondering if he could ever understand the frustration.

It hadn't been there for some time, but there it was again. That searching gaze in those silver eyes. The one that made Kanda irritated beyond compare, because it was as if Allen was searching for something that didn't exist within him. That Allen was seeing someone else instead of the true him. With the stress continuously increasing the past few days, it was the last straw. “Just what the fuck do you want?”

“What...?” Allen couldn't comprehend the venom dripping from Kanda's voice. But he knew it from somewhere before...When he told Kanda about the Fourteenth. The boy visibly trembled, but Kanda took no notice of it, being consumed in his anger. If only Kanda had seen the fear glimmering in his eyes as well. Everyone paused in their steps, staring in shock. No one tried to stop Kanda; consequences could get very ugly if any careless attempt was made.

'No, please...Please don't tell me...'

Prayers never worked out for Allen Walker.

“Stop acting so fucked-up with me, moyashi! Listen here, you have a goddamned MENTAL disease eating up your brain and it’s screwed your thinking badly! I am NOT whoever you think I am, so stop daydreaming and focus on getting yourself cured!! Stop staring as if I know what you want, I don't! I don't even fucking know you until I landed this crap internship but you acted like you knew me since forever! Stop that! Looking after you is a pain in the ass!”

Kanda heaved a breath after his tirade. The outburst left many silent. Allen’s expression didn’t change, but Road and Tyki could see the fountain of sorrow welling beneath his skin right now. “Oh well...I guess you’re right, Kanda. I need to get to the dining hall now, I'm really hungry.” That was the first time he had been called Kanda by Allen. Somehow, it stung him but Kanda vehemently shook it off, ignoring the looks of anger from Lenalee and betrayal from Lavi. Something had broken, but Kanda couldn't sense what that was yet. Alma hurried after Allen, worried for him. He managed to catch Allen at the stairs.

“Wait, Allen! Yu has a really foul temper, he doesn't mean that!”

Kanda snarled. “Don't mind that brat, Alma.”

“But Yu!” When Alma turned to face Kanda, everything else that happened after seemed to go by in slow motion. Alma's elbow nudged into Allen's back when he swivelled around to look at Kanda. Allen, who had been about to step down the stairs found himself suddenly mid-air, staring at the descending steps, his feet only a few inches off the ground. Allen's mouth opened, but no word came out. His mind couldn't comprehend; it was simply stuck on the image of the stairs trailing downwards beneath him. Everyone gasped, but Road let out a horrified scream.

“ALLEN!”

It was the first time Lenalee ever heard Road scream like that. The little girl reacted faster than anyone else, rushing to catch Allen. She managed to snatch his wrist, but the triumphant smile was washed off when she realized that she was too light to pull Allen back. Instead, the young girl hurtled down the stairs with Allen, both of them rolling and bouncing off the steps until they landed in a crumpled heap at the foot of the stairs, unmoving. The shock which kept everyone rooted to the ground broke, and Lenalee was the first to shriek in fear, rushing down the stairs towards Allen and Road. Lavi and Tyki too wasted no time in reaching the injured pair. Kanda however, was still stuck to where he stood, as if he did not just witness Allen fall down the stairs.

“Yu, what are you doing?! We have to get going!” Alma yelled and went down the stairs himself.

Lenalee took several deep breathes to calm herself, scared at the sight of blood that poured profusely from a hideous gash to Road's temple. She did a quick examination of them both, trying to determine if they broke any bones before declaring them fit to be moved. Lavi immediately scooped Road into his arms while Tyki picked Allen up very carefully as if he was glass. The man glared at Kanda as the latter got down the stairs. Kanda stared at Allen's face; it was lifeless, as if...His heart pounded painfully, but he shook it away. He was still angry at Allen for everything that led to his outburst.

The couple wasted no time in getting their friends to the ward, with the others trailing behind them. The doctors were veritably surprised, but they were quick to spring into action, moving Road and Allen into the theatre while ushering the rest out. The agonizing wait was done in silence. Alma was pacing, wondering if they were alright. Lenalee was much calmer than before, but still she sat by the door, worried. Lavi however, was focused on Tyki. Tyki was giving Kanda the sort of look which could kill.

“Why are you even here?”

Kanda glared in return. He did not feel up to answering Tyki. Unsatisfied, Tyki grabbed his collar and slammed Kanda against the wall. “Listen up, birdbrain, because I'll only say it once. You don't fuck around with Allen and get away with it,” Tyki was practically hissing. “Tyki, stop it!” Lavi groaned, trying to pry Tyki away. Strangely defiant, Kanda smirked and answered, “We didn't ever get to the fucking part, so you can get your slimy hands off me.”

That was it. Tyki punched Kanda with all he had, prompting Alma to step in to stop Tyki as well. Kanda spat out a mouth of blood; his teeth cut his inner cheek. Lenalee ended all the hullaballoo, screaming, “You guys better shut up before I personally send you into the ward myself! Tyki, sit down and behave! Lavi, restrain your charge! Kanda, just shut up and Alma, don't even say a word!” She looked calm on the outside, but Lenalee had been one of the most anxious of the group. How could she not be; it was Road who fell trying to save Allen. Why hadn't any one of them reacted faster? Apart from Road, the rest were capable enough to stop Allen from falling. Now they were both injured, with no telling how grave those injuries could be.

It was an hour more to wait before the doctor finally stepped out. “How are they, doctor?” Lenalee rushed up front, dreading yet wanting to know. The doctor looked gravely at them. “Road Kamelot suffered concussion, a sprained ankle and a deep wound to her temple. She will not be conscious for an indefinite amount of time. Allen Walker has a fractured right arm, and a light concussion. I suggest that you report this incident and leave the patients to recuperate.”

Lenalee looked at Kanda; this was going to be trouble.

~ ~ ~

“Say what?!”

Reever winced at the volume. He sighed, not expecting things to turn out this way either. “Like I said...Road and Allen fell down the stairs and got injured. The Internship Office held Lenalee and Kanda responsible for failing to look after their charges and dismissed them. This is one month too early from the plan, Supervisor. What do we do?” Komui looked deeply troubled. His plan was not supposed to be halted here. He thought Lenalee and Kanda would be able to last the whole internship, not getting cut short one month early. Komui considered however, that Lavi was still among the ranks of the patients. He could be of use.

“...I'll ask Lenalee to try and convince Lavi to look after them. Also, you can try to get Timcanpy to look out Allen,” Komui ordered. Reever nodded. He hesitated for a moment, but decided that he should mention it. “...The cause of the accident was from an argument. Kanda was yelling at Allen. Allen didn't fight back but headed downstairs when Alma accidentally bumped into him and...What do we do about them?”

Komui sighed; he always knew Kanda was a troublemaker in his own brand. “Reever...We know for a fact that the beginning of the Awakening varies according to people. Timcanpy already helped in jump-starting that process for Lavi and Kanda. Lavi seems to have fully recovered, but Kanda...It's as if he's really forgotten, or that he is unconsciously repressing his memories. We can do nothing about it, because whether the memories come back or not depends entirely on the person themselves.”

Komui prayed that Johnny worked fast. If not, lives might become very miserable for those imprisoned at the mental institute of the Black Order.

**“** **Why so sad, Allen Walker~?”**

**“** **Do I look sad, Earl?”**

**The sound of clashing steel rang sharply. The Earl's face in a perpetual smile.**

**“** **Yes, it does~ you look like a broken-hearted doll. Just like when I first saw you~”**

**A smile etched on my face, but I knew...It was void of emotions.**

**“** **Thank you for your concern.”**

**I've lost my ability to feel since that day.**

**“** **Poor child, did someone close to you die?”**

**The Earl sounded strangely, truly sympathetic.**

**“** **No...Worse still...”**

**I continued to taunt him with my hollow smile.**

**“** **What can possibly be worse than the death of a loved one?”**

**His curiosity made me smile wider.**

**I never noticed the tears that fell down my cheeks.**

**“** **Why, it is the death of my own soul.”**

Allen woke up to white...everywhere. He suppressed a sob, wiping away his tears with sleeves. The boy wondered why he dreamt of his final battle with the Earl. To him, it seemed such an insignificant event of his life but it was so important to those who depended on him to win. Looking around, Allen saw that no one was in the ward. Road was lying in the bed next to his, looking like she was peacefully sleeping. Allen tried to move, but realized his arm was in a cast. Seeing it made him remember what happened, from when he fell down to what happened before it. Strangled sounds of misery escaped his parched lips, fighting back more tears that threatened to fall.

“Allen...?”

Tyki was standing at the door, hurrying in when he saw Allen crying into the sheets. Allen glanced at him, but the teen was too distraught to speak and Tyki understood. Allen flung himself at Tyki as soon as the man approached his bed, sobbing into Tyki's shirt. Tyki rubbed his hand on his back, trying to calm the child down. “Shh, it's okay...He's an idiot. You shouldn't be crying over an idiot...Forget about him, lad. There are many other men and women who want you out there,” Tyki tried to encourage, but none went into Allen’s ears.

“I just...Wanted to hear him say my name again...” Allen murmured with a broken voice. He had been imprisoned here, all his life, only praying and hoping that he could meet his beloved once more. All he wanted was Kanda. Where had he gone wrong? Had he endured the torture of his sanity for ten years just for it to all vanish in a single moment? “Just sleep, Allen...I'll be here,” Tyki murmured, tucking the teen into bed carefully. Seeing Allen's tear-stained face hurt him as well.

It was a good thing that Kanda was no longer Allen's overseer.


	13. End of the Crossroads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

Alma knew Kanda was worried in the whole week, but in typical Kanda fashion, the man refused to let others see that. In stead, Kanda was acting like his usual self, an asshole. He knew for a fact that Kanda violently protested the decision to have his internship cut short, but there was nothing else they could do. Since he only came back recently, Alma had no inkling what was going on. But Alma decided no matter what, he was going to help Kanda in any way he could. Saying so, he watched Kanda as he practiced with Mugen. Every move would seem to be executed beautifully to a stranger, but Alma could clearly see the hesitation in each swing. A sudden curse from Kanda had Alma surprised. “What's wrong, Yu?”

“Fuck...”

A few drops of blood dripped down Kanda's arm. Alma's eyes widened. Kanda stared at Mugen, the blade glinting, making the drop of blood at its tip glisten with an eerily bright red. Kanda scoffed, a rather pained smile on his lips. “So I'm hateful to the point that even Mugen is pissed...” In the course of his practice, Kanda had somehow cut himself with Mugen. Alma gaped; Mugen was a respected heirloom of Kanda's family, and if it really cut Kanda, that meant Mugen was not pleased. It was a sword, he knew, but Mugen was not just a katana. There definitely was something that lived in the katana.

“Y-Yu, I'm sure it's not like that!! Well...Not that I know what's wrong between you and Allen either. But you have to try to make amends with him! Why did you yell at him anyway?”

Kanda ignored Alma as he went to find something to treat his cut. Alma persistently went after him, demanding, “He's a nice boy, Yu! He must've been shocked by your words!” Kanda finally turned around to face his best friend, dark eyes brooding and gloomy.

“You don't know it, Alma! When moyashi looks at me...He looks right THROUGH me. He sees me, but he doesn't. For him, I'm here, but I'm _not_. I don't get it at all! He's stopped it for a while, but it came back recently and...It got the better of me.”

The guy grinned. See, Kanda was troubled after all! He took a seat across Kanda as the latter set to bandage his arm. “See, Yu? You blew a gasket the wrong way. You should've told him and you know, ask him why he does that. Allen's been stuck in that institute for ten years...He can be emotionally unstable,” Alma's words stopped when Kanda's face showed a great amount of incredulity. “What? You think someone can't be emotionally unstable?”

“Alma...Repeat your last sentence.”

“Uh...That Allen's emotionally unstable because he's been there for ten years?”

Kanda actually growled at Alma, totally throwing his friend off tangent. “That's a lie! Allen's only been in the institute for three years!”

Alma then jumped to his feet, starting to frown. Despite being best friends, they had their fair share of fistfights. “I'm not lying! I didn't really remember Allen at first because I haven't seen him in person before but I know he's been in there for ten years! Remember when we just started junior high? We got Mr Edgar for Biology, right? One time, I forgot to collect my report, so I just snuck into his office...But I sorta dropped his stack of files while looking for it. One file popped open when it fell, and then I saw it.” Alma's voice mellowed out into a soft murmur, from the loud indignant tone he had earlier used. He looked rather sad. Kanda didn't say a thing; he knew mentioning Edgar was always a sad thing for Alma. Alma had been close to their teacher, but not long after, Edgar and his wife passed away in an accident. But that was not the only reason for Alma's sorrow.

“I saw it...The face of a kid, just nine years old staring back at me. I've never actually heard of children being in mental institutes then, so I read up on his file. Allen's been living in the institute since he was five. He suffered from a chronic form of schizophrenia, and it apparently caused him to go into fits so they had to confine him to the bed with belts...Or even straitjacket him and shackle his leg to his bed. It shocked me, but I never got the opportunity to ask Mr Edgar about it because if I did, he'd knew I've been looking at his things. But from what I see now, Allen seems to be much better for someone who has chronic schizophrenia,” Alma explained, sympathy in his voice for the boy he briefly befriended.

He didn't expect Kanda to push back his chair, slamming his hand on the table. “Why didn't you tell me this before?!”

“Wha-?! Don't be unreasonable! How should I know that you want to know? Besides, Allen's in your care, shouldn't you know?!”

The brooding eyes were now lit in a flame of anger. “What I know so far, judging by what you told me, is complete bullshit! You want to know what I've been told? They tell me moyashi's been admitted three years ago for a new disease they named the Walker Syndrome. Why would they lie to me?! Why didn't moyashi tell me?!” Kanda knew Alma's words to be true; Alma would never lie to him. Even if he did, Alma would never use Mr Edgar as a prop in his lie. Even Alma was concerned by the apparent gap in their facts. A place as prestigious as the Black Order should not have such a blunder concerning patient's profile.

“Something is going on here...Do you want to ask Lavi about it? He should be back from the institute in another hour,” Alma suggested, seeing the wild look in Kanda's eyes. He didn't need Kanda flying off the handle on him. Kanda glared at him. “That rabbit will be SKINNED if he doesn't tell me the truth.”

~~~

“Hey dear, how are you doing?”

Allen smiled wanly at Lavi but gave no other response whatsoever. He discovered he had been unconscious for three days after his fall, and now would be the fourth day since he woke up. Road was in worrisome condition, still unconscious. No matter if they were unrelated in every way, to Allen, Road was a most beloved sister. And now his sister was injured trying to rescue him. It endeared Road ever more to Allen. Lavi had kindly informed them that Kanda and Lenalee were dismissed for that accident.

The news was only met with a tired nod from Allen. Narein was now assigned to Allen, and it made his heart heavy to see his charge so withdrawn from the world. He tried all sorts of methods to draw Allen out, but he only went back into his shell at the end of it all. No one told him about what happened, so Narein was only grasping at straws in the darkness. But he knew, above all, that it was his duty to look after Allen especially in this fragile state of his now. Lavi was worried, not only for Allen who had become emotionally vegetative, also Tyki who had grown increasingly easy to disturb. Lavi let out a stressed sigh, considering confessing he was 'infected' with the Walker Syndrome as well just to escape the pressure. Even back in school he was hounded by Lenalee demanding updates on Road's well-being and having to face Kanda's black face.

Any more of this keeping up, Lavi swore he would really go insane. “I'll go check on Tyki, okay?” Allen nodded once, resuming his stare on the page of a book he had not flipped for the past three hours. The redhead dragged himself out of the ward, exhausted physically and mentally. “You should get some rest, you know?” The sense of déjà-vu at the voice and words was lost at the instant when Lavi collapsed into Timcanpy's arms. The blonde doctor sighed, carrying the intern bride style.

“Children these days...They just don't know when to rest...”

He continued down the corridor until he came to Tyki's room. Timcanpy's knock was swiftly answered by the Portuguese. Timcanpy swiftly thrust Lavi's body in Tyki's arms, who look bewildered to see an unconscious Lavi. “Even your watcher can get tired. It's also the patient's job to make sure their watchers are not mentally taxed. This is about a win-win situation between each other...Look after him. He needs support too,” Timcanpy chided, and left swiftly. Honestly, what were hopeless couples to do without him.

Tyki closed the door and looked down into Lavi's face. The redhead had a fine handsome face, his scarlet hair like live fire, such a lively picture of youth. But lines of tiredness were etched on Lavi's face. Tyki suddenly felt stupid, understanding what Timcanpy had been trying to tell him. His Lavi needed his attention right now, not for Tyki's little moping to suck the life out of his love. The fact that Timcanpy actually knew their relationship completely slipped from Tyki's mind as he focused entirely on Lavi. “Oh darling, you make me love you more and more...”

Gently laying Lavi onto his bed, Tyki was content to watch him sleep.

**“** **I warned you.”**

**He had returned. The shrouded figure.**

**“** **I warned you not to hurt him."**

**The darkness was suffocating.**

**But the flames of rage lit everything.**

**He was angry, but so was I.**

**“** **How the hell would I know? I didn't even know this shit until Alma told me!”**

**“** **Don't blame your ignorance on others!”**

**I had enough, as I had facing Allen.**

**“** **Shut up!! Why the hell are you preaching me?!”**

**A derisive snort.**

**“** **You should know. I should have cut you deeper.”**

**I was surprised. That sentence...**

**“** **...Mugen...?”**

**The figured wavered just a bit.**

**“** **No!! At least...Not entirely.”**

**“** **I'm sick of all the secrecy!! Show yourself! I'm not afraid!!”**

**He smirked.**

**“** **Don't regret.”**

**My face stared back at me with a wicked smile.**

Kanda woke up with sweat pouring profusely down his face. This time, he remembered his dream very clearly. The stranger who intruded his dreams was himself, yet not...His heart clenched at the thought. Was that who Allen had been seeing in him all along? That elusive phantom? Ignoring the fact that Lavi was nowhere to be found in their dorm, Kanda plodded his way to where he kept Mugen. The blade lay silent where it was, but for a thrumming in the air. He took his heirloom in hand, drawing out the blade. Mugen sang as it was removed from its sheath, the gleam of its edge unnaturally bright. “Are you gloating now?” Kanda muttered, staring at the katana. He swore that he could feel warmth emanating from the not-quite-lifeless object.

If Mugen had a voice, Kanda knew it would be purring like a contented kitten. A sudden desire to see Allen hit him. He had not forgotten Allen's looks at that time. He had been angry, but after his words, when Allen made a lame excuse and walked away, he actually saw Allen's expression through his haze of anger. Allen looked completely crushed. But before he had the chance to make amends, he was thrown out by the institute for allowing his charge to get hurt like that. That was not going to stop Kanda. With that, his mind was made up. He would go visit Allen tomorrow.

~~~

“Mornin', sweetheart.”

Lavi blinked blearily, barely noticing when someone kissed the knuckles of his hand. He sleepily tilted his head, almost gasping when he found Tyki next to him in bed. Wait a minute...This wasn't his bed! Lavi quickly sat up, taking in the surrounding. Tyki propped his head up on an arm, staring amusedly at the way Lavi threw off the covers to make sure he was still clothed. “I'm hurt that you think I am capable of molesting those who cannot resist,” Tyki faked disappointment. Lavi flushed, shaking his head insistently.

“It wasn't that!! How did I get here??”

“Timcanpy carried you in yesterday. I think you must have collapsed from exhaustion once more,” Tyki explained, now sitting up in bed. Lavi frowned. “...Something is seriously up with that man...It's twice I've fainted around him. It's like he makes me pass out or something.”

“Really...? Perhaps I need a talk with him.”

Lavi rolled his eyes when that certain silky tone was used. It meant Tyki was jealous or a little miffed, usually. He leant against the older man, pressing a kiss to his jawline. The redhead sighed happily, snuggling against Tyki. He would have to move soon, but he wanted to soak up all the comfort he could first. Tyki put an arm around him, drawing the younger one closer. It was rare that they had some time all to themselves. After Lavi's Awakening, there was Narein's presence which demanded them as chaperones in case Kanda did something unthinkable. After that, there was Alma and the accident, which had Tyki mentally unstable and Lavi looking after everyone possible. It felt nice to finally have some time to themselves.

“Tyki...Do you think Allen will be okay? I'm worried. Even though he's awake, it's like he's not here...” Lavi mumbled, tentatively bringing up the topic of Allen. Tyki gave a sad sigh, tightening his hold on his lover. “I don't know...Allen has suffered a lot in here. The only thing that kept him going was his memory of Kanda. Now that Kanda said something like that...It's hard for Allen to recover.” Tyki made a face as he mentioned the Japanese, clearly still irked by the role Kanda had played in the current mishap. Lavi shook his head, frowning a little at Tyki.

“You can't entirely blame Yu. He was too stressed that time, what with Narein and Alma. He just can't handle too many things at one time, you know it.”

“Right...That only proves how stupid he is,” Tyki snorted.

“Tyki! What I meant to say was Yu can't keep all his emotions bottled. Come on, we need to get Yu to apologise to Allen!” Lavi whined, tugging at Tyki's hair.

Tyki sat up, shaking his head. “You probably know this better than I do, but a discharged intern doesn't get to come back here. Remember Allen's previous overseer? After the fiasco which landed him in the hospital, he wasn't allowed entry to the premises. He couldn't even be overseer of another patient. It's the same thing with Kanda.”

“Maybe he can sneak in! Tyki, I just feel that...Yu is going to regret it if he doesn't make up with Allen.”

~~~

Link could not help the sense of déjà-vu which tingled down his spine. He had seen the hollow expression on Allen Walker's face before, but never did he imagine having to see it again. The only difference was that this time, Madarao was with them, and Road was sleeping in the bed next to Allen's. Even if he had no idea what was going on, his previous memories made an easy guess. Only Kanda Yu could put such a miserable expression on Allen. The boy was now reading a novel, if one called flipping one page for every hour reading. Link was pretty sure Allen was not aware the book was upside down.

“...Why are you here, Link?”

Allen's voice startled Link, who didn't expect Allen to speak to him. When Allen last showed this expression, he was like a broken doll, deaf and mute. Madarao continued peeling apples as if he didn't exist in the room, giving them both the space for conversation. Link calmly contemplated broaching the subject, before he finally decided.

“Walker, your book is reversed.”

Allen gave him a small smile. Trust Link to respect someone. “I'm practising reading words upside down. Being in here for a long time...Makes you want to learn crazy things.”

Link's attention was momentarily distracted when he found a plate of apple slices placed in his hands. Madarao simply nodded at him. The man was encouraging him to ask. Link handed the plate to Allen, who placed down the book and started nibbling on the slices. There was no point in beating about the bush, was it? “Walker...What do you intend to do, now that Kanda...seems unlikely to ever Awaken?” Link kept his eyes trained on Allen, trying to catch some visible form of change in his expression, but the strange serenity of Allen's smile did not waver.

“...I think it is for the better that he did not regain his memories.”

That answer startled both Link and Madarao. Allen continued to speak as if he had not felt their shocked gazes. “I saw Kanda's past. It was one suffering after the other. I'm not sure if he had ever experienced even a small shred of happiness spending time with us...Me, Lavi, Lenalee...As an Exorcist. To have been made to go through so much pain just to be one...I'm not angry that Kanda yelled at me. He was right; I had been seeing someone in him. But what he didn't know yet was...That I had begun seeing him as well, who he is now. I know that they are one and same, but he doesn't. I had hurt his feelings because he thinks I only see the one who lives within, not the one who is living now.”

“Even if the past and the present are the same person, the present will never be able to truly realise that fact if he cannot come to accept his past. Is that not why most of us went insane...Before we met others who were like us, and finally were able to be one with our past?” Madarao spoke. All three of them knew this very well. The insanity which he spoke of was the main reason why all of the 'Walker Syndrome' patients are locked up. Allen nodded ambivalently.

“Yes...Kanda's state is stable, for everyday he meets one of us...But if he is never to regain his past, perhaps that is for the best. I was too selfish to want him to remember. I still love him, but his love...has extinguished a long time ago. Despite all the pain he felt at my death...I think it is not because of love, but because of guilt. In my dream-like state now, I am not even sure if he ever truly loved me. But...It is best that Kanda never remembers. There is too much pain in his previous life. He should be spared from it. I was a fool to expect a form of happiness that came from looking at the past...When my past happiness had died so long ago,” Allen murmured. There was a soft glow in those silver eyes, and Madarao knew it was the love Allen had for Kanda expressing itself.

“I do not think a man like Kanda to perform acts out of pity,” Link scoffed, but Madarao understood what the blonde was trying to do. He was trying to convince Allen that at least, Kanda's love to him had been genuine, before everything fell to shambles. Allen nodded absently, mechanically picking at a slice of apple and munching on it. “I told him before, didn't I? That I did not want his pity. It still holds true. I rather die than hear words borne out of guilt...”

“Did you really think what he tried to tell you during your dying moment to be words from guilt?” Link questioned, unusually pressing on the matter.

“What else could it have been, Link? Those words which I had waited for so long...Only to have them said to me when I was to die...There can be no torture greater than the fact that I know I would not live to return those words,” the snow-haired teen sullenly answered. “That was why I stopped him from saying it.”

“You did not see him at the funeral, Walker. Your funeral.”

**The world was saved, yet it was crying.**

**The bright, beautiful sky.**

**What a mockery.**

**Allen Walker looked so peaceful in his coffin, resting in eternal slumber.**

**The boy who died without his love.**

**In the coffin next to his was the Bookman Heir, Lavi.**

**The boy who died protecting his love.**

**Once Noah, Tyki Mikk inherited his lover's task. Though not of the Bookman Clan, he was accepted as Lavi's replacement for his value as a Noah.**

**Once Exorcist, Kanda Yu was a shadow of his former self. The coldness between him and Allen before the last battle completely evaporated, but dregs of regret were what only remained.**

**I observed them both, the ones left behind.**

**I too, am one left behind, but Madarao was never truly mine. I have no right to mourn.**

**Walker, a child of miracle. But even miracles die.**

**Even after all left, Kanda stood before the grave. Did he ever notice me, I did not know.**

**He slowly knelt.**

**Fingers rose to touch the name on the stiff marble slab.**

**There were no tears; no sorrow in his expression.**

**But there he knelt, before the grave of the one who went on without him, saying,**

**“** **I love you. I love you. I love you.”**

**Those three words, repeated like a mantra.**

**I lost count before he finally stood up to leave.**

**I love you, he said. But what good was it said to one who was dead?**

Madarao looked surprised; Link never spoke of his memories aloud. It was understandable; Link could not risk being caught. Allen's gaze was hard on Link, as if accusing him of mentioning something sacred. Link met his gaze defiantly. Madarao could not yet understand why Link wanted to convince Allen badly that Kanda did love him. Fat, wet droplets started rolling down Allen's cheeks, though the hard gaze was not dropped. “Don't...Link. Don't give me anymore hope. I will die the next time it is shattered.”

As if he was chastised, Link awkwardly thumbed away the boy's tears. “...I apologize. I was out of bounds.”

It was then Madarao realized. Link was trying to save Allen from despair.

~~~

“What the fuck was that excuse?!”

Lavi barely ducked when Kanda threw a kitchen knife. The redhead had accidentally spent a night at the facility, but he was there when Kanda requested to visit Allen. Initially Lavi was overjoyed that Kanda came to visit, but the short-lived joy was crushed when the request was rejected upon the reason that Kanda was 'an individual who exposed their patients to danger before' and thus cannot be trusted to enter the premises. Tyki's prediction had been spot-on. Right now, Alma was restraining Kanda from throwing anything else. Lavi felt uncomfortable seeing it and moved to separate them. “Stop it, Yu! You were partly responsible for taking out your anger on Allen that day; you brought this on yourself!” Lavi chided, feeling more and more like he was becoming a mother.

Kanda turned around and snapped at him, “You, baka usagi!! Did you know that moyashi was in that place for ten years already?!”

Lavi did not expect that question. “W-Wha...How did you know?!”

He instantly regretted answering honestly. The aura around Kanda turned dark and murderous. He let out a squeak when Kanda grabbed him by the collar and brought him eye to eye. “You fucking bastard...You knew and you never told me?” Alma looked torn between stopping Kanda and hearing what Lavi had to say.

“Y-Yu...You have to believe me...I also just found out recently. Do you remember the diskette Johnny passed to me? That was how I found out...” Lavi slowly explained.

“Show it to me.”

There was nothing to do but to comply; it was better to let the truth out. Before he opened it, Lavi looked at Kanda. “...You have to be prepared to see it, okay?” Kanda only comprehended a split second later when the first profile in the database came into view. Dead gray eyes were staring at him. Kanda's mouth almost fell open in shock. This was not Allen; it was impossible. But the name, the scar, the age and year of entry once calculated matched everything he knew of his ex-charge. Scrawny was an understatement; Allen looked like a living skeleton. Limbs so skinny with skin stretched over it and barely any flesh...Dark circles around those eyes, which Kanda was so used to seeing beautifully sparkling, now no more than glass beads. His hair was an absolute mess, all choppy and in disarray, the lengthier parts of it drooping like a snapped stalk.

It was Alma who dared to ask, “Is that really Allen...?”

Lavi nodded sadly. “I don't know how you found out Allen has been imprisoned, but I found out when I got this diskette. Allen was picked from an orphanage, where he was said to have imaginations that ran too wild. Initially diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia, it was later changed when he came into contact with Road and subsequently other patients of Walker Syndrome. Because people get glimpses of past life, they believe Allen is causing the phenomenon and so named the new 'disease'. This is his original report. Now all public versions place Allen as a three-year patient. This is only my guess, but they probably intend to keep Allen there...For as long as they want him, they can manipulate his year of entry, making it seem like he is new to the institute...Lying to us so that we wouldn't be suspicious. Problem is, just this won't prove their wrongdoing.”

Kanda was barely able to suppress his rage. How could they have done that to a child, and for ten years? He headed for the door, surprising both Lavi and Alma. “Yu, where are you going?!”

“I'm going to get the moyashi,” the long-haired male tersely answered.

Lavi and Alma's immediate reactions were to restrain Kanda. Even with their combined effort, it was hard to keep Kanda from moving. “Let go, you idiots!”

“Stop it! There isn't anything you can do simply by rushing in!” Lavi barked, clinging onto Kanda's legs.

“That's right, Yu! If you go, you'll only get killed like Mr Edgar!” Alma yelped, restraining Kanda's arms. That sentence stopped Kanda from struggling. He turned to his friend in disbelief. “Mr Edgar died in an accident with Madam Twi,” he muttered, remembering clearly how distraught Alma had been when his favourite teachers passed away in a freak accident.

“They did...The difference was...The accident was staged.”

Alma's voice contained barely controlled fury, even as Lavi and Kanda were shocked by the truth that Alma confessed.

“They were killed because they knew something they shouldn't have.”


	14. Freedom Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

**“** **You've seen me.”**

**He was back, my doppelganger.**

**“** **Hn...It was you that moyashi looked at all along, wasn't it?”**

**The sense of envy, still strong.**

**He smirked in answer.**

**“** **Was it? My...No, our Allen sees all. He saw me. He hoped for me. But he feels you. He loves us. We are the same being. You were only too late in realizing it.”**

**“** **...Who are you?”**

**He was me, but that answer did not satisfy me.**

**“** **...I am the part of you that you refused to accept. Your rejection would only result in madness. I had no choice, but to take refuge in Mugen, where part of my emotions lived on. Now that you know...What will you do?”**

**“** **Was it you...the one who gave me those weird dreams...? No...Memories.”**

**He nodded. But those memories seemed so vague and disconnected.**

**Was it because I rejected them unconsciously?**

**“** **Do you want to see more?”**

**I will not hesitate now. This will light the truth of the relationship moyashi and I share.**

**My shadow approved, and reached out.**

**“** **This will be last of our meetings, Yu. We are finally...one.”**

**A plunging sensation, as if I fell into a whirlpool.**

Kanda tossed and turned in his bed, but Lavi was not there to see. He was in the kitchen talking to Alma. The redhead was nursing a cup of hot chocolate, but his spirits were low. “Why didn't you let me continue telling Yu the truth?” Alma bluntly asked. He was about to tell Kanda about what got Mr Edgar and his wife killed, but Lavi stopped him. Instead, the redhead made Kanda go to sleep, promising more of the truth the following morning.

“Since you mentioned that they got killed because they knew something they shouldn't...Can I assume that you're Awakened?” Lavi also cut to the chase.

“You too, Lavi? I did think you had that feel to you, though. Since when?” Alma asked, almost excitedly.

“I, uh...recently. But what about you, Alma? You seem to know a lot more than I do,” the redhead deflected. Alma shrugged, putting his mug into the sink. The latter's eyes grew misty. “I was Awakened when Mr Edgar and Madam Twi...passed away. It was after that...Someone who realised I was Awakened took me in and told me the whole truth. You should join us, Lavi. It isn't safe for you to act alone.”

“Join you...?? You've got an organisation or something??”

Alma grinned. “As a matter of fact, yes.”

**My hand trembled.**

**It wasn't the first time I struck him.**

**But it was the first time I struck him with such hate.**

**Why had he not told me earlier?**

**Was I that untrustworthy?**

**Bitterness preyed on my conscious.**

**I did not strike moyashi because he was changing into a Noah; I struck him because he did not confide in me.**

**Were we not lovers? Why did he feel the need to hide from me?**

**“** **Damn it!”**

**My fist smashed into the wall. My skin split from the impact, blood flowing freely from the knuckles, but the pain was dull compared to the frustration and disappointment I felt.**

**There had to be a way to stop it.**

**If destroying the source of all Noahs, the Earl, did it...Then by all means, I was going to wipe out every damned Noah to save moyashi.**

**Until then...I will wait for the battle to come.**

**For Allen, I would lay down my life.**

“Still...I guess I understand why you love Yu...Since you're Awakened,” Lavi sighed.

“I'd still love Yu even if I'm not Awakened. We've been together since we were kids. He's a brother to me, and brothers look out for each other's back,” Alma replied with a smile. His smile dissolved into a confused stare at the sight of Lavi, whose jaw was resting on the floor with his emerald eyes popping out of their sockets. “...What?”

“B-B-Brother...? I thought you liked Yu the romantic way!!” Lavi exclaimed.

“When did you get that idea?!” Alma yelled back, shocked. Him and Kanda, romantically inclined? Pigs would fly!

“B-But that day, when I asked you the question about how you felt about Yu, you said you...uh...” Lavi lost words. Alma never did exactly say he was in love with Kanda. Alma shook his head furiously. “You asked if something developed from spending a long time with each other! I thought you were talking about brotherhood!! So in that case, yes, I treat Yu like he's my brother! But if you meant feelings of love, then my love is restricted to brotherly feelings. After all...We were once born from the same place. Even without blood relations, Yu is my brother.”

He was officially dead. Lavi just knew it. “Oh, crap...Shit, shit, shit...I am soo dead!!”

“...Why?” Alma had an inkling he knew why.

“I, uh...Well, you see...God, this is embarrassing...Long story short, some people considered you a rival to Allen, and uhm...They weren't happy when I told them you love Yu the romantic way?” Lavi laughed awkwardly, wondering how far the effects of his misunderstanding spread. Alma was gaping at him, and the redhead wouldn't be surprised if the other was going to throttle him for basically painting a bulls-eye on his back to be shot at. The next question that came from Alma however, was, “Rival to Allen? Are you saying that Allen likes Yu?”

“Rather than that, they were lovers in the previous life. After Yu joined the Order, of course. Sorry, since you weren't sort-of, you know...Alive that time?” Lavi wanted to smack himself at the lack of subtlety. Alma nodded understandingly. “Then, was Allen waiting for Yu to remember?”

Lavi sighed sadly, having anticipated that question somehow. “They broke up in the end, before the last battle. I don't know the reason, and I think the only one who really knows is Allen. And after Yu's outburst last week...I think their chances of getting together again aren't very bright. Allen's more emotionally damaged than ever...”

Any further conversation was interrupted when Kanda stepped out of the bedroom, looking exhausted and somewhat stunned. “Yu, are you alright? You look pale,” Alma pointed out. Kanda stared at the ground for a long time before he answered.

“I...dreamt.”

~~~

Allen watched the panel of doctors opposite him calmly. Though they claimed to be the team who wanted to cure him, they were nothing more than a group of executioners. After long years of forcing Allen to take unnecessary medicine, chaining him, restraining him...They were going to kill him. The offer they made was as good as a death sentence. Maybe a month ago, he wouldn't even consider looking at it, but now...It was perhaps, a good chance. Maybe Allen was never meant for long in this world. He looked at the contract, perusing each word slowly.

The doctors were silent, awaiting his answer. Their offer; to test a combination of electro-convulsive therapy and new drugs on him, the 'source' of the Walker Syndrome. In exchange, Allen must practically sign over his life to their testing. There were so many ways the test could go wrong, and just like that he would be erased from the world as an unfortunate product of 'a haphazard experiment'.

“I accept.”

And with that, Allen Walker signed the papers. The doctors were surprised by the ease which Allen agreed, but did not question their luck. Having the approval, the doctors had Allen escorted back to his ward. A joyous view greeted him; Road was awake. “Road!!” Allen bounded forward and hugged the girl with his good arm. Road giggled and returned the hug. “How are you, Allen? Are you alright? Apart from the arm, that is,” Road questioned, turning Allen about.

“I'm just fine. What about you? Can you get out of bed yet?” Allen replied.

Road smiled. “I'm free to leave the ward! Where did you go just now?”

At the mention, Allen suddenly mellowed. Tyki and Road exchanged worried glances. What was happening? The white-haired teen sat down, and slowly explained where he had been and what he did. At the end of it all, Tyki was shaking with fury while Road was staring at Allen with a look of shock. “Why did you agree, Allen?! Electro-convulsive therapy? They could just notch up the voltage and turn you into a crisp like a pigeon that landed on a live wire! This is crazy, Allen, and you know it! There's nothing wrong with you; those treatments aren't going to change anything!” Tyki bellowed, mad that the doctors chose to target Allen at his most vulnerable moment.

Allen smiled morosely. “I know...That’s why.”

Road’s eyes were wide open. “Allen, you can’t kill yourself like this!”

“I can, and I want to. I don’t think I can take much more any longer...And there is nothing that is truly mine in this world,” the white haired boy mentioned softly. “Are you abandoning us...?” Road hoarsely whispered. “No...You both have Lavi and Lenalee. I can’t be there for the both of you all the time. At any rate, the form has been signed. Nothing can be changed anymore. Besides, there is no real danger of them killing me. They won't simply snuff my life out for no reason,” Allen answered calmly.

“You can't tempt death like this! Why, Allen...? Was Kanda’s rejection too much for you?” Tyki asked fearfully. The effect of Kanda's outburst had been far worse than he expected. He knew Allen would be depressed, but not suicidal.

A single tear leaked.

“No. It is my love for Kanda which has become too much for me. Never have I seen death as such a welcoming escape from my miseries...Even...” Allen paused a bit, his voice cracked, “Even though...This time, my life has been nothing but suffering...With my passing in this life, I believe I can meet Kanda again in the next life under better circumstances.”

“You don’t believe, Allen. You just want to believe,” Road heatedly proclaimed. Her accusation was desperate, and she hoped Allen would change his mind. Allen stared at her for a while, before his tears started afresh.

“Yes, I want to believe...That in the next life, I can meet him again. And in the next life, I want to believe that I can tell Kanda how much I love him without being seen as a madman. I want to try...And prove to myself that Kanda loved me...Still loves me. There are so many things I want to believe in and am afraid of. In this life...I am too afraid to believe any longer. There is no hope of love for me. I'll most likely survive the treatment, if I am meant to live.”

“Allen...You foolish, foolish boy...” Tyki scolded, hugging him fiercely. Road joined the hug, holding on tightly to Allen. Neither of them wanted to let go, but Allen had made up his mind. It was true, that Allen was unlikely to be killed off in a treatment; they always left Allen alive with each treatment...But they both felt that this time, Allen was treading in dangerous waters. The big difference was that Allen was HOPING he could die. With Kanda and Lenalee sent away, their likely allies were few, and Tyki surely would not want to put Lavi in danger. The operation was set to be done tomorrow. No one can change it now.

“Hello...Supervisor. Yes...Allen Walker's consented to electro-convulsive therapy. The date is tomorrow...Please do.”

Doug slipped his cell phone back into his pocket. Just then, his two charges appeared around the corner. Immediately, he slipped on a frown and chided, “Where have you two been? I've been looking for you both!” Jasdero giggled as Devit smirked.

“Idiot, it's your job to follow us around, not for us to follow you!”

Doug patted their shoulders gently. “Today...I'll let you guys go off. But I think...Allen is in need of your company.” The twins wilted upon the mention of Allen. Both of them had been informed of the situation by Tyki, and neither of them liked it one bit. They had been so sure that Kanda liked Allen; their senses had never been wrong. But Kanda proved to be an idiot beyond doubt, and the twins swore they would never let Kanda hurt Allen again. If Doug said Allen needed them, then they would go to his side!

“See you later then, Doug!”

Doug saw them enter the ward before turning to leave. They were going to act tomorrow. Johnny still had three weeks' worth of data to hack from the private databases, but if there was a way to provide Johnny with a way to the main server, then the boy could be done in fifteen minutes. If Johnny already had the blueprint though, the only task was to slip past the stationed doctors who acted as guards, and gain access to the server. So deep was Doug in his thought that he bumped into someone.

“Oh, sorry-”

His voice stopped. Lavi stared at him. He stared at his friend, his old, old friend in return. Could he trust Lavi? No...Doug decided it was too risky to simply take a blind leap of faith. Even if it was Lavi. Still...It was his fault a long time ago...That Lavi was in pain. At least, an apology. Doug patted Lavi's shoulder in a friendly gesture, a small smile gracing his features. “I'm sorry.”

'For everything I've made you do.'

Lavi seemed torn between simply nodding and saying something. Doug didn't seem likely to remember, but still...There was a chance to answer. “I've never blamed you.”

~~~

“Niisan, what do you mean, tomorrow?! We're still about three weeks away from the planned time! Johnny hasn't got all the data yet! Without it, we can't persecute them!”

Komui understood his sister's concern, but it was time to move whether they liked it or not. The men of the institute have gone too far this time. But if he told Lenalee that they planned to use electro-shock therapy on Allen, he wouldn't put it past his sister to storm the place and literally kick the heads of the doctors clean off their shoulders. “The situation has changed, Lenalee. They are planning to implement a dangerous treatment tomorrow, and we cannot let it happen. We already have seen many deaths in their hands...I cannot forgive any more casualties.”

Lenalee could feel the sorrow in her brother's voice. She understood his pains. Any of their friends who were caught were disposed of quickly and mercilessly. That was why they tried so hard to hide their true identities. The patients who went mad and were terminated...Those were also lives they failed to save. “I understand...Then do we all move, or...?” Komui smiled a little.

“Alma has informed me that Lavi would like to join our efforts. Seeing that he is the only one of the three of you to be able to enter the institute, I will ask for his help. Doug has one copy of the blueprints, so he would be able to devise a way to infiltrate the server room and allow Johnny to do his work. Lavi would have to help Doug in clearing the way for an infiltration. Timcanpy has to remain at station, in case something goes wrong. Last of all...Lenalee. You are smallest in size, so it's easy for you to sneak into the building. Can I trust you to infiltrate and disable security?”

Lenalee nodded confidently. “Leave it to me.”

“Tomorrow, five thirty p.m.”

~~~

There was no greater moment when Road wished she could see Lenalee. The girl was in need of comfort, to be able to hold her beloved's body, to hear her soothing voice...Especially after Allen dropped the bomb on them. Even the twins were speechless after they found out. Now they were all seated in one of the recreational rooms, with no one making a sound. Allen was there, reading his book upside down. Lavi seemed to have received some form of shock upon hearing the news, and was just curled up listlessly in Tyki's arms. The twins were crowded around Allen, one on either side. Devit and Jasdero seemed to want to give Allen as much skin contact as possible.

It was as if they feared...No, not just the twins, it was everyone's fear that Allen would just disappear. It was now that Road hated Kanda so much. Not only for causing so much pain to the brother she loved, but for having such a strong control over Allen, and he did not even know it! It took a lot from Allen to defend his sanity from this crazy place, but Kanda easily broke Allen with just one outburst. Road was helpless, and she did not like the feeling one bit. It wouldn't be long before every one of the Walker Syndrome patients knew.

The institute would be like a cemetery once that happened. Allen's happiness was almost like a lifeline in their prison. It was, to Road's disgust, like a poorly written crap piece of tragedy; with everything bad happening to Allen, who was so well-liked, just to have himself dead at the end of it all. And once that happened, anyone who has once basked in the warmth of Allen's kindness would wilt, like a dying flower. If there was a God out there, it would be a merciless God. Because God wanted Allen back in His midst soon, it seemed.

A new presence made himself known in the room. It was Jasdevi's caretaker, Doug. His eyes darted furtively about the room, scanning each person until it rested on a particular redhead. “Lavi...Can I talk to you for a moment? Privately.” Lavi was surprised, but he simply nodded and followed Doug out of the room. Everyone exchanged looks. Simply out of curiosity, Jasdevi and Tyki took a peek. The two overseers were too far to be heard, but suddenly Lavi jumped and hugged Doug, who looked surprised at first but returned the hug with a warm smile on his face.

Jasdevi gasped and dragged Tyki away from the door before Tyki had a chance to react. Tyki was always the possessive type; that sort of scene could cause havoc if they let go of Tyki now. Even Allen noticed the silent growling coming from Tyki and looked up from his book. “What's wrong?” Devit kept his voice at a low volume, answering, “Uuh, his bunny just hugged Doug and Doug likes it. Do I even have to elaborate?”

Allen got up and crossed the room to Tyki's side. “Calm down, Tyki. You know Lavi won't go around your back,” he gently advised his dubbed elder brother, rubbing Tyki's back in circles to ease the tension. Tyki sulked, but he returned to his seat. What Allen said was logical; Lavi wouldn't do that to him. But it still did not stop him from feeling jealous. He's waited six years to be with Lavi again, he was justified in his jealousy!

“I wondered what they were talking about,” Road mused.

Lavi did not return to the room.

~~~

“Are you serious?”

Doug nodded, putting on his best stern expression. “Yes, I am. I cannot tell you who leads the operation yet, but Alma is one of us, and he told us you wanted to join us. Tomorrow, we are going to finish gathering the evidence to incriminate them, and rescue Allen Walker from the tests. And since you and I both have access to this place, our leader asked you to join me in the mission of gathering evidence.”

“Doug, my pal, count me in. It's about time this place goes to the dogs,” Lavi replied.

“Great. Tomorrow at six, one of our agents will disable security momentarily. We then have to distract the front guards. Johnny will sneak into the database room and download the remaining data. Then we have to stop the tests from being performed on Allen Walker,” Doug explained.

“Roger that. Also...”

Doug was startled when Lavi suddenly threw his arms around him, but when the surprise settled, he himself wrapped his arms around Lavi. “...I'm glad that you're back.”

“...I'm sorry, Lavi. I was foolish,” Doug quietly apologised.

They both still remembered, that fateful mission they went on. Doug, the Finder who was to assist Lavi in his mission, failed one of the fundamental rules of being a Finder. He called back the soul of a little girl, Collette, whom they met during the mission. The poor girl, dead by the hands of her employer. Doug, who was always kind, was killed by his goodness. And Lavi, who truly thought of Doug as a friend, was forced to destroy the Akuma he had become. It had been painful for Lavi to do that, but he had no other choice.

“It wasn't your fault, Doug. The Earl was preying on the sorrow of people then.” Lavi mumbled, and then released his old friend. Doug smiled at him in return, their friendship reconciled. “So, how's life been treating you?”

“Life was normal until five years ago. That's when I...you know. Can't mention that word around here...” Doug whispered discreetly. Lavi nodded, completely understanding. “So...Got any love interest now?”

Doug nearly stumbled in his step, looking up to see a mischievous grin on Lavi's lips. “Please, I've been too busy for that. Besides...I have my hands full with Jasdevi. They may think they're old enough to look after themselves, but they need me. They're still children at heart. It's weird thinking like that, since they're only sixteen and I'm twenty-one...Just five years apart,” Doug mused.

“Hey, you're two years older than me!” Lavi exclaimed.

“Yep...Hm, have you ever thought of what you want to do once the one you've been waiting for finally gets freed from this place?” Doug asked.

Lavi simply grinned and answered, “Have sex.”

This time, Doug really tripped over his own feet at Lavi's audacious answer. Lavi's ringing laughter told him it was obviously a joke answer. “Idiot, I was serious! Well...I think I'm going to take Jasdevi in. I've been their overseer for some time...I can't imagine life without them, as stressful as it may be.” Lavi observed the light-hearted smile on Doug's face for a while. That was quite an unfamiliar expression on his face...Unless... “I see...Doug, I'm so proud of you. You're in love.”

“W-W-What are you saying?!”

Seeing Doug flustered, Lavi chuckled. He didn't expect Doug to be clueless when it came to the issue. Heck, Doug seemed more knowledgeable than he was, since Lavi used to be a 'heartless' Bookman before he met the man of his life, Tyki. Doug had turned a rosy pink, much to the amusement of Lavi. “W-What do you mean, Lavi?! It's not as if I-I-I have any ulterior motive towards them! That'd be despicable of me!” Doug's rambling was halted when Lavi raised a hand to silence him.

“Doug, you freak out too easily. I didn't mean that, silly. I meant that you've grown to care for them personally,” Lavi explained, grinning at the comprehension dawning on Doug's face. Doug's reaction had completely revealed how he felt, though. Not that it wasn't obvious in the beginning. Doug's face grew steadily redder to the point that Lavi felt his hair's colour would pale in comparison. He laughed again, patting Doug's shoulder.

“...See you tomorrow, partner.”

~~~

Link was honestly intimidated when he saw Madarao walking swiftly towards him. He half-expected the man to attack him, but instead, Madarao stopped as soon as he was in front of Link. His expression was grim and...somewhat deadly. That was the cue for Link to realise that Madarao was not going to make life confusing for him now. “Link...May I speak to you for a while? Privately in my room,” the man requested politely. Link, being a gentleman himself, found no viable reason to reject Madarao's request. When the man was being polite, it usually meant he was being serious.

“Fine, let's go.”

His curiosity came, albeit a bit unwanted. What made Madarao this serious? Link supposed that he would find out soon enough. Madarao kept his silence until they were in the privacy of his room. There was no use in wasting breath. “Before you came here, you worked in the administration office, no? Had you any idea that it would come to this?” Link's confusion indicated his innocence, whatever the accusation was.

“I apologise, but I do not understand what you're trying to say.”

Madarao's gaze hardened, but it was not Link he blamed. “...Walker was recommended the electro-convulsive therapy, and he accepted.” At the news, Link stood up from his seat in shock. There was no need for them to wonder why Allen accepted; they both knew well enough it was his emotional breakdown which clouded his judgement. Link knew his field; the therapy may bring wanted results, but there actually was nothing wrong with Allen, and there were higher possibilities of risks instead of benefits of applying the therapy.

“When is it scheduled?”

“...Tomorrow, 6pm. Link...It is better for you to leave this institute. At least, transfer to another department.”

Once again, Link suffered great shock. This coming from Madarao, who until recently had been trying outrageous methods in grabbing his attention and almost outraging his modesty? “Do I need to take your words seriously? Your...actions as of late clearly indicated otherwise,” he questioned, not even believing a word of what Madarao had said. A flash of emotion flitted in his eyes, but it was gone too fast for Link to identify it. Madarao turned away from Link, but spoke,

“Something is going on here. I do not know what it is, but I know that it is dangerous...That is why you must leave. We are already prisoners here...So we have no point in escaping. But you...You still have the chance to leave. So you must go. I believe Walker's experimentation carries far greater significance than simply to test the effectiveness of that therapy. In the case that it really does have a larger meaning...At least you will not be here to get caught up in it.”

“You...”

A fist came smashing into Madarao's face, catching the man completely off-guard. Link looked uncharacteristically feral, canines bared as if he was going to tear Madarao apart by his teeth. “What do you think you are doing? I am warning you that...” Madarao's words were cut off as Link grabbed him by the collar and slammed him into the wall. The blonde was completely unravelled; Madarao could tell. Otherwise Link would have usually not acted so...barbaric.

“Why is it always like this?! In the past, even now! Why is it always you and not me?!” Link snarled.

“...Howard.”

Madarao gently pried Link's hand off his shirt. It was the first time he called Link by his first name. Link gave no adverse reaction, too swept up in his frustration to play the fool as he always had. “Why were you the one chosen to host the Akuma's power...To be a Third Exorcist...Why are you so foolish as to see to my well-being first?” Link demanded, though it was only his childish rambles and he expected no answer.

“...The reason has never changed. I wanted power to be able to protect those I love, be it blood-related like Tevak or not related, like you. If I did not have the Third Exorcist ability, I would not have been able to save you...During that moment in the orphanage. You were always focused on the Inspector...The least I could do was to protect you and your dreams. As long as I am here, all you have to do is to be happy, because I will bear all your misfortunes,” Madarao whispered, looking into Link's eyes.

Link gritted his teeth and sharply turned away from Madarao. He could already feel the burning sensation of tears trying to escape him, but he did not want to cry. At least, not now. Not when Madarao was watching. “This is why I say that you're a fool, Madarao. What is it about me that appeals to you? Especially when you know my loyalty and devotion is only to the inspector...” Madarao's smile was bitter; not with resentment, but rather with hopeless amusement at himself.

“Because you are the small sliver of light which saved me, Howard...Ever since we endured hardships as children to become worthy members of Crow, it is only you who has inspired me to go on. Kiredori, Tevak, Tokusa...On the surface, we put the Church above all else. But inside, we all harboured some feelings of hate for being made into a Crow...Knowing that we have no other knowledge that would allow us survival on the outside world...That we are completely dependent and bound to the Church,” Madarao, as he spoke, his eyes descended on Link with a gentleness that Link could not believe Madarao was capable of.

“If we were true Apostles, we would have embraced our destiny, but we were not. They became Third Exorcists in hopes that more tragedies...like us, would not be made. I did it in order to be able to protect what I treasured. But you, Link...You were the only one who truly believed in the goodness of serving the Church. You completely accepted the pain and suffering in order to become a Crow. Your faith in Inspector Lvellie was unbreakable. That purity of yours is what makes you special to me.”

From a stranger's view, it would look like they were rehearsing lines for a confession scene, but Link felt the honesty in Madarao's words. Since they were children, Madarao had looked out for him, guided him and helped him to achieve his status as a Crow. He had always thought that it was simply a brotherly whim of Madarao's, since he had a sister in Crow as well. But in their past, Link felt terrified of the purpose Madarao may have given his life should he accept the man, especially when he firmly believed that the purpose of his life was to serve Lvellie. Furthermore, the Church condemned such unions. But now, he was no longer the same as he was in the past.

He was still absolutely terrified by the person known as Madarao, but he was even more afraid of the feelings choking his chest at the thought of the former Third Exorcist. Was it love? Link did not know; he had never dealt with love. For Lvellie, he had the utmost respect and complete devotion, but not love. And here was Madarao, who confessed to being enchanted by Link even as a child. What had he done to deserve this devotion? To that wavering Link, Madarao approached. He did not initiate any physical contact with the blonde, but spoke softly once more.

“I admit...Walker's words inspired me. It was not right of me to try to forcefully gain your affections with unscrupulous actions. I love you...And for that, I must do the noble deed. Go, Howard Link. To wherever you want to, as long as it is what you wish.”

Without waiting for Link's answer, Madarao left his room. It hurt to tell Link of his feelings even while understanding that those emotions will never be answered. But Link would not be Link if he simply complied to Madarao's feelings, and for that the man loved Link's unchanging self.

~ ~ ~

Kanda hated himself right now. He hated how powerless he was to help Allen. He hated that he was, supposedly according to Alma and Lavi, not yet 'Awakened'. He hated the fact that he had hurt Allen, because he could not remember yet. But now he was. With that dream...No, that awful memory of hitting Allen because of something he said, though Kanda had no recollection yet of what Allen said that caused him to lash out; he was beginning to understand and accepted his memories with better clarity.

Even now, there were memories the Order and Alma...It all confused him, but if Kanda kept his mind on Allen, it was all right. The memory of Allen kept him rooted to sanity. Alma saw his best friend staring outside the window glumly, falling into fits of naps just to wake up from another memory. He had never seen this form of accelerated Awakening. It was as if Kanda himself was hastily unlocking everything within his mind.

“Are you okay, Yu?”

Kanda stared at the blue sky. It was beautiful, so clear, with clumps of clouds dotted about. How long since Allen saw it, truly seeing the sky without the interference of grill bars running over the few windows which allowed little sunlight in. His desire to see Allen grew stronger with each moment, and it was no longer the unusual feeling it used to be. He could say for certain now; all the feelings he had for Allen Walker were real and they were his.

“...I want to show moyashi this sky.”


	15. Pernahku Mencintaimu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.
> 
> The title this time is in Malay~ In English it means 'I Loved You Once'. If it's said in an inquiring tone, it'd mean 'Did I Ever Love You?' Well...If my Malay isn't rusty, that is. I think it's a suitable title for this chapter! The song I used this time is 'Soundless Voice' from Vocaloids~

Road woke up vomiting into the dustbin. The unease had churned her stomach since yesterday, and it resulted in her throwing up what little dinner she consumed. The day was bleak and terrible. Allen was going to undergo the therapy today...And Road could not shake off the uneasy feeling that something was horribly wrong. Getting up from her crouched position on the floor, Road made her way to the door.

It didn't budge. The girl frowned, and punched the key again. The electronic lock beeped red and refused to open. Some neon words were flashing on the small screen. Only then Road could read the words 'Heavy Security Mode On'. Suddenly, she realised that her feelings of fear were real. Road Kamelot was locked in her room.

* * *

“Where's Road?”

Allen was curious. It was rare that Road was not punctual in meeting them. Tyki looked sullen as he answered, “A doctor stopped by my room to tell me that they are keeping Road separate today for some tests.” Why on this day? Tyki wanted to cuss but refrained from doing so, knowing such actions were only futile. There was no way for either to know that Road was kept a prisoner in her own room. Jasdevi was with them today, awaiting for Doug's arrival. Lavi himself had yet to reach.

“Allen...You really are going?” Devit asked, still not daring to believe that Allen had made that choice. Allen smiled at his ex-Noah siblings. He knew he was being selfish, making a choice that would hurt everyone he knew, but...He needed something to distract him from the pain. Maybe a brush with death would do that; maybe complete oblivion would be just as good. Had Allen known what was in store for him, he would not have considered death as his way out.

Lero had definitely not seen it coming. The boy had been doing his own things, waiting for Mimi to come as usual when someone suddenly grabbed him from behind. Lero screamed, but found a cloth tied around his mouth while his hands were bound with ropes. The hapless boy panicked and struggled, but no one was there to see Lero being taken away. He began to cry in fear, hoping someone would help him.

The boy couldn't see where he was being taken to, but eventually his kidnappers reached a room and he was tossed roughly to the hard floor. Lero whimpered when his head landed on the floor a little harder than it should. He quickly sat up and saw that he was not the only one in the room. Another man was in there, the new patient...Madarao, was it? Lero, finding his legs bound, did the next best thing.

He wriggled like a caterpillar on the floor until he was able to reach the man. Using his chin as a climbing pick, shoulders to change his moving direction, waist to balance himself and knees as his standing base, Lero skilfully clambered all over Madarao until his hands which were bound to his back reached the cloth bound around Madarao's lips and yanked it off. Madarao was greatly impressed by the efforts of the young boy.

“Now lean down, little one.”

Lero laid flat on the floor, close enough to Madarao's hand. Madarao pulled the cloth binding Lero's lips and the boy gasped in relief. “W-Where is this, lero?!” Madarao shook his head. He looked around him. They seemed to be a normal room...A general diagnosis room, in fact. There was a desk, a screen and a bed in the room, but other than that, there was nothing.

“Did they kidnap you from your room as well?”

Lero nodded vigorously. Seeing how dark it was, Lero was on the verge of tears once more, wanting Timcanpy to come and rescue him.”Why are we brought here, lero? What did Lero do?” Madarao shook his head, not knowing the answer. But he knew very well, somehow, that it had something to do with Allen Walker.

* * *

Lavi was excited. Tyki couldn't even tell why Lavi was in such a good mood, but the redhead promised to share with Tyki the cause of his joy later. Later when they rescued Allen and possibly everyone else, that is. In fact, he was so edgy he couldn't sit still. His eyes kept travelling to his watch, willing it to reach five thirty faster. He and Alma decided to keep it a secret from Kanda, as a surprise. He would be so happy once Allen was rescued. Still, it was surprising that everything seemed quieter than usual around the facility. There seemed to be a lot of patients preferring to stay in their rooms today; Road was apparently kept separately for some tests.

Even Madarao and Link were notably absent. Lavi held concern for Road, hoping those tests were harmless ones. He wouldn't put it past them to do illegal tests. Now that he thought of it...Why today, all of a sudden? A shock ran down his spine. Lavi was now visibly worried. Were they trying to reduce support around Allen when time came for Allen to undergo the experimental therapy? Lavi checked his watch once more; it was only three. He beckoned to Doug, who was with Jasdevi in the same room with them all.

Curious, Doug and Lavi separated themselves from the group to talk. Lavi leant down close to Doug's ear to whisper, “You know what they said about Road, right? I'm worried...Something's not right. I want to go check up on her alone. If...If there's really something wrong...Proceed without me. And look after Tyki for me.” Doug's eyes widened, but he saw the determination in Lavi's eyes and couldn't find it in himself to deny his friend. He merely nodded, looking towards the group of patients they herded under their care. Johnny was already stationed nearby for the operation. Jasdevi were as usual, stuck very close to Allen, who was preoccupied with his current hobby, reading books upside down. Tyki was glaring at them, but he made no move. Lavi patted Doug's shoulder before heading out of the room.

“Where is Lavi going?”

Doug expected the question from Tyki, but not the frosty tone the man used with it. “He mentioned something about forgetting a report, so I suppose he's going to send it up,” Doug lied. He didn't want Tyki to find out, or the man might fly into a rage. He already looked like he was going to bite off someone's head. Doug himself was worried about the possibilities. If Lavi was caught...There would be no choice but to go on before the staff noticed that Lavi was in league with them.

As for Lavi, the first place he needed to check was Road's room. He had to search for signs of struggle, if the girl was indeed taken away against her will. Nothing seemed out of place even as he approached the girl's door, but once he took a closer look, he realised something was dreadfully wrong. “...This is a lock-down system to shut down the rooms using remote control...Fuck, they installed this shit here? Road, are you in there?!” He waited for a moment, and then a muffled voice from beyond the door was heard. The door was thick, so it was hard to tell what the voice was saying, but Lavi was definitely sure that it was Road, trapped in her room.

“Wait, okay? I'll find a way to get you out!” Lavi promised, before he ran off to other rooms. These kind of doors cannot be pried open, for it will trigger an alarm, and Lavi did not want to pull attention to himself right now. His suspicions were confirmed; majority of the patients were locked down as well in their own rooms. Lavi deduced that the key to unlocking all doors laid with the security room. But how was he to go there...?

“So you were Awakened.”

The voice startled Lavi, who turned around just in time to see a baton aimed at his head.

* * *

The clock was crawling to four, and Tyki knew something was wrong. He got up from his seat, heading to the door. Doug got up as well and asked hastily, “Where are you going?”

“To the restroom. A guy's gotta go when nature calls,” Tyki scoffed, playing his role naturally. Leaving the room, Tyki made his way to the office. He would confirm Lavi's absence in the office before searching elsewhere. The doctors looked at him as if he was an alien, most just ignored him. “Excuse me, has Lavi been here?” Tyki questioned. The receptionist looked at him in disdain.

“He's gone home early.”

Tyki was startled. His Lavi, gone early? Chrome eyes narrowed; this was the stupidest lie he had ever heard. Lavi may have reasons to leave early, but not on this day. On this day when Allen was facing this dangerous therapy, Lavi would not go anywhere. Sure, Lavi displayed rather strange behaviour throughout the day, but his worry for Allen did not change. Tyki leant down, staring at the receptionist with undisguised hate.

“Where is Lavi?”

The doctors looked at each other, before they stood up one by one. “This one has found out. We'll have to eliminate him,” one of them murmured. Like robots, they all nodded their assent and turned to Tyki. Tyki, realising what was actually happening, did the smartest thing. He ran. Almost immediately, the whole group chased after him. Tyki cursed under his breath. He should have known! They targeted Allen when he was vulnerable. They already took Road under the pretext of tests. Lavi...They had Lavi in their hands, he was sure of it. He had to escape. He was alone; he was their only chance...!

All of a sudden, a hand abruptly shot out and pulled Tyki aside. The group of pursuers ran on without noticing Tyki was taken. The Portuguese was about to punch the person who pulled him when he saw it was Timcanpy. The man raised his finger in a shushing gesture, looking outside the pharmacy door. Timcanpy then gestured for Tyki to enter the pharmacy store. Slightly suspicious, Tyki complied, but he did not leave his back open.

“You idiot; now you've gone and alerted them...” Timcanpy chided, looking displeased.

“Why do you care?” Tyki muttered, glaring at him. His sister was in captivity, his brother was heading to his doom, and his lover was in danger! He didn't have the time! Timcanpy sighed, shaking his head. Men lost it easily when they were in love. “If I didn't care, I wouldn't be switching your medicine with sweets. If you move any further, you risk jeopardising everything.”

“...Everything...?”

Timcanpy nodded, sitting on a box. It would take some time to explain so he might as well get comfortable. “For starters, Road is safe. She and many other patients are locked down in their own rooms. We have to wait for Lenalee to deactivate the security system to get them out. Secondly...They took Lavi to where Madarao and...Lero are. I suppose they're going to be hostages, in case any of us raised a hand against them. Lavi is obviously connected to you, that was why he was taken alive. Lero...It can't be me because they don't suspect me at all...It could be because he was related to the Noahs in his past life, so they are taking that into account as a preventative measure. Madarao...I have no clue, but Link may be the key.”

“How do you know all these?” Tyki demanded.

“I rigged the security cameras in this area so that no one may see what's actually going on here, and I have created a live feed from the main security room. I hid it in the panel of the walls, so no one knows...Tyki, you stay here with me so that we can evacuate people when time comes,” Timcanpy ordered, brushing the blonde bangs out of his eyes.

Tyki stood up, displeased at the order. “Why do I have to do as you say? I don't have the time to deal with you. Road may be safe for now, but Allen is still in danger. Are you telling me to just abandon Lavi? I can't do that, but I guess you don't get it, do you? It's not as if you...”

“Don't say that!” Timcanpy snapped, taking Tyki completely by surprise. Timcanpy closed a hand over his face, breathing deeply to calm himself down. He had been absolutely livid when he saw how they manhandled HIS Lero and tossed him to the ground like he was trash. The blonde would have gone to dish out justice if he had a choice, but he did not. He had to wait and do his duty, all for the sake of a future with Lero. And if that meant gritting his teeth and watch Lero being afraid, in captivity...He'd force himself to accept the bile in his throat. Timcanpy looked at Tyki straight in the eyes, his bright yellow eyes flashing in the semi-darkness of the store.

“...Do you know they've rigged bombs all over the building?”

Those words caused Tyki's heart to nearly stop beating. “Bombs...? They're planning to blow the whole place up?” Timcanpy nodded grimly. “...We still haven't been able to find out, but they are planning something with Allen. Once they are done with him...We believe they'll blow the place up to destroy all witnesses and evidence. That's why, Tyki...You must stay here and help me. You are saving Lavi this way too.”

* * *

Alma looked on in worry at the sleeping form of Kanda. His friend had not woken up since the morning, but a few phrases and words which escaped him allowed Alma relief. At least Kanda was not waking up because he was in the process of retrieving his memories. He felt a pang in his heart, when he remembered how Kanda used to wake up suddenly from nightmares. Kanda moved slightly, catching Alma's attention. The young man froze at the sight of tears coming from the sleeping Japanese.

**The battlefield was chaotic. I knew Lavi was already dead. But there was not yet a time for grief. Grief comes only after we win the war. I was busy fighting off the Akuma, when a sudden silence commanded the war-torn grounds.**

**'We're free...'**

**And like a wave, they all burst forth from their mechanical bodies, souls that have been captured, tied down, corrupted. And suddenly, everyone's Innocence dissolved into silver ashes. Everyone's...Except Mugen.**

**The war was over.**

**But where was moyashi?**

**I scoured the battlefield in search of the lover I ignored in favour of concentrating on this day, so that we would have a life together.**

**What I found was the death of my future.**

**My love, my fragile love...Broken.**

**'Moyashi!'**

**I cradled his limp body in my arms. Warmth was fading from him. He looked up weakly at me, as if not daring to believe he was truly seeing me.**

**'Yu...Why?'**

**Why, he asked? Was there any reason I needed?! He was fading, and I was powerless to do anything. In the minutes which mattered most, I have degraded myself into a common man.**

**'Moyashi, don't give up! Hold on, the medical team will come...'**

**Uttering irresponsible, hopeless words. Even moyashi understood the futility, but I refused to admit it. Not now, not when it was finally over. He coughed up even more blood. Desperate, helpless, I wanted to say the word he would have wanted me to say to him, so that he would remain in this world with me, even if a little while longer.**

**'Allen! I lo-...'**

**'Don't...Don't say it now...It'll only be empty words.'**

**But he refused to listen. And my love laid in my arms, dying. Slowly, his hand came up to my cheeks. The cold in his palm spread to my body.**

**'I'm sorry, Yu...I'm sleepy now...'**

**He smiled. Such a heartbreaking smile.**

**'Good night.'**

Kanda sat up, making Alma jump in surprise to have his friend wake up suddenly like that. “Are you alright, Yu? You were crying in your sleep.” Kanda gripped his head hard. The torrent of memories were violent and strong, but the more they came, the more he understood. Everything that surrounded him, Allen Walker and the strange relationship they shared. He now understood the full meaning of the searching look Allen always gave him.

His young lover had been waiting for him to return.

And with that, he finally realised...How much hurt he had caused Allen with his words. Kanda got up, grabbing Mugen and heading out the door. “W-Where are you going?!” Alma asked, hurrying after him. Kanda never stopped walking, prompting Alma to jog to keep up with Kanda's quick, precise pace. “I'm going to go to moyashi.”

“Again?! Yu, you know that we said...” Alma was cut off when Kanda glared at him.

“He was crying!!”

“...What?”

“He was crying when he died! Moyashi...He didn't even let me tell him that I love him...And even smiled that stupid fake smile...! That's not my moyashi! My moyashi was proud, beautiful and strong...So why the hell did he die looking like he was the most lonely person in the world?!” Kanda snapped. His anger was growing, but it was all directed at himself. His question could be easily answered. Allen died with the thought that Kanda had abandoned him.

But he did no such thing!

He didn't care, consequences be damned. He was going to get his moyashi. He would apologize, no matter how many times it took until Allen would be satisfied. And finally, he would love Allen until there was no space left in the boy's heart for another person. With his Awakening, the knowledge that Allen had been imprisoned in the facility for ten years made Kanda even angrier. That the one he cared the most for had been abused like that was unforgivable!

“You've Awakened?! W-Wait, you can't go just like that!” Alma yelled, but his ringing cell phone distracted him. Kanda walked on, regardless of Alma. He appreciated Alma's concern, but right now Allen was his main worry. It didn't take long for Alma to suddenly reappear beside Kanda, looking a bit shocked. “On the other hand, let's go! We need to get to the institute a.s.a.p to stop them from doing that therapy!”

“What therapy?”

Alma paled, realising that none of them informed Kanda of it yet. They were afraid that Kanda would go berserk if he knew, but there would be no difference if he knew now. Kanda was Awakened, and he was like a beast going to defend its territory. So, with little hesitation, Alma told Kanda what had the institute offered Allen, and that Allen accepted. He was about to continue talking about their operation to save them, but Kanda slammed Alma into the wall, looking murderous.

“...Moyashi agreed to it...? Don't fucking joke with me! Why isn't anyone telling me anything?!”

“It's because you'll react like that, Yu! The last thing we want is you out of control! Now let's go and save them before it's too late! The operation was originally scheduled at 6pm, so in accordance we would interrupt at 5.30pm, but Tyki put them on the alert, and now they're starting prematurely, so we'll have to go all-out on our side too!” Alma exclaimed, pushing Kanda aside and jumping into his car.

Kanda slammed the door as hard as he could, but there was nothing he could do except urge Alma to go faster. Allen, agreeing to the illogical actions of the institute? It didn't make sense! But Kanda forgot one thing; being trapped in the same place for ten years changed people, and Allen was no different. Allen was subjected to their experiments for years on; there was no surprise that he didn't reject the proposal this time around. Silently, Kanda knew it was his fault. It was exactly like last time...When Allen fought recklessly and died.

“Damn it...You never made good choices when you're disturbed...”

* * *

Allen had been reading his book, but even he noticed the subtle tenseness within the room. Doug was distracted, the twins could tell. He was not talking as much as he usually did. The little peace they had was disrupted when a group of doctors entered the room. Surprised as they were, no one spoke at all. After looking around, one of them addressed Allen. “Walker, we have experienced...technical difficulties, so have no choice but to perform the therapy now. This way, if you please.”

Allen was surprised, but he obediently got up to follow the doctors. “...See you guys later,” he whispered, a small smile on his lips. Devit bit his lips, forcing himself to stay in his seat. If he had it his way, he would fight those doctors and get Allen back, but it was Allen who willingly chose to go. Something in his gut told him that Allen wasn't going to come back, and it made him cold. Jasdero nuzzled his cheek, understanding what his twin was feeling. Doug was pale as a sheet.

“Johnny...We'll have to shift to plan B. Jasdevi, I have a favour to ask of you both.”

Johnny looked tense whereas the twins were surprised at the sudden severity in Doug's expression. “First, we'll make sure Johnny gets to the restroom safely. Then...We'll sneak onto the third floor and cause some havoc,” Doug suggested, prompting confusion from his charges.

“Why?” Jasdero spoke for him and his brother.

Doug smiled. “To save everyone. I think something went wrong, that's why they proceeded with the therapy ahead of schedule. Johnny needs to get somewhere where he can get some important documents, and it is my job to distract people guarding the place...So will you help me?” Jasdero and Devit grinned at each other. Doug was always helping them, but they never expected him to go this far. This question didn't need much consideration. In fact, it didn't need any at all.

“Trouble is our middle name, Doug!”

In the darkness, Lavi's consciousness lingered. He felt something insistently shaking him. “...vi...Lavi...Lavi...!” Lavi was about to say “Five more minutes,” before he remembered that he was clubbed in the head. The redhead immediately tried to sit up, but found himself unable to, as his wrists and ankles were bound. A mop of orange hair appeared in his vision. Lero wriggled under Lavi's lying body until Lavi's head was resting on the back of his neck. Satisfied, the boy began to lift his upper body.

Madarao lent a hand by biting onto the back of Lavi's collar and pulling him up. Soon enough, Lavi found himself in a sitting position. “Hey, that was great teamwork...Wait, now's not the time for that! What are you guys doing here?! Where the hell is this?!” Lero winced at the volume of Lavi's voice. Madarao was the only one who remained calm. Lavi looked indignant, while Lero looked as if he was about to cry at any moment.

“We're in a disused room, as you can see. I suppose you have been captured as well.”

“Captured? Why you guys?”

“Because you are all of value,” a third voice added.

Shocked at the unexpected guest, all three prisoners turned to the door. On the door, a panel was opened, enough to reveal a face. And that face was recognizable to both ex-Exorcists. A wave of iciness washed over Lavi. On one hand, he should have expected it. On the other hand, he never saw it coming. Inspector in the past life, Lvellie was currently observing them from beyond the door. “What do you plan to do with us?!” Lero exclaimed, glaring at the man.

“You, young boy, I keep because you may give me hints on the weaknesses of those Noah. That former Bookman...” Lvellie made a distasteful face, “Can be used to restrain that Noah, once we find him. As for Madarao...Hn, I wonder.”

“Why are you doing this? What are you planning?” Lavi asked quietly. This man used to serve the Church, but if Lavi's deduction was not wrong, he was also the one who was forcing all the needless treatments on Allen. If Lvellie's appearance here was any indication, something was really going on. The man smiled; to Madarao, it was a disgusting smile. It was the expression of someone who saw them as lower than animals.

“Does the Bookman recall the experiments we have done on the relatives of Exorcists, so that we might find a compatible?” Lvellie's tone was light, as if he was talking about the weather. Lavi's eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What does it have to do with this?”

“...I am looking for someone. However, she will not come. She can however, be lured out by someone who is synchronised with an Innocence. You died early, so you may not know, but all Innocence were destroyed after the end of the war, except two. One of them is Allen Walker's. So, in order to lure her...I found the Innocence. And now, I'll make Allen Walker synchronise with it, so that he serves as my bait.”

Lero was momentarily confused. “You found the Innocence?”

“You motherfucker!”

It didn't take much for Madarao and Lavi to figure out what Lvellie meant. And Lavi was furious, no, there was no word suitable enough to describe his loathing of Lvellie now. The man had the gall to smirk, knowing the underlying message had been understood. Lavi struggled to his feet and hopped to the door, forcing Lvellie to lean back as he approached the open panel and snarled,

“You bastard...You dug up Allen's grave?! You defiled his resting place?!”

Lvellie was not bothered at all by Lavi's accusations. “What do you fear? An Innocence is better off being used than rotting in a grave. Do not worry, I have his bones...Or rather, the bones of him, you and someone else's disposed of properly. Some desperate family must have dug his grave once since there were the bones of another person tossed into his coffin as well. Be glad that I have at least that much mercy for your long-forgotten remains.”

The conversation about the remains of his old body was surreal, but Lavi didn't care. He growled, slamming himself against the door. This monster before him dug out their graves, touched their bones, and dumped it God-knows-where! He didn't give a shit what happened, but Lvellie was his to kill! The matter that made Lavi most angry was strangely, the possibility that Kanda and Allen's bones may have been separated when they were disposed of. Lavi already knew the owner of the other bones, because Tyki had told him about his memories about Kanda before the Japanese died.

It was Kanda's own way of following Allen into the afterlife, and that Lvellie had the nerve to disturb their final resting place, destroying it even, filled Lavi with unspeakable rage. “When I get out of here, you're dead meat...I swear on behalf of everyone, you will suffer for what you've done!” Lavi shrieked like a provoked Harpy. Lvellie only smirked in return.

“Say what you want. You will not live for long anyway. Come, Link. We must leave.”

Madarao, who had not reacted until now, looked up in shock when he heard Link's name being mentioned. At that moment, Link walked by the panel, without sparing even a glance for Madarao. Lavi, exhausted by his anger, sank to the ground. “S-So...We were all here...For so many years...A-All because he wanted an E-Exorcist? All because of his wish, we were i-imprisoned here...?” Lero stuttered, tears already choking his eyes. He was praying for Timcanpy to come save him.

Madarao suddenly chuckled out loud, but to Lero and Lavi, it sounded sad, desperate, and void of hope. “...I always knew he would choose the Inspector...” Madarao murmured. Lero observed the man a while. “T-Then, why is Madarao looking so hurt?” Madarao's head bent down, not looking up. But puddles of his tears were forming on the floor. Lavi's weary eyes had no tears to cry. His anger had consumed it all. He cursed Lvellie for causing such misery to everyone.

“Damn him...Damn him to hell..!”

* * *

Allen couldn't believe what he was hearing. He could barely believe who was standing before him. Link stared at Allen, hiding his thoughts very well. Link peered at Lvellie, and thought back on his choice when Lvellie approached him just yesterday

_“_ _I-Inspector...What is the meaning of this?”_

_Lvellie smiled, but Link felt intimidated. “I need your assistance, Inspector Link. I know that I could always depend on you for a job well done.”_

_Link was, for the first time, scared in the presence of Lvellie. “But, why would you choose me to accompany you now?” The man before him looked into his eyes, and Link found himself unable to look away. “Because I know I can trust you. After the experiment with Allen Walker, I need someone I can put by my side. And there is no one better than you for the task. Do not worry about Madarao. I have him...restrained,” Lvellie answered._

_Link felt hesitant. In the back of his mind, Madarao's voice echoed, warning him against trusting Lvellie. But the man had never given him reason to doubt. Still...The plan about Allen Walker was too...Link shook his head. He had nowhere else, but Lvellie's side to be. He was never suited for anything else._

_“_ _...As you wish, sir.”_

Madarao was right, Link mused inwardly with a mellow sadness. Crows were given skills that tied them to their owners. Allen didn't pay attention to Link. He had no right to judge Link's choice, which had been obvious the moment the boy saw him enter with Lvellie. “...And what if I say no, Lvellie? What would you do?” Lvellie smirked at Allen's defiant answer, despite being strapped and tied down to the operating table.

“There is no choice for you, Allen Walker. Even if there is no willing synchronisation, we will use the electro-convulsive therapy to activate your body and brain cells to 'persuade' them to accept the Innocence. And...I believe I find it in your best interests to co-operate. Otherwise...Your friends might be in danger.”

Allen's eyes narrowed at the threat, knowing Lvellie would not hesitate to go through with his words. Link was shocked. He thought the electro-convulsive therapy was a cover, not used as a torture tool. “Sir, are you sure this is wise?” Lvellie nodded confidently and whispered into Link's ears. “As long as Walker becomes synchronised, nothing else matters. As it is...I already have the building ready to be detonated once we are finished here.” Link suppressed the shiver rising up his spine. Suddenly he felt like such a fool for agreeing to go with Lvellie. Allen didn't answer Lvellie, but he began singing softly, as if trying to block out reality. 

**On the night**

**When silence envelops the town**

**The incessantly falling white**

**On my held up palm**

**Melting the moment it touches**

**A fleeting fragment**

'Madarao...I'm sorry...I made the wrong choice.'

Link bowed to Lvellie. “I will go check on the pursuit for Tyki Mikk.” As Link turned to leave, he could feel the gaze of silver eyes falling heavily on his back. Link was determined now to do what he should have done. He left Allen alone in the presence of his enemies.

**Piling up soundlessly**

**Gathering up light**

**You laughed**

'But never at me...'

The boy felt foolish now. Regardless of who and how, he should be happy that Kanda still had the emotions in him which allowed him to smile and laugh. He should not have been jealous...Even if he still yearned for Kanda. Ah, how he would have liked to see Kanda for the last time...

**What does it sound like now?**

**Even if I answered**

**You can no longer hear any thing**

**Tell me you're in pain**

**Tell me you're lonely**

**I'll come for you**

**No matter where you are...**

'Please, tell me that I'm not alone in this suffering...'

Allen stared passively at the Innocence. His Crown Clown that they acquired by digging up his grave, and taking it from his rotting bones. It glimmered a gentle green, but Allen no longer found a reason to fight with it. Akuma were gone, he needed his Innocence no more. The lives of those dear to him were at stake, though. He would not fight their attempt of synchronisation, but he would not fully accept it either. He did not find it in his heart to accept. Perhaps if he died mid-experiment, it would foil their plans.

**Don't depart to anywhere**

**Don't leave me...We were always**

**Two persons as one, weren't we...?**

But it was too late, wasn't it? Kanda was gone. Allen knew there was no other reason for him to keep on living. The doctors didn't care about the strange 'symptoms' that Allen was displaying. As long as he didn't fight against their administration then it was fine with them. The boy lay like a lifeless doll on the operating table, singing that song. Allen strained to focus only on the song, hoping to lose himself in the words rather than in the pain in store for him.

**You, who is disappearing**

**Along with the thickly falling snow**

**I can do nothing but embrace you**

**If it can be granted then just once more**

**I want to hear your voice**

**Once more, just once...**

**Call me...**

The outer door was locked when they arrived. Alma tried to break the door open to no avail. “Stand back, Alma,” Kanda suddenly spoke. This door stood between him and his moyashi. And anything that did would be cut down. The Japanese stared at the katana in his hand. For so many years Mugen lay silent, and once he loathed the Innocence for causing him pain. But now, it was the power he needed to save Allen. Mugen would surely understand his desire.

“Mugen...Activate.”

**Hollow and wandering**

**The single drop**

**Reflected in these eyes**

**The gray-coloured world**

**Frozen as it always was**

**Only the snow gently falling**

'Lavi...Please be safe.'

Tyki was pacing the store, even as Timcanpy was pulling out the screen from a panel of the wall. The blonde was working on tweaking his makeshift live feed. If they had heard right, Allen's experiment had begun already. Timcanpy waved over to Tyki. The ex-Noah hurried over to his side. Timcanpy handed him something that looked like an earpiece.

“Link is on the move...I think he's going to help Lavi to escape. Take this. I'll be your map and direct you to them so that you won't get caught. Go on, Tyki. It's your chance to save Lavi,” Timcanpy ordered. Tyki paused. “...Will you be alright?”

“...Look after Lero for me.”

**It's becoming colder**

**That voice which will not return**

**Unforgivable even, to melt into one another**

**Listen to my voice, laugh again...**

**Even the tears are completely dried up**

**Unable to melt you**

Mugen gleamed hot white, comfortable in the grip of its conformer once more. Alma was following behind Kanda, slightly in awe at the synchronisation and slightly afraid because Kanda looked very likely to cut down anything, human included. A soft voice was drifting throughout the building. It was humming a song, the words almost barely heard. Kanda's grip on Mugen tightened. His moyashi was calling.

He sounded so sad, his song was his cry. Kanda raced through the halls, in search of the voice's source. He wanted to hear no more sorrow from Allen. Kanda bit his lips down, flashes of Allen's smile in his mind. He used to think it was stupid of Allen to smile so much, especially when more than half the time it was fake. But right now, the Japanese wanted nothing more than to see his lover smile.

“There's the intruder!”

Kanda growled when he saw the security guards going towards him. Alma gasped when Kanda raised Mugen. “Y-Yu, you're not going to kill them are you?!” Kanda's glance never left its target.

“I won't kill them...Underworld Insects, First Illusion!”

But it didn't mean he wouldn't hurt them. No one was going to stop him from accomplishing his mission.

**If it can be granted then let this voice**

**Steal everything**

**And give it all to my beloved**

**If I am to be left all alone**

**In a world without you**

**Just like this...Together...**

**I will rot away with you**

The jolts made him annoyingly lucid, but Allen refused to cry out from the electric shocks. He would not give them the satisfaction of hearing him in pain. The doctors around him now approached with the Innocence. Through dazed eyes, Allen lazily observed the Innocence attempting to fuse with his arm. He could sense the raw power trying to bury itself in his skin, and sudden human fear overtook him; instinctively causing Allen to reject the Innocence.

As if to punish Allen for pushing it away, a pulse of power burst from the Innocence. The pain reverberated throughout his body, causing the white-haired boy to cough out blood. Irritated by Allen's subtle refusal to co-operate, the doctors ran another round of the treatment, hoping to break the boy down enough to get the Innocence fused. Even though he was on the verge of hyperventilating, Allen only sang louder to drown out everything else. His own voice sounded almost foreign, but at least it was his own, preventing the invasions of other sounds, even the keening cry of the Innocence.

On another level, Lavi was working with Madarao and Lero to loosen their bonds and try to find an escape route. Despite the fear, Lero couldn't help but be amazed by the gusto in which Lavi used his teeth to rip and pull at the bonds around Madarao's wrists. It was a stroke of luck that they didn't use handcuffs, but perhaps that was due to handcuffs being easier to get out off. The young boy cheered when Lavi triumphantly resurfaced with the wrangled bonds clamped between his teeth.

Madarao undid the knots around his ankles quickly before moving to release Lavi and Lero of their bindings. Allen's voice was haunting, drifting through the air ventilation systems to reach the room in which they were captured. Lavi was determined to get the hell out of there and save Allen. The beeping sounds of the door unlocking attracted the trio's attention. Lero immediately hid behind Madarao, who stood shoulder-to-shoulder with Lavi, not knowing what to expect.

Blonde hair flickered before their visions momentarily before they realised it was Link who unlocked the door to their prison. Link stared at them for a while, before shaking his head as if to snap himself out of a daze. “Come on, we have to hurry. The situation grows dangerous by the minute,” he ordered, but Lavi still had his suspicions.

“How can we trust you? You were with that bastard just now.”

“Because...”

“Lavi!”

Another voice entered the fray; one which Lavi was so happy to hear. “Tyki!” The redhead jumped into Tyki's arms, who held him tight, as if afraid he would lose Lavi again. But Tyki remembered his mission and quickly addressed the others, “Wait, we need to evacuate patients! This whole place is rigged with bombs! Link, Madarao, you both better get to the pharmacy to see Timcanpy. He can tell you what to do. Lero, you better follow...”

“Lero will go with you.”

Tyki was surprised. “But Lero, we're going to rescue Allen. I can't risk your life. I'm sure Timcanpy...” Once again, Tyki was cut off by Lero, who calmly answered, “No, Lero will go with Tyki and Lavi.” There was no light in his tawny orange eyes.

'Timcanpy...Liar.'

**I love you**

**Even that I never was able to say**

**Forever sealed away**

**With the world I had with you**

**Even if I scream it will never reach**

**Your voice is no longer...here**

Lenalee had heard the brief report from Timcanpy, but she could not believe her own eyes once she infiltrated the security room. With her martial ability, she was more than sufficient to deal with the weak forces in charge of the security room. Obviously, they did not expect an invasion on the security room. Lenalee trembled in indignant anger at the sight she saw. She thought in her new life, it would be wonderful. There would be no more suffering for her or her loved ones; she was even reunited with her brother in her new life.

But this institute, and what it tried to do the Walker Syndrome patients, was unforgivable. Even now, her Road was sitting on the floor listlessly facing the door, her lips moving in time with the song which drifted through the ventilation shafts to reach even her. Road Kamelot...Once Lenalee thought she would never be able to understand or like the Noah, but now there was nothing but affection for the younger girl. Even on her first day as Road's overseer, the girl had attached herself to Lenalee immediately.

Lenalee remembered her promise to Road clearly; that Road would not be reborn to live a life of pain. Right now, she would fulfil that promise. Another screen caught her attention as she released all the patients locked down in their rooms. Smalls red lights flickering...With numbers counting down from fourteen, fifty nine, fifty eight...Her eyes widened.

* * *

Allen could no longer tell if he was still attached to his body or not. He felt so distant from reality, with only pain anchoring him to it. Each time they tried to put the Innocence to his arm, the rejection would happen. The doctors were at a loss on what to do. Lvellie finally interrupted the process, looking at Allen with barely hidden contempt. “Enough. The explosives have been set. Take the boy. We will proceed elsewhere.” Allen's vision swam as it looked at Lvellie's retreating back, barely registering those words. But slowly, clarity came to Allen.

Explosives...?

They were planning to blow the whole place up? What was going to happen to everyone else? Did he possibly plan to have them all die here? Three doctors remained in the operating room, one of them handling the Innocence while the two others worked to remove the straps tying Allen to the operating table to move him to their transportation. As they lifted Allen from the table, the Innocence suddenly glowed brightly

**Oh snow which falls incessantly, please**

**Do not stop falling and so**

**As you fall, take everything away**

**The whole fleeting life of that voice**

**Erase it all**

**Into white...**

Road had heard the song, and sang along with Allen to herself because she knew every word of it. As her voice reached the end of the song, there was a blood-curdling shriek echoing from the ventilation shaft. She stood up once more, alerted by the sound. It was Allen, she was sure of it. At the same moment, the door opened automatically. There was no time to think why; Road was already dashing out of the door.

No matter what, she would save Allen.

Her progress, however, was halted by the presence of Doug and Jasdevi. “Road?! You're free?!” Doug exclaimed in wonder, as he had been too busy distracting and fighting the guards to even think about the progress of the mission, though they were dispersing quickly...The bombs must be about to be started soon. Road didn't want to stop.

“Where is Allen?! We have to go save him!”

“Road, wait...” A shrill ringing tone went off, causing Doug to fumble about in his pocket for his cell  phone. “Hello?! Timcanpy...What?! Oh no...They're gone? I understand!” Doug hastily stuffed his cell phone back into his pocket. “Jasdevi, Road, I need your help! There are bombs rigged in the building and it's already been activated. We have to go help the other patients escape!”

Road stubbornly shook her head. “No, I want to go help Allen!”

Doug's hands gently clasped her shoulders. “Road...I understand your feelings. But at times like this, we must do what only we can accomplish. If you are worried, Tyki and Lavi are already on their way to help Allen. What we can do now is to save those who still do not know what is going on. So, will you help us, Road?”

Road bit her lips, but Doug's words contained truth. After what seemed like a long while, she nodded. If they escaped, they may finally lead a normal life. And maybe...She could live with Lenalee.

* * *

Kanda could feel his heart turn cold when the lilt of his lover's voice abruptly stopped in a scream. He prayed, to any God who may listen, that Allen would not be taken from him again. Turning around the corner, Kanda and Alma tumbled into three other people, causing a large heap on the floor. One muffled voice came out from the bottom of the pile, groaning, “What happened...? I feel like I was ploughed down by a truck...”

Disentangling their limbs, the five strangers got to look at each other. Lero automatically took a step back at the sight of Mugen. Lavi gasped, Alma pointed, Tyki glared and Kanda stood up. “Yu, what are you doing here?!”

“Save the questions for later, Lavi! Where is moyashi?!” Kanda demanded, ignoring Lavi's question in favour of finding Allen's location.

“...He's in the operating room just ahead. As to why you are here...I will question it after this,” Tyki muttered, feeling the hostility that still lurked between them. Kanda stared at Tyki for a moment and nodded tersely. He finally understood Tyki's cause of worry for Allen and the ex-Noah's recent dislike for him after all.

The quintet proceeded to the operating theatre, only to find the door locked. Growling at another useless obstacle, Kanda easily sliced the door down with Mugen. Both Lavi and Tyki were shocked, but they were immediately distracted by the scene inside. Allen was lying unconscious on the operating table, with three doctors all sprawled on the floor, also unconscious. Kanda hurried to check on Allen. “Moyashi...?” Cradling Allen's head gently with his arm, he lightly tapped Allen's cheeks, but the boy showed no response.

The young man's heart clenched when he saw the traces of dried blood trailing from Allen's lips and pressed his ear to his chest, just to reassure himself that Allen's heart was still beating. The slow but steady rhythm put Kanda slightly at ease. Alma interrupted when he announced the latest update from his team mates, “The bombs are set, we have to get out of here now!” Lavi let out a string of curses which would have amused Kanda if not for the current state of affairs, and shouldered one of the unconscious doctors. He was not that heartless to let them die here.

With Tyki and Alma securing the two other doctors, the party rushed their way down the staircase, thanking the fact that the institute only had three floors, saving their time in getting out of the place. When they left the building, they could already see a large group of people gathered a distance away from the building. Road had run forward towards Allen when she saw them coming out from the building, but Kanda held Allen against himself possessively. He had retrieved the one most important to him, and he wasn't about to let go anytime soon.

“...K-Kanda...?”

The croaky voice startled Kanda. Allen's eyes were barely open, the lights in his silver irises dying. He looked disbelieving, as if he could not imagine Kanda being here. What happened? He only remembered being engulfed in a white light, and the cold steel pressing into his back, and thinking if this was the last sensation he would remember before he died.

“Moyashi?! Can you hear me?” Kanda asked, brushing the silvery strands out of Allen's face.

His consciousness was wavering, confusion preyed on his senses. He felt as if he was on fire, and wondered if this was a dream, or his last memory being relived on the verge of death. Allen tried to lift his hand, but his strength failed him if not for Kanda taking his barely outstretched hand, gently laying kisses on the back of his palm. “Kanda...It's getting dark...” Allen's words ripped Kanda's rationality into bits and pieces. It was rather dark outside, but Kanda knew that was not what Allen meant.

“Don't give up on me, moyashi! You are going to be fine!” Kanda barked, unable to control his spiralling self-control and raging panic. Only then he realised that Allen's body was burning up, and it seemed that even Link noticed something wrong. He pressed a hand on Allen's forehead, eyes narrowing at his discovery. “His body is going into overheat. They must have used too many drugs on him. Everyone, get me water! We need to keep his temperature under control!”

A loud explosion startled everyone, as the institution burst into flames, debris falling about in chunks, though they stayed far enough to avoid them. Kanda did not even hear it; he was occupied with Allen, who seemed to be closing his eyes. “Wake up, moyashi! Don't do this to me, Allen! I...”

“Please...don't say it...” Allen's face scrunched up in pain, but not a physical one. “I said it before...It'll mean nothing...”

“I love you, Allen. I don't care why you don't want me to say it, I will say it until you get it. I love you! So don't leave...” Kanda whispered, determined not to give in this time. In their previous life, he had been taken by despair and simply obeyed Allen's request, but not this time. He was going to anchor Allen to him, no matter how selfish that sounded. Allen smiled, a miserable yet somewhat fulfilled smile.

“You say that...Yet you were the first to leave me...I'm sorry, Yu...I'm sleepy now...”

The sudden déjà-vu shook the man.

“Moyashi...?”

Allen's hand slowly fell limp in his grip.

“Good night.”


	16. To Each Their Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura

Everyone tried to discreetly look away, but it was hard when they were causing the scene in public. Timcanpy reached for Lero, only to have his hand slapped away once more. Lero was sulking, of that, there was no doubt. However, the carrot top lacked his usual childishness in this event. In fact, it seemed that Lero was deadly serious in his anger this time. The blonde sighed in frustration, running a hand through his hair. He thought once they got out of the place, he would be able to spend more time with Lero, but since the incident Lero had been rejecting all his advances and even took to seeking refuge with the Noah reincarnations.

“Lero...Why are you doing this?” A hint of irritation slipped into Timcanpy's voice, but Lero could care less.

“You ask yourself why, lero! Lero has no time to waste on people who can't think for themselves!” The teenager snapped back with more force. Droplets formed at the edge of his eyes, startling a lot of onlookers, Timcanpy included. Lero clenched his fists in his shirt, trying to stop his angry tears from falling. “Even though Lero waited...Lero waited for Timmu to come...Lero hates Timmu!”

Barking out those words, the boy fled away quickly. Timcanpy was puzzled by Lero's words. What was Lero waiting for? Timcanpy unfortunately, did not have the luck of other couples to have his love be with him. Road had been displeased when she discovered that Lenalee was Awakened all along. The girl pouted, sulked and threw tantrums, all which Lenalee graciously accepted, knowing that it was her fault that Road felt this way.  Road's rage was unstoppable, and no one in their right minds even dared to try.

“Lenalee, you lied to me!” Of course, her anger lessened over the course of the few days but it was still quite the storm. Lenalee was there, with a smile, just letting Road let out all her feelings. “I know, Road. I cannot deny that...But even if I had to lie to you, I wanted to take you out of that place. And now you are free...” Lenalee answered slowly, pressing a kiss to Road's forehead. To her pleasant surprise, Road's cheeks turned red.

“That's unfair...I wanted to do it first!”

Lenalee let out a startled cry when Road yanked her down by the collar and kissed her, this time on her lips. Komui was in shock, trying to separate them both if not for Reever and the rest of the Science team holding him down. “Let me go!!! My Lenalee!!!” Komui sobbed, scratching at the floor in obvious despair when Lenalee deepened the kiss and completely forgot about everyone else around her and Road.

“Sometimes I wonder why his complex isn't cured in this new life...Well Supervisor, this must be repayment for always suspecting the guys as the ones to take away Lenalee,” Reever poked fun at the catatonic man.

From another corner of the room, Lavi watched the scene with a grin. “Even though I'm not straight any more, that kiss looks hot.” From behind him, a pair of hands curled around his waist. Tyki rested his head atop Lavi's, his eyes travelling to the pair of girls who were now making out. He admitted that it made quite a scene. “I have to agree with you there, bunny boy. It makes me think of how you look when we kiss like that.”

“Tyki...! Don't you know you look hungry whenever we do that?”

“Who would not, when you look so erotic after a kiss?”

Others did not even try to look at this ridiculously love-love couple. Their pink aura of love was so overpowering people swore they could see it floating about. Tyki nuzzled into Lavi's neck, causing Lavi to whine and nudge Tyki's head away. Tyki merely chuckled and captured Lavi's lips in a chaste kiss. Their openness of their relationship was so strong, the crowd did not bother asking questions.

Doug was glad that Lavi got his happy ending, but he blushed when he recalled what Lavi said he would do once his Yumebito was out of the institute. Seeing that obvious display of affection, he seriously did not doubt that Lavi would do what he said he would. Right now, he was watching over Jasdevi as they argued over the piece of cake he brought. He had yet to tell the twins that he was going to take them in.

Somewhere inside himself, he was hesitant. Doug was afraid that the twins would prefer to stay with someone else than him. Sure, life would be a bit more difficult to handle once he had two more people to care for, but Doug was secretly determined to do so to fulfil his own wish of protecting Jasdevi. Devit caught Doug's restless stare and poked him in the forehead, startling the man.

“Why the heck do you look so constipated? Everyone's got their happily ever after already!”

Doug smiled a bit at the older twin. “I'd rather see it as the beginning of their story. The road to a good life lived is still long, but when we all have each other the whole way, then it would be fine.” Devit flushed and in a fit of embarrassment smacked Doug's back, causing the man to yelp at the unexpected move. “W-What was that for?!”

“That was for being unnecessarily cool, you...you old man!” Devit exclaimed and went to rejoin Jasdero, who had been laughing at the scene before him. Only a few of them were not staying in the general area, and it was a well known fact why they were missing.

The steady beep of the heart monitor comforted him somewhat, but he preferred that his lover be awake. Kanda had barely moved from his spot where he sat beside Allen's bed for the past three days. The young adult had been so scared that he lost Allen again, but it was a great fortune that Allen was not in critical condition. When Allen bid him good night, Kanda thought it was a repeat of the past, and if that had happened, he would never be able to forgive himself.

Even now, Allen looked so pale and fragile, almost as white as the hospital's bed sheets. Slowly, he ran a hand through the silvery-white locks, appreciating its softness like he never did before. Before...He would not have understood the loss. But now, more than ever, he knew how much he valued the life of the young one before him. The doctors had said Allen would wake up soon, and Kanda wanted to be there when it happened.

Slowly, he stood up. It was time for lunch, and no matter how much he did not want to leave Allen's side, he was sensible enough to know that he should not neglect his own well-being. If he did, Allen would surely scold him. Alma was there when he closed the door to Allen's ward. His friend peered at Allen through the glass panel of the door. “Still no change, huh? Don't worry, Yu, I'm sure he'll be up in no time!” Alma encouraged, amazed at how much Allen affected Kanda.

Kanda nodded quietly. “I'm going to get something to eat now. Are you coming along?”

“Before that, Yu...” Alma's voice trailed off as his best friend suddenly hugged him. Startled, Kanda barely balanced himself in time. “Alma?”

He could feel his friend's tears through his shirt, and Alma's voice choked by sobs. “I didn't have the time before...Since everyone was so busy and anxious...But Yu...I've always wanted to say sorry. For everything that I have ever done...To you...And everyone else...I know you understood me then...But I cannot forgive myself, for hurting you...For killing you...I've failed you as a friend. I'm so sorry, Yu...I'm so sorry...”

Kanda's arm slowly wound around Alma's shoulder, patting it softly, an exasperated yet relieved smile on his lips. “You idiot...I never blamed you for any of it. You were my first friend, Alma. You still are my friend. If anything, I'm sorry...For having to kill you then. So are you done crying now? You're making my shirt wet.” Alma hastily let go of Kanda, laughing as he knew Kanda was making fun of him now. A simple sorry was not enough to atone for his sins, but it was a start. Alma silently swore to himself that he would be Kanda's best friend for all his life, and help Kanda whenever he needed it.

“Let's go, Yu!”

The duo left, not realising another person had been holding back his own tears. When Allen woke up, the first thing he thought was that he was better off not waking up. Their voices could not be heard, but when he saw Kanda patting Alma's shoulder gently, and smiling...His heart hurt so badly.

* Allen's POV *

This pain was not jealousy. That much, I knew. This pain was disappointment. Kanda had his happiness now, and I was happy that he could smile, that he had the capacity for such sincerity in his expressions. What made me so hurt...Was that I, as his lover, did not receive the same sincerity. I knew I was being foolish. In our past lives, Kanda had been hurt, to the point where he lost that capability to express his emotions.

But now...I think I am too afraid to know if he would grant me that privilege of his laughter and his smile. Was our relationship...Only a ghost to the past? Ah, my tears fall again when I think of it. I tried to fight off my insecurities by justifying it logically...But love was never logical in the beginning.

That smile which I've always admired and wished to see. Yet, not once has it been for me. I see now, even though my mind tried to block this irrational thought...No matter what I did, there was no way I could have built a connection between ourselves. Not like that boy. Your first sun, in the complete darkness. Just like how I treasured Mana, who had been so kind to me...You treasure him too, don't you? The fragile chains that bind us...Rusts and crumbles the moment I touch them, turning into copper coloured dust...Copper like dried blood.

I wonder...If that 'I love you' you said to me was a lie?

I don't want this feeling any more...It always ends up like this...It always hurts. Had love been such a painful thing? To have loved and lost was better than to have never loved at all. A lie. If that saying was true, then why am I wishing now that it was better if I had not met you at all? The sheets which cover my face was soaked through with my tears, but I gave no heed to the discomfort.

I want to forget everything. These memories, I don't want them. Erase it...This pain that has been invading my heart. Even if my memories are erased along with it. Yes...Just like that woman in his memories said...Like a lotus, struggling through the mud to reach the gentle sun...But, unlike the lotus, I cannot struggle any longer, and I sink once more...Back into the bed of mud.

**Where is this? So cold and dark. I hate it...But I do not have any where else to go. Is there anyone out there? Hidden in the darkness?**

**'Oi, Allen. What are you doing there?'**

**Such a young, yet familiar voice.**

**There, before me, he came. This child, with short, straight hair. Dark and beautiful eyes that seemed to pierce my thoughts. Why was he here?**

**'...Kanda...?'**

**The child cocked his head, as if confused. He frowned.**

**'Who the hell is that, baka? It's Yu, damn it. My name isn't that easy to forget.'**

**'...Yu?' Such a familiar name...I wonder why?**

**He snorted. 'Or has your brain rotted since you sat here for so long in the dark?'**

**And then...He held his hand out to me.**

**'Come on, Allen. It's time to go.'**

**Ah...Such a warm smile he has.**

**'...Un, let's go.'**

**I took that small hand into mine.**

“Stupid Timcanpy...Does he even understand how Lero feels, the idiot?” The boy was fuming even as he made his way to Allen's ward. At least, it was quiet there, and no one would disturb him. Surprisingly, the ward was void of Kanda's presence. Well, at least that meant Lero would not be glared at while he hid himself there. It was at that moment, the bed sheets rustled. Lero sucked his breath in, watching the bed.

The sheets rustled some more...And finally, a tussled white head came out. Lero gasped. “Allen, you're awake?! Wait, Lero will go call the doctor!” Silver eyes glared balefully at its surrounding. It further narrowed upon the sight of his right arm in a cast. “What the hell is this?” His right arm was just fine; what the hell was it doing all wrapped up? Irritated by his inflexibility, he did what seemed perfectly normal to him; he smashed the cast on the side table, causing the white plaster to chip and crack.

Satisfied, he began peeling away chunks of the cast until his arm was free. Ripping away the unnecessary bandages, he flexed his arm. At that moment, a bunch of people rushed into the ward. Lenalee gasped, looking at the bits of plaster scattered over the floor and table. “Allen-kun, what happened to your cast?!” To everyone's shock, Allen glared at her. His words shocked them even more.

“Shut up. It was useless shit. So, who the fuck are you?”

“E-Eh...? Allen-kun, don't you recognise me?”

“Che. Would I ask if I knew? Where the hell is this place?” Allen snapped.

Komui slowly stepped forward. “You are in a hospital after...an accident. Can you introduce yourself?”

Allen dusted his right arm, eyes still narrowed in distrust. “It's Allen.”

“Hm...You have nothing else to say?” Everyone allowed Komui to continue his questions, bewildered by this aggressive Allen. Allen made a 'tch' noise and crossed his arms defensively. “I'm an abandoned kid, so I have no family name. My life as far as I can recall, has nothing of value. So deal with it!”

Kanda was baffled. Who was this boy? What happened to Allen?

“I see. Well, we would like to leave you to the doctor to run an examination first,” Komui placidly retreated and ushered everyone out. Once they left the ward, they burst into a myriad of questions and demands. Komui silenced them all with a wave of his hand, knowing why they felt that way.

“First of all, I think Allen has amnesia. Most people are unaware, but electro-convulsive therapy has side-effects which commonly includes amnesia. Typically, they forget things before the therapy, or during therapy and in some lesser cases, post therapy. In Allen's case though...I think his memories have regressed to the point before he met Mana Walker. Now, I'm not saying he lost his entire memory,” Komui's explanation made a lot of sense to them, but the man was not done talking.

“He seems to retain memories of this current world, nor is he questioning his age now. He would have been about six years old before he met Mana Walker, but Allen seemed perfectly capable of understanding that he is now fifteen years old without questioning it. So...What I think he has forgotten are the events that happened in his life and the individuals he has met. That's why he acted like that...Unfortunately, none of us, not even Cross, knows how Allen used to be before he met Mana Walker. So we have to assume this is the real Allen, before his life was changed by his foster father,” Komui concluded.

“Will his memories return?” Kanda cut in. He looked, for a lack of words, tense.

Komui nodded with a smile. “Fortunately, yes. Usually the memories will come back on their own, or with the help of therapy. The rate the memories return depend on the person, but it ranges between three weeks to seven months. For now, we'll have to be very careful around Allen because it seems that he is like a PMS-ing Kanda!”

“What the hell does that mean?!” Kanda snapped.

Lavi shook his head with a grin. “It means you both are completely made for each other. To think that little Allen used to act like Yu...It's shocking.”

Road frowned. “...But...I don't think it's that simple.”

“Road?” Lenalee queried, taking her hand into her own. Road looked at the group before her. “...Did you see his eyes? Nothing was reflected within them. Can we go in again, Lenalee? I want to make sure.” Lenalee looked to Komui, who nodded his consent.

“Alright...But since we can't have too many visitors at once, we'll have to visit him in small numbers. Kanda, would you like to join us?”

“Of course,” Kanda answered tartly. He would not leave Allen right now in his vulnerable situation. Once they established their visiting groups, Lenalee, Road and Kanda entered the ward once more. Allen was now seated on his bed, staring outside the open window with a bored look. He did not bother to acknowledge his visitors.

“Hello, Allen. I'm not sure if the doctor has informed you, but right now you have amnesia. Memory loss, that is. So we would like to introduce ourselves to you again, to help you remember faster. I am Lenalee Lee, this is Road Kamelot, and this is Kanda Yu,” Lenalee started out slowly, not wanting to rush things for Allen. After a long while, Allen finally turned to look at them.

Kanda realised with a bitter taste in his mouth that Road had been correct. His usually clear silver eyes were now a smoky, stormy gray, without a hint of light in them. There was that feeling again, that Allen was looking at him, but not truly looking. Only this time, that feeling was worse. Before, Allen had seen something in him. Now, Allen did not seem to see anything at all. Allen tilted his head a bit backwards, giving them a feeling that he was looking down on them.

“...So? If you say I have memory loss, then what are you people to me?”

Kanda wanted very much to shout that he was his lover, but Lenalee beat him to it and answered, “We are your friends, Allen-kun.” Allen's brows creased in confusion for a while. Then, the boy laughed derisively. Road actually shivered at how devoid of emotions Allen's laughter sounded. This was not her kin; she did not know this Allen at all. Abruptly, Allen stopped laughing, and his eyes were fixated on them once more.

“Friends? Don't fucking kid me. I don't have them and I don't need them.”

Lenalee and Road looked at each other, both not sure about how to deal with the current Allen. Deciding to change the topic, Lenalee mentioned, “W-Well, once you are discharged from the hospital, niisan decided that you can attend school.” Allen snorted, turning his attention back to the window.

“I don't have money to attend school.”

“Niisan is paying for it,” Lenalee answered once more, becoming even more curious about Allen's past. Allen growled, glaring at Lenalee. “What's that, sympathy? You can take that money back and use it on yourself! I don't need people's pity!”

“Who the hell has the time to pity a moyashi like you?!” Kanda suddenly yelled, looking livid. He couldn't stand it any longer. Allen had mentioned it a few times; that he did not want pity. Whether it was directed to Kanda or to Lenalee, the fact remained that it pissed Kanda off and set his temper ablaze. Why couldn't the boy see they weren't giving him pity?!

Allen's deadly gaze finally turned to Kanda, as if acknowledging his presence for the first time. His lips curled into a sinister smirk, as if to make fun of Kanda. “Of course, bastard. Nobody has the time or things to waste on something like me. I don't need people, I don't need anything. I don't have the time to be a goody-two-shoes. It's all I can do just to survive another day. As long as I grow strong enough to stand alone, that's enough. I don't need stupid things like friendship or love or pity. Now get the hell out!”

Deciding not to aggravate Allen any further, the trio left the ward. Lenalee sighed, wondering if the real Allen was so hostile. Road simply wanted to be with Allen, no matter how changed he was. Kanda was furious, smashing his fist into the closest wall. His action startled Lenalee, but she understood Kanda's frustrations. “Damn it...I thought it was going to be fine...” Kanda cursed under his breath. Trouble it seems, had not yet yielded its miserable hold.

* * *

Link was not alone, but he was afraid to acknowledge the other man in the kitchen with him. Madarao looked curiously about him. “...Do you bake when you are anxious, Link?” The blonde was startled at being addressed, but he masked the fact by tightening his grip on the bowl of batter. It could not be helped that he was anxious; being that he had not said a thing about what he felt about Madarao at all.

“...That day...I thought you chose the Inspector. Why did you turn back for us?”

Still, it was no longer avoidable, this confrontation.

“I was...I thought...You were right, Madarao. Crows do not have the wings to fly away from their masters. I was bound to the Inspector...But when I heard of his plans to detonate the building...I saw that it was not what I wanted. The Inspector was never...He would never have thought of doing that. He was not the man I admired. Therefore...I saw fit to assist in the escape of the patients instead,” Link spoke slowly, as if to make sure that his voice would not fail him. How would Madarao have reacted if Link mentioned that it had been the man he first thought of when he learnt of the horrible truth of what Lvellie wanted to do?

Aquamarine eyes drifted, in a slow motion tracing the movements of the man before him. The frigid stance, clenched fingers and withdrawn eyes...How easy was it for him to sense Link's weaknesses, having observed the blonde for many years. He stood forth, prying the bowl out of Link's grasp. Wary, that there was no physical barrier left between him and Madarao, Link stepped back. Like a hunter, Madarao slowly advanced upon Link until he was cornered against the wall.

“Your concern for our well-being is appreciated, Link. Still, I am surprised that you would come for us first. Being with the Inspector, you must have known about the other prisoners. Why did you not go to the security room and free them?”

Link flinched as though he had been caught, and caught he was. He dared not answer, fearing he would let slip something that was irrational. Madarao slowly lifted Link's chin to make the latter face him. “Link...What is so important that you find it necessary to hide?”

It was too tiresome, having this struggle. Link decided with an almost exasperated vehemence that he would take his own advice and meet it head-on. “I thought of you when the Inspector told me of his plans to destroy everything. I don't know why, but you were simply in my mind. I recalled what you told me, I thought that I should rescue you immediately...Everything about you simply surfaced. But even now...I'm not sure if I can call this emotion...love. How can I face you when I put the Inspector aside and yet cannot decide whether what I feel for you is what you desired from me?!”

Madarao suddenly smiled. He stroked Link's cheek with a finger, murmuring, “Link, there was never a need for you to be so torn over it. I would be happy as long as you live happily where I can see it. There is no need for you to rush your thoughts. I do not blame you if you do not love me. I would be sorrowful if you stood by me from obligation instead of your own free will. Remember...I am here to bear your sadness, and to see you happy.”

“What about your own happiness?!” Link exclaimed, driven up the wall by Madarao's frustrating sacrificial affections.

“My happiness is your happiness.”

“You...You are impossible!”

* * *

Allen did not like the situation at all. He was practically mobbed by people he had never seen before and coddled like a child. He could not remember anything, and that irritated him to no ends. The snowy white haired boy did not tell anyone, but he was actually insecure inside because he knew nothing. The only alternative left for him was to doubt and lash out to those who tried to be close. After all, how true could the things that these people told him be? He was barely left alone, and now there was this boy named Lero sitting in his ward, nibbling on a rice cracker.

“And what the hell are you doing here?”

Lero looked at him for a while, not quite sure what to make of the current Allen. However, whatever Allen turned out to be bothered Lero little. If that Kanda truly loved Allen, then he would love Allen regardless. Or so, was how Lero saw it. “Lero is eating, what else?” Allen snorted and commented sarcastically, “You're also invading my privacy, idiot. What are you doing in here?”

“...Just felt like it, lero. In case you felt lonely,” Lero answered off-handedly, though the deeper purpose was to avoid Timcanpy.

“I'm not lonely!”

Allen was surprised when wide brandy-coloured eyes looked up at him and answered tartly, “Then Lero would be lonely. Right now, Lero doesn't want to see someone. But Lero also doesn't want to be alone. Lero knows Allen will not ask questions, that's why Lero is here.” Not knowing the effect of his words on Allen, Lero reached out to the bowl for another rice cracker. Allen's mood mellowed considerably to a thoughtful one.

“So you're just using me since I don't have any memories of anything.”

Lero shook his head simply as he nibbled on the new rice cracker. “Lero knows Allen will not ask because Lero knows Allen is kind. So Lero feels safe to be here.”

Allen kept quiet after that. It...Felt good to have someone trust him despite his lack of memories. The others kept walking on tip-toe around him, as if afraid he could not handle anything on his own. Yet this boy, Lero, who did not completely know him, was still able to trust him in such a manner and stay close to him. In the long course of silence Lero thought Allen had fallen asleep when the teenager spoke once more.

“...Fine then. If you are so desperate for company, I'm generous enough to accompany you. However...I'll pretend you don't exist most of the time.”

Shocked at the fact that Allen opened up, even if just a bit, made Lero nod dumbly to Allen's comment. What amazed Lero even more was the light flush which covered Allen's cheeks as he said so. The ex-golem now kind of understood why Kanda found Allen cute. The light atmosphere was interrupted when another person entered the room, announcing his presence with a loud,

“Good afternoon, Allen!”

Allen almost shrank from the brightness which radiated from the newcomer's atmosphere. This one was scary, the boy thought. His optimism was ridiculous. Alma simply grinned at the boy. “They've decided that you can be discharged, and since you're starting school by tomorrow, you'll be sharing dorm with me! Do you have anything you want to take? I'll grab it all for you! Since it'll be the first time for you to be at school after a long time, Lavi will be guiding you around campus!”

Any further rant was halted when Allen held up his hand, sighing loudly. “They still want to send me to school? Didn't I already say I don't need such pity?”

Alma vigorously shook his head. “But it's not pity, Allen! It's within every human's basic rights to have shelter, food and education! So we are doing our part in ensuring that you receive at least your basic rights! Also, you deserve it! It's not pity if you have earned it, right?” Allen felt almost intimidated by Alma's aura of positive energy. “You're a freak...How can you be so bright about everything? The nonsense you spout is unbelievable. Also...Why am I rooming with you? I'm going to die...”

The latter simply grinned at him, determined in a bull-headed way to just do things his way. The current Allen was so similar to Kanda when he was still a child. Only...whereas Kanda was initially born without understanding of human emotions, Allen had known them and also knew that he had been excluded from the privilege of experiencing them, leading to the teen to actively avoid contact with them.

“Well, that's because my room has an opening. Yu's bunking with Lavi, but if you want to I guess we can request so that you can bunk with Yu if you want to.”

Suddenly, a heavy atmosphere pervaded the air. Lero gulped, knowing where that deadly aura was coming from. Allen's eyes were narrowed, his fists clenched into the sheets. “Why would I want to bunk with that bastard? Another thing...Don't mention his name in front of me, unless you want me to knock all your teeth out.” Alma was surprised by the amount of hate in the gray eyes, as if a tempest was brewing within them.

“Er...Did Yu offend you in any way?”

Allen stared at the blinding white of the bed sheets.

“...It just irritates me each time I see him.”


	17. Mechanical Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

**'What are you doing, Allen?'**

**A gruff, yet gentle voice.**

**'I'm drawing, Yu. What flower do you like? I'll draw one for you.'**

**His expression became withdrawn. Worried, I reached out to touch his face.**

**'What's wrong?'**

**He slowly took my hand and kissed my palm. Still a child, yet an adult in his actions.**

**'...Nothing. I prefer a lotus.'**

**A flash, of a pencil-sketched lotus in full bloom. My fingers paused.**

**'...Allen?'**

**I shook my head, giving him a smile.**

**'It's nothing...I like you best, Yu.'**

**He smiled, filling my heart with joy. That beautiful smile...**

**'Of course you do.'**

**I like Yu the best...But the best out of which others?**

Allen groaned, throwing the covers off. He had a feeling that he dreamt, but he couldn't remember the content of the dream...Only the feeling that he had been pleasantly fulfilled. He plodded out of his room, seduced by the scent of food. The scene was becoming very common, ever since Allen moved into the dorm with Alma a week ago. Everyone had been surprised that Allen, while barking and snapping at Alma non-stop for his idiotic behaviour and optimism, had done nothing to send the other away.

Kanda had been in some manner, relieved that Alma got past the tough front Allen put up. At least Alma would be able to convince Allen that they meant well. What he was dissatisfied with however, was that Allen gave him no time of the day at all. Granted, he did not initiate much contact, but every time they did meet, Allen refused to acknowledge his presence. If he was mentioned, Allen referred to Kanda with 'Oi' or 'bastard'. It was beginning to get on Kanda's nerves.

Another surprising matter was that Lero, of all people, was allowed close proximity with Allen. In occasions when Lero felt playful and sat on Allen's lap, a big no-no for people who assumed Allen would snap, Allen surprised them all by sighing and while complaining that he was not Lero's babysitter, allowed the boy to stay where he was. Allen's select choice of companions baffled Lenalee and the rest, but they tried not to question it. At least, Allen acknowledged the companionship that he claimed to want to stay away from.

The boy, still unfamiliar to his surroundings, took to exploring the dorms. He ignored Alma's offer to show him around, feeling insulted that Alma thought him to be direction blind, though secretly he admitted to some part of himself that he was indeed, a bit of a genius at getting lost. His dorms were large, but that was no surprise considering the amount of students. Each room housed two students, and each dorm room had a kitchenette with the dining table, a snug living hall, a room with two beds and a common bathroom.

Now, he was faced with a dilemma. “...Was it left or right?” Allen stared at the junction before him, unsure which path took him back to his dorm room. If he could, he would like to return to his room without help. The white-haired boy did not feel up to meeting anyone yet. Their unwanted concern suffocated him. About to take a left turning, someone suddenly spoke up behind him.

“Your room's on the right.”

Almost jumping out of his skin, Allen swivelled on the spot, his sight greeted with long ebony hair. His heart tightened painfully as if it was squeezed. He turned rigid, literally walling himself up against the other. Kanda stared at Allen, who looked as if he'd seen a ghost, crossing his arms immediately in a defensive posture. He had no memories of this person, but Allen felt his chest choke up in unknown emotions each time he sighted this one.

The only conclusion he could come to was that he hated this man; he must have. Otherwise why would he feel such pain at the very sight of him? Kanda did not know how to react as Allen coldly brushed past him, refusing to meet his eyes. Before he knew it, he was forcing Allen to face him, grabbing his shoulders tightly. Allen squirmed at the discomfort, but his silver eyes blazed defiantly in challenge. “Let go, jerk.”

Kanda was barely holding himself back from really showing Allen what their true relationship was, but the advices of everyone, to let Allen take it easy, rang noisily in his mind. Torn between leaving Allen be or showing Allen what he meant to him, Kanda wavered for some time. Allen was confused at Kanda's lack of reaction, but he did not speak. After what seemed like a long while, Kanda released Allen. Although he wanted to tell Allen the truth, it was for the best that he left Allen alone first.

“......” Allen walked away without saying another word, leaving Kanda to stand there alone.

School had been a busy affair for Allen. He could not really remember anything, but he felt that going to school was a first time experience for him. Did he feel this way because he was amnesiac, or did he somehow sense that before, he had never attended school? The people of his class were informed of his 'ailment' and were friendly, but Allen did not care about them. To him, the world was still a cold place.

A world which had once forsaken him for his arm.

He knew that his arm was no longer that red monstrosity. He did not know how it happened, yet he felt that it had been that way for some time, a normal arm. Now the world was trying to draw him back into its embrace, but scarred by the cruelty of his fellow human beings, Allen was reluctant to trust. He refused to yield himself to the world yet, instead choosing to draw some into his own walled-up garden, like Lero. He would never seek out Lero; it was always the other who came looking for him.

“Morning, Allen!”

Getting angry at Alma's chirpy voice was how Allen activated his brain in the morning. Allen did not know where did he gain the ability to tolerate Alma, but he managed. Somehow...No matter how angry he got at Alma, he just gave up in the end because it was too tiring to be angry at Alma's antics. Allen just sat down at the table, looking at the breakfast Alma cooked. The boy shivered as he looked at Alma squirt a generous amount of mayonnaise on his own breakfast.

No matter how many times he saw it, he would never get used to it.

This was becoming a habit, something Allen feared. This act of breakfast together, going to school and coming back, this routine...Allen tried to distance himself. If he got too used, too close...It would hurt so much when it would be ripped away from him. If he could return to his dreams...He felt that he would be safe in it.

* * *

“Niisan...so it's true?”

To Lenalee's worried expression, Komui had no choice but to nod. “You saw it for yourself, Lenalee. A fracture takes about one month to heal. Yet Allen's arm is already fully recovered. Also...That mark on his back...It is without a doubt. Lvellie has accomplished what he set out to do.”

The girl looked downcast. “...So the mark on his back is the Innocence? He's synchronised with it?”

“Yes...Lvellie needed an Exorcist to lure a woman out. We have yet to know who this woman is, but the fact remains that both Allen and Kanda are synchronised users. That woman may come for them and we have to be prepared. The evidences are now being made into order and the court case is proceeding. However, Lvellie is missing and we have to be extra wary of what he might do,” Komui mused.

“...Make sure Allen is never alone. He...And every one else is unaware that he's synchronised.”

“Niisan...Will his life...?” Lenalee could not continue the sentence. She could not bear to imagine if Allen would leave Kanda behind again. The ominous words she once heard about parasitic type conformers echoed in her mind. Komui patted her back soothingly, putting Lenalee at ease. “It's alright. The corrosive effects only apply when the body is in need of extensive healing, which is handled by the Innocence automatically in order to protect its host, or when the Innocence is activated and used to the extremes. In this case, Allen will most likely never find the need to use his Innocence and so, he will live a normal lifespan as the rest of us.”

“I see...Niisan, when is niisama going to return? I'm sure he wants to see Allen since we've rescued him.” Lenalee's query was met with a feverishly sweating Komui. He coughed and said, “That man never says a thing and please, I'm praying he stays away for as long as possible. He brings me nothing but trouble each time he comes. I'm already thanking heavens he no longer collects debts like a beggar collects coins.”

Lenalee giggled at Komui's lament. “But you love niisama, don't you? Isn't that why you married him?”

Komui wrinkled his nose in distaste. “It doesn't mean I have to like everything he does. Now run along, Lenalee, or you'll be late for class.” Lenalee nodded and headed off to her own class. The Black Order University was vast, not only owning a university but also an elementary, junior high, and senior high sectors. Even facilities like the hospital were actually on their land. Right now, she, Kanda, Lavi and Alma being nineteen were in their first year of university.

Lero and Road, though fourteen, were allowed to skip a grade and join Allen, who was slotted in the third year of junior high. Jasdevi, owing to their older age, were in second year of senior high. Tyki was looking for a job with one of the departments of the Black Order University. Apart from Allen's amnesia, everything was settling into its desired position. Lenalee smiled brightly. Today was a great day.

“Allen forgot his lunch today. Do you want to accompany me to deliver it?” Alma invited Kanda along, trying to create more chances for Kanda to see Allen. It was surprising that Allen was especially hostile to Kanda, even when the Japanese had not done anything yet to merit such treatment. Kanda wanted to see Allen, even though he was also reluctant to have himself ignored by the boy.

“...Che, fine.”

“Aah, I want to go too!” Lavi cheered and tagged along with the group. He knew how Allen's change shocked everyone, but in these few days the boy was warming up to them. He hugged Allen yesterday and all Allen did was complain, but didn't push Lavi away as he did in the beginning. The trio crossed the school grounds from the university sector to the junior high sector, Alma already knowing Allen's classes by heart. Even as they approached, they could see Lero, Road and Allen come out of the classroom.

“Allen!” Alma called out, waving.

To their shock, Allen's face was decorated with a beautiful smile as he turned to answer Alma. Kanda was rooted to the ground, seeing Allen's smile for the first time in a while. Even Alma was surprised, but he simply grinned and asked, “What's up? You look happy.” Allen hesitated for a while, but finally he said, “Narein has come to visit me.” Kanda immediately growled at the mention of Narein. Allen seemed to notice Kanda and turned sour.

“Since when did you know that guy?” Kanda asked, unable to hide his displeased expression.

“Hn...It's none of your business. But if you are curious...I met Narein in the hospital when I woke up. He treated me well, even though I didn't trust him at first. But...There was something about the way he talks to me. He makes me feel safe...Safe enough to open my heart to. Unlike you,” Allen sneered, causing Kanda's face to change colour.

The young man snatched Allen's hands, startling the latter as he was pinned against the wall. Lero hid behind Lavi in fear of the unfolding event. Knowing the volatile Kanda, and even more ferocious Allen when he was angered, the situation might just explode in their faces. Road simply watched; she liked Narein and she was angry at Kanda still, but Kanda had nothing to worry since Narein was just a friend. Not that she would clear up the misunderstanding now, just to spite Kanda. What the Japanese lost in Allen, he would have to work hard to regain, because of what he had done to the poor boy; that was what Road thought.

“Why do you keep going against me?! What the hell did I do?!”

Allen turned his gaze aside, refusing to look at Kanda. “I just hate looking at you!”

Kanda's grip tightened around his wrists, causing Allen to slightly whimper. “And why is that, moyashi?”

“You disgust me! Each time I see you, I feel terrified...! My chest hurts, and I don't know why! I just know it's your fault!” Allen yelled and shoved Kanda away in a burst of adrenaline, but he slipped and almost fell if not for someone catching him at the last moment. Narein whistled, hoisting Allen to his feet. “Be careful, Allen. What's wrong?” He had arrived just in time to see Allen stumbling away from Kanda and moved in time to catch the boy.

Allen tried to stand but winced when he put too much weight on his right leg. “Ow...I think I twisted my ankle...” Kanda, in concern, tried to approach Allen but Narein was already down on his knees. He gently took Allen's leg and pressed down around his calf and ankle. Allen uncharacteristically whined and mumbled, “Please touch it more gently...” Narein smiled softly as he squeezed Allen's ankle a few more times, completely unaware of the jealous gaze coming from Kanda who barely held himself down seeing his moyashi being simply touched like that.

“Just hold on a bit...I think it just needs to be wrapped for a few days. Let's go to the infirmary and I'll patch you up,” Narein announced, finding it just a minor case of a twisted ankle. He lent his shoulder to Allen, ready to help Allen get to the infirmary. Allen let out a surprised yelp when he felt someone sweep him off his feet instead. Kanda had a scowl on his face, but no way was he going to let Narein touch what was his any further.

“Put me down, bastard!” Allen snapped, struggling in Kanda's grasp.

“Shut up and just let me carry you there, moyashi!” Kanda retorted, making his way to the infirmary, regardless of the gallery following after him. Kanda wasn't so stupid as to be clueless. When Allen yelled at him just now, he understood that it wasn't as if Allen was unresponsive towards him...Allen did feel something for him, and because he could not understand his feelings, the only way for him to respond was to fight it. Kanda unconsciously increased the strength in his arms which contained Allen. He would persist until Allen understood.

'...What a nostalgic scent...I wonder why...?'

Allen kept quiet, his nose buried in Kanda's shirt. 'Even though he makes my heart hurt so much...I feel terribly...at ease in his arms...Why?' He was horribly confused by his conflicting thoughts, but lulled by the familiar scent from Kanda, Allen's eyes slowly closed as he went into the realm of unconsciousness.

Kanda, wondering why Allen was silent, looked down to find the boy already sleeping in his arms. His sleeping expression was almost irresistible. Kanda held Allen closer to himself, relishing in the sensation of the petite body which fit perfectly in his arms. He glared at Narein, who was surprised by the sudden attention. “Don't touch moyashi...ever,” the Japanese declared his intentions, threatening away any he considered his potential rival. Narein, being the only one among the group now who was not Awakened, can only look at Kanda in confusion as he did not understand why Kanda said so.

**I giggled a bit, causing him to look down at me in surprise.**

**'What is it?'**

**I shook my head, smiling at him.**

**'It's nothing...You're warm, Yu...I like it.'**

**Yes...Being in his arms felt like the best thing. It made me feel protected, even though he was simply a child with his arms around me.**

**'Che...Holding you feels good too.'**

**I blushed when he smiled in a teasing manner.**

**'Yu...I love your smiles. They're beautiful.'**

**'Allen...I love your smiles too. That way, I know you are happy.'**

**I snuggled closer into his embrace.**

**'As long as I am with Yu, I am happy. But Yu...'**

**'What?'**

**I turned around to look at him properly.**

**'When did we first meet? I can't remember...'**

**Though I know I've always been in this world with just Yu...A small world belonging only to us.**

**'Hn...I've known you since before you were born. We've always been together.'**

**I blushed again.**

**'You say such embarrassing things easily!'**

**He only smirked.**

**'It's true, Allen. You know it.'**

**I do...? Even if...I can't recall?**

Allen snapped awake. It took a while for him to see that he was in his own room. There...He had the dream again. As with his other dreams, he could not remember. However, the sense of warmth and gentility from the dream calmed him. At that moment, Alma chose to enter the room. “Oh, you're awake Allen? You were sleeping pretty deep just now! Since you wouldn't wake up, Road got you excused for the rest of the classes while Yu delivered you home!” Alma mentioned in one breath.

“That bastard...” Allen frowned, frustration returning to haunt him as he wondered about his conflicting emotions about Kanda. Alma looked at him, dying to ask a question which was fed with his curiosity. Being the silly person that he is, Alma asked anyway. “Allen...I've been curious, but why don't you ever call Yu by name? Or surname, at least?”

Allen snorted. “He calls me moyashi, so why should I call him by name? Bastard is just right for him.”

'Besides...I feel that I'd lose something if I called him by name, but gain something else...But what? Why do I feel this way? Is it my forgotten memories? Am I failing to see something? I'm so afraid when I think about it...So scared...of remembering.'

Seeing Allen silent made Alma uncomfortable. He decided to distract Allen with one thing. “What do you want for dinner, Allen?”

* * *

Lero frowned, glaring at the homework before his eyes. He can't believe it; Timcanpy still hasn't figured out what he did wrong yet! Here he was, though having sulked and resisted Timcanpy, still very much in love with the handsome bastard who did wrong by him and the blonde had the nerve to yet realise what he did. He seriously would consider dating someone else, damn it! Even as Lero was driving himself crazy over the issue, the person he did not want to see most strode through the classroom door as if it was the most natural thing to do.

“What are you doing here lero?”

If the situation wasn't so serious Timcanpy would've said that Lero was so cute acting like a cat with its hackles raised. He had mulled over the issue for a long time, but he came to no answer. So the blonde decided that the next best thing to do was to ask Lero directly. “Lero, I...” Timcanpy was abruptly cut off when Lero stood up and turned away from him. “Lero has nothing to say to you,” the boy quietly stated.

“Lero, stop being so stubborn...”

Once again, Timcanpy was cut off, but by Allen this time.

“Lero...I need help getting to the lab,” Allen mentioned, motioning to his bandaged foot. Lero pasted on a smile and lent his shoulder to Allen. The both of them exited the classroom, silently watched by Timcanpy. Road sidled up to Timcanpy, feeling sorry for the blonde. She had no idea what Timcanpy did to make Lero that angry, but in some manner thought Lero shouldn't be so cruel to the blonde. Unless what Timcanpy did was of course, on par with what Kanda did to Allen.

“Aren't you going to chase him?”

The blonde slowly made his way to the classroom door. “...Lero's not going to listen to me any time soon.” Road noticed the loneliness shrouding his silhouette. Someone should talk to Lero to clear this matter up soon, and without her knowing, that was exactly what someone was doing now.

“That'll be the last time I bail you out.”

Lero was surprised when Allen talked to him. The latter looked bored and at the same time mildly annoyed; that was when Lero knew his actions crossed the invisible line that Allen drew on their friendship. The orange top meekly nodded and turned his glance to the floor. Seeing that reaction, Allen sighed and took his arm off Lero's shoulder, prompting a sound of surprise. “Can you walk without help, lero?”

“Tch, I'm not that weak. It's just a sprained ankle; two days off it was enough rest. More than that, you...” Liquid platinum slid over Lero's form. “...He loves you, you know that?”

“W-What?!” Lero squeaked, shocked that Allen, of all people, broached the topic with him. Allen let loose a sigh, wondering why he'd allowed someone this troublesome get close to him. “...I can tell. He loves you and you know it. You love him too,” Allen continued as if the topic was unimportant. Lero harrumphed and pouted, wondering if Allen was going to lecture him for his irresponsible prolonged ignorance of Timcanpy.

“So what, Lero? How can you say for sure that Lero loves Timcanpy?”

“Because you're waiting, idiot. You could've easily solved the problem by telling him what's wrong, but instead you chose to wait. You love that guy and believe that he'd understand you well enough to figure out the problem, that's why you'd rather wait for his answer. Well, it's bothersome because it's causing trouble for the rest of us. You already know he loves you...Just tell him what's wrong and end this idiotic farce,” Allen barked, scolding Lero, but his intentions were gentle.

Lero almost cried hearing them.

“Besides...The people you love may not exactly be the brightest bulb on the planet, so it's a waste of time trying to let them figure it out.” The white hair swished as his head was thrown back in a mocking laughter, but Lero suddenly understood that this was Allen's way in trying to lighten the mood and cheer him up. No matter if his memory was still lost; Allen's kindness came from the depths of his heart. Lero's lips curled up into a big grin.

“Thank you, Allen!”

“Go on back to class first, idiot,” Allen waved lazily and strode out to the courtyard, watching the leaves drifting in the air. Autumn was here, red and gold and brown filling his vision. The boy sat down on the bench, feeling a bit uneasy. Something was approaching and his senses were seeking it out instinctively. In a satirical sense of irony, Kanda came out from the building opposite the courtyard with Alma, Lavi and Lenalee.

“Yu, what are you doing with Mugen again?” Lavi asked, skipping around Kanda as he did. Kanda didn't bother looking at the redhead, but he answered all the same, “...A part of myself was kept in Mugen before I was Awakened. Even if it's not there anymore, I thought maybe it'll help jog moyashi's memories. He was strangely obsessed with Mugen last time I brought it to the facility.”

“I see! You really want Allen to remember that badly, eh?” Lavi grinned and teased.

“Do you want me to cut you up with it?” Kanda threatened, looking pissed.

Lenalee smiled as the guys were jostling each other, but inside herself, she was worried. It was good that Kanda kept Mugen near himself; because someone might target the Innocence, if anything her brother said was to go by. Kanda knew nothing of the situation, neither did Lavi nor Alma, but that was because Allen's condition had to be kept a secret for the moment. Kanda would surely be able to defend himself, but not Allen. He was vulnerable, and Lenalee hoped he would be safe at least in the Black Order University. Until Lvellie is found and caught, none of the Innocence users were safe.

Granted, there was no one who saw Kanda synchronise with Mugen and was able to inform Lvellie, but that despicable man's information network was wide, so they must take their preventive actions one step ahead of their opponents. Alma's voice distracted Lenalee from her thoughts when he spotted a familiar white head. “Allen, skipping class?”

Alma called out to his roommate, who turned around and faced them, mouth opened with a cynical response ready to fly out when Allen's eyes locked onto the katana at Kanda's waist. Seeing his reaction, Kanda approached with a poorly hidden eagerness. “What's with the freeze-up, moyashi?” He was right; Allen did react towards Mugen. Allen automatically stepped back in response.

“...Go away...! I don't want to see you...”

However, it seemed obvious to Lavi that Allen's control over his voice was slipping. Silver eyes betrayed anxiety, trembling even though they were solely focused on Mugen. Allen's voice was wavering, even his whole body was subject to the invisible currents jolting down his spine. His nervousness had not gone unnoticed by Kanda as well, who took Mugen and held it up.

“What, do you remember this?”

“Stop it, I hate it...What is this...My head...hurts!”

Allen had his head in a grip, trying to stop the sensation of something invading his mind. There was something about that katana that awakened several images in him, gone in a fleeting moment, too fast to capture. The boy slowly shook his head, stepping away from Kanda. The pain was unbearable; it was forcing his mind apart for something within. Tears flooded those beautiful platinum eyes, childish fear overtaking him. He was going to lose his only sanctuary within his thoughts...

“Please...Yu, save me!!!”

Kanda barely suppressed the sound of shock stuck in his throat when Allen shouted, but what happened after was more shocking. Behind him, he could hear Lenalee gasp. For metal frames had burst forth from Allen's back. Rather than metal frames...It was like wings. Wings of steel, stripped of feather and flesh. Metallic bones held by joints of cogwheels, the eerie whirring sound too loud to ignore, strands of wires dangling in bits and pieces from the frame of metal wings.

**'Yu...'**

**Brunette hair, scarless face. A young child standing on the other side of the mirror.**

**My reflection. But it cannot be.**

**'What's wrong?'**

**The child that my love was, with his sleek ebony hair, yet his eyes belied greater wisdom.**

**'Who is that in the mirror?'**


	18. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

“What is that?!” Lavi yelled, dodging an incoming blow from one of the wires that hung from the joints of Allen's wing-like appendages. Alma barely avoided another lash, trying to see why Allen was attacking them. The boy was standing in the centre of the courtyard, his mechanical wings outspread with those wires extending as far as they wanted, indiscriminately smashing in all directions.

“What the...Allen's not conscious!!”

True to Alma's words, Allen's eyes were not in focus. The light in his eyes were dead. At this point, Lenalee could no longer conceal the truth. Something had caused Allen's Innocence to go out of control, and since it was a parasitic Innocence, it was most likely that it responded to Allen's feelings which had been ravaged by confusion and to protect its master, the Innocence took over Allen's conscience.

“That's Allen-kun's Innocence...It's going out of control from the emotional shock he's received!”

Kanda blocked another attack, but he was distracted by Lenalee's words. “Moyashi had an Innocence?!”

“He's synchronised with it?!” Lavi exclaimed in shock. He knew of Lvellie's purpose, but he had no idea Lvellie's main desire had been granted that easily. “We'll tell you later, Kanda, just...Kyaa!” Lenalee was interrupted when one of the wires bound around her body, holding her captive. Another yell coming from Alma confirmed the same thing; he too was ensnared by Allen's Innocence.

“Moyashi, put them down!” Kanda sternly ordered, despite the worry and utter bewilderment he had at this outcome. Allen merely stared at the Japanese. As if sensing the source of their irritation, two wires lashed out at Kanda. “Damn it...! Do I have no choice...?”

Saying so, Kanda unsheathed Mugen.

**'...That is not me. I don't look like that.'**

**Yu's eyes never wavered.**

**'It is you, Allen.'**

**Furiously, I shook my head.**

**'No...No, it isn't! I didn't look like that when I met you!'**

**Icy realisation trickled down my spine.**

**'And I've never met you as a child...You are not my Yu.'**

**Even though the gentle smile on his lips was no lie, he was not him.**

**'...I thought it would be what you wanted, Allen.'**

**'He'd never call me by name, nor smile at me...But you would, wouldn't you? You have been with me since before I was born after all...Crown Clown.'**

**The child before me dissolved, and another took its place. A child me, from before I was cursed.**

**'Yes...So you have found out. I've only wanted to protect your heart.'**

**I understood all too well, the sensation of incompleteness that I have felt until now.**

**Bitter laugh welled up in my throat.**

**'...It was all an illusion conjured to deceive myself, isn't it?'**

Kanda grunted when he deflected another blow with Mugen. Lavi was hiding behind some trees well out of reach, wondering how to stop Allen's rampage. Kanda couldn't approach nor go on offensive as it was Allen and the fact that the boy had Alma and Lenalee in his grip made it too dangerous to try to attack him; he might hit the captives.

“Oi, moyashi! Wake up!”

'Does my voice not reach him...?'

Kanda's thoughts were dark, and if his voice could not reach Allen, he had only himself to blame. If he had realised earlier, he wouldn't have let anything happen to Allen. But regretting what already happened was a fool's work. However, Allen paused momentarily, his eyes straining as if trying to see. He staggered back a bit, unsteady, trying to contain his rampage. Cautiously, Kanda approached.

“...Moyashi...?”

Tentatively, one of the wires from Allen's Innocence extended, reaching out to Mugen. Kanda stopped moving, watching to see what would happen next. Slowly, the wire wrapped around the katana and then, both Innocence began to shine and pulse, reverberating against each other. Lavi stepped out from his hiding place, watching the process with fascination.

“...The Innocences are resonating...”

**'Do not say that, Allen. These are all properly...His feelings for you. The reason I was in the form that you saw me as was to tell you that he does feel this way for you...It was my method to make you believe,' Clown murmured softly, all while using the identity of my child self.**

**'How do you know that this is how he feels? I'm scared...I don't want to be pushed away again...'**

**Yes...This was why I ran...To hide myself from the truth.**

**Clown smiled. Was it possible for an Innocence to be so human-like and gentle?**

**'I am the Heart...What other Innocence feels, I know. These feelings...They are only residues that remain within Mugen, but Mugen has passed them on to me, as proof...That these feelings are true. And my task is only to convey them to you. Are you ready to return to him?'**

**If you give me such kindness, I will cry.**

**'...Can I believe him?'**

**That blood-red hand, slowly reaching to touch my birthmark, once my scar.**

**'Do you love him? If you do, then the answer is already within you.'**

**Light slowly filtered into the space, forming a path to the distant shore which cannot be seen.**

**'Thank you, Clown. I am ready.'**

**I had somewhere I must go now.**

**My child self waved at me.**

**'Do not thank me, Allen. If you must, give Mugen a good polish.'**

**Laughing at the jest, I head off for the path of light.**

**Slowly, Clown lowered his hand, watching the familiar silhouette fade. Arms came to wrap around his waist.**

**'He's finally moving, huh?'**

**Without turning back, Clown knew who it was. The one whose mask he wore until just before to console Allen.**

**'Yes...And I have you to thank for it, Mugen.'**

**He scoffed, and when he did, he was the splitting image of his master. Had Allen remained, he would have been granted the strange image of two children, himself and Kanda, looking innocent yet with the intimacy of lovers.**

**'They were getting frustrating. Besides...If your master didn't get out soon, I wouldn't be able to visit you.'**

**Finally, Clown turned to face the other. Both of them, meeting by borrowing the faces of their masters. Originally nothing more than solidified Man-made masses of emotions to fight the Earl, aside from himself as the Heart, how glad he was to finally have one companion who transcended mere instincts to gain a conscious.**

**That was why, when the War ended, he erased them all...Except for Mugen.**

**'...You know, don't you? That you are the only Innocence which has come into contact with me so often.'**

**Clown laughed, Mugen frowned.**

**Their first meeting, when Mugen cleaved into Clown. It was because of their frequent contact that they were able to establish a stronger connection than any other Innocence did with their Heart. Though they were not human, why indeed, Clown wondered, that they wanted to show and receive such human-like words and gestures. Perhaps he, being the only one with independent thoughts for so long, had already understood the meaning of loneliness.**

**'Be quiet, Clown. You've talked too much when you entertained your master's short stay.'**

**Mugen's arms tightened around him, and Clown allowed his body to lean into the other's. His faithful companion's embrace was a luxury to he who knew nothing of these human acts.**

**'...Mugen...She will come.'**

Kanda almost dropped Mugen when he saw light returning to Allen's eyes. The boy blinked once, twice, before his Innocence dissolved and the two captives were dropped to the ground. “Kan...da...” Suddenly, Allen lurched forwards but Kanda was quick to receive the falling body. Looking closely at Allen's face, the boy seemed to be sleeping. This was happening quite a few times, much to Kanda's distaste.

“That expression just now...” Lavi didn't dare finish his sentence, but everyone knew what Lavi meant. Allen looked as if he had returned to being himself, the Allen that they knew. “Anyway, I guess we better bring him back to the dorm first and wait for him to wake up to find out. He's probably tired out from the sudden activation of his Innocence. Also...Why does Allen have an Innocence?” Alma asked, eyeing Lavi and Lenalee pointedly.

Lenalee sighed, knowing she had a lot to talk about. “I'll tell you once we reach the dorm. I had no idea Lavi knew, though.”

“Aah...I had no idea you knew. I told Komui what I knew, I guess he told ya, huh?” Lavi quipped, wondering how Kanda would react once he hears the tale. Probably volunteer to hunt down Lvellie and kill the man in the most atrocious ways possible. He sneaked a glance at the couple and almost snickered at how careful Kanda was in handling Allen, all the way from the courtyard to the dorm until Kanda had the boy tucked into his own bed.

The quartet converged in the living room of Alma's dorm to begin their discussion, or as Lavi would call it, information sharing. True to expectations, Kanda was not happy when he heard of Lvellie's intentions with Allen. When they reached the part where they had to tell Kanda how Lvellie acquired the Innocence, Lavi and Alma had to hold Kanda down to his seat. It took some time for Kanda to calm down before Lenalee finally explained the current situation to the guys.

“Hn...Of course I will protect moyashi. When I see that bastard who did this to him, I'll rip him to shreds with Mugen,” Kanda growled, grip on Mugen tightening. No matter what, nothing suspicious was going to approach his moyashi. “Count me in. I want to beat in that asshole's face. Argh, his disgusting expression that time!!” Lavi ranted, sharing the same sentiments of hostility.

Alma stood up, stretching. “At any case, I think it's better if you stay with Allen for now. I'll pack my clothes and stay over at yours at the moment. Is it okay with you, Lavi?”

“Sure, no problem!”

* * *

The news was already spreading like wildfire. Lero and most others who were closely related, like Tyki, Road and Jasdevi were gathered in the room, paying their daily visit to the sleeping Allen. The atmosphere would have been easy if not for the tension between him and another visitor, Timcanpy. Tyki, having not seen Lavi for a while due to their different schedules, was dying to molest his dearest bunny, but even he dare not do something like that in front of an arguing couple.

That would be like adding fuel to flames!

“When will Allen wake?” Road questioned, wise enough not to aggravate the already awkward situation. Lavi shrugged to her question. No one knew after all, how long Allen would take to recuperate from his rampaging Innocence. He was seated next to his lover, but neither of them initiated any contact with the other, because the couple in front of them were radiating very dangerous auras. Lero was seated on the chair on his left, glaring holes into the ground. Timcanpy was seated to Tyki's right, casually staring into thin air. It was hard to even attempt whispering into Tyki's ear, being sandwiched in such a choking storm.

“Really...? Inform Lero when Allen wakes, okay? Lero's gonna leave first, lero.”

The pumpkin boy stood up and left, being the first one unable to stand the presence of the other any longer. “I'll leave too,” Timcanpy added and got off his seat. The moment both of them went out the door, a sigh of relief was heard as everyone slumped over where they sat. Lavi was crying tears of relief, hugging onto Tyki tightly.

“I thought it would never end!”

“Those two seriously need to fix their problem, whatever it is,” Road declared with a scoff, leaning onto Lenalee.

“Hihihi, it must be one heck of a lover's spat!” Jasdero giggled, Devit laughing along as they imagined what sort of trouble it was.

“What about yourselves, hm? I see that neither of you have done anything yet,” Road teased.

The twins looked at each other. “Done about what?”

At this answer, Lavi snickered and gestured for Road to come closer. He whispered, “Those two are clueless about Doug. And Doug is clueless about himself!” Road burst into laughter at Lavi's words, leaving the twins confused as to what Road actually meant. Lenalee suddenly stood up, heading for the door.

“Lenalee?”

“I think I should go check on Lero and Timcanpy. Since we've saved you all from the institute...I think they should work out their problems. They deserve to be happy,” Lenalee mentioned.

At that moment, Lero reached the junctions of the passage, with Timcanpy trailing behind him. Slowly, Lero turned around to look, to see if Timcanpy followed as he turned right. But Timcanpy turned to the opposite corner, much to his shock. Trembling in indignant anger, Lero swivelled around and yelled, “Stand there, asshole!” Timcanpy stopped short, but he did not turn to face Lero.

“What do you think you're doing?! Weren't you insistent on finding out why Lero is mad?!”

Timcanpy faced him, and Lero trembled at the coldness within his gold eyes. “First you want me to leave you alone, and when I do, you get mad. You're such a child.”

Lero's chest was painfully tight, hot tears gushing down his cheeks. He had gone too far. Timcanpy's expression was mercilessly calm in the face of the tears of someone he supposedly loved. The boy furiously rubbed at his eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop. “I hate you, Timcanpy...I hate you!! How can you say that...? That's right, I'm a kid! I'm a brat who doesn't know any better!” His voice wavered, so serious in his speech that he dropped the third person reference.

Lero's unsteady legs stumbled, causing the boy to tumble against the wall, leaning heavily against it. “I thought you'd understand! Tyki-sama told me everything! I waited for you, Timcanpy...I know that you were only doing what you had to do, but still I...I waited for you to come save me! I was so scared, I didn't know what was going on...I just hoped and hoped that you'd come...But you didn't. Link came for Madarao, Tyki-sama came for Lavi...But no one came for me.”

Lero's sobs got increasingly louder though he tried to control his own volume. He must look so pathetic to Timcanpy right now. “You said you'd protect me, liar!! That time, did you know how alone I felt? The only one that I hoped would come for me...didn't. I know it's so childish to be angry over something like that...But I can't help it!! I only wanted you to know how I felt...I guess you do now...Go on, leave...” The boy's small shoulders shook with his crying, when he felt himself abruptly pulled up from his slumped position against the wall.

“What are you-Mmph..?!”

Lero's crying abruptly stopped when he felt something moist press hard against his lips. Frightened, he struggled but Timcanpy was quick to pin both his arms down with one hand. With his other hand, he forced Lero's mouth open and slipped his tongue in, feeling the tremors coursing through the latter's petite body as he explored his mouth slowly. Feeling scared and bewildered, Lero couldn't help but let out a muffled moan which Timcanpy swallowed eagerly. His hand slowly slid down Lero's back and pressed his body harder against his own.

“Hyaa...No...! What are you doing, lero?!” Lero shrieked, finally pulling away for air, demanding an explanation for Timcanpy's actions. Timcanpy stared down at Lero, who shrank when he felt the heavy gaze on him. The blonde leant closer, until their foreheads touched.

“...You really are a child.”

“E-Eh?”

Timcanpy finally smiled, gently caressing Lero's face, thumbing away the crystal droplets which stubbornly clung to his lashes. “You should have just told me straight out what you felt, silly. I really didn't know what you were thinking...I was worried that I had hurt you in ways I didn't know. After what you said...I guess I did. I'm sorry, Lero, that my actions caused you this pain, making you shed this much tears. I can't make excuses for what I did...But I can make up for it.”

Lero looked hopefully at Timcanpy, wondering how the blonde planned to make up for it.

“But first...”

The orange haired teen yelped when Timcanpy nuzzled into his neck and bit his collarbone, startled by the unexpected action. Lero squirmed as he felt Timcanpy's hand glossing over his butt down to his thigh, his face turning bright red. “What are you doing, lero?!! Pervert!!” Lero accused, trying to tug his hands out of Timcanpy's grip. Timcanpy smirked down at the boy who was shivering like a frightened rabbit.

“It's punishment, dear. For making such a big fuss and causing me to worry for many sleepless nights when you could have been a good boy and be honest.”

“Punishment?! Why does Lero deserve it?! It should be you who gets punished, lero!”

“I already had my punishment when you ignored me for so long. It's your turn...”

“Not this kind of punishment, lero!! Help!!” Lero squealed, eyes shut tight.

When he didn't feel Timcanpy touching him, Lero slowly opened his eyes. A comical scene unfolded before his eyes. Timcanpy was sprawled on the ground with Lenalee mercilessly kicking him, words like 'pervert' and 'child molester' audible from time to time, while Road was rolling on the floor laughing her head off. It was clear; Lenalee had obviously kicked Timcanpy off him, literally.

“Road-tama!! Lero was so scared!” Lero exclaimed, clinging onto his classmate and former user. Road patted Lero's hair as a placating gesture though she was still grinning widely at the pitiable state Timcanpy was in at Lenalee's abuse. Finally satisfied with her punishment, Lenalee receded her attacks and shouted, “I can't believe you're so low as to assault Lero like that, Timcanpy! Come on, children, we're leaving!”

Timcanpy had admitted defeat easily, still thanking heaven that Lenalee no longer had Dark Boots, or he would have been decimated without a second thought. As Lero left, clinging to Road's arm, he turned around and gave Timcanpy a sly smile. The blonde felt even more motivated to have his way with the boy seeing that victorious expression taunt him. Lero wasn't going to escape his grip!

* * *

Kanda couldn't help but feel that he had been in this situation many times before, sitting by Allen's bedside, waiting for him to wake up. This time however, he was too anxious to even leave Allen's side. The last time he did, Allen woke up a complete stranger. Now, Kanda had been staying steadfastly where he sat, on the chair beside Allen's bed. He had done nothing except to sit and watch the boy for the past three days, and finally, his efforts would be rewarded.

Kanda's back straightened when he saw Allen's fingers twitch, holding his breath in when Allen's eyes slowly fluttered open. Allen seemed rather out of focus at first, when he suddenly opened his eyes wide and sat up. Kanda's heart tightened when Allen turned away from him. Was he still that repulsive to the boy?

“...How many days did you not bath?”

“What?” Kanda nearly did not catch Allen's words.

Allen had a hand over his nose, glaring at Kanda as he did so. “You reek of sweat, you unhygienic idiot! I'm not getting close to you like that!” There was a sound of something snapping within Kanda, and the next minute, Kanda had thrown Allen over his shoulder. “Sorry for that, but I was desperate for the sleeping princess who faints just about EVERY week to wake before my eyes. If you say I stink, you do too, you idiot, since you've been sleeping for three days without bathing,” Kanda sarcastically retorted.

“Aah, put me down! Where are you taking me?!” Allen demanded, smacking Kanda's back as he yelled, but it did nothing to the older one.

The group of four, Alma, Lavi, Tyki and Road who had been in the living hall paying their daily visit for the day, was startled when they heard banging sounds and yelling voices. Lavi grinned widely, looking at everyone else. Alma's expression mirrored his, while Tyki and Road looked happy beyond what words could describe. Allen was awake!! But before they could get up to go visit the boy, stray exclamations drifted to the living hall, rooting them to their spots.

“I'm taking you to bath, baka moyashi!! How dare you say I stink!!”

“Of course you do!! Which idiot won't take a bath for three days?!”

“You reek too, moyashi! Get in the bath!”

Judging by the slamming door, it would seem that they were in the bathroom already. Tyki let out a laugh. “Well, I guess we'll wait until they finish bathing. We'll have lots of time for conversation after that.” Road smirked pointedly in the direction of the bathroom. “Aren't you afraid of...the racket they'd cause?” She slyly asked. The reactions were surprising. Tyki merely scoffed it off, Alma looked veritably confused, while Lavi simply grinned.

“Don't worry! The bathroom's soundproof, as is the bedroom!” Lavi informed cheekily.

Road picked up a delicious hint from that statement. “Oh...And how would you know that, Bookman Jr...?” She grinned evilly when Lavi began to blush and sputter nonsensical sounds that didn't even sound like words. She turned her gaze to Tyki, who reacted more sophisticatedly and merely coughed, a light flush on his tanned skin. Alma looked to and fro. “What do you mean, sounds? Are you afraid that Yu and Allen will end up arguing worse than that?”

He was startled when Road, Lavi and Tyki looked at him. “...W-What?”

“You...are surprisingly pure...” Lavi muttered.

“What does that mean?” Alma asked, surprised at the comment.

“It means we better not say anymore!” Road cackled, almost falling off the chair in amusement.

“Otherwise Kanda will kill us for defiling such rare purity,” Tyki lamented, causing Lavi and Road to burst out in roaring laughter, leaving Alma more confused than ever.

Allen's protests fell onto deaf ears as Kanda began filling the bath tub with one hand, his other still firmly holding onto Allen who was hanging on his shoulder. “Kanda!! Put me down!! Oi BaKanda, are you listening?!” Allen's fury meter was steadily on the rise, deciding to bite and pull on Kanda's hair if the guy did not set him to his feet any time soon. To his surprise, he really was put to his feet, but for a different reason.

Kanda's face was straight, even as he stripped everything off Allen before tossing the boy into the bath tub. “Gyaa, what are you doing?!” Allen shook his fist at the I-could-care-less attitude Kanda had at handling him, but his voice fell silent the moment Kanda joined him in the bath tub, stark naked. As if finally realising the situation, Allen scooted away to the farthest end of the tub. Kanda balefully glared at the way Allen created distance between themselves.

“Oi moyashi, why are you sitting so far?”

Allen didn't dare look at Kanda, embarrassment and hesitation filling his mind to the brim. “...I don't want to be so close to you, Kanda.”

“Yu.”

“What?” Surprised, Allen made the mistake of looking up. Kanda's gaze settled on the boy before him, daring Allen to look away. Terrified of the coming confrontation, but unable to tear his gaze away, Allen settled for curling his body up tightly. “...Didn't you use to call me Yu? You already remember, don't you?” Kanda replied, trying to gauge Allen's reaction.

“I...I can't call you that. I don't have that right...” Allen mumbled, fighting back the choking sensation of panic.

“Who says you don't?” Kanda challenged, though he knew he threatened practically anyone who dared to call him by his first name.

“...Isn't it reserved for someone special only...like Alma...”

Kanda would have said Allen was sulking if not for the hurt expression on his young face. “What are you saying, moyashi?”

“I'm saying that you don't like me the way you think you do. You prefer Alma, right? It's going to be fine. Lavi's already told me that Alma likes you that way too, so you don't need to worry about being rejected. Besides, Alma's the only one you'd never scold for using your first name, Kan...Eh?”

Kanda was already gone from the bath tub.

The quartet who had been minding their own business in the living hall were surprised to hear footsteps approaching, and were shocked when the sight of Kanda appeared, wearing nothing except a towel about his waist. He looked absolutely mad when he grabbed Lavi by the collar, drawing the terrified bunny close. “You baka usagi!!! What kind of shit did you tell moyashi about Alma and me?!”

“Eh?! What?! Me?!” Lavi was too scared to think straight, but Alma immediately grasped Kanda's meaning. “Yu, put him down! It was all a misunderstanding!! It's partly my fault!! I was too vague in my answer, so he misunderstood me and told Allen the wrong thing! Aaah, he's turning blue!!”

Suddenly, someone tackled Kanda from behind, causing the Japanese to drop Lavi, who already passed out from fear. Tyki immediately caught his lover and hurriedly retreated to the far corner of the room from the rabid Kanda. Allen had his arms tightly around Kanda's waist, similarly decked in only a white towel. “Don't hurt Lavi! He only told me what he knows!”

“Allen, it's a misunderstanding! What Lavi said was wrong!” Alma hurriedly interjected, hoping to correct the problem. However, Kanda looked horrified, for an absolutely different reason. “Moyashi, what are you doing here dressed like that?! Come here, I'm taking you back!”

“Eh, you were the one who first came out looking like...Uwaah?! K-Kanda, put me down!!” Allen yelled when he was carried off once more. Alma stared at them, speechless. Finally, when he was able to speak, he asked,

“...Will they be fine?”

“Who knows? Maybe he'll come running out wearing absolutely nothing next round,” Road answered, laughing.

Allen didn't dare resist when Kanda put him back into the bath tub. Kanda glared at Allen, stating plainly, “There, you heard Alma. Whatever you've heard from that baka usagi is plain bullshit.” Instead, Allen only drew himself closer into a tight ball. “...So what? It's not like you really liked me, right? That time after I told you about the Fourteenth, you hit me and ignored me...Obviously, you didn't want me anymore. The only reason you wanted to say...that...Was only because you pitied me when I was about to die, didn't you?”

No mistake, Allen was really seeing things from a completely different angle.

“You...You really think I thought like that?” Kanda's expression was furious. Allen was startled when Kanda tightly gripped his arm and pulled him close. He bit down a sound of pain, whatever he wanted to say was lost when he saw how Kanda looked at him.

“I didn't hit you because I hated you. I hit you because you didn't tell me earlier, I was angry because you didn't trust me...I ignored you because I wanted to focus on destroying the Noahs and the Earl, if it meant eliminating the Fourteenth from you. But I shouldn't have done that. You were dying, and I never once said it to you. I wanted to say it because I wanted you to know how I felt, but...you were right then. Saying that then would only cause you more pain,”

“When you died...I regretted many things. This time, I won't let that happen again. Leaving your side was the stupidest thing I did, especially when it was that moment when you needed me most...” Kanda whispered, fully understanding now how he had unintentionally pushed Allen away in his past life, leading to the early demise of their relationship. Allen whimpered when Kanda pressed a kiss to his forehead, close to tears again.

There were so many things that were made clear, but Allen still had many doubts that he needed Kanda to answer. “...This is going to sound stupid...But why don't you ever smile at me? You smile at Alma...I always see it...At the hospital, you hugged Alma. I know that your friendship with Alma is strong, but I just...I want to know.”

Kanda was surprised to know that Allen saw that scene at the hospital, but he was quick to address Allen's fears. “That time, Alma was apologizing for...past mistakes. He was the one who hugged me, but I thought he needed some reassurance, so I hugged him back. He needed to know that he was forgiven...” Allen's eyes widened, understanding what Kanda meant by Alma's 'past mistakes'. He had, after all, witnessed the cruel past Kanda and Alma shared.

“No wonder...But you still haven't answered me.”

Kanda suddenly flushed, much to Allen's surprise. It seemed that Kanda would never answer him, but the man finally opened his mouth to speak. “T-That is...Argh, it's because you're frustrating, moyashi!”

“Frustrating, me?! How about an idiot whose actions always oppose his thoughts?!” Allen yelled back, his sadness temporarily forgotten.

“I can't calm down when you're around! It's so hard to get myself together when it comes to you! Alma's a friend, so I can do whatever I want, but you...You drive me nuts! I act like I do whatever I want, but I always have to consider your reaction! I don't even smile that often, and I definitely can't smile when I'm too busy thinking about you!” Kanda snapped, huffing from his outburst.

Allen stared at him for a long while. Kanda waited in apprehension for Allen's reaction, when the boy sighed and dropped his head onto Kanda's shoulder. “Moyashi?”

“You...Are really...Hopeless.”

“What do you mean, hopeless?!” Kanda demanded, but stopped short as Allen shyly looked up at him, with a smile and pink dusting his cheeks. “How can I say no to you when you say it like that?” Rather than seeing Kanda smile, having Kanda confess his feelings in such a manner was much better, even though the man didn't seem to be aware that he was expressing his emotions. Didn't this only mean that Kanda was completely preoccupied with him?

It made Allen so happy when he thought so.

Kanda frowned for a while. “Then say it.”

For a while, Allen was confused. “Say what??”

“...You've never said it to me, not yet in this life. I've said it already, so it's your turn moyashi.”

It took Allen some time to think before he understood what Kanda meant. Smiling at his love, he slowly whispered into Kanda's ear, “I love Yu. There, I said it.” Kanda smirked, pulling Allen's face closer. “Well done, moyashi.”

Kanda's lips descended on Allen's, not the crude forceful ones that he had been giving, but softly pressing, as if trying to be gentle. Allen pressed closer, wanting more. He waited so long for them to finally come together, and now, his wish was granted. Kanda, sensing Allen's intent, drew the boy closer until Allen was straddling his hips, their tongues too busy warring with each other to bother with anything else.

However, Allen jumped and pulled away when he felt Kanda's hands grope his butt. “Yu!! Where are you touching?!”

Kanda frowned and gave another squeeze. This time Allen yelped and smacked Kanda's shoulder. “Oi moyashi, you were the one who wanted more. Don't tell me you're backing out now,” Kanda muttered, looking peeved at the fact that Allen was out of his grasp. Allen blushed and shook his head. “Only kissing! Nothing further than that!”

“Hn...After coming onto me like that you want to keep it at kissing? No way.”

With a particularly wolfish grin, Kanda moved to pin Allen down. Allen squeaked, feeling Kanda's weight on his wrists where he was held. There was no mistake, Kanda's eyes clearly said that he was hungry, and Allen somehow felt that he knew what made Kanda hungry. “Noo, you weren't this...this perverted before!” Allen protested, flinching when Kanda nipped at his collarbone.

“...Times change, moyashi.”

“Don't try to wrap up this conversation with that sort of excuse!!”

There was a way to overturn this situation, but it was risky. And the possibilities of revenge were abnormally high. Still, Allen decided to do it. Kanda was slightly taken aback when Allen dove forward and roughly smashed their lips together but it was better than having the boy resist. Allen opened his lips, tempting Kanda to come and claim it. Completely taken by Allen's invitation, Kanda released Allen's wrists and settled his hands down to Allen's waist, pulling him closer.

Playing along, Allen's fingers curled into Kanda's wet hair, not letting Kanda move away even for a second. Encouraged, Kanda shifted his weight off Allen to put him into a better position. It was at that very moment, Allen quickly flipped Kanda beneath him and pushed his head into the water before leaping out of the tub, making his escape. He managed to snag a bathrobe hanging on the back of the door before running out, knowing Kanda was sure to give chase.

To say that Kanda was shocked was an understatement.

He had been expecting an obedient moyashi, but the next moment he was breathing in water! “Moyashi!!!” Kanda yelled, hauling his bedraggled dripping self out of the bath tub. He stuffed himself in a bathrobe quickly before going after Allen, who as expected, was hiding behind the quartet in the living hall. “Moyashi, what was the meaning of that?!” Kanda demanded, stalking forward like an angry beast as he roughly shoved the wet strands of his hair out of his face.

Allen squeaked and hid further behind Tyki, replying, “B-But I don't wanna!! It's too fast a development!! Let's go slowly, okay?”

An unlikely saviour came in the form of Alma. “That's right, Yu! Allen's just remembered everything, you shouldn't be a big bully and start arguing with him the first thing you do!” Everyone looked at him, jaws slack. “...What?” Alma asked quizzically, not understanding the attention.

“Yup, he's definitely pure...” Lavi snorted, choking back his laughter when Kanda glared at him, daring Lavi to say it once more at the risk of death. Even Tyki was hiding his chuckles behind his hand and coughed a little. “I say you both dry yourselves and wear something. I've had enough of a show for today.” Allen blushed at the comment and smacked Tyki's back hard.

“It's not my fault I run out like this!”

But he obediently went into his bedroom to dry off and get changed as per Tyki's suggestion. As much as Kanda wanted to do the same, he was forced to wait until Allen was done, because Alma was worried they'd break out into another argument if they stayed in the same room alone. After a while, everyone was settled in the living hall, with the exception of Tyki and Alma, who decided to make dinner.

Allen was sitting on Kanda's lap as a gesture of apology, gently towelling Kanda's hair. Road was grinning broadly at the scene, Lavi too staring shamelessly at the entertaining sight. Kanda would have glared at him if he was not so smug right now, having his moyashi on his lap, towelling his hair which was completely soaked when Allen dunked him underwater. Despite having rudely aborted Kanda's attempt in 'reacquainting', Allen was happy to be near his love, happier still to handle Kanda's hair which he secretly idolised.

Kanda was only too glad to allow Allen to do what he wanted. As long as Allen remained within an arm's reach, then he was perfectly content. His younger lover was surprised, but didn't protest when Kanda hugged him closer, resting his head in the crook of Allen's neck. Allen blinked at Kanda curiously as the latter ran his fingers on his cheek, though not saying a word.

“Yu?”

Kanda rearranged Allen's limbs to have the boy lie against his chest instead. Perching his chin atop Allen's head, he whispered, “Welcome home.”

His answer was Allen's fist tightening in his shirt and,

“I'm back.”


	19. Reunions, Reunions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.
> 
> And this chapter is a wee bit long due to some more lyrical inserts. Bold is for Tyki, Italics is for Allen. Bold and Italics mean they're dueting~ Otherwise, Italics is for flashbacks.
> 
> There is underage porn in this chapter, please skip if you feel queasy about it.

Having recovered over the weekend, Allen was happy to be in school again. However, a shocking sight greeted him in class in the form of Lero, plastered over his desk like jello in a balloon. The boy's shoulders were shivering and small sniffling sounds could be heard from him. Worried, Allen flew to Lero's side, tapping his shoulder lightly. “Lero, are you alright?!” The orange-haired bow slowly turned around, tawny brandy coloured eyes trembling at the sight of his friend.

“Uwaaaahh, Allen!!” He glomped Allen, knocking the boy back where Road smoothly slid forward a chair, saving Allen's butt from landing on the hard floor. She took a seat beside the bewildered teenager, who had a lapful of crying Lero, pointing out, “He's been like this since this morning...I think it has something to do with his weird walking...” Allen felt a jolt of uneasy realisation at the hint Road dropped, but Lero's head snapped up at the mention.

“Allen!! You have to hear Lero out! H-He...He was such a beast!”

_Lero was whistling and skipping as he headed back to his own dorm. He was so glad that Allen was awake, and everything in this world was right. The boy had been secretly very pleased that despite regaining his memories, Allen had not forgotten his newfound friendship with Lero. The better part of it was Lero was exclusively immune to the threat which is Kanda when he coddled with Allen, being that Allen was keeping a very tight leash on his lover._

_Lero giggled just thinking how whipped Kanda was, and how smart Allen was for having Kanda wrapped completely around his little finger. Reaching his room, the boy was surprised to find it lit. Due to imbalances of numbers, Lero ended up staying alone, so there shouldn't be anyone to switch on the lights that he clearly remembered switching off prior to visiting Allen._

_“_ _You're back, finally.”_

_Lero jumped five feet into the air at the unexpected voice, turning around just in time to see Timcanpy close the door to his dorm which he had left opened upon entering. Lero immediately backed up until the back of his knees hit the couch, causing him to topple backwards. “W-What are you doing here, lero?!” The smirk on Timcanpy's face was definitely NOT good news. All of a sudden, the imminent dangers to his chastity seemed very obvious._

_“_ _I came to see you, of course. To make up for making you cry,” the silky tone in the blonde's voice only caused Lero's heart to beat at mach speed from panic, not thrill. Timcanpy leisurely took his time closing in on Lero, who scrambled to his feet and started running towards his bedroom to seek refuge, as the way to the door was blocked by Timcanpy. Too bad for the little pumpkin boy, the golfball golem was taller and faster._

_“_ _Eager?” Timcanpy's husky voice sounded just over Lero's head, who froze upon hearing it, forgetting to escape. Timcanpy opened the bedroom door and egged Lero in, locking the door behind him. “H-How did you get in here?!” Lero demanded, his steps taking him back until he was confronted by the wall._

_“_ _Easy. I had a key. You know...You could have been rooming with Allen, but I found it...inconvenient. So I arranged to have Allen room with Alma so that you'll be alone.” Those sinister words certainly did not match the smile on Timcanpy's face. Shocked at the devious confession, Lero's legs gave way beneath but Timcanpy caught him, his intent obvious in his expression. The younger male squeaked and struggled, but he was powerless to fight against an adult._

_“_ _Kyaa, somebody help!” Lero shrieked, hoping his next door neighbours might hear and come to his aid. Timcanpy merely sighed and deposited the boy onto the bed, removing articles of clothing as if he did it regularly. “You know, Lero, these places are soundproof. Tyki and Lavi already made a few test runs on it.”_

_“_ _H-How do you know that?! And get your hands off Lero!” Lero indignantly yelled, smacking Timcanpy's hands away. Not that it deterred the blonde, of course. “Let's leave that story for another day, shall we?” Timcanpy suggested before he silenced Lero with a kiss. Caught unprepared, Lero struggled to breath properly with that suffocating action. Timcanpy only released Lero's lips momentarily to allow him to regain his breath before pressing down once more, this time his hands slowly travelling southwards towards untouched regions._

_“_ _T-Tim...Don't touch...!” Even though Lero protested, it was hard to sound convincing when Timcanpy was caressing him in inappropriate places and making him react so wantonly. On the other hand, the adult seemed to be satisfied with Lero's reaction to his touches. At this rate, Lero would be unable to resist him soon. He nipped Lero's neck, creating a rosy pink mark. Lero whined and pushed at Timcanpy's shoulders, but it was all half-hearted._

_“_ _Hm...Who's the one laughing now?” Timcanpy teased, moving to Lero's nipple, toying with it with his tongue. Lero whimpered and tried to glare at the blonde but it only came out as a pout. He can't make a proper protest with all these distractions, especially with what Timcanpy was doing with his tongue! Determined not to completely give in, Lero opened his mouth to give Timcanpy a piece of his mind but his brain completely shut down when the blonde closed his mouth over his nipple and sucked._

_“_ _Aah...! S-Stop that...” His smaller lover was weakening in his defences, much to Timcanpy's delight. He continued teasing Lero, distracting the boy while he pulled out a bottle of lube from his pocket. From the corner of his eyes, Lero saw Timcanpy taking something but was immediately distracted when Timcanpy shifted away from his much abused nipples to give him another deep kiss._

_“_ _Lero...I love you...” Timcanpy whispered against Lero's lips. Lero blushed, shielding his face with his hands. “Tim, that is...so unfair...If you say that, Lero will...”_

_“_ _That's exactly my intention,” the blonde joked, much to the indignation of his lover. Lero was about to protest once more when he felt something trying to insert itself into him. His face turned completely red, gasping when it succeeded from the unfamiliar feeling he was getting below the waistline. “T-Tim, you...pervert!!” Lero accused, though he was so distracted by the new sensation that he could not do much but talk. Timcanpy shook his head in fond exasperation, slowly trying to slip in a second finger._

_“_ _We're already at this stage and you still call me a pervert?”_

_“_ _N-Nn...Yes...No matter how many times, Lero will still call you a pervert!”_

_But behind those words, Lero seemed to be holding back a pained expression. Timcanpy smiled and kissed his forehead. “Don't hold back, Lero. Just hold onto me or bite me...I know it hurts, but it'll be better soon,” he murmured, having his third finger inside Lero. Lero was young, and he was a virgin on top of it, so it was impossible for it not to hurt when he stretched Lero's opening in preparation._

_Lero, despite not liking how he got into this situation in the first place, immediately took up Timcanpy's suggestion and latched onto him, digging his nails into Timcanpy's back. Timcanpy moved his fingers deeper, stretching and feeling about until Lero's body gave a violent twitch. He looked down in surprise; Lero himself was wearing a bewildered expression. Timcanpy brushed against the same area again, eliciting an even more erotic response as Lero let out a moan, before covering his mouth realising what he just did._

_“_ _You are so adorable...Do you understand now why I want this so much?” Timcanpy asked, moving his fingers towards the same direction over and over, causing his lover to whimper and cling onto him helplessly. Lero's face was completely covered in an unhealthy red flush, but he refused to agree with Timcanpy. Instead he pulled himself up with great effort and bit the blonde's ear in retaliation._

_Timcanpy winced a bit because Lero did bite hard, but he supposed if Lero was being such a good child, he'd let it pass for now. The latter was surprised when Timcanpy pulled back. The blonde was staring expectantly at him, as if waiting for his response. Tears pricked his eyes, cursing how evil Timcanpy was. “Tim...Why are you stopping...? Don't tell Lero you're just going to leave it here...Lero won't forgive half-hearted irresponsible people!” The boy grumbled, having no choice but to admit defeat to Timcanpy or be left unsatisfied just like that._

_Timcanpy smiled, pleased that Lero understood. “Just making sure I have your permission.”_

_“_ _You're only asking for it now?!” Lero exclaimed, but his voice stuttered off into a gasp. Timcanpy had pushed his erection to Lero's entrance, slowly advancing bit by bit. Lero clutched at Timcanpy's forearms, trying not to tense his body so much despite the new onset of pain. Timcanpy whispered words of encouragement, comforting Lero with kisses until he was completely sheathed within his lover._

_“_ _Are you alright...?” He questioned his petite lover, kissing away the small drops of tears at the edge of his eyes. Lero glared at him, but not with as much anger as with exasperation. “Lero is NOT alright, pervert...! It wouldn't come to this if not for you, lero! But...Lero doesn't want this left half-done...So move...” As if trying to encourage Timcanpy, Lero initiated a kiss. It was short and chaste but Timcanpy tilted his head, going for a deeper kiss as he moved his hips back and forth in a stable rhythm._

_Lero on his part, focused on just breathing. He slowly inhaled and exhaled to lessen the tension in his body, until Timcanpy touched a certain spot in him which stole his breath. Lero moaned almost shamelessly if he hadn't been so aware of how he had been tricked into it, his back arching into Timcanpy's in search of the same sensation once more. Noticing the change in Lero's demeanour, the blonde increased his pace._

_“_ _Nh...It feels so good inside you...”_

_“_ _Unh...T-Tim...! No more...Aah!”_

Road was honourably doing her best not to laugh. Allen's face had turned into a giant tomato. Lero was merely sniffling after narrating his heartfelt tragedy. It took some time before Allen could recover. “Lero...I don't think that's a suitable public conversation...” Allen coughed, looking somewhat embarrassed at listening to such a, you know, inappropriate yet erotic situation. Road nodded in agreement, but she asked, “So why do you think Allen can help, hm?”

“Allen's been Tim's owner before!! So can't Allen tell Tim to stop being such an a-animal?! L-Lero barely got to sleep yesterday!” Lero protested the injustice of it all, hoping Allen would be able to help him.

“I'm surprised you can walk to school in your state,” Road cackled, finding another great topic to make fun of Lero with. Lero blushed and insisted, “It'll be worse if Lero stayed at dorm! He'll be waiting for another opportunity!”

“From the sounds of it...You were pretty willing in the end, eh, Lero?” The young girl teased.

“T-T-That was...! But Lero couldn't help it!! Tim is wrong for making Lero like that!” Lero denied hotly.

“Lero...I doubt Timcanpy will listen to me anymore. He IS older than I am,” Allen mused, looking troubled when Lero turned teary eyes on to him. “W-Well, the least I can do is carry you around today since I'm sure you can't walk well...I'll piggyback you.”

Lero looked absolutely horrified and Road knew exactly why. “Allen...In Lero's situation a piggyback isn't a very comfortable position. You know...His legs have to be opened...”

Allen turned a very interesting shade of red at Road's less-than-subtle explanation. “A-Alright, bridal-style it is then.”

* * *

“Damn it, baka usagi! Don't come near me!” Kanda growled, swatting Lavi away with his books. Lavi looked quite surprised at the manner Kanda treated him. Lenalee and Alma both had no idea why Kanda was so hostile to Lavi on this day. “B-But Yu! I haven't annoyed you for today yet!! Why the cold treatment?!” Lavi inquired, putting on his best injured bunny look.

Kanda rounded up on Lavi, his eyes blazing. He dragged the redhead away from his other companions until they were well out of the earshot. It was then that Kanda unleashed his tirade upon the terrified bunny. “First of all...You had SEX in the dorm room that we _share_. Damn it, I sleep in that place! Stop defiling it! And no, I don't want to know if you had sex on the table or the kitchen, but if you did, you better replace the furniture! You reek of sex today and I don't want to smell it! It makes me really pissed!”

“...Yu...Are you...deprived?” Lavi's tentative question was met with a snarling wolf-like image behind Kanda. “B-But I thought you guys already...you haven't?”

“...Have you ever seen the moyashi limp yet?”

“...I guess not.”

“I was close enough when he woke up...But that idiot had to ruin it by dunking me in water! I thought the following day would be the perfect opportunity...”

_The first thing that Kanda noticed when he woke up was the lack of warmth. He was very sure that he was hugging Allen to himself when he slept yesterday. Of course, he had not been allowed to do anything to Allen, since Allen threatened to kick him off the bed if he misbehaved. But now his lover was not in bed with him, prompting Kanda to look around. It was then, he heard a gentle sound...A whisper of a song, to be more precise. And then his gaze found the petite figure that he sought after._

_Allen was in his pyjamas, staring almost absent-mindedly out of the open window, humming softly under his breath. Despite his discomfort with his voice, Allen did really seem to like singing. He jumped lightly when he felt arms wind about his waist and a weight dropping onto his shoulders. It was Kanda, who rested his head on Allen's shoulder, plastering himself to the boy to soak up warmth. Autumn was chilly especially during mornings, and the window was open. “Good morning,” Allen chuckled as he greeted. He had not recalled Kanda being this forward in physical contact, but this might be due to their long separation, or the present had given him such habit._

_Kanda grunted softly in response, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Allen's neck. His hands were slowly hitching up Allen's top, much to the annoyance of the teenager. “Yu, I said...”_

_“_ _Show it to me.”_

_Kanda's quiet request baffled Allen momentarily. “Show...? Oh...Alright.” The snow-haired boy pulled up his top from behind, revealing the mark of his synchronisation with Crown Clown. Kanda allowed his fingers to trace the outline of the black tattoo, which in actuality was the Innocence merged with Allen's body. It was like someone had drawn wings on Allen's back. It started out from the middle, curving up to Allen's shoulder blade before sliding down all the way to reach just above Allen's waist, a pair of folded black wings, Allen's new incarnation of his Innocence._

_“_ _That bastard...”_

_The moment he heard how Lvellie had acquired this Innocence, Kanda had been filled with nothing but rage and hate towards that man. How dare he lay his undeserving hands on the resting place of his beloved, destroying their remains...His remains that had been placed within the same coffin after he died. To have their final bed shared together desecrated like that, for a mad man's whim, no less, made Kanda want to scour the world and purge it of Lvellie. Sensing Kanda's displeasure, Allen turned around a bit and lightly nudged him with his head. “It's alright, Yu. He...Crown Clown was lonely too. Even though my grave was destroyed in order to retrieve Crown Clown, it's alright. I am here with you now.”_

_Kanda sighed. “It's because you're an idiot like this that you get stepped all over...”_

_His fingers which drifted on Allen's back slowly edged forward, now sliding across Allen's stomach. He could feel Allen tremble under his touch, and the boy narrowed his eyes in a silent protest. But Kanda remain unaffected by the threat, leisurely allowing his fingers to wander the expanse of skin, certainly moving upwards when Allen whined and hissed like an offended cat, grabbing his disobedient hands to prevent them from moving any further._

_“_ _Yu...No.”_

_“_ _No? Who was the one who liked touching me so much?” Kanda retorted, leaning forward to catch Allen's lips in a kiss, only to have Allen evade and ended up kissing his forehead instead. Allen shook his head vehemently, protesting, “I did not! If you recall, you were the one being unconsciously touchy-feely and even attacked me on several cases, all in which you acted unprovoked!”_

_“_ _Just be honest and accept my touches.”_

_“_ _You're the one who's never...! Wait...” Allen's face turned slightly blue as he thought it over even as he struggled with Kanda. “...You're TOO honest with your desires! Hold back a bit, won't you?!” Kanda's smirk sent chills down Allen's spine as he finally trapped Allen against the windowsill. Allen paled, for if he backed away any further to avoid Kanda's touches, he would be toppling out of the window._

_It was at that moment, someone entered the room. “Good morning, guys! I made breakfast!” Alma announced cheerfully, when he saw the scene before him. Immediately he understood what was going on. “Yu?! What are you doing?! Are you trying to push Allen out of the window?! Even for a joke, that's not funny!” Alma sternly reprimanded as he pulled Kanda away. Kanda growled at being interrupted, by his best friend no less. “I wasn't doing that! What are you, an idiot?!”_

_“_ _Only an idiot will befriend an idiot, so you're an idiot too!”_

“So moyashi ran away while I argued with Alma,” Kanda grunted, looking very dissatisfied as he recounted the tale to Lavi. Lavi held back his wide grin and shook his head instead. “Well, I hear Allen's going to be visiting Tyki today while he's teaching the Theatre bunch, so you want to go too?” Kanda's eyes narrowed at the mention.

“Of course I am! Who would leave moyashi to the likes of you and that man!”

“Hey, hey, that's not nice. How can you accuse us, a happily satisfied couple, of attempting to seduce your lover? If anything, Yu...Your insecurity tells you that you have lots more to make up to Allen for being such a bully...” Lavi wickedly suggested and ran away as Kanda chased him until they arrived at the theatre, where everyone was already assembled. A picnic basket sat in one of the many chairs, already open.

A myriad of people were seated around the basket, feasting on its contents as they entertained themselves with watching Tyki teach his students. Allen waved at Kanda and Lavi, a sandwich stuck in his mouth. Smiling happily at such a big family picnic, Allen pulled out a bento box for Kanda, lightly blushing as he handed it to the other.

“I'm jealous. Why does Kanda get a special bento?” Road demanded, not satisfied at having her special place in Allen's heart being overshadowed by Kanda, being the spoilt girl that she was.

“Of course you can't have it. Obviously, it's a wife's bento for Yu! You should ask Lenalee to make you one,” Lavi added, grinning at the suddenly blushing Lenalee. Allen frowned at Lavi, hitting him over the head for the 'wife's bento' comment though it was not far from the truth. Kanda, on his part, was smug and made no moves to hide it. It was during this time, that Tyki cried out in frustration, “That's not enough! Where is the emotion? Allen!”

Upon being called, Allen tilted his head inquisitively at Tyki. Tyki beckoned to him, calling out, “Come here and do a duet with me! We'll show my students how a proper musical duet is done! I know you can sing it, boy!” The snow-haired teen almost choked on his sandwich. Kanda growled audibly at such a suggestion, but Allen reluctantly agreed to help Tyki, as the man was already on his knees begging.

Allen stepped up and took to the stage, standing opposite Tyki. He looked at the lyric page for a while, taking a deep breath. As the student played the instrumental melody on the CD player, his lips parted to let the melody flow.

_So near, but so far away you'll forever be_

_Locked within my heart, presence in the air the melody_

**_So far but so close we stay we shall never be_ **

_Lost within **our hearts**_

**_The phantom star, we both will see_ **

Allen, who had been staring off at an empty space in the auditorium, turned towards Tyki in a sharp twist, as if desperate to see if Tyki was still there behind him. Lenalee stared in amazement at the expression of pained melancholy on his face, perfectly matching the atmosphere of the song. Tyki looked directly at Allen, holding up his hand towards the teenager.

_But when the **end comes, will it take it all away?**_

_Sweeping our **memories, erasing time that we so much shared**_

_When the **end comes everything fades away**_

_Don't let it **come undone within our hearts let it stay**_

_Even when..._

Allen took Tyki's hand, and Tyki drew him closer. Not liking the view, Kanda moved to stop the practice, but Alma and Lavi had him restrained to his seat. Slowly, Allen released Tyki's hand, and as he sang, he softly placed his palm upon Tyki's chest. Tyki held his hand there, acting as if he was reluctant to let go. But Allen's hand slipped out of his as he stepped to the far side of the stage.

_In darkness we seek for light though it may never be_

_Someday we might find the sky we long so much to see_

**_Hopeless, we still can believe_ **

**_Tomorrow will find its way_ **

_To the **key of life the flame within us we believe**_

_But when the **end comes, will it take it all away?**_

_Sweeping our **memories, erasing time that we so much shared**_

_When the **end comes everything fades away**_

_Don't let it **come undone within our hearts let it stay**_

_Even when..._

Allen's eyes momentarily strayed towards Kanda, but he quickly redirected his gaze to the ground. Tyki approached from behind, probably enjoying the looks of anger from Kanda if he didn't look so grim to match the song's atmosphere. The duo continued their duet, with Allen's back to Tyki's chest. The students were watching in silent awe, taking in their demonstration as a lesson very seriously. Tyki stepped away as his moment for a solo approached.

**Reach out, out towards the distant night**

**Engrave the seed of life in our hearts**

**So deep that we dream of it**

**Fear not, _the future awaits us_**

**Even if _fate_ shall take our _soul_**

**_We two shall unite as one_ **

At the same moment, Tyki and Allen turned to each other in perfect synchrony. Lenalee applauded, unable to resist her admiration to their acting. Kanda was looking less than happy that his lover was seemingly flirting with the other man, though it was all an act. Lavi for his part, was simply amused at how irritated Kanda was at the acting demonstration put up by Tyki and Allen. The two on stage were now staring almost soulfully at each other, their hands clasped and held up to their chest.

_But when the end comes_

**Hold you in my arms and I will take all of your _pain away_**

**_Hold on our memories, rebuilding time that we so much share_ **

_The end comes_

**We'll find each other bound by our soul only our _pain can fade away_**

_Don't let it **come undone within our hearts let it stay**_

_Even when..._

It was a beautiful performance, and one would have thought that Tyki and Allen were perfect for each other, so passionate in their performance. However, if the observer had Lavi's sharp eyes, they would have noticed the occasional twitch in Allen's brows and the unnatural force he was gripping Tyki's hand with. Obviously, the boy was not pleased to be made to sing a duet which only flamed the jealousy of his lover, who was still seething in his seat.

Tyki laughed and patted Allen's head, though inwardly he was wincing at how tight Allen's crushing grip was. “Alright, alright...One more, this time a solo!!” With that, the man fled the stage, leaving Allen alone. Allen gasped and tried to chase after Tyki, but the song had already begun and with seniors looking at him adoringly and expectantly, Allen had no choice. He sighed, knowing the song from the tune playing.

_You are like the sunlight filtering through the trees_

_Giving me the hope to live_

_Happiness laughed_

_The warmth in my memories_

_I feel a bond stronger than anything in my chest_

_The reason I could remain as myself_

_Was because you were here_

Kanda's attention was completely focused on Allen when he sang, caught by the lyrics and the meaning behind them. Allen smiled at his lover, wanting him to know that the song was meant for him. Tyki must have planned this, the cunning man. He must've known a duet would make Kanda angry, so he made Allen sing this solo to pacify the Japanese. Allen would've smacked Tyki for it if not for the expression on Kanda's face now. It was beautiful.

_You are the one that I love_

_Let me sing this song which was born_

_Believe in the proof of my love_

_Let my feelings reach as far as it can go_

_The fact that you're alive is the truth_

_So beloved, so joyful_

_So sad, so sorrowful_

_So regretful, so irritating_

_The melody of love_

Lavi snickered at the rapt attention that Kanda paid to Allen's performance this time. Allen also looked considerably happier than when he was performing the duet with Tyki, simply gazing at Kanda as he sang. But it wasn't as if Lavi didn't understand. He only knew all too well how long it took for them both to be truly happy like they were now. Tyki's decision had been well-made, helping the couple to understand their love better. Lavi decided to reward Tyki for his quick thinking later.

_The tangled strings of our hearts_

_We parted before we undid them_

_Even if it was hard, I wished for it_

_'Let's see this love through'_

_As if speaking to myself_

_I make this vow for eternity_

_A melody encompassed by affection_

_Dance up towards the sky_

_Let me show you_

_Important things that cannot be seen with eyes_

_The flowing spring of love_

_No matter how deeply it crosses time_

_My feelings will live_

_That is my love song_

Allen was enjoying himself singing this song. He allowed all his affection to be shown through the words and the melody, knowing these words truly represented his feelings and the hardships he had gone through to reconcile Kanda's love, having endured through a reincarnation to finally be together. Knowing that these meanings reached Kanda made Allen even happier, the glow of his bliss evident to his audience, even to those who had no idea of his relationship with Kanda.

_My sigh traces a path, touching your skin_

_'Are you asleep already?'_

_Then by your ear_

_'I. Love. You.'_

_You are the one that I love_

_Let me sing this song which was born_

_Believe in the proof of my love_

_Let my feelings reach as far as it can go_

_The fact that you're alive is the truth_

Allen deftly leapt off the stage, heading towards Kanda. Wickedly, he leant closer until Kanda could feel Allen's breath tickling his skin. The boy whispered those three words into his ears, as per the song. Then Allen drew back, a satisfied smile on his face. Kanda unconsciously reached up to grab Allen, but the boy had danced out of his reach, brandishing his mike in a grandiose gesture as he reached the ending of the song.

_Let me show you_

_Important things that cannot be seen with eyes_

_The flowing spring of love_

_The melody which overflowed when I met you_

_Trembling even now, it lives_

_So beloved, so joyful_

_So sad, so sorrowful_

_So regretful, so irritating_

_The melody of love_

Allen smiled bashfully, feeling as if he'd just sung a love song solely for Kanda's purpose, though it might as well have been just that. Before anyone else reacted, sounds of clapping resonated through the auditorium. Sensing that the claps came from the entrance, Allen's eyes travelled to the door. The mike slipped out of his hand.

Tyki and Road stood up too, shocked at the sight that greeted them. The two middle-aged men who stood at the door seemed to be absolute strangers to all, except for the three ex-Noah, or rather, semi-Noah for Allen. Road, unable to contain her joy any longer, leapt up with a shriek of, “Count!” and ran off towards the two men. Everyone gasped; the Millennium Earl?!

Allen slowly descended the stage like a doll, his eyes never leaving the men. His voice, resoundingly clear when he sang, now sounded cracked and broken, as one whisper left his lips.

“...Mana...?”

Mana Walker smiled gently at the son he had adopted so long ago, who stared in disbelief at the man, his father whom he had once turned into an Akuma. When Mana held his hands out, Allen wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and hug his foster father tightly, when the appearance of the third man made him stop dead in his tracks. Even Road, who had been wanting to glomp the Earl, stopped short at the sight of the third gentleman.

And then...The most twisted expression of hatred settled into Allen's eyes.

“Fourteenth...”


	20. Bound Beyond Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

The light atmosphere previously was ruined with the appearance of the so-called Fourteenth. Anyone who had yet to know his actual features saw him as an eerie hybrid of Tyki and Allen's looks, with short yet slightly wavy black hair and startlingly silver eyes...Yes, just like how Allen would have grown up into had his hair not become white. Kanda, on the other hand, had never witnessed such degree of loathing in Allen's expression before.

He knew Allen would have witnessed most of such expressions on his face, but this was the first time he had seen it on the other, and it made Allen look like a monster. The Earl looked exactly as the Noahs had known him, short and neat dark brown hair with a slight stubble. Mana too, had neat hair, but unlike the Earl's dark brown nor the Fourteenth's black, his hair colour was somewhere in between, darker than a brunette's, yet lighter than the dark brown of the Earl's hair, and he sported a moustache. Sensing the brewing hostility, Tyki quickly directed his students to leave the theatre. It was not a good idea to let the strangers know of their secret after all.

The Fourteenth merely smiled at Allen, as if he was a child who didn't know any better. “I have a name, you know? Let me introduce ourselves, my eldest brother, Adam Walker, my second brother Mana Walker, and me, Neah Walker. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Allen yelled, forgetting everyone in his rage. In his mind, only Neah stood there, mocking him with his presence. Lenalee was startled at Allen's use of foul words, but she couldn't blame him for reacting this way. After all, who wouldn't, seeing the person who once destroyed his life?

“Don't be so mad now, Allen. I'm not an enemy any more,” Neah reasoned calmly, but the white-haired teenager heard none of it.

“...Even if you no longer were the enemy, I would NEVER...forgive you. I can forgive them all, but only you...I will hate until my bones turn to dust!” Allen shrieked his words like they were a curse and bolted away through the emergency exit. Concerned for Allen's unusual display, Kanda got up and went after his lover. Everyone's attention turned back to Neah, who merely shrugged.

“This is why you are hopeless with children, Neah,” Adam reprimanded. Mana was visibly fretting, but Adam shook his head. “That boy will bring him back, all we can do for now is wait.”

It didn't take long for Kanda to catch up to Allen, who walked on without a care for anything or for anyone, not even for his lover who was beginning to match him step for step. “Moyashi, what's wrong with you?” Kanda demanded. Allen shot a look at him, that which was incomprehensible to the rather simple-minded man, but the latter spoke,

“What's wrong with me? More like what's wrong with you! How can you stand to be in the same space with that man?!”

“You didn't even care about being enemies with the Noahs before, why are you picking a fight now?”

“I don't give a bloody damn about Noahs or those kind of things! I just hate THAT man! I don't want to look at him, I don't even want to think of him!” Allen yelled, heaving from the outburst. Kanda's eyes narrowed. With a quick move, he settled both his hands on Allen's forearms and pushed him against the wall.

A shriek barely left Allen when he was slammed into the wall; his mouth was literally sealed off. Alarmed by Kanda's abrupt kiss, Allen attempted to smack him away when the latter pinned both his wrists down and tilted his head to go deeper with his tongue. Muffled sounds of protests echoed in his own ears, but Allen was by far no match for Kanda's physical strength. He struggled and squirmed as he felt Kanda's tongue snake over his and sucked harshly.

Allen forced a moan back down his throat, but he was running short on air from his lover's rough kiss. Desperate to be released, the white-haired teen aimed a kick to Kanda's shin which resulted in Kanda pulling away, but the man had yet to release him. Taking in a few deep breaths, Allen started again on his verbal tirade when Kanda attacked his neck, causing the boy to let out a surprised cry instead.

“Y-Yu...stop!” Allen mewled, flinching when Kanda only let out a low growl from his throat, opting to bite down instead. He had stopped struggling by now, body rigid with apprehension while Kanda marked his neck as he pleased. Allen trembled under his touch, wondering what brought on the sudden onslaught. “Yu...I'm not...Let go...!”

To his surprise, Kanda did stop. He settled his gaze on his lover, his expression still unreadable. Allen took this as a cue to start scolding, “What do you think you were doing, you pervert?! I told you many times that I wasn't ready yet!” Kanda's grim stare continued for some time, before he finally spoke.

“...At least it got your mind off what's pissing you.”

It startled him. Kanda had done it to distract him? Allen suddenly felt hot as the blush of shame coloured his cheeks. Kanda let out a sigh and rested his hand on the top of Allen's head. “...It's unnatural. I know the Fourteenth was a big deal to you, but you didn't even care that the Millennium Earl was just standing there and you couldn't stand him in the past life either. What's the issue between him and you?”

Allen's fists tightened in Kanda's shirt, his eyes becoming downcast. “It's his fault...If it wasn't for him, I...I wouldn't forget. Because of him, I forgot you...I forgot how we first met in front of the gate...I forgot our first mission together in Mateel...I won't forgive him for taking those memories from me! Though...I had been thankful that he didn't take everything away when I died...So that I was able to die remembering who you were to me...”

“Baka moyashi.”

Allen looked up in surprise, only to have Kanda leaning down to capture his lips again. However, this time his lips were gentle, quietly reassuring as his hands came to rest on Allen's waist. Slowly, Allen's hands clasped around the back of Kanda's neck and pulled him closer. Kanda's tongue prodded his lips, slipping in as Allen opened it just slightly. Kanda pressed down harder, letting his tongue trace every crevice it could find; Allen let out a soft moan, clinging more tightly to his lover.

They stayed that way for a while, letting their tongues lazily battle and flirt with each other. A startled sound escaped Allen when he felt Kanda's lower half of the body press into his a little too hard to ignore. He stared pointedly at Kanda, who for once, obediently obeyed his lover and backed off but his hands remained on his lover's waist. “...There's no need to be angry any more. You remember them all now, don't you?”

Allen pouted in response. “...I don't want to forgive him easily.” He had taken a long time before he knew, and finally understood the intentions of Neah back then, but when he recalled with bitterness the memories he had lost to the Noah in return for reaching out to know the truth, Allen could not find it in himself to easily forgive Neah yet.

“You're such a kid.”

“Hush, you! You can be accused of sexually harassing a minor!”

Kanda snorted at the accusation. “We're only four years apart, moyashi. Anyway...Are you ready to go back?” Allen nodded slowly, his fingers clasping Kanda's in a firm grip. In a gesture to reassure his lover, Kanda gripped back, leading Allen back to the auditorium. It was now devoid of Tyki's students. The ones who remained were only those with their previous memories. Allen was suddenly glad Tyki had the foresight to remove them before they suspected anything.

Road was sitting on the Earl, or as he was now known as, Adam's lap. Neah looked perfectly at ease seated next to Mana. Everyone watched as the couple walked up to them. Allen's eyes were wet, never even dreaming that he would be able to meet Mana once more. Mana stood up, and simply opened his arms. That was all the cue Allen needed to dive into the embrace, tears finally escaping his tightly shut lids.

“Mana...I'm sorry...” Allen blubbered through his tears, refusing to let go of his foster father. Mana chuckled, gently patting the boy's head as the tears seeped through his clothes. “You saved me, Allen...”

“B-But...If it wasn't for me being weak...I wouldn't have put you through that suffering. Mana...you were the one who saved me so many times, when I was weak...when I doubted myself...You gave me strength to fight. Mana...” Allen whispered feverishly, burying his face deeper into Mana's chest. He had once entertained the notion of seeing Mana once more in this world.

But that thought had always terrified him; for he who had condemned Mana to the pain of being an Akuma, even for only a moment, was like a year in Hell for the burning soul. Would Mana ever forgive him for such an action? Allen had been so afraid of finding out, that maybe Mana still hated him for it. The relief to have Mana accept him without question was overwhelming.

“It's alright now, Allen. I'm here. And I won't be going anywhere. I'm here for official business today as well,” Mana replied quietly, smiling just as gently as Allen remembered he used to do. To Allen's questioning look, the man added, “I am here to pass Komui the adoption papers. After today, all of you, will come under the Walker household.”

“You're going to adopt us?!” Road exclaimed, eyes shining at Adam. The once-Millennium Earl nodded with a smile. “I've always loved my big family, of course I would adopt you all! Ah...But since there was a slight tussle about how one man couldn't adopt everyone, we decided who would officially adopt who with a game of cards!” The ex-Noah children exchanged incredulous looks. A game of cards?!

“But Mana had insisted on Allen, so we gave in. Neah did always have a soft spot for Mana, as I do for Neah. So what came up is I will be adopting Road and Lero. Apart from Allen, Mana would be adopting Jasdero and Devit. Tyki is already an adult capable of looking after himself, therefore there is no need for us to adopt him. Unfortunately for Neah, he's not good with card games,” Adam announced, giving Neah a mischievous smile as a tease.

Neah simply shrugged. “It's alright. I still get to play with all my nephews and niece!”

Allen stuck his tongue out childishly in retort. “As if I want to!”

Mana shook his head with an exasperated smile. “Well, we can't just stand here. Let's go to the office. Cross is waiting over there with Komui.” This time, it was Lenalee who brightened up. “Niisama is back?!”

“Eh...Why do you call Mas- I mean, Cross as niisama? He was reborn as your brother?” Allen quipped, looking curiously at Lenalee. The girl shook her head, her smile growing wider. “No, Cross is married to Komui-niisan in a private ceremony in Spain a few years ago, so that makes him my brother-in-law. Well...due to some laws there were problems, but niisama took care of it so it went on. Technically, he is Cross Marian-Lee and niisan is Komui Marian-Lee since neither wanted to give up their surnames. Though their marriage isn't acknowledged here in Japan, at least they've gone through the official process of getting legally united once,” Lenalee gushed.

Allen was rooted to the spot, his face turning blue. “They're MARRIED?!”

~.~.~

Komui was surprised to see a mob ambling into his office. He was only expecting the three men of the Walker family, not their whole adoptive brood as well. Not to mention their respective partners as well. Allen in particular was looking slightly green, his eyes darting between Komui and Cross, who was seated in front of the desk looking very smug indeed. Lenalee stepped forward with her arms open, greeting with much cheer, “Niisama, welcome back!”

But before Cross could give his sister-in-law a hug, Komui intervened and jumped up to sweep Lenalee into his arms. He levelled a glare at his spouse, who merely shrugged. “You can't trust me to keep my hands off my sister-in-law? Komui, I'm depressed,” Cross drawled, casually patting Komui's rump along his comment. Allen looked ill seeing his ex-mentor harass his ex-superior so casually. Komui swatted his hand off, answering, “I can't trust you to keep your hands to yourself. It's almost genetic, how you want to feel up anything you touch.”

“Mou, niisan...” Lenalee sighed and pried herself out of Komui's grip. Why was his sister complex not cured in this life? Everyone watched the scene with varying levels of bemusement and surprise. Somewhere from the bottom of his heart, Allen genuinely admired Komui for being able to deal with Cross without missing a beat. There must be some advantages to being a mad scientist after all. “Shall we get on to business?” Adam mentioned, gesturing towards the desk.

“Oh, right! Please, this way. It'll take a few days to process the papers, but there should be no problem. I'd like to ask though, do the children want to keep their original surnames, or change it?” Komui asked, looking at the group. Jasdevi, who were to be adopted by Mana, grinned at each other. “Hah, ever since we Awakened we've thrown our old surnames out of the window! We'll take this new surname!”

“From now on, we're Allen's big brothers, hihi!” Jasdero tittered with glee, tussling Allen's hair. Devit smiled smugly and nodded. “Yes, Allen will have to call us big bros now!”

“Ah, stop messing my hair...Niisan,” Allen barely whispered the last part, faint pink tinting his cheeks. The twins fell silent at the sight and a cold shock ran down Kanda's spine. He grabbed Allen by the shoulders and turned the boy to face him. “Don't make that kind of face for them, moyashi! It's dangerous!” Before Allen could retort, Devit had already butted Kanda aside and the twins fawned over Allen excessively.

“Allen, big bro is so happy to have you as a brother!!”

“Hihi, Allen is our sibling!”

Somehow, Lenalee sensed that Allen would very soon become well-acquainted with the notorious brother complex she usually had to deal with. Jasdevi were already shooting looks at Kanda, making rude comments and gestures to keep the young man away. Kanda seethed, growling at the twins who stood between him and Allen. Allen himself was slightly troubled, not knowing who to side with. All of a sudden, the door burst open to reveal Doug, bent over as he heaved like he ran a marathon. On one side, Lavi was discreetly slipping his phone back into his pocket.

“E-Excuse me, but you are planning to adopt Jasdero and Devit, aren't you?!” Doug demanded. “I'm sorry, but will you please withdraw? I-I want to be the one to look after them!” Jasdero and Devit exchanged shocked looks. “But Doug, you've been like, looking after us since forever! Don't you get tired of it?” Devit questioned.

“I don't! I like it! I...Well, I thought even after the facility, I'd continue to take care of you two. I want to. I mean, I'm not saying you two can't take care of yourselves, it's just selfishness on my part. I felt that something would be missing from my life, so...” Doug stopped short, not knowing what else he could say to convince the three men, but his determined look remained. He was not going to give in without a fight. Unbeknownst to them, Lavi and Road were hiding their huge smiles behind their hands.

Mana put on a contemplative expression for a while, looking between Doug and the twins. The twins themselves were confused and unsure of what was going on. Finally, he shot his brothers a secretive smile. Neah's smile was twitching at the edges, ready to burst into laughter any moment. Adam shook his head in fondness, and turned to face Doug.

“Young man, I believe that it may be inappropriate for you to be their guardian due to the small age gap between you and the twins. But it's alright, I acknowledge your feelings. I will allow you to marry into the family, if the children will have you. You may very well make a good spouse,” Adam chuckled as he gave their collective answer to Doug. Allen gasped aloud at the announcement, Road and Lavi finally burst out into roaring laughter, and Jasdevi had gone from confused to absolutely shell-shocked.

Doug's face had frozen, red completely taking over his skin colour. His mouth opened and closed repeatedly, but no words came out. “See, Doug? Everyone could tell that you love them! So why don't you just go ahead and become part of the family?” Lavi snickered, whacking Doug's back enthusiastically. Allen studied Doug for a moment, then turned to Jasdevi and asked, “Does this mean he's my future brother-in-law? Should I refer to him as brother now? And which one of you will marry him?”

“S-Stop saying those stupid things, Allen!” Devit scowled deeply as even more people laughed aloud. Mana nodded cheerfully and addressed the paralysed Doug, “I assume you will have no problem accepting this arrangement then, Mr...?”

“D-Doug, Mr Walker, sir! And I will not marry the twins!”

The unexpected declaration silenced the whole room. Jasdero and Devit stared at Doug with disbelief written all over their faces. Doug straightened himself, watching both twins with a tender smile. “If there was to be an official marriage, I would be forced to choose either one, since it's not legal to have multiple partners. And I will never be able to put one above the other. I'm sorry, but please allow me to come under your roof without the bond of marriage. I swear I will not let them both down!”

Allen bit his lips down, but it was not to be done. He trembled, much to the alarm of Kanda, but there was nothing wrong with Allen. In fact, the boy was hugging his sides tightly, trying to hold in his laughter. Lenalee clapped her hands over her mouth, but her eyes were brimming with tears of laughter as she tried her best to hold it in. Lavi was convulsing with laughter, supported by Tyki who was helplessly chuckling at the sight of the red-faced Devit.

Jasdero too was giggling without control, but he didn't find anything funny with the situation. Instead, he was happy at the outcome of things. Plus, only Devit seemed flustered about it, which made it all the more easy to poke fun at him. “Jasdero, not you too! Doug, you old man!! I-I haven't agreed to anything yet!” Devit yelled, trying to hide the flush in his face. Why was he the only one getting bullied?!

Doug's expression became troubled, and his eyes began to water. “S-So that means...I'm not good enough for you?” And all of a sudden, all focus fell upon Devit, mostly frowning and generally creating a most uncomfortable atmosphere, all this fuel further combusted by the utterly scrutinising gaze that Jasdero pinned on his brother. Unable to shoulder such pressure anymore, Devit crumbled, and exclaimed furiously, “I-I'm not saying that I don't want you, you idiot!! I just mean that we shouldn't rush into it!”

Immediately, Doug's face broke out into a wide smile, but his happiness was interrupted when Tyki grinned and announced, “Well, I suppose I'll have to welcome you into the family as the figurative brother-in-law now, Doug.” Everyone laughed at the young man, who became bright red at the teasing, and Lavi, who celebrated the joy of his friend with such mirth, had no idea he wouldn't be escaping the announcement as well.

Tyki pulled Lavi to his side and boldly declared, “Though I'm not adopted, we're all one big family, so it gives me great pleasure to introduce your brother-in-law, and my future spouse, Lavi.” Lavi's easygoing grin sputtered out into shock. Road observed for a while, before posing her question. “You mention marriage easily, but is it really easily done?”

Cross snorted. “With a bit of string-pulling, I can get it done for you lot in Spain. Of course, it's not acknowledged in Japan, but hey, it's the thought that counts. Isn't that right, wife?” Komui rolled his eyes. “I believe the term you're looking for is spouse, dear husband of mine,” the sarcasm was not missed, but oh, it was what Cross loved about Komui. Without that sharp and rather creative tongue of his partner, there would be less interesting things in the world.

“Well, what say you, bunny boy?” Tyki was very sure of Lavi's answer, but it did not stop him from feeling nervous. It wasn't a direct proposal, but it was close. Lavi's shocked expression slowly melted away, leaving a wavering smile, not of uncertainty, but of priceless happiness. “What else can I say but I do, silly?” The redhead rested himself against Tyki's body, wondering how a simple declaration of a promise made him go weak at his knees.

Sadly, the serene atmosphere was ruined by Cross, whose voice boomed, “This isn't a place for love declarations! Now that business is over, get out! I have a wife to screw!” And proceeded to kick the whole lot out of the office, locking himself and a protesting Komui in. The three Walker men shrugged at each other; Cross Marian never changed. Mana smiled at Allen and gently patted his head, “We'll be going now, okay?” Allen shyly nodded, waving his farewells at his foster father.

“Hey, the day's almost over already. Let's get back to the dorms!” Jasdevi declared, and began leading the pack back. Allen was about to catch up to Kanda, when a hand clamped around his wrist. It was Alma, with an awkward smile upon his lips, requesting, “Can I talk to you for a minute, Allen? Alone, possibly.” Wondering what it was that Alma wanted to speak to him about, Allen quietly complied and followed Alma to the stairwell, where it would be private enough.

“Well, what is it, Alma?” Allen scrutinised the young man before him. Something seemed rather unusual with the cheerful guy. Alma turned to face Allen, all seriousness written on his face. “Actually, there was something I've always wanted to say to you, but I didn't get the opportunity to. I mean, I never actually thought I'd get the chance to, seeing that I died somewhere away from you and no one would ever think that there's such a thing as reincarnation, but then again, the Earl could call back souls from the dead to make Akuma and...wait a minute, I'm completely missing the point!”

Alma coughed a little and grew a little flushed, embarrassed that his topic seemed to have gone off-track. “Allen Walker...I've always wanted to thank you...For everything that you've done for me...for us.” At the mention of 'us', something suddenly froze within Allen. When Alma spoke that way, the only other person possibly included in the 'us' was Kanda. Alma bashfully smiled, explaining, “When I thought all that was left between us was hate, you proved us wrong. You protected me from Yu, reunited us...even gave us the means and a place for a peaceful end. The reason I was able to reincarnate today...was because you saved my soul.”

“...I only did what I thought was best...for Kanda,” Allen murmured, feeling more anxious at Alma's words. Hearing Allen refer to his best friend by his surname rang the alarm bells for Alma, who was hasty to reassure, “N-No, don't get me wrong on this, Allen! God knows getting misunderstood that one time by Lavi was crazy enough! Allen...you were the only one who truly understood what we were, who we were, and what had happened between us. And well...correct me if I'm wrong...but you already loved Yu then, didn't you?”

Slowly, Allen nodded. During that big event of his life, he had already bore feelings for Kanda. Whatever that happened between them, happened after...including the beginning of the Fourteenth's invasion in his mind and memories, his eventual separation from Kanda, and the final battle which took his life.

Alma smiled at Allen, pressing on, “You loved Yu, and yet you allowed him to hurt you for my sake, for the sake of our friendship...You allowed Yu to leave with me. Even though you knew that within me was the soul of the woman he once loved, even though there could be a chance that he would never return to your side. You made this sacrifice and it was one that not many could have done. I can't ever thank you enough for giving us this opportunity.”

“I...don't really follow. You ask me not to misunderstand, but what do you mean by opportunity?” Allen questioned, bracing himself for any possibilities. His doubts returned to haunt him, but Allen vehemently pushed any thoughts of betrayal out of his mind. Alma smiled at the boy before him.

“To end it, Allen. To finally gain closure, and settle our promise to each other. To learn to let go, Allen. You gave us the chance, and taught us how to do it,” the young man answered, but it had yet to put Allen's heart at ease. “Then tell me, Alma...Do you still love him? Is she still walking in your shadows? I may have been able to let him go before...But I don't think I can do it this time,” Allen's silver eyes hardened like steel; he was not going to let go of Kanda again, not after what he had went through in this life just for a normal life like the one he had now.

Alma suddenly laughed, his calm gaze settling on Allen. “You don't have to worry about that, Allen. That woman and I...we both are different persons of the same soul. True, at some point, we may seem the same, but we are different. In the past...Yu, or rather, the man Yu once was finally found her, and with their love, she left. She left bearing the man Yu's soul once was, and their love went together. What was left, and reincarnated into this life, are only me and Yu.”

Sensing Allen's confusion, Alma continued, “The me and Yu who was born to the darkness of the Asian Branch, born alike as brothers, without memory or knowledge...like a new soul. We used their souls, but we grew to become our own persons. And this Alma and Yu are best friends. Besides...you deserve Yu more than that woman. She rather have Yu not know who she was, and cage him to her forever...But you loved him enough to let him go while knowing he might never know how you felt. As Yu's best friend, obviously, you loved him better than the woman I once bore in my soul. You were selfless in your love. I wish you the best with Yu, Allen!”

The boy's heart calmed, finally comprehending that Alma had come to convey his gratitude and reassure him that Kanda's heart was only his now. Feeling sudden relief and shame that he doubted Alma, he blushed. “Thank you for telling me, Alma. Now, let's go back to the dorms before anyone notices we're missing,” Allen chirped, in much higher spirits now. Little did they know, Cross and Komui were in the exact opposite sentiments.

“We still have no trace of that bastard, but there's been suspicious movements around the campus. He's still got his men somewhere among us,” Cross mused. Of course he wanted to screw his wife, but yes, his workaholic spouse demanded to discuss official business before doing anything remotely spouse-like. Sometimes Cross rued the fact that he seemed to act more of the married man than Komui did, considering he was the womaniser who wandered away from home most of the time.

Komui nodded grimly; their court case was taking time, but it would be more complicated with the absence of the main perpetrator. It didn't really matter if not all the small fries were caught. As long as Lvellie was locked up, the underlings that escaped prosecution would scatter without a leader to control them. “You've seen them, Cross. What do you think?” Cross shook his head, bringing a glass of wine to his lips as he did.

“Hn...It's gonna be anytime soon. Living in the loony bin in that kind of mentally oppressive environment for a long time leaves effects, whether they realise it or not. Right now, the freedom they obtained is overwhelming, the positive effect suppressing normal reaction of the mental faculty. Soon enough...they'll begin to ask questions, wonder if this is really happening. Anxiety and paranoia become common. But I think they'll be fine if their partners are with them,” Cross commented.

“Let's hope so, Cross,” Komui mumbled with a sigh.

Cross smirked. “Now, how about some skin-to-skin action?”

“Is that all you can think of?!”


	21. Falling Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man is owned by Hoshino Katsura. And No 6 is owned by Asano Atsuko!

It was well over a month and half ever since they started their normal lives, and Lenalee thought the former patients adjusted well to their environment. However, Road's recent behaviour had her worried. The young girl had not yet done anything that particularly merited questioning her brother, but Lenalee somehow sensed that there was something 'off' with Road. It was common of course, for Road to be clingy and desirous of skin contact, but now it seemed that Road actively STALKED her.

The first time, she caught the girl observing her as she left class. During then, Lenalee didn't put too much thought to it since Road's classes were finished for the day and the girl had come forward to greet her. A little after that, Lenalee found Road watching her when her classes were supposedly still going on. Questioning Allen later, she discovered that Road had been cutting classes just to see her. Confrontation had been pretty much useless since Road ran whenever she tried to find her.

Road pretty much continued to observe her, but she no longer approached like she usually did. The usually knowing and bright semi-smirk on Road's expression had faded into one of sharp, PURE obsessed concentration on Lenalee. This couldn't go on, she had to consult her brother right after class. “Hey, Lenalee! You look absent-minded today! Here, you actually forgot your notes.” The abrupt call startled her, but it was only one of her classmates, who handed her the notes she had forgotten.

“Thanks. I just had a lot on my mind today,” Lenalee answered, gratefully accepting the notes.

“Hey, no worries. Everyone has off days too,” her classmate answered and lightly tapped her shoulder. All of a sudden, a black blur appeared before Lenalee and smacked that hand off. Road was scowling at the surprised girl, yelling, “Don't touch Lenalee!”

That did it.

“Road, what are you doing?! I'm sorry, she isn't usually like this,” Lenalee hurriedly apologised before dragging Road away to a quieter place. Road had followed her obediently, her violet eyes boring holes into the back of Lenalee's head. Finally reaching a quiet corner of the campus grounds, Lenalee confronted the younger girl. “Road, what is wrong? No, don't run. This time, you have to tell me. I'm not letting you leave until you do,” Lenalee sternly commanded.

As if she had run out of strength, Road stared blankly at her. Slowly, both her hands reached out to cup Lenalee's cheeks. Lenalee could feel how calm Road was from her unwavering touch, but that only unnerved her more. And gently, Road's thumbs rubbed over her skin, the girl's eyes never breaking its grasp on Lenalee's own.

“Lenalee...You're mine. Mine...No one else can touch you, no one else can have you. I've waited for so long...Are you really here? Am I safe now? Each time I watch you...I'm afraid you'll disappear...It's not a dream, is it?” Road slowly murmured, looking rather sad and curious.

Lenalee understood by those words why Road acted so strangely. She reached around Road and held her close, crying tears of shame, wondering why she had not noticed all this while. Remorse filled her, overflowing like a glass too full. “It's alright now. I am here, and I won't leave. Come, Road...It's time we talked to someone about this...” Lenalee gently held Road's hand and lead her to Komui's office. Her brother would surely have a solution.

“Damn it, stop this!”

A pillow landed in Tyki's face following the exclamation. Lavi was fuming at the older man. He had suspected something was not right with Tyki, but this really was overboard. As a teacher, Tyki was allowed boarding in the staff wing of the Black Order University, so he had a room to himself. Lavi was a student and naturally stayed in a different part of the facility.

Recently though, Tyki had taken to requesting that Lavi stay with him. At first, Lavi indulged him and stayed for a night or so. He did miss his lover after all, but it wouldn't do for their reputations if a student was found lingering a teacher's quarters. As much as Lavi loved Tyki, he wanted to be discreet about it in public places. That was when trouble began.

Tyki was essentially becoming too attached, refusing to be left alone in his room. He would even wander to Lavi's dorm room. This incident coincided with another. For reasons he did not explain, Allen asked Kanda to momentarily trade rooms with him, resulting in the room arrangement being him and Allen while Kanda bunked with Alma. When Tyki came intruding their room, Allen merely gave him a strange smile and encouraged Lavi to leave with Tyki, or risk Tyki outraging his modesty before the white-haired teen.

Needless to say, Lavi had to stay in Tyki's for the week. Tyki hadn't done anything lecherous; in fact the man merely held him as he slept during the nights. But it escalated quickly. Even during the day Tyki wanted to cling to him, which was seriously going to create rumours if Lavi wasn't quick-thinking enough. This morning, enough was enough.

Tyki actually tried to stop him from leaving.

The man in question merely gave him a sad, confused look, stirring the feeling of guilt in Lavi's chest, but the redhead quickly shook it off. He would get to the bottom of this right now, or it'd never be solved. “I was just...lonely. Every day, I get worried when I think I'll wake up to a different tomorrow. You know...A tomorrow without you, with me still stuck in the institute. Day after day of waiting...I just wanted proof that this is all real. That you're really with me. But...I guess I was going a bit too far. Sorry...”

Lavi was speechless even as Tyki got up to leave. “No, wait, Tyki!” Lavi immediately launched himself at the man. Tyki paused in his steps, but his downcast eyes did not rise to meet Lavi’s. Lavi wanted to beat himself up for not noticing that something was wrong with Tyki. He should have noticed it the moment Tyki wanted to stay close to him. The man was insecure and scared, but it was clashing with his previous behaviour. Had something happened to Tyki to threaten his sense of security? The redhead decided that this was out of his hand.

“We need to talk to Komui tomorrow.”

While these two finally settled down in the night, one of them was wandering the halls still. Allen had been undergoing a strange phase of withdrawal. Unlike Road and Tyki, Allen had not grown clingy or possessive of Kanda. In fact, with Kanda and Alma bunking in the same room and Lavi gone with Tyki, Allen was alone for most times. Perhaps it was due to Allen’s long confinement; he had recognised the signs of his own abnormality before he spiralled out of control.

The reason he asked for the room switch was precisely for that, he could not stay close to Kanda. He had noticed the strangeness in him when he discovered the black feelings that reared its ugly head when he had been staying by Kanda’s side. Allen had felt threatened when he saw anyone approach Kanda casually, even though he knew they meant nothing. But the more time Allen spent with Kanda, the uglier those feelings grew.

And Allen suddenly realised; there was something wrong with him. And it was centred on Kanda, so the logical choice was that he had to get away before he hurt Kanda. Allen did not quite know yet how to deal with his problem, but he was resolved to look at it objectively and take it one step at a time. Until then, he had to maintain distance with Kanda to protect the young man from himself.

Recently on nights he could not sleep, he would wander out to the open courtyard and enjoy the chilly night breeze. The sting of the coolness kept his mind sharp, and Allen could calm his thoughts better. He didn’t notice that another person stood just right behind him.

“Sion…”

Surprised by the sudden voice, Allen turned around though it was not his name that was called. He stood still for a moment, shocked. At first glance he almost thought Kanda was looking back at him, but the intense silver eyes that stared into his own told him that it was obviously a different person. This person had his hair tied up as well, but it was definitely shorter than Kanda’s elegant ponytail. Even he seemed mildly surprised at Allen.

“I’m sorry, I got the wrong person.”

“No, not at all. Although, I wasn’t aware that there were people I could be mistaken for. I mean, with features like mine, it’s hard to mistake me for someone,” Allen answered easily, sensing slight relief that his dark feelings did not stir at a face that was similar to Kanda’s. The teen opposite him paused for a while, observing Allen’s features. Then, a snarky smile crossed his lips, but it did not mar the handsome beauty.

“It’s rare to find someone silly enough like him to walk in the night when it’s cold after all.”

“That so? What about you, then?”

Allen’s comment had won when it left the other speechless. But then the other suddenly started laughing. Allen was startled, but he too was drawn by the laughter and began chuckling quietly. When their voices had finally subsided, Allen held his hand out in a friendly gesture.

“I’m Allen Walker. You?”

“…Just call me Nezumi.”

The teen who introduced himself as Nezumi briefly shook Allen’s hand before withdrawing his into his pockets once more. The night is chilly after all, but both were dressed comfortably warm enough. It was quite an unusual feeling, as Nezumi had supposedly confused Allen with someone he knew, and Allen thinking that he looked rather like Kanda. That quiet moment however was interrupted when a familiar voice called out,

“Moyashi!”

As the teen expected, Kanda was stalking towards them while wearing that incredibly fearsome frown of his. However he stopped short in surprise when Nezumi’s face came clearly into view. Nezumi too, blinked in return, coming face to face with someone who could, with one glance, be mistaken with him. Noticing both parties’ confusion, Allen broke out into chuckles once more, prompting dual discontented stares.

“What’s so amusing?”

Even their questions were identical. Unable to hold back any longer, Allen started guffawing like he couldn’t help it. Kanda and Nezumi looked at each other before staring at Allen, behaving most unusually. “What is wrong with you, moyashi?!” Kanda demanded, finally breaking Allen out of his fit of laughter. The white-haired teen wiped away the tears that came with the laugh, calming himself first.

“I’m sorry, but it’s just that…Both of you looked so surprised at seeing each other, then asking me the same question, and making the same expression again…It was priceless. By the way Nezumi, this is Kanda Yu. Yu, this is Nezumi. We just met,” Allen introduced each to the other, trying to gauge their reaction to knowing someone who looked like themselves. Nezumi smirked at Kanda, casually commenting, “I don’t think he’s a friendly one.”

“Oh yes, he’s quite nasty to strangers. Until you get to know him better of course, but he still remains a jerk mostly,” Allen’s prompt agreement left Kanda scowling and Nezumi laughing at the blunt truth in which Allen spoke with. Kanda stalked up to Allen’s side, snatching his wrist.

“Don’t make me do something to embarrass you, moyashi! What the hell are you doing out here at this time?!”

And then Allen suddenly remembered why he had been distancing himself from Kanda. But that black feeling was still slumbering in the depths of his chest, nothing to instigate it at the moment. Nezumi watched them quietly, before shaking his head. “If it’s a lover’s spat you guys are having, I’ll be leaving.”

“Right, see you around Nezumi!” Allen answered in return, but was immediately pulled back into the current situation when Kanda tugged almost painfully at his hand. With Nezumi gone, Kanda was free to say what was on his mind. “You’re hiding something from me, moyashi. First you want to bunk with Lavi. Then I find out the rabbit’s been hounded by Tyki! And you’re avoiding me! You better tell me what’s wrong before I force it out of you!”

Kanda looked angry; he sounded angry, but he wasn’t angry. Not to Allen, at least. His lover was worried, concerned for Allen’s wellbeing, and anxious to know what was bothering the teen that he could not tell Kanda. Such expression only increased Allen’s affection for his beloved. With Kanda blatantly asking for the truth, Allen simply decided that it was best to tell him the truth.

“Yu, I think something’s not quite right with me.”

It was by these three separate events that led the same three couple into one Komui Lee’s office. When Lenalee and Lavi told their stories, Kanda was surprised, but he kept it well-hidden behind his poker face. Road and Tyki’s course of action sounded completely more drastic compared to Allen’s docile ‘isolate and wait’ approach. Of course, Allen had been aware of what he experienced, so that made a big difference.

“It’s a slightly different form of acute stress reaction. They may not look it, but Allen, Tyki and Road have suffered confinement for almost a decade. In Allen’s case, he did. On the outside, they seem to be well-kept and protected. They can go to classes and play games to entertain themselves in the facility, right? But that sort of stress-relief activity is nothing compared to the stress placed upon them during their confinement. They themselves are not truly aware of the trauma due to the fact that they’re already numb to it, especially those who were exposed long-term, meaning these three.”

Komui’s explanation made a lot of sense, but it didn’t quite explain how it related to the outbursts of possessiveness. When Lavi questioned the man about it, Komui nodded thoughtfully.

“It’s because of their trauma and subsequent release. In their trauma, they suffered the extreme side of depression or anger, depending on their case. But after they were released, they must be happy for most times. Imagine after a while, you realise the polarity between the two extremes. It’s quite unreasonable to be able jump from one end to the other in one leap, isn’t it? Precisely because it happened, they start doubting themselves due to their trauma, and seek constant attachment and acknowledgement from their focus points to be able to rationalise their positive feelings. I don’t think I have to elaborate on that one,” Komui explained, watching Lenalee, Lavi and Kanda pointedly.

“I’m sorry, Road…I thought as soon as we rescued you, it’d be over…” Lenalee apologised profusely and held the younger girl close. Road kept quiet, and snuggled closer to her love. Lavi was about to say something, but Tyki placed a finger upon his lips. “I don’t need apologies, Lavi. If anything, I should be the one to apologise for all my irrational requests. All I ask is that you continue to love me despite my failings.”

“Of course I love you! I’d be crazy not to! Tyki…I need you,” Lavi murmured, hugging the taller man. He did not feel quite deserving of Tyki’s feelings, but he loved Tyki, and he would be there for his lover no matter what. Allen and Kanda were in a most peculiar predicament, as nothing extreme had happened between them. In fact, Allen kept himself most rigidly in control. But that did not please Kanda.

If anything, it annoyed him. Allen’s superb self-management came from one thing; his prolonged stay in the facility _trained_ Allen not to show his true feelings. If Allen did, it was going to be life-threatening. But his life in the facility was over; Kanda hadn’t realised that Allen was still dictated by that dark history in ways he had not seen, until now. Kanda felt himself dealt a blow; that Allen continued his way of self-control only seemed to point out Kanda’s poor reliability as his lover

It wasn’t as if Kanda blamed Allen for it; such a hard habit takes time to change, but seeing it and understanding it made Kanda felt the severity of it all the more. Kanda wanted Allen to depend on him more; he wanted Allen to allow himself weakness before him. Okay, when Kanda said he hated weak people, it was true. He still hates weak people, especially those who can’t stop complaining.

But it’s different when it’s about Allen. It was not about being weak, it was about Allen trusting Kanda enough to be vulnerable before him. And Allen couldn’t do it, which made Kanda irritated.

“What can we do about this, Komui?” Lavi asked, wondering how in the world they were going to help Tyki, Allen and Road WITHOUT sending them to a psychiatrist. God knows that would only worsen their hidden trauma. Komui smiled in response, glad to have an answer. Or rather, glad to obtain an answer from observing a certain someone else.

“Well, what you have to do is get to know your partner better. Know their past, understand how they grew, and fill the gaps between the extremes. Lero is one very successful example, or should I say, a very exemplary self-cure.”

“Lero?” Allen echoed in surprise. Now that Komui mentioned it, Lero, who was confined for about the same time as Tyki, had not shown any adverse reactions as far as he recalled. Komui nodded with a grin, proceeding to explain just why Lero was the answer to their troubles.

“You see, Lero and Timcanpy started off knowing how the other was doing. They talked about their pasts, how they came to this present in this life, how Timcanpy lived until he joined the facility as a doctor, and how Lero was a orphan being sent from house to house until he was taken to the facility. Lero, being the shy and simple boy that he is, was not aware of the polarity of his emotions. That is because he had no extremes. I mean, have you seen how angry he had gotten at Timcanpy? I believe he was also sad at one point, and he did feel utter annoyance at Timcanpy for being awfully touchy-feely. In between feeling completely depressed and completely happy, Lero had filled the gap with various other emotions he experienced with and without Timcanpy. That’s why he’s just fine.”

“So it’s up to us now…Come, Road. We’ll go bake cookies together,” Lenalee patted Road’s head lovingly and the two girls went out of the office. Lavi and Tyki were quiet, but they gave each other a reassuring smile and left the office together. Kanda however, gave Allen an annoyed glance to which Allen answered with a confused gaze. The Japanese snorted and pulled Allen out of the office. Neither stopped until they reached their room. Or rather, Kanda’s room. Lavi had agreed to permanently exchange with Allen, so now the redhead was sharing dorm with Alma.

“There, talk!”

“Talk what?”

Allen was bewildered. Kanda had been saying close to nothing, and now he was demanding Allen to talk? His lover however, was not happy to hear such response. Kanda didn’t want Allen to avoid issues with him, although Allen was truly surprised rather than avoiding the talk initially.

“You heard what Komui said. I want to hear about your past.”

It was not just about knowing Allen further. To Kanda, it was asking to be accepted by Allen. Few know of Allen’s past, and if there were those who do, they were the very patients who spent time in confinement along with the boy. Even so, the one closest in years was Road, and she had spent seven years. What of Allen’s first three years then? Was there anyone who knew? But Allen turned on a rigid expression and shook his head.

“There is nothing to say…Like you have known, I’ve been in an orphanage until five, before I was taken to the facility. That’s all there is to it.”

The denial unexpectedly hurt. But the Japanese understood; the hurt just proved how much he actually cares for Allen, and it made him more determined than ever to get the truth. It was the only way Kanda knew to avoid past mistakes; when he used to abuse Allen with horrible words, especially during the time he helped Kanda understand Alma’s intentions.

Even before they had gotten together, Kanda had once spoken cruel words to Allen’s face, accusing him for being a Noah despite being part of the Order, blaming him for everything. Yet the boy had sent him off with a gentle smile, even while possibly understanding they might never see each other again. When he returned and found out that Allen left, Kanda had been the one most determined to find Allen.

He had returned then, just for Allen. Kanda wanted to repay his debt to Allen, but it had become something more along the way and they became lovers. But even then, Allen had kept quiet about the Fourteenth, until almost the end. And Kanda lost his composure, despite all that he had felt. It was almost no wonder that Allen would not trust Kanda with certain things. Yes, Allen’s refusal to trust Kanda certainly hurt, but it would not stop him.

“…Allen, look at me.”

The boy shivered, as it was not very often that Kanda called him by name. Still, he defiantly kept his eyes on the ground. He was absolute in his decision, there was nothing to tell Kanda. He could sense Kanda approaching, but he only backed away. Kanda frowned and grabbed Allen by his shoulders. He wasn’t going to let Allen run away.

“There really is nothing to tell you, Yu,” Allen muttered almost incoherently.

“Then why aren’t you looking at me?” Kanda’s unusually calm voice only distressed Allen further.

Allen then looked up at Kanda, with his silver eyes murky with a sadness foreign to his lover. He slowly shook his head and pried himself away from Kanda, leaving the room in silence. Kanda was confused by the mixed signals coming from Allen, but Allen’s refusal to answer wasn’t mere distrust. Kanda bit down his lip, frustrated that he was nowhere closer to understanding Allen.

As for the boy, Allen was once again wandering the halls. When he wandered, he felt free. And that was how he ran into Nezumi again. The teen had been coming from the other side of the hall when he spotted Allen. He had planned to just go by, but something in Allen’s forlorn expression tugged at his gut and Nezumi couldn’t ignore it. When Allen looked so much like him, Nezumi couldn’t help but think back of that person, and when he did, he felt that he couldn’t ignore Allen. Cursing his undeniable weakness, Nezumi put on his usual snarky smile and approached Allen.

“Someone’s feeling under the weather.”

Allen was surprised at first, but he slowly managed a smile.

“Hello…”

“You don’t seem the type to play truant. Boyfriend made you cry?” Nezumi asked with all the flair of a bystander, but Allen was just glad someone was talking to him like everything was normal. It gave his senses time to calm down.

“And you’re playing truant as well? And I’m not crying.” Allen managed a comeback, but it wasn’t a jab strong enough to faze Nezumi. He inclined his head towards the other end of the hallway.

“Yeah, sitting still was never my style anyway. Let’s take a walk.”

For a while, these two simply walked in companionable silence. Allen had no idea where they were going, but soon found themselves on the rooftop overlooking majority of the Black Order grounds. The silence was not uncomfortable, but Allen felt like he wanted to asked Nezumi questions, maybe get to know him better. It was strange, but perhaps it was natural because Nezumi was not one of them, those who were reborn. A stranger in a manner of speaking, but otherwise, a new encounter.

“So…How did you end up attending this school?” Allen couldn’t think of any other topic to start a conversation, but Nezumi didn’t seem to mind.

“I don’t really have a formal education to begin with. I was just wandering the streets, performing in a small theatre as a part-time job until a teacher from this school saw me and offered a full scholarship for me in performing arts. It is free, so I figured why not? Plus, even if I play truant I won’t be penalised as long as I do well in schoolwork so it’s a win-win situation. What about you?” Nezumi asked.

“I…Well, do you know about the mental institution that recently burned down?” Allen slowly asked, wondering what sort of reaction he would get. Nezumi nodded, answering, “It’d be more surprising if anyone didn’t. Normal facility on the surface, but in actuality a variety of prison facility used by one of the school board directors to do some batshit insane experimentation. Last on the news was that the prisoners were rescued and being facilitated while authorities are hunting the one responsible.”

Nezumi’s eyes turned dark momentarily when he mentioned those words, as if he had something unpleasant to think about. But it was normal human reaction, anyone would be horrified by such an unthinkable act of cruelty. It was an abomination of human rights violation. Allen quietly looked out at the scenery, before he let spill the truth.

“I was one of the prisoners. I am on scholarship too. I was in school custody until I was adopted recently.”

Nezumi’s eyes widened. This boy, a captive? No matter how he looked at it, Allen’s demure and gentlemanly behaviour gave no sort of indication of suffering. But now that he knew the truth, Nezumi could not see Allen as a stranger any longer. Allen was a kindred spirit.

“I see…Hah, what a small world.”

Allen, not quite understanding Nezumi’s words, was just grateful Nezumi did not make a big deal out of it. Instead, he was more curious about another matter. “Well, you said you were wandering the streets. Is your friend a wanderer like you then? The one you mistook me for…Sion, was it?” Nezumi’s face seemed to change colour the moment he mentioned Sion, and Allen almost panicked and thought if he had needlessly touched a sensitive subject. Instead, Nezumi had put on a worn, almost resigned smile.

“I was stupid; Sion won’t be here in the first place. I left him behind.”


	22. Doppelganger?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura. No. 6 belongs to Asano Atsuko. This work is only intended for personal entertainment, and is not intended for profit etc.

“You left him behind?”

Allen repeated the sentence, his expression fully betraying what he felt; incredulous. Nezumi shrugged at Allen’s surprise, falling quiet. By nature, Nezumi was not one to blabber. The only times he would get mouthy was when he was reciting, performing, or faced with one Sion. But seeing that Allen was a bit similar to Sion, couple that fact with Allen’s curious eyes watching him; the teen could not deflect Allen’s curiosity.

“Dying to know?” Nezumi teased, surprising Allen. Allen blushed a little for his poor manners and quickly shook his head.

“N-Not really, if you don’t feel like saying it.”

“It’s alright, I’ll tell you. After all…telling someone you used to be imprisoned in a facility isn’t something you can do lightly,” Nezumi murmured, prompting anew Allen’s curiosity. How indeed would Nezumi understand that? Allen would hesitate to reveal such facts each time, because of all the sorts of complicated feelings it stirred when he mentioned such things. Nezumi made himself comfortable on the floor and Allen followed suit; it seemed like it would be a long story.

“I was a kid born in the slums, the types where no one would notice if anyone went missing. When I was twelve, I was captured…brought to a facility.”

Allen couldn’t stop the gasp escaping him. Nezumi turned to him, a strange smile on his lips. It wasn’t anything sarcastic; more than that, it was one that indicated to Allen that he saw in Allen what he felt in himself. Allen looked down to the ground, but slowly found himself asking, “…What did they do?”

“A bunch of nutters, the lot of them. They were developing new drugs, and were looking for people to test it on…Expendable resources, simply speaking. I managed to escape, but they hunted me down. I came out from the lab into this exclusive gated community…which was bad. There were guards, and the rich like to keep their doors closed. I thought I would be killed…but someone opened a window at the time. That person…was Sion,” Nezumi whispered the last part, and Allen was almost taken in by his forlorn, yet beautiful smile when he mentioned that person.

“Sion was an elite’s child, a genius with high IQ to boot. I snuck into his room through the window, but he didn’t raise the alarm. He even treated my wound for me, gave me food and sheltered me…That night was his birthday, and a storm was passing through…I left at the light of dawn. We didn’t meet again, until four years later.”

Allen gazed at Nezumi, sensing that the teen was harbouring more to be told. “You managed to return to the slums?” He quietly asked Nezumi, who nodded.

“I wanted to exact my revenge on the facility, so I did my research on it while staying low at the slums. Four years later…Sion was nearly caught by the same facility, but I managed to save him. While we decided how to deal with the facility, Sion stayed at my place. He was naïve…still very naïve, I think. He wanted to go to the authorities, but who would they believe? A giant company that probably backs that illegal facility, or two boys?” Nezumi snorted, recalling Sion’s naivety.

“…What I didn’t know was Sion had already been unknowingly tested…It didn’t have any effects, but pure agony for two hours and it turned his hair white, with a long red mark wound around his body. He was fortunate to have survived; almost all of the people they experiment on died of severe complications. But Sion had a bit of a background, so they were probably scared Sion had enough pull to get to the authorities. So they kidnapped his childhood friend, a girl named Safu.”

Allen’s eyes widened. “To threaten him?”

Nezumi now put on a satirical smirk. “What else? Sion was stubborn and insisted on going to rescue her, so I had no choice but to follow. We managed to do that, and blow up the facility in the process, but…” Nezumi’s silver eyes darkened, as did his expression. “They were determined to kill us at all costs to hide their secret. I was almost killed…when Sion took up a fallen gun and shot the man.”

Allen felt his breath leaving him. Even in his life as en Exorcist, he was terrified of the prospects of killing a human. But this boy, Sion, had taken up a gun and shot another person. Nezumi’s eyes wavered with sorrow as he recounted the event.

“…He killed that man, even though I told him not to. After that, the company went down with the discovery of that ruined facility. Sion was found innocent as it was considered an act of self-defence…But I couldn’t stay. I decided to travel away, where I could decide whether Sion was human or not.”

“Human, or not?” Allen echoed.

“He’s strange. He has the charisma to command a mob to silence, yet he cries like a girl. He’s gentle and naïve…but unexpectedly heartless. He’s weak, but so strong at times…I’m afraid of him, because I don’t understand anything about him…I wanted Sion to stay the way he was…” Nezumi’s voice faltered into silence, unexpectedly showing Allen a vulnerable side of himself. It was always like that; whenever it concerned Sion, Nezumi was vulnerable. He didn’t however, expect Allen to whack him on his head.

“Are you stupid?!” Allen yelled, cheeks flushed as he stared relentlessly at Nezumi, who was bewildered at Allen’s sudden outburst. Allen was shocked and sad to hear of Nezumi’s past, but when he saw how Nezumi looked like as he spoke of Sion, and heard of how Nezumi left Sion for those reasons, he couldn’t keep his exasperation in check. His own worries were forgotten when Allen rounded up on Nezumi.

“Why do you idiots always think that keeping your distance is the best answer?! I can’t believe it!” Allen continued to rant, linking Nezumi’s behaviour to Kanda’s, and it got him into a greater fury as one who suffered at the result of such stupidity. Nezumi just stared with his jaw slack, not expecting Allen to rant and rage that way.

“You love Sion, don’t you?!”

“Wha-Now you’re going overboard. Whoever told you that?” Nezumi denied it, but Allen gave him disbelieving eyes.

“Have you looked into a mirror when you speak about him? Please, you have love written all over your face. Stop denying it, okay?” Allen scoffed, now irritating Nezumi.

“And who gave you the right to start preaching?”

“I’m not preaching, yet! I’m telling you to stop being such an idiot before it’s too late. Have you ever imagined finding Sion again just to find out he’s gone? Doesn’t the thought itself scare you?” Allen’s voice slowly calmed down, observing Nezumi with a sad frown. Nezumi was almost surprised by the abrupt change, and thought on Allen’s words for a while.

It had been three years since he left; with no letters or words exchanged between them. He had promised Sion he would return, though he never specified when. What if he were to return now? Will Sion still be there, waiting for him? If he wasn’t, if he could never see Sion’s smile again…It was too cruel a pain to endure.

“…I wanted him to stay the way he was…” Nezumi whispered, unable to forget the horror and guilt he felt when he witnessed the shooting, despite the fear of losing Sion. He and Sion could never be together; they were like water and oil. He was the wanderer; Sion was one who stayed behind. They would never work out together. When he had rescued Sion, Nezumi continuously scoffed at Sion’s naivety and kindness. But deep inside, he was blinded by it; the capacity of one human’s compassion and gentleness. He really loved Sion, brilliant in his innocence and his defiance despite his gullibility. Yet Nezumi had destroyed it.

“Are you stupid? People don’t stay the same,” Allen answered, somewhat annoyed. Was that Sion person so vulnerable that he had to be protected from himself? That was a rhetorical question however, as Allen believed no matter how weak one was, they had to learn to stand on their own. Allen sighed, reminding himself not to be so harsh to a new acquaintance. “…Why are you so afraid of him changing?” He quietly asked.

Nezumi’s own silver eyes grew sombre. He wouldn’t open up like this, but Allen somehow wheedled it out of him. Probably because of his looks and personality, somewhat similar yet different from Sion. “I don’t know…Maybe because it makes me realise how little I actually know him…that if he changed, I might lose sight of him. Sion is a miracle that happened to me. Without Sion, I would’ve died that night,” Nezumi related, staring blankly at the sky.

“After he…shot the man, did you think he changed?” Allen questioned.

“…I don’t know. He still had Sion in him, but he was also unlike Sion.”

“…Maybe the parts that you think are unlike Sion are actually parts of Sion that you don’t know. Though as a stranger, I shouldn’t be saying this since I don’t know Sion…”

Allen’s smile faltered a little as he said this, recalling Kanda’s scathing words that had shown how much he genuinely hated Allen for being a Noah during the time when they fought Alma. Allen had been hurt by those words, but he had also understood that he could do nothing about it. Noahs were despised by the Order and its people; it would be more improbable for Kanda to be accepting of that fact. But everything that he has seen of Kanda is part of the young man, and Allen would take it all in without hesitation. After all, isn’t love about accepting the flaws of your partner as part of who they are?

Nezumi became silent for a while, contemplating Allen’s words. Parts of Sion that he did not know, huh. The possibilities were all too stark, but Nezumi knew his fear was getting in the way. Rather, it may be from the very beginning that Nezumi did not face Sion honestly. Always turning away when he did not want to see, always standing still when he did see…He had done nothing except talk. He was afraid that Sion would become different from the Sion in his memories, that the teen’s dazzling innocence would fade and he would become like Nezumi; cold, cruel and jaded.

“I wonder if he still remembers me…” Finally, a small smile lit Nezumi’s lips. Allen, encouraged by that expression, smiled as well. He stood up, stretching his limbs.

“From what I’ve heard of him, I don’t think he would ever forget you. Also…thank you for telling me. This must’ve been a hard story to tell,” Allen mumbled, rather embarrassed but still happy a new friend trusted him enough to confide in him.

Nezumi smirked. “You can repay by giving me some blackmail material next time.”

~~~

“Where did that moyashi run off to…”

As he grumbled, Kanda scoured the halls for his missing lover. Always a person of action with a severe lack of subtlety, there was no way Kanda would let this stay quiet. To hell with Allen’s desire to be left alone; if the boy had anything to say, Kanda was here to listen. The Japanese had sworn to himself that he would not let Allen down anymore, so with great gusto Kanda continued his search for Allen, when familiar white hair came into sight. What was most alien though, was the figure of a girl walking next to Allen.

“He runs from me right to a woman…That idiot is going to pay.”

Kanda’s mutterings disappeared under his breath as he stalked up to the white-haired boy and turned him around, ready to give him a piece of his mind when the words got stuck in his throat. The cause? The boy staring up at him now was not Allen. The girl next to the stranger stared at Kanda for a while before she seemed to snap out of it, frowned and slapped Kanda’s hand off.

“What’re you doing to Sion?!”

“…My bad, I got the wrong person…” Kanda barely was able to answer, so strong the surprise was. Height-wise, he was probably slightly taller than Allen. The white hair, upon closer inspection, was closer to gray-white as opposed to Allen’s silver-white. His eyes however, were red, of a more intense shade than Lavi’s hair. There was a slight red mark below his eye on the left cheek as well.

The boy named Sion smiled. “It’s okay. It’s rare though, to have someone mistaking me for another, since I look like this,” he answered. The boy was staring hard at Kanda, but he was too busy feeling something else to notice. Kanda was getting that sense of déjà-vu creeping up his spine. Didn’t something similar occur earlier this week? Shaking off that feeling, Kanda gruffly answered, “I can’t help it. The moyashi I’m looking for had white hair too.”

Sion and the girl blinked and looked at each other.

“Bean…sprout…?”

Before Kanda could say anything else though, his sight zoomed in on two people walking towards them from one end of the hall. His eyes narrowed and he bellowed aloud, ignoring the two standing right before him. “Moyashi!!” Sion and the girl turned around to see who the so-called beansprout was, and simultaneous gasps were heard.

Allen had been thinking of going to the cafeteria with Nezumi and skipping the whole day’s class in the process, when Kanda had spotted them. He was about to lament being spotted by Kanda, of all people, when two people before the Japanese turned around. The girl was not much the cause, the boy was. Allen doubted his eyes for a moment, but saw immediately the other’s distinguishing features. At his side, he could practically feel Nezumi tightening up.

“Sion…”

“Nezumi…”

The boy named Sion whispered his name, and a most heart-wrenching smile graced his lips as his carmine irises were blurred with welling tears. Allen uncomfortably felt like a third party and slowly tried to inch away from Nezumi’s side when the girl grabbed Sion’s arm harshly.

“How dare you show up here after leaving Sion like that, you sewer rat?! No matter what happens, I won’t trust you with Sion any more! Come on, Sion, we’re leaving!” The girl snarled at Nezumi and dragged Sion away.

“B-But Safu…!”

Despite his struggling, Sion was helplessly pulled along by the girl named Safu, and soon disappeared from their sights. Allen fell speechless at the rather bizarre sight, when a snort of laughter next to him shook him out of it. At the same time, Kanda marched right up to where they stood, arms crossed.

“I guess I had that coming,” Nezumi commented, as if he was talking about the weather.

“Moyashi…You were with him again?” Kanda grumbled, staring hard at the both of them.

Allen shook his head. “Wait, I can’t process this many things at once! Yu, our troubles can wait, I’m busy with this for now!” Kanda glared indignantly at the response, but Allen was already turned to Nezumi, asking, “Was that Sion, and that girl Safu…his childhood friend? He seems happy to see you, but that girl…”

“It’s natural that she’s angry. After she’s entrusted Sion to me, I walked away on a journey. Plus, she’s liked Sion longer,” Nezumi replied nonchalantly.

“…You both were rivals…?” Allen felt uneasy, as he recalled the rather discomfiting memory of Alma, though the boy is now a mutual friend of theirs. Nezumi suddenly smirked.

“She confessed to Sion by asking for his sperm. And got shot down too, since the little natural was too innocent to actually understand,” Nezumi answered. Allen and Kanda looked at each other and sweat-dropped. Sperm? That Safu girl sounded quite intense. Nezumi savoured their looks of shock and continued, “Of course, you can’t exactly say we’re rivals. For one, she was the one who willingly gave up on Sion and voluntarily entrusted him to me.”

“But you still received with open arms, didn’t you? Anyone would bless you both once they’ve seen how Sion looks at you,” Allen nailed Nezumi with a deadpan answer. Nezumi scoffed, pulling his scarf around himself.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was just repaying a debt to Sion for saving me before.”

“Nezumi…I’ve only known you for two days, but I don’t think you’re a tsundere. Why don’t you give up on trying to hide your feelings?”

“Sorry, but I’m not the bare-all type like you are.”

“I’m not that sort as well, just concerned for your future.”

“I’ll worry about my future myself, thank you.”

It was too much to bear. Before Allen could get another jab in, Kanda had swept Allen off his feet literally and threw the boy over his shoulder. Even Nezumi seemed surprised at the abrupt action. Kanda could not endure the friendly insults thrown between Nezumi and Allen; it was too…too intimate! Before either could say a word, Kanda rounded on Nezumi and declared, “Only I get to argue with this idiot! Go find your own!” And proceeded to walk away, fuming as Allen yelled at him. Nezumi shook his head.

“So his is someone like that. No wonder he’s got a sharp mouth.”

Allen was fuming. Who wouldn’t be, when they’re being hauled like a sack of potatoes?

“Yu, put me down before I knee you in your face!”

“As if you’d dare!”

“Try me!”

When Allen really attempted to hoist himself a bit higher to aim his knee at Kanda’s face, the latter placed Allen to his feet but he did not release his hostage. Allen knew what was going to come, who didn’t? He immediately slapped a hand over Kanda’s mouth before he could say a thing, exclaiming,

“Yu, stop it. Just stop it. This routine is like an excruciating Korean drama, and I don’t even like those shows! Stop asking questions! Stop trying to make me answer!”

Kanda grimly stared at Allen for a while, and slowly pried his hand away from his mouth. His voice was low, but Allen heard him clearly.

“Don’t you trust me?”

Allen’s gut shrank at the words and a wave of guilt washed over him. His decision to stay silent had made Kanda insecure. But still he hesitated to tell Kanda the truth. Kanda’s hand had been holding his, and he gripped back softly. Silver eyes looked up in undisguised worry, and Allen softly admitted, “…I don’t want to hurt you.”

In response, Kanda rolled his eyes. ACTUALLY rolled his eyes. “You were worried about that? Now you’re being stupid. Tell me. I won’t run or hide.”

Allen was scared, but he did trust Kanda. He just couldn’t trust himself, but Kanda trusted him. As if coming to a decision, Allen nodded to himself. “…Alright, I’ll tell you. It’s true that apart from the orphanage and the facility, I haven’t experienced much of anything else. But…I remember my moments of insanity. Much of my memories now are made up of my past memories. I don’t really possess a memory of the present.”

Kanda was confused, but Allen wasn’t done explaining. As the boy stared off into space, he recalled those memories as if on auto pilot, “Like a child, I knew nothing when I was at the orphanage. I had no awareness of my own situation, no yearning for parents whose faces I don’t know…Just the fact that I am alive. But when I was five, a great yearning awoke inside me. I couldn’t understand it, but I was always unconsciously reverting to my old self. It scared the orphanage, so they had no choice but to send me away to the institute, where I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia.”

That fact, Kanda knew from reading Allen’s original patient profile. Allen smiled a little, but the words he spilled could not have evoked any positive feelings.

“Three years later, I met Road. The insanity quelled a little…And then I remembered something very clearly. You.”

“My following years were filled with only thoughts of you. Nothing calmed me, no one could control me. I just wanted to find you, to see you…to hear your voice. I tried anything and everything to get away, but it didn’t work. And each punishment just got worse when they captured me. It didn’t stop me from trying though. Until Tyki and the others came along…And when Lenalee first came by, that was when I really stopped all attempts of escape. I thought…if Lenalee would come, then perhaps you might. Even though it was such a small possibility, close to a miracle, even…I decided that I would wait until I die.”

It was quite a depressing thought, actually. Allen had not wanted to say it aloud; he heard from Alma how guilty Kanda felt when he Awakened and realised what he had said to Allen. When he thought back on it, his entire life was centred on his memories of Kanda, as if it was the cause of it all. It might have been a simple precaution, but he didn’t want Kanda to be burdened by the feeling of guilt again.

“You idiot.”

Before Allen could protest to being insulted, Kanda pulled him into a hug. Startled by the sudden motion, Allen stiffened, but he slowly hugged back. The snow-haired lad was a little scared of looking to see what Kanda was feeling, but Kanda buried his nose into the soft white locks in a rare gesture of tenderness.

“It was a fact that I made you wait. You have nothing to feel sorry for, and you aren’t hurting me by telling me…You saved me,” Kanda muttered, just loud enough for both of them to hear even though there was no one else around to listen. Allen hesitated a little; but to deny Kanda’s words was to deny Kanda’s feelings and what he had thought of the situation. But Kanda’s words were yet to be over, as Kanda’s hold on Allen tightened.

“…It was always my fault, moyashi…Ever since that day…”

“That day…?” Allen cocked his head in confusion. He frankly had no idea as to which day that Kanda was referring to, but the man in question quietly pulled away in favour of looking at Allen’s face, his thumb gently rubbing Allen’s birthmark.

“When I fought Alma. Because I was a coward who couldn’t face my past honestly, you had to step in to protect Alma from me. And I hurt you without bothering to care for my destructive actions, accusing you for being a Noah when I should know that you didn’t choose to be one,” Kanda slowly mentioned, his fingers travelling downwards and coming to rest somewhere on Allen’s abdomen. The lovers knew; where Kanda’s palm rested was where Allen once had a scar from Kanda’s Mugen piercing him.

Allen’s worried frown scrunched up further. He had hurt Kanda’s feelings despite trying to so hard to avoid it, and was about to protest, but Kanda silenced him with a kiss, as if knowing what Allen was about to say. Now the young man was gently caressing Allen’s hair, speaking on, “Don’t try to deny it, moyashi. I’ve done it, and even if we’re alright now, I won’t be able to sit still in good conscience until I own up to what I’ve done. I’ve made you cry when I hit you for not telling me about the Fourteenth then…But it was my fault, wasn’t it? The Fourteenth may not have awakened if I had never hurt you.”

“You were branded a traitor by the Order, for protecting me and Alma…I found you again, but because I was stupid we fell apart…This time, I won’t let go. No matter what happens, that’s why…I will give you all that I have. So don’t hide from me, Allen. Confide in me no matter what…Or else I won’t have the confidence to stop myself from mindlessly hurting you. One lifetime was enough for those mistakes,” Kanda whispered, now pressing a kiss to Allen’s forehead.

All of a sudden, large droplets just started rolling down Allen’s cheeks. The boy himself seemed startled and quickly tried to wipe them away, but Kanda was faster, his thumb slowly stemming the flow. He quietly pressed kisses to the corners of Allen’s eyes; shocking his lover into silence as his rare smile was on display for him to see.

“You thought of me. No matter how long or how impossible it was, you held onto me. Even after all that I have done to you, you still wanted me. I’m not beating myself up for anything if you’re worried about that…It’s selfish, but I’m glad. You waited for me. Thank you, Allen.”

At that point, Allen couldn’t do much except to bury his face into the crook of Kanda’s neck and cling onto the taller man; it was so unfair that when Kanda tries, he really can make anyone go weak at the knees. “You impossible asshole...” Allen's voice could be heard grumbling, but he was only more shocked when a baritone chuckle answered him instead.

“Being an asshole is just fine by me, as long as you're here.”

For the umpteenth time of the day, Allen was lost for words.

Feeling a heavy burden lift off his chest, he could only hope that the same would happen to Road and Tyki soon.


	23. Artificial Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.  
> No. 6 belongs to Asano Atsuko.
> 
> More lyrical inserts (though mostly cut short, lyrics that directly tie to the story's content was left)

“I hope this is of no trouble to you...”

“No, not at all! I'm just worried I can't live up to Mr Mikk's expectations.”

“Please don't worry, I'll make sure Tyki won't do anything ridiculous.”

Anyone within the vicinity could not help but look at the conversing pair, almost convinced they were twins if not for subtle differences between them. Even so, it was not everyday that one got to see two heads of white, on teenagers nonetheless. Allen and Sion both were polite, and warmed up to each other quickly. They would have had nothing in common that would bring these two together, except that fate tends to play a peculiar hand.

“Allen, act in the play I'm writing for the school festival!”

“What?”

That had been the first words Tyki announced upon finding Allen, two weeks after that meeting with Komui. Allen was bewildered by the sudden request, seeing as he was not even a university student where Tyki was teaching. Knowing Allen's confusion from his expression, Lavi stepped in to explain, having been with Tyki often.

“It's part of his unwinding, from the trauma that Komui mentioned last time. Tyki figured he could put a lot of things to rest if he could exercise his creativity a bit without any interruption. Since he got posted as the Theatre teacher, Tyki wanted to write something, and I suppose it's a play since he's asking you to act. He didn't tell me what he made, so I'm pretty interested too!”

“I see...If it can help Tyki I'd be happy to lend a hand. But I'm not that good at acting...What role do you plan to give me?”

Allen's innocent question was answered by a dark chuckle. It sounded horrifically similar to the laughter that Komui used whenever he completed a Komurin. It did not sound good. As Tyki brandished a piece of paper and announced Allen's role, the teen's face turned as white as his hair.

“The heroine, of course.”

“...What are you talking about?! How can I be the heroine?! I'm a guy!”

“Shakespeare's era used no women for their plays, and pretty boys are all the catch for female roles, so I am putting you to it!”

He had not been too conscious of it since Komui's advice of gently easing them back into normal lives, but now Allen was absolutely sure. Tyki was off his rockers! Allen was about to vehemently protest the incredulous suggestion. Brother or not, he sure was not going to put on a dress again! By some cruel twist of fate he had been subjected to that once in the Asia Branch, and the windy feeling under his waistline was not a feeling he could get used to, ever!

“Also, I'll treat it as a real job. Komui will pay you for acting!”

“How much is the salary?”

Lavi's jaw almost dislodged itself with how far it's fallen as the fight immediately died from Allen's eyes upon the mention of money. But that was not the only case, he had heard nothing about Komui willing to pay Allen for acting.

“Allen, are you okay doing this for money?! Tyki, when did you get Komui to agree to pay Allen for doing this?!”

“Don't sweat the small details, hun! Now Allen, let's go! I found the right boy to play your opposite, perfect for my script!”

Dragged away by Tyki, that was how Allen experienced a second encounter with Sion, though it would be their first true meeting. Right now they were in the theatre, preparing for a brief practice to make sure they both were actually up to the task, neither having any acting experience.

“...This may be nosy of me, but have you spoken to Nezumi?”

Allen's sudden question startled Sion, but he was quick to smile in return and slowly shook his head. 

“No, and I don't plan to. Meeting Nezumi here is a coincidence, and I was not supposed to see him again here anyway. I was going to wait for him, but Safu insisted that I came here. She's still angry at Nezumi...but I can't blame him for travelling.”

“And you are fine with waiting for him? You've never thought of chasing him?”

Allen was merely curious, but Sion's answer caught him off guard.

“Countless times, actually. I was so desperate not to let Nezumi leave, but in the end I could never deny his wishes. If Nezumi intends to meet me, then he will at his own pace. I can't chase after him...And I don't have the right to,” Sion's quiet whisper made Allen surprised. What did Sion mean? It was then, that Sion's gaze came to rest on Allen, his unique carmine eyes flickering in the light.

“Have you known Nezumi for long?”

“No, actually we've just been acquainted. But what do you mean, you don't have the right to?”

Sion's smile turned a little sad, not betraying the true depth of his sorrow.

“...Something happened to us before Nezumi left for his journey. I was unable to realise it then, but I understand now. I broke my promise to Nezumi, and I've hurt him. Even though he tried to stop me, I didn't. I've made him sad.”

The cold sensation of déjà-vu ran down Allen's spine. Drawing himself closer to Sion, Allen whispered, “...Do you mean, when you shot...?” His question was left unfinished, but it was more than enough for the latter, whose eyes widened in surprise. But Sion did not question Allen's knowledge, he merely nodded in answer; his sad smile did not waver.

“Nezumi didn't want me to do it, but I did. If I had to walk that path again, I would still choose the same path. I won't let anyone harm him. But...The choice that I made had hurt him. I hurt him. That's why, no matter how much I didn't want him to go, I couldn't stop him. I don't want to hurt Nezumi anymore. Because I love him.”

The words just slipped out from Sion. Allen was slightly surprised that Sion voiced those words so easily, but Sion did not seem to realise it.

“Love is not even the most accurate word to describe it, but I'm not so eloquent with words to be able to voice it. I just love him...And at the same time, I realised my existence only served to hurt him. Even now I want to see Nezumi, but I respect his wishes, so I won't seek him out. If Nezumi decides never to come back...I am fine with that too. If I can do nothing but make Nezumi suffer, then it would be better that I'm out of his life. He has always said that we would never be able to coexist together, because we're like water and oil.”

The slight smile upon the face did not reflect in those sombre spinel eyes. A heavy feeling settled in Allen's heart. This feeling, it was not his, but it was there. This sensation was familiar, yet it was foreign to him. A sorrow that seemed to earn no thoughts on its surface, yet ran deep...A sorrow belonging to the boy sitting before him. Allen felt Crown Clown stirring within his mind, but made no further indications of having felt the foreign emotions touching Allen.

“...You aren't okay with this decision, are you? And you still insist on leaving Nezumi to his own devices?”

Allen's question was unexpected, but Sion nodded all the same. Powdery white hair framed those innocent eyes, leaving an impression that Sion would be about Allen's age despite the fact that Sion was as old as Kanda. 

“I'm not, and I will never be. That's how much Nezumi means to me. And that's exactly why I can't stop him from doing what he wants, because I want him to be free to do what he wishes to do. I want to hold him back, but I won't. If what I do is only going to hurt Nezumi, then I will stay away. That's all I can do for him.”

“Even if you'll be alone?”

“I'm not alone. I have my mother and Safu.”

Sion's smile grew brighter; he meant those words. Melancholy filled Allen, but he was in no position to say anything. Sion has made his choice, then so be it. After all, the teen knew nothing of Sion and Nezumi, but if his own past experiences had anything to say, Nezumi would regret the moment that Sion would walk away from him, perhaps not even realising that it was himself who drove Sion away, though Sion only thought to do it out of affection for him. 

“...If that is your choice, then I have no right to say anything in contrary. But I'll be here to lend an ear should you need me. Allen Walker, at your service.”

Rather belatedly realising they have not formally introduced themselves to each other as it was Tyki who briefly identified one to the other, Allen held out his hand. Sion took it and shook it, a similarly gentle smile on his lips.

“Kanahara Sion, likewise.”

As if knowing that their conversation was over, Tyki came up to the backstage where the two teens had been waiting, brandishing papers as he approached. Allen had no idea whether he waited for them to finish conversing before he made his entrance or not, but if so, he was grateful to Tyki for giving them the time to talk.

“Right, here is the scene that you both are to practice. As it's a musical, what's most important is that you can sing. Allen, I'm bloody sure that you can, so it's just Sion I need to worry about. I also need you both to get used to being stared at since it's a stage play, so I have a small crowd watching the audition. Alright, now go break a leg!”

Still, it was rather bizarre to see Tyki all this pumped up and excited. Maybe Komui was right, perhaps letting Tyki go wild for a bit would help himself settle down. Allen chuckled quietly, finding the fact that Tyki wrote a play more amusing than anything else. Sion looked a little nervous, but he kept his bravado.

“Shall we go?”

“Certainly.”

The play was a romance, something that the younger teen thought surprisingly suited Tyki as he was always acting quite the romanticist around Lavi. The play's main characters were a mortal and a Valkyrie, who are to look similar to each other, which explained why Tyki chose Allen and Sion for the roles. Allen half-expected the ending of the play to be tragic, but the best twist to the story was there.

Sion was nervous, of course, but at the same time he was excited. Being raised in an environment of barely any artistry (he had not known such until he met Nezumi), he was thrilled at an opportunity to participate in a stage play, though he doubted that he would be as mesmerising an actor as Nezumi. Still, it was a group effort and Sion swore to do his best.

Unbeknownst to the two boys, both of their other halves were among the audience of the audition. Kanda had naturally known through Lavi, and without a second thought came to watch. He was trying to control that simmering green envy sitting heavy on his chest at the thought that his lover was playing opposite to another man. Nezumi, being sponsored for theatrical arts, was recommended to take a look at the audition. He had no idea what he was going to see on stage.

“Nervous?” Allen's silver eyes twinkled in amusement.

“A little,” Sion whispered back, staring right at Allen. He loved silver eyes, and the reason why to that was very much obvious. Allen's hand came down to his shoulder, patting it gently. He had once been raised as a street performer; stares did not faze him, and to a certain extent he had been an actor. That was what a clown was, wasn't it?

“Don't worry. The most important matter is to be able to understand the character's feelings. After that, everything else will come naturally. Now let's go.”

“...The feelings...”

His hand tightened around the script.

Nezumi, who had occupied himself in a corner to keep obscure, had almost fell out of his seat upon seeing Sion come out to the stage. What was this? When did Sion have an inclination for acting? The boy could not even lie straight! Catching himself, Nezumi quickly tried to calm down. What was it to him if Sion felt like it? Deep silver eyes watched the teen, unaware that he was preoccupied solely by Sion.

“That guy...”

Kanda was surprised. It was that boy they had seen previously, the one who looked like Allen. But the audition had begun, and both the white-haired boys surprisingly had rather good chemistry on stage. Rather, they both seemed to understand each other's cues without any words. It was then, that a melody filled the auditorium. The scene with the song had started.

_It was not as if the wind had stolen it away_

_With courage just enough for a one-way journey_

**_We accepted the tragedy_ **

_In this void_ **(This void)**

_Where my heart should have been_

_If only I was stronger_

_You, the future,_

_Could I have saved them both?_  

Sion's voice was clear and strong, unexpected from someone of his build. Even Nezumi took a while to comprehend that it was Sion singing, an inexplicable sting hurting his chest when Sion gently took Allen's hand in his, playing the part of a mortal who fell in love with a Valkyrie. However, the Valkyrie would see no other but a warrior strong enough for her to welcome to the halls of Valhalla. Thus Allen shook off his touch, but song spoke more of the Valkyrie's true feelings for the mortal man.

 

Sion did not seem to pose a threat, but the unusual way in which both seem to seamlessly work together unnerved Kanda, who as usual was held to his seat by Lavi and Alma. Both had already expected that Kanda would react this way. Though it was mere acting, it still annoyed Kanda to see Allen sing a love song for another. Why did Tyki have to pick Allen of all people anyway? Sure, his beansprout had a lovely singing voice, but the school surely had others! They did not have a Performing Arts Department for nothing!

Almost perfectly enacting the song out, anyone could see Allen was acting seriously with his precise gestures and subtle movements that polished the atmosphere he adjusted to the scene. With nearly practised ease, Allen strode towards Sion smoothly,  a hand reaching out. In answer, Sion reached out too. But both outstretched hands completely bypassed each other, as the two swept past each other completely unaware, matching the song's lyrics.

**With gentleness which knows no friction**

**We are lost in a deep misty forest**

**_And we both grow apart by a thousand years_ **

**A gray-coloured harmony** _(harmony)_

**Love and freedom**

**Why can't they ever encounter each other?**

**Until someday** _(someday)_

**They become dew upon the wasteland** _(wasteland)_

_The weight of a heart_   **(The weight)**

 _The weight of love_   **(The weight of love)**

_I listened to it with all my whole body_

_That sorrowful and proud silhouette of your figure_

**_If I had protected your dreams to the end_ **

**_The long flare that struggles against the moon_ **

**_The story that ended before it began_ **

**_The tears I softly placed in the sky,_ **

**_An incomplete symphonia_ **

**Only for you**

_Just for you_

**_The last request of the stars_ **

**_I want to see you_ **

At that moment, as if he had sensed his presence, Sion's gaze turned sharply towards the direction where Nezumi was sitting. The cynic had been sitting in the farthest, highest corner. Even someone with perfect sight should have trouble trying to identify him from the stage. However, Sion only had a smile on his face, as if he knew Nezumi was sitting there.

Tyki was already up on his feet in an instant, obviously happy that his judgment had not been wrong. Those two made a perfect combination. Only no one saw Allen's slight expression of confusion. He was observing Sion, but silence otherwise held its sway over the teen, who kept whatever was concerning him to himself. Sion blushed despite himself at Tyki's rare words of praise. He himself had no idea how he did so well, but Allen's words did help. As he identified with the character's emotions, Sion could allow himself to feel the same way.

“Okay, now that you've both proven to be great, let's lift the dozy atmosphere with something a little more lively! Care for another duet?”

Tyki's suggestion inadvertently caused Allen to sigh.

“Look at Yu. Do you think another duet is going to help?”

True to his words, Kanda looked very close to spontaneous combustion. Finally stepping in to reign in his almost lunatic partner, Lavi tweaked the disc player. Spotting just about the only song that would likely pacify his friend, the redhead turned over to the two white-haired teens. “This probably will keep the ants out of Yu's pants. I'm pretty sure Allen can sing it since he has a thing for Galactic Fairy's songs, but you okay with it, Sion?” Lavi quipped as he showed the boy the song he chose. Sion nodded ambivalently.

“I know that one. Safu is quite a fan as well, so I'm familiar with most of them. Ah, do I have to do this in context of the play?”

“I think you can do it however you want it now, Sion. Right now we're just indulging the whims of a madman,” Allen airily answered as he pointed at Tyki. Tyki showed no signs of having heard the accusation of lunacy, but grinned at the prospects of listening to another song by them. At this point, Tyki was pretty much just satisfying his own curiosity and wants.

“Hihihi, Tyki needs to go crazy for once before he can just let it all go and become normal again!” Jasdero snickered and pointed out. As half of the resident loonies, his opinion was well-received indeed. Kanda was sulking, rather childish of the young man, but sulking he was and there was no denying it! Even Road was patting his shoulder, though it was out of pure amusement than any form of sympathy.

Tyki shooed everyone back into their seats as the two teens got ready for their next song. Even Nezumi unconsciously straightened himself in his seat, wondering what was to come next after a ballad they sang just now.

**Who are you going to kiss?**

_Is it me,_ **_or_ ** **will it be me?**

_Who are you going to kiss?_

**_My pure feelings orbit the planet!_ **

It was unexpectedly cute. And shocking. Cute because the song was meant to be sung by girls, and the two boys that were singing it now were equally attractive prospects in just about anyone's eyes. Shocking, because Sion once again proved himself a rare find as he matched Allen's feminine lilt for this song. If they listened with eyes closed, they could have mistaken the singers for women!

_Bringing along my weak and crybaby self_

_I thought I could still go on_

**Rather than loving and pursuing**

**I hate myself for finding it much easier to be doubtful**

_It hurts_

_Things like “I'm on your side, but I don't love you”, or_

**“** **I'll protect you, but I can't stay by your side”**

_Such bitter self-contradictions_

**Right** _now_ **, touch me**

**_If it was destined, let us be connected!_ **

Kanda felt a jolt as Allen's eyes came to rest on him. Allen dimly wondered if Kanda ever realised, that for all the moments Allen had pursued him and willingly gave all affections to, had Kanda ever known that Allen had equally often moments of doubt? As Allen thought so, Kanda had his own thoughts in mind, as the words became more serious than its sugar-coated beginning.

“I'll protect you, but I can't stay by your side, huh...”

Was this coincidence or irony? Kanda mouthed those words that Allen sang, contemplating how they mirrored his past. The moment he chose to protect Allen without realising he had pushed his lover away, and was torn from his side unwillingly. No, Kanda had left Allen's side willingly in order to protect him by destroying the Noahs, without realising he had forsaken that space beside Allen forever.

Sion did not seem particularly focused on anyone, but Allen could feel that his emotions were completely devoted to a single person, who was sitting right in the highest corner, keeping their figure obscure with shadows and poor lighting. Did Sion perhaps understand without actually knowing, that he was hurt by Nezumi as much as he said that he had hurt the other? Because to Allen, Sion was equally emotionally aligned to this song as he had been with the other. 

“...Did I ever say I was on your side?”

Nezumi smiled in spite of himself. Did he ever put it in words? He doubted so, and if he ever did, it would be in such ambiguity that Sion would not be able to understand. He was sure Sion did not realise that he was here, but again, if that was the case, why was he so sure that Sion was thinking of him as he sang? Nezumi shook his head; it was all logical reasoning. Maybe Sion did realise that Nezumi was here after all, and chose to sing it to Nezumi.

**Laws that judge delusions**

**As I kicked them up from behind**

_I stumbled over that all-revealing love_

_It's taking all that I have just to breathe_

_Come for me,_   **because I'm drowning**

_It hurts_

_An optimistic lie, to take it seriously_

**Because I can't force you to laugh**

_I just toyed around with the future_

**Right now, hold me**

**_Push down all reason_ **

**_Who are you going to kiss?_ **

**Is it me,** **_or_ ** _will it be me?_

_Tears seem completely useless_

**_My pure feelings race across the stars!_ **

Before realising it, they had already sent the song packing with a home run, judging by the reaction the crowd had. Sion and Allen smiled at each other, relishing in their great work chemistry. However, something was tugging at Allen's heart. There was something about Sion that told him that he was special, and Allen wasn't so sure if this was a good foreboding or not.

“That was great! That'll be it for the day, boys!”

Tyki was already pleased with the small “test-run” and let it wrap up for now, having satisfied his urges for creative art. Certainly, he noticed his disgruntled lover among the audience, but Allen's instincts were egging him to go off with Sion. Slowly slipping to the back of the stage and out of the hall before Kanda noticed, Allen matched Sion's stride pace for pace.

“Sion, can I talk to you for a bit?” 

“Of course. It'll be great if I could talk to you too.”

Sion's answer was friendly, and Allen was about to breathe a sigh of relief. That was when from the corner of his eyes a shade of black flitted into view. Men in suits, and Allen was in their direct line of sight. The teen's mind went blank temporarily, when finally he managed to digest the situation. It was the school festival, a lot of people move in and out of the school during preparations so security must have been somewhat lax, and as Allen was thinking all that in a go he saw one of the men aim a gun, at Sion who was standing right before him.

“Watch out!!” Allen had barely time to push Sion out of the way when the man fired. Bewildered at being shoved aside, Sion watched with muted horror as Allen collapsed. Before the fact that there were attackers around them even registered in his mind, Sion had knelt down to Allen's side fearing for the worst.

However, no stains of red were found. There was a capsule-shaped dart still attached to Allen's arm. Belatedly realising it was a tranquilliser and that he was surrounded, Sion barely was able to shoulder Allen's prone form and ran. The halls were strangely quiet. There still was people inside the hall that they just practised in, but Sion knew running there for help wasn't an answer. He could not risk endangering innocent lives, even if it were just tranquillisers. 

“I'm sorry, Allen...!”

Sion could only apologise to Allen, though the unconscious boy would not have heard it. It was his fault that Allen got caught up in this. He thought he had put this horror behind him once and for all. He thought it had ended when the secret laboratory had been destroyed. How could it have come back to haunt him? If they spotted Safu or Nezumi, then...

Determined not to get caught or let them find out where his precious people were, Sion hoisted Allen onto his back and kept running. As the suited men gave chase, one of them made a call.

“...Sir, in pursuit of Allen Walker we have engaged Specimen A-01 as well...Understood, they both will be brought alive before you.”


	24. The White Beast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.  
> No. 6 belongs to Asano Atsuko.

He had no idea where to go.

His hunters were in pursuit, but Sion could never risk the life of others.

So he deliberately evaded areas with dense population, even while shouldering Allen, made it for the outside areas of the university. Even as he laid Allen to safety in the midst of shrubbery, he was desperately thinking of ways to shake off, or better still, get rid of his hunters.

How could they have had the gall to actually invade the university where there were so many people who could witness their doing? Sion was terrified, not for himself but for Allen who was  involved in this mess because of him. What could he do? Anxious and scared, the first thing that jumped to mind was Nezumi, but he quickly dismissed that thought from his mind. 

He always depended too much on Nezumi, and Sion did not want those men to know that Nezumi was here too. What do I do, what can I do? Was he able to do nothing more than hide and pray? A sudden rustling in the grass startled Sion, whose body tensed in anticipation and positioned to fight at any moment. The arrival of a brown mouse before his eyes stole his breath.

“Cravat...?”

It was the brown mouse that was always with Nezumi. Why was it here? Did it tail Sion? Cravat only looked at him for a moment before darting away. A silent horror washed over the young man. “Cravat, no!” Sion chased after the mouse, confident that it would call to Nezumi. He had to prevent Nezumi from knowing, or he would drag him down once more. If that happened, he would only hurt Nezumi. 

Who would have known that Nezumi had been waiting right outside the clearing, where Sion hurtled out after Cravat. Surprise took over Sion's expression, but he quickly pulled himself together and exclaimed, “Nezumi, get out of here!”

He was surprised that Sion spoke to him so firmly and decisively, but something was definitely wrong with Sion being this terrified. He noticed something was off when Cravat had scuttled off, and trailed after his rat. Who knew Sion would end up chasing after the rat, right into Nezumi's presence?

Despite all that he had said, to Nezumi Sion's safety would be the top priority without question. “What's wrong, Sion?”

“I can't tell you, but you have to—Look out!”

Sion managed to pin Nezumi to the ground in time to avoid the tranquilliser guns, but his worst fear had been realised; they know Nezumi is here. Nezumi was already alert, moving unconsciously to cover Sion. Bewildered as he was by the appearance of men in suits, his instincts were screaming at him to protect Sion.

“No, Nezumi, we have to run!”

Sion was tugging at his arm, unwilling to let Nezumi go into frontal combat. He was scared, but not of those men. If they wanted to capture him so be it, but he absolutely would not let Nezumi get involved once more. The young man had already sacrificed too much for him in the past.

“What are you talking about?! This is the school area, where do you think you can run to?!”

Sion’s suggestion was irrational as far as Nezumi’s mind was concerned; he was already pulling out a combat knife he always hid on himself. There were several men, but they weren’t using lethal ammunition. It still didn’t mean Nezumi could be careless. Shaking off Sion, Nezumi advanced forward in a single wide space and immediately disarmed one of the men.

Sion was unarmed and vulnerable, but he wasn’t going to be captured easily. Or rather, something inside him was triggered. They were moving slower than he expected, allowing Sion to dodge their attacks. He had to disable them somehow without causing a disturbance, or the innocent students and faculty members might get involved.

Or so, was what was in his mind when a clattering sound rang out and Nezumi was thrown onto his back.

“Fuck…!”

Nezumi cursed under his breath, about to jump to his feet when Sion’s expression rooted him to the ground.

_Nezumi…Nezumi is being threatened…Anyone who hurts him shouldn’t live…They shouldn’t…They need to be punished._

Sion’s mind turned blank, but his eyes were speaking volumes of their hidden intentions. He had no thought of sparing lives. Anyone who hurts Nezumi must die. Only now did Nezumi actually tremble. It was going to happen again. He wouldn’t be able to stop Sion; he could not before. But it didn’t stop him from yelling,

“Sion, no!!”

Sion slowly picked up Nezumi’s combat knife which had landed near his feet, seemingly deaf to Nezumi’s voice. Then, darkness descended upon his eyes. Startled, he almost began to struggle when a quiet voice commanded, 

“ **Sion, stand down.** ” 

Like magic, the knife slipped out of his hands and Sion stood still without a word.

Nezumi was staring in disbelief as Allen had so easily stopped Sion when he could do nothing. The situation wasn't getting any better with them still being surrounded, but the unheralded arrival of allies quickly put an end to things. Kanda had almost immediately arrived after Allen, noticing things were off when Allen was nowhere to be found and there were suspicious presence all around.

With only Kanda and Allen, the rest had been subdued quickly. Nezumi approached Sion, instantly noticing that the boy was still blankly staring ahead.

“Moyashi, are these Lvellie's men?”

“Most likely, they are...But I'm more concerned about something else.”

Answering Kanda as he walked, Allen came down to his knees next to Nezumi. Without glancing at the one next to him, Allen slowly took Sion's hand and led him to one of the men in suits who was already subdued but still conscious. His expression was so grave; one that even Kanda rarely saw.

“Sion...Read the memory of this man for me.”

“Moyashi?!”

Even Kanda was taken aback by Allen's request. Sion tilted his head almost curiously, but his eyes travelled towards Nezumi. Nezumi did not know if he should say a thing, but Sion's gaze was unnerving. Allen seemed to understand what Sion wanted to say and nodded. If Nezumi did not hold a tight rein on his emotions, he would have visibly been shocked when he saw black wings grow from Allen's back.

Those wings wrapped around Sion, him and the man, leaving a leathery black cone before them. Kanda did not seem particularly surprised, so he must have known. What was going on?

“...Can I ask what the hell is that?”

“You were here?”

“Before you were. So what is that growing out of Allen's back? What is he doing to Sion?”

“Explaining now would be a waste of time, but that Tofu...”

“Tofu??”

Kanda didn't catch Nezumi's words. He too, had caught on to Allen's worries. That feeling he got from Sion was similar to the reaction of an Innocence. But the only Innocence remaining in this world were Mugen and Crown Clown. If so...

Just then, the wings unfolded to reveal an unconscious Sion and Allen, who held him as gently as he could. Kanda immediately noticed the sorrowful expression on his beloved and went to his side. Without saying a word, Allen entrusted Sion's prone form to Kanda who just as quietly held Sion's body up. Nezumi cautiously watched the exchange, tense in anticipation of what was to come.

“Yu, we have to talk to Komui. Carry Sion to our room first,” Allen requested. Kanda tersely nodded and made off with Sion, leaving Allen with Nezumi. His wings gradually disappearing, Allen finally turned to Nezumi.

“Can you come with me, Nezumi? We need to talk.”

“After what I just witnessed, I need an explanation.”

Nezumi fell into stride next to Allen who was heading to the office to look for Komui. This time however, there was no lighthearted banter between them. The air surrounding Allen was heavy and grave. “...What is Sion like?” Allen's sudden question caught Nezumi off guard. Allen didn't seem to notice his hesitation and waited for Nezumi's answer.

“...How do I answer that, I wonder...”

In some ways, he knew Sion more intimately than anyone else. In some ways, he knew naught of the boy. Did Nezumi have the confidence to speak of Sion without misjudging his character?

“He's naïve, sweet and innocent like I've mentioned to you before...And like I said, there's something about him that I'm not seeing. Something about him that makes me terrified.”

“...I finally understand that you had very good reason to feel that way.”

Allen's silent words made Nezumi stop in his tracks.

Liquid quicksilver met sharp polished gray in a muted clash.

“What would you do if I told you Sion was a monster?”

~~~

Deep in slumber, Sion would have no idea that he was currently surrounded by a number of people. To list them down would be a chore, but Nezumi was sure the only one who was really related to Sion was him and Safu, who surprisingly seemed too distracted to glare daggers at him.

“So Allen, what did you find out? To have Lvellie's men coming in like that is pretty bold,” Lavi mentioned, observing the new presence among them with his sharp eyes.

Allen reached down to brush some hair out of Sion's eyes with affection that he would normally not use with a stranger. There was something about Sion that Allen surely knew, and endeared Sion to him.

“All that I know right now was what Crown Clown extracted from one of Lvellie's men with Sion's help. But before I go into that topic...There's something everyone has to know about Sion, especially you, Nezumi.”

“...So, what is it?”

Did Sion irrevocably change? Had he, betraying Nezumi's expectations, grown to be the sort of impure human that Nezumi despised? He was scared of finding out, but he should not care. He had his ties to Sion cut for a long while. If he could not put Sion back with his past, he would not be able to move forward. If he got involved with Sion now, then he would really not be able to put Sion behind.

“...Sion's white hair and red mark was the result of failed experimentation, wasn't it?”

“Yeah.”

“...Specimen K-Alpha and Specimen A-01, does it ring a bell?”

Those terms did elicit a response from Nezumi. It was a term that the illegal laboratory placed for him and Sion respectively, but how did Allen know that? The boy who questioned him only wore a more complex frown, as if he was holding in something terrible.

“This is where we come in, Komui. The illegal experimentation that involved Nezumi and Sion... it was caused by us.”

That exclamation drew surprised gasps from everyone. Even Kanda gave an incredulous stare at  Allen. Nezumi didn't get what Allen meant, but he was already prepared to tell it all.

“It was in the memories that we saw. The owner of that company which brought so much pain to Nezumi and Sion was Lvellie. Those experiments for new medicine were a pretence. His real intentions have always been the same...the Innocence. That was why he caught Nezumi. Specimen K-Alpha...K for Kanda.”

At those words, Nezumi and Kanda couldn't help but stare at each other. Realisation was beginning to dawn on Kanda, but Nezumi was left just as clueless while Allen continued his explanation.

“You already notice the similarities between Nezumi and Kanda. Lvellie saw potential in that and intended to use Nezumi to test his ability to 'convert' people into Innocence-compatible...Until Nezumi met Sion. Sion originally had brunette hair like I did...But the experiments changed that. Do you see where I'm going?”

Komui had instantly understood, and horror overtook his entire being.

“Through Nezumi, he found another candidate, one that he successfully 'transformed' into a replacement Allen, specimen A-01. He artificially replicated your physical manifestation onto Sion to create a possible vessel for the Innocence, in case you never got to being compatible with the Innocence. Am I right?”

“...Yes.”

Tyki and Road were shocked; to think that while they were locked away in the institute Lvellie was already creating an insurance in the event of failure. But the surprises didn't end there. Allen had an even more unpleasant news to reveal.

“It would have been better if he became an Innocence-compatible...But Sion has become more than that. He's become an Innocence himself.”

If silence could kill, the room may have as well been filled with corpses by now. Befuddled by terms that obviously mean something they couldn't grasp, Safu and Nezumi only helplessly waited for a reaction. Road finally moved, approaching the bedside. She gently touched Sion with great care, fingers ghosting over the pale skin.

“He's not entirely gone, is he? If he's turned, there would be no way he could sing the way he did today,” Road observed, her long years of having once been a Noah speaking as experience. Allen nodded and continued his sombre explanation. “He was this close to completion. Sion is fortunate that he's still human...Now that this matter has involved them, I believe they have the right to know, even if they aren't part of us. Can you explain it to Safu and Nezumi, Komui-san?”

For once, Safu and Nezumi exchanged glances. To say they were on friendly terms was a huge understatement, but if Sion was in the picture then they stood to have a common ground. Komui assented to Allen's request, taking them both aside for the explanation. To talk about the Innocence, happenings of almost two hundred years ago and how it plays into this future was no easy feat, but Komui was a genius in his own right. If anyone could make a comprehensible summary of things, it would be him.

If you were to say it was a believable story, it was of course another business entirely.

“I've seen a lot of weird things in my life, but even this is pushing it,” Nezumi muttered, but he had seen those wings coming from Allen. If what can be seen was reality, then he had to believe even if he didn't want to. Safu didn't believe it any more than he did, but she had always known that somewhere inside, Sion was special. As much as she loved him, she was terrified of what that special part of Sion would bring to the young man. And now, she would know.

“This is Crown Clown's explanation. As you all know, the Innocence is a crystallisation of human emotions. We have no known methods of creating them, but Sion for better or for worse, had all the qualities that made him a perfect candidate.”

Allen set himself on the bedside, gently tapping his finger over Sion's heart. He had not mentioned it, but when Crown Clown used Sion as a pseudo-Apocryphos to infiltrate the man's memories, Allen had temporarily synchronised with Sion and saw glimpses of his memories. Only then he understood why he was able to comprehend and predict Sion's intentions despite  being almost complete strangers.

Crown Clown was the Heart, and regardless of the times they were created the Innocence would submit to the Heart, and Sion was no different. He was still human, but his existence is already more than half-submerged into the identity of an Innocence.

“Sion rears a white beast here, and he probably doesn't even realise it.”

Safu was startled at the comparison, protesting, “What do you mean, beast?! Sion isn't anything of the sort!”

Allen smiled wanly, apologising, “I'm sorry if the metaphor sounded misleading, but I don't mean that sort of beast. A beast isn't entirely capable of coherent thoughts like a human, but when they are focused, they put their entire being into it. A beast is pure in that way, as Sion is. He is too pure inside. Like a white mass, just quietly gathering here. But when you are pure, it doesn't mean it's good. Like a beast, purity knows no good or evil. Wherever it's directed, purity will only obey its desires.”

A cold streak ran down Safu's spine. His words struck a chord within her. She KNEW Allen's words to be true. Having been with Sion since young, she had seen many sides of Sion. And no matter how close someone got close to Sion, there was a place inside him that no one could step in, not even Safu or his own mother, Karan. At the same time, Safu realised with horror that there was only one person who did. Someone who invaded that sanctum and made it his nest.

“That purity combined with strong emotions and desires, added with Lvellie's experimentation was the trigger that changed Sion. Had Sion completed the change, he won't be Sion any longer. He would be an Innocence wearing a human's skin...But he didn't. Something kept him rooted to being human. I can't say what it is for now, but the point is Sion, Nezumi and possibly Safu have also become viable targets for Lvellie.”

“In short we'll have to include them into our protection now. I'm sorry that matters have come to this, but I will do my best to ensure your everyday lives will not be affected,” Komui explained.

“...Whatever, you can do anything you want,” Nezumi scoffed, but he was not going to refuse the offer. He could take care of himself, but Safu and Sion would need all the protection they could afford to have. Allen allowed his gaze to wash over the room. He had a lot to say, but not in front of so many people. These words would be for Nezumi and Safu's ears alone.

“I'm sorry, but can you all leave? The rest about Sion concerns only Nezumi and Safu. Yu can stay if he wishes to.”

Safu nodded in determination as everyone, respecting Allen's wishes, left their dorm room. Kanda perched himself on his own bunk, content to stay silent and listen to Allen. Nezumi stood still, fighting the urge to stay close to Sion. The one in question was peacefully sleeping, oblivious to the turmoil going on right by his bedside.

“Nezumi...This explains why Sion will not question his methods to protect you.”

The first words that left Allen's lips shook Nezumi, but he took great care to make sure it did not show.

“Protect me? Even if he has to kill?” Nezumi's words were barbed, but the only one who was hurt by those thorns were himself. As Safu did, Nezumi had his belated enlightenment. He had been too late from the very beginning. He was the one who caused Sion to change and destroyed his innocence. Nezumi was the reason there was blood on Sion's hands.

“A beast knows neither good nor evil, but Sion knows it. That was one of the few reasons why he is still human. I didn't mean to, but I glimpsed into his memories. Without a person's heart, transformation into an Innocence will be incomplete because the person isn't whole. Sion fortunately had his heart kept somewhere else. In other words...You're the reason why Sion is still human. You saved Sion,” Allen revealed, letting his words sink in.

“...Me? Don't kid me, I can't do anything to save anyone.  If he's really so pure that he can't see good or evil then why the hell are you saying that Sion knows it? If he knew it then he wouldn't have shot the man!” Nezumi hissed, losing control over his emotions. Inukashi had once pointed out that Nezumi only loses his cool whenever Sion was concerned. Why, why Sion, and why was he so affected by this boy who had been nothing but a burden?

“You already realised it by now, don't you?!”

Allen and Kanda were both startled when Safu shrieked at Nezumi, her gaze filled with fury.

“You are Sion's compatible! If Sion has really become an almost-Innocence, then he can only obey his instincts to protect you. An Innocence does not question how or why it protects its owner like how Komui-san explained just now, and it's even worse for Sion. You aren't just Sion's compatible, you are Sion's core! I hate to admit this...But Sion can stay who he is because you hold his heart. As long you have it, Sion can still be human because he wants to remain as he is, because you want him to! You saved Sion whether you intended to or not, and get this by now! You are also the only one who can change Sion, even his automated defence from hurting anyone!”

Kanda had to admit he was impressed. Safu was indeed a brilliant girl to be able to derive so many facts from Komui's explanation alone. Nezumi was taking Safu's words in, but his irritated frown did not disappear.

“If I could change him, then why can't I stop him? No matter how many times I yelled at him, he never once listened to my voice.”

Not when it mattered most, Nezumi bitterly thought.

“Because somewhere inside yourself, you're rejecting him.”

Safu and Allen's head snapped into Kanda's direction, shocked. Neither had expected Kanda to speak, but they both knew that his words were spot-on. In Allen and Kanda’s case as Innocence-compatibles, if they were to look at it objectively as a user-Innocence relation, the Innocence would favour independent action in regards to protecting its compatible, unless the user had really strong control over it. But those thoughts were tasteless especially when they had to assume Sion with his Innocence-traits as the dominant persona in his personality. Sion was human, and Allen would do anything to keep it that way.

Safu was also accurate with her own points. The Innocence is already set on protecting its compatible no matter what, and with Nezumi being the figurative possessor of Sion’s heart, it was certain that Nezumi is Sion’s weakness. And like any beast, their foremost instincts are to protect their own weakness, Sion being more radical with his amoral actions due to his Innocence-traits. Innocence never discriminates in their options to accomplish their goals when focused on their tasks. 

“Whether you realise it or not, you mould the Tofu’s character. But you keep your distance and still expect to be able to touch him? Don’t be so bloody naïve,” Kanda scoffed. Nezumi’s eyes narrowed, sharply glinting like the knives he favoured in combat.

“Naïve? Whatever in world are you saying? I don’t really care about Sion. He’s an object of the past. I’m only doing this so that I can put the past down and move on to the future.”

“…Right, if Sion is just a blast from the past for you then get out. You don’t have to concern yourself with Sion anymore than necessary,” Safu frostily declared. Nezumi received her words with duly noted sarcasm, replying, “Could it be that you’re jealous, Safu?”

“Not in a million years, rat. I’m feeling sorry for Sion that he had to love someone like you, and I still love him, so I will do whatever it takes to protect him. Sion is nothing more than the past to you, so move on to what lies ahead. Don’t give him false hopes. I will not tolerate you manipulating Sion’s feelings like this.”

Allen inwardly winced, Safu’s words coming on stronger than before. But he understood that Safu sincerely loved Sion, and she truly meant to protect Sion from anything that would hurt him, Nezumi included. But the hour was growing late, and Allen did not want to risk an argument going out of control so he quickly stepped in, adding, “I'm not sure what you both want to say to each other, but it's getting late, so we'd better adjourn for the night.”

Nezumi, silent since Safu's words were thrown at him, merely shrugged and left the room. Kanda's eyes were narrowed at the door that Nezumi closed behind him upon leaving.

“He's an idiot for all the street smarts he has.”

“Yu?” 

Allen was personally surprised that Kanda actually chose to comment on the issue as the young man usually said nothing unless he thought it was really important. Kanda was staring at the door that Nezumi closed behind him. “...He's somewhat like me, shouldering something for a long time, but he's not getting it. When Alma was laid to rest, my burdens disappeared. The rat said something about moving on, didn't he? Whatever he's shouldered all along is already gone, but he sees the Tofu as a part of it, without even realising the true meaning behind his attachment to the Tofu,” Kanda murmured, letting his eyes glance over his lover's form. 

When Alma died, Kanda was finally free. But there was one regret that kept him from dying peacefully, and that was Allen's progress into the 14th Noah. Who knew for Kanda, his attachment that began with regret actually grew into this future with Allen by his side? Kanda would not elaborate further on it, but Nezumi, for all his talk about leaving Sion in the past, probably loved the boy too much to destroy that bond but misunderstood that desire as a link left uncut, as Kanda had with his regrets. He thought Allen was the only link that left him attached to the world of the living and he had to do all that he could to atone his regret and move on to die in peace, but in truth...He had probably already loved Allen from that moment.

“Kanda is right. The facility that we escaped from was actually covered up by many of the elite's influence. Because Sion originated from that circle, a class that looked down on slum dwellers and made their lives miserable, Nezumi still cannot completely disassociate Sion from the symbol of his hatred, even though Sion never did anything of the sort...It was only later that I found out, but Nezumi saved Sion that time because he wanted to repay his debt to Sion,” Safu explained, continuing,

“But it shouldn't be that simple. Inukashi told me Nezumi becomes almost completely different when he's with Sion. Just as Nezumi touched something in Sion, Sion touched something within Nezumi. And even though he speaks of moving on, Nezumi desires to preserve Sion the way he is...The Sion who saved him seven years ago. Ironic, isn't it? He doesn't realise that he is bound to Sion from his past, only to deepen that bond in the present, which will surely grow in the future. Wherever he heads in the future, Sion will be there. There is no way for him to put Sion down and 'move on' unless he cuts all ties with Sion, but he didn't.”

 Safu's caramel eyes softened, a tinge of regret staining her clear gaze.

“Nezumi has lived alone too long...He doesn't realise that he loves Sion. Maybe because of his past even, that he is failing to recognise his feelings for what they are. The past never disappears, it will always be sitting there in some corner of the mind, forever unmoving. Maybe Nezumi feels that he will have Sion with him that way, never to leave him.”

Allen let out a soft snort despite himself, now truly comprehending the deep reflection that both Safu and Kanda expressed over the matter. “In short, Nezumi is just being silly, isn't he? Trying to make sure Sion stays in his past just to ensure that he will never be left behind, when in reality Sion can just easily break away the moment he takes his eyes off him. What is really there to make sure Sion stays where he is?”

“His surety of Sion's feelings for him. The conniving rat is alike a gypsy witch, even more so when Sion is involved. He knows his words bind Sion in ways he commands it to be. That's why I despise him,” Safu hissed, wondering why Sion chose to obey those words that obviously hurt him more than he actually knows.

“Whatever you want to discuss, you can leave it for tomorrow. I want to sleep,” Kanda suddenly made an annoyed jab, pointedly staring at Safu, practically telling her to leave. Safu, not wanting to intrude in Allen and Kanda's space any longer, gave Sion a concerned glance before she excused herself. No sooner than that, Allen found himself bundled into bed with Kanda's arms wound tightly but not too uncomfortably around him. His silver eyes glanced questioningly at his partner, who deigned to answer him with silence. Exasperated at the obvious tantrum, Allen's hand moved up just slightly to pinch Kanda's side, causing the young man's frown to grow deeper.

“Silent treatment isn't a solution, BaKanda.”

“A moyashi who got himself knocked out by a tranquilliser isn't fit to call me an idiot.”

“...You're angry over that?”

Allen's hesitant question grew muffled as Kanda crushed the smaller body to his chest. The only sound audible to his ears were Kanda's silent breathing and his steady heartbeat. If he continued to lay still as he was now, his entire being was acutely aware of the warmth that enveloped him. Times like this, Allen sometimes did wonder if it was just a dream. Kanda's firm grip on him was his only clue that it was reality. 

“Why do you think you're staying close with me? It's for these times that I'm here. You're not that naive, moyashi. I know it. You're fully aware that that bastard Lvellie is still lurking out there somewhere, and nowhere is safe enough for you to be. Next time, don't go wandering off without me,” the low timbre of his lover's tone sent trembles down his spine. If he had his usual gall Allen would probably mock back with a little harmless spite, but he merely nodded in meek agreement and sank into Kanda's embrace. In the back of his mind, the possibilities had terrified him. 

What if Lvellie succeeded in capturing him, and possibly hurt or kill Sion in the process? Old instincts told him to protect Sion without thinking twice, when he would have been better off grabbing Sion and making a run for it. Allen was by no means weak, but flight was the better option with another person present. If Sion had not shouldered Allen and taken him away, he might have been 'retrieved' by Lvellie's men and probably be shipped off to wherever the madman was by now. To even imagine that he might be separated from his loved ones and unable to even think of the sort of horrors Lvellie may conjure made Allen a bit more insecure than he thought he would be.

“I won't let them take you.”

Kanda's silent declaration was the last words Allen heard before he slipped off into the grips of slumber.


End file.
